Tang Cuo stiffened as he was pulled inside. They went to the counter to order, and their hands were hidden between the counter and their tightly pressed bodies. No one else could see, but Tang started sweating. He struggled a bit but couldn’t break free.
“One small serving of McChicken and a cup of Coke. What would you like?”
Tang Xu clenched his hand and looked at him with a smile.
“Coke…”
“Okay, one more cup of Coke.”
After ordering their food, Tang Xu carried the tray and tried to pull him along. He was afraid of being seen by others, so he could only stick close to him to avoid exposing their hands too openly. However, two men being so close together seemed even more suspicious.
Tang Xu led him on a tour around the restaurant before he finally sat down in a corner after being urged to do so. The seating arrangement was a sofa on one side and a bench on the other, and Tang was assigned to sit on the sofa. However, he was surprised when Tang Xu also sat down on the sofa next to him.
“What are you looking at?” Tang Xu asked.
Tang shifted slightly towards the wall. “Why did you sit here too?”
Tang Xu gave him a reason that he couldn’t refute: “The sofa is more comfortable.”
Because of Tang Xu’s actions, he had been avoiding him since they entered the restaurant and had forgotten where he was. It was only now that he began to reflect on what had happened.
Things buried deep in one’s memory, especially fears, are difficult to dispel. They are rooted deep in one’s heart, tangled, and complex. If left unchecked, they will become like an insatiable monster, constantly stealing your nutrients, water, and air, ultimately growing stronger while you wither away. But if you want to truly uproot it, you have to be prepared for the bloody and violent battle that ensues.
Tang Cuo felt the coke in his hand getting colder and colder. Tang Xu finished the box of McChicken and wiped his fingers with a napkin, shaking his head and saying, “It’s really not that good. Why do you all like it so much?”
Tang Cuo’s mind was in a mess; he didn’t want to think about his past, but he couldn’t control himself. At this moment, memories of that night kept replaying in his head, and he couldn’t stop his self-talk. Was he going to leave again?
Even though he could already come here to eat normally, his stomach started to feel uncomfortable. He secretly reached down to hold his stomach and silently read the promotional ads on the table, trying to relax himself.
His forehead was touched by a hand with thin calluses, but not rough.
“Are you feeling uncomfortable?” Tang Xu asked.
Upon hearing his voice, Tang Cuo suddenly struggled to get up in excitement, disregarding the fact that Tang Xu was sitting next to him and he couldn’t leave. He lifted his leg to rush out, like a panicked little lion running around without direction.
He couldn’t control himself any longer.
Tang Xu was startled and quickly stood up, half-hugging him, saying, “Sihang, don’t overthink; calm down and look at me.”
But Tang Cuo seemed to be completely deaf to what he was saying, clutching his clothes tightly to his stomach and muttering, “I need to go to the bathroom…”
“You…”
Before Tang Xu could finish speaking, Tang Cuo had already struggled out of his grasp and rushed out. He didn’t even look up, but accurately ran in the direction of the toilet. People in the dining hall heard the commotion and turned their heads to look at him strangely.
Tang Xu chased after him into the restroom with a serious expression. He watched Tang Cuo start to vomit frantically, and almost simultaneously, tears began to stream down his face. Because of his bent posture, the two lines of burning tears hadn’t even passed his cheeks, falling directly and wetly onto the ground.
Tang Xu had considered that Tang Cuo might feel uncomfortable coming here, but he didn’t expect his reaction to be so intense. He quickly stepped forward and forcefully hugged his upper body, not letting him bend too low. Tang Cuo didn’t know if he understood who was supporting him now, but like grasping at a straw to save his life, he held onto Tang Xu’s arm tightly with one hand.
Tang Cuo had almost thrown up everything he had eaten that night, and even Tang Xu had already judged that his stomach was empty, but he still couldn’t stop retching.
“Sihang,” Tang Xu called his name, and regardless of his struggling and his non-stop retching, he forcefully turned his body around, held his face, and made him look at him, not letting go no matter how much he moved. “Look at me, Sixing; I’m right here; I won’t leave.”
Slowly, Tang Cuo finally stopped and looked at him, but his face was already red, and he couldn’t catch his breath.
“Are you feeling better?”
It was as if Tang Cuo had just woken up from a dream, and his eyes regained some spirit.
“I’m sorry…” Tang Cuo apologised in a low voice; his voice was hoarse.
This sentence left Tang Xu at a loss. If Tang Cuo had accused him, questioned him, or even yelled at him as he had done years ago, he felt he could have handled it. But Tang Cuo’s apology left him speechless.
“I’ll take you out first.”
There were still a few people eating in the dining hall. Tang Xu half-supported and half-carried Tang Cuo out, passed through the dining hall, and took him out the door.
The ground was cold, and Tang Xu thought about going to the car to get a cushion for Tang Cuo, but he just slumped down on the steps beside him like a lifeless body, with his head lowered and silent.
Tang Xu crouched down and touched his face. “Are you still feeling uncomfortable?”
Tang Cuo still covered his stomach but shook his head. His willpower was more depressed than his physical state right now.
“I’ll go get you a cup of water to rinse your mouth. Otherwise, you won’t feel comfortable. Can you wait for me here?”
Tang Cuo’s gaze seemed fixed on the ground, and he ignored Tang Xu. He pulled up his turtleneck sweater to cover the bottom half of his face and curled up into a ball.
Tang Xu went back to McDonald’s, ordered a cup of hot milk at the counter, and asked the girl for a cup of hot water. When he came out, Tang Cuo was still curled up.
Tang Xu helped him to the tree pit to rinse his mouth. Tang Cuo was bent over and couldn’t stand up straight. After rinsing his mouth, he sat down again. Tang Xu handed him the milk to keep warm and then squatted in front of him, remaining silent for a long time.
The weather was very cold, and later, Tang Xu accidentally touched the milk in Tang Cuo’s hand, which had already become cold.
“Sorry, I didn’t know your reaction would be so intense,” Tang Xu sighed. “It’s my fault.”
It was unclear which word or phrase triggered Tang Cuo’s nerves, but he suddenly looked up at Tang Xu.
“I shouldn’t have brought you here rashly. I know you have shadows here. I just wanted to try, even though I know it’s unlikely.” Tang Xu smiled bitterly, holding one hand and holding his face with the other. “Can we reconnect from here?”
Tang Cuo didn’t understand what Tang Xu was saying and sat there motionless, watching his mouth move.
Tang Xu didn’t mind his lack of response and slowed down his speech, speaking each word clearly: “Even if it’s been too long and we can’t reconnect, I don’t want this place to be your demon anymore. Si Hang, can you hear me talking?”
Tang Cuo nodded, his eyes confused.
“I won’t leave again. Seven years ago, I sent you away in such an intense way. I brought you out, but I didn’t take the responsibility I should have. I just felt that I couldn’t teach you well and was afraid of corrupting you, so I left you to others. I’m sorry. I can probably guess how difficult these years have been for you. I feel heartbroken and regretful.” Tang Xu leaned forward, looking into his eyes with great concentration. Perhaps because of the lighting in the McDonald’s room, Tang Xu’s head was slightly tilted back, and there was a warm yellow light in his eyes, like the rising sun.
Whether it was from Tang Cuo’s change in character, his intentional or unintentional use of self-deprecating language, the situations that Wen Ying explained to him, or his performance in travelling far to see Shi Xi’s performance, he could roughly guess Tang Cuo’s regret, self-blame, and even his liking for him, like an obstruction in his heart. He truly regretted it, regretted that he should not have sent Tang Cuo away, and even if he did, he should not have done so in that manner. Despite his best intentions, he made Tang Cuo taste the feeling of being “abandoned” once more. He even regretted not seeing the seed of affection in Tang Cuo’s behaviour back then as well as judging his abnormal behaviour as immaturity.
However, what he regrets the most is his ignorance and neglect, which left Tang Cuo isolated and helpless for seven years.
If only he had discovered Tang Cuo’s situation earlier, things wouldn’t be as bad as they are now.
He approached Tang Cuo and leaned in, pressing his forehead against his.
“Si hang, you don’t have to forgive me for being irresponsible, but I hope you can forgive yourself, okay? You have apologized to Shi Xi, and she has forgiven you. As for me, I’m really happy that you like me.”
Tang Cuo finally blinked his eyes after the final word was said. On this cold winter night, the wind was too strong. Tears streamed down his cheeks and could easily wet his face.
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