178 Broken family

****I try to convince myself that what happened is all a bad dream when I wake up everything will be fine but no the scars still remains, taunting me I wasn't strong enough and the worst part is you can't tell anyone. Because you know they will blame you******

-unknown.

Su Cha stiffened when she heard Ying Sheng. She looked away and ignored Ying Sheng as if she wasn't talking to her.

After all she didn't have the answers to her questions. What would she do if Ying Sheng dies?

Absolutely nothing. How can you mourn for someone you don't love? For her, Ying Sheng's whole existence was the proof of her biggest stain in life. 

Why would her heart ache for such stain? She was trapped in twenty years of loveless marriage because of Ying Sheng. 

Her aims and dreams were all crushed. She just had to sit at home and be the pretty wife of Ying Huai.  All her bitters were poured on her daughter.

It's not like she didn't try to be a good mother to Ying Sheng.  She did, but her hate consumed her and overshadowed her love for her daughter.

Ying Sheng looked at her mother avoiding her gaze and chuckled mirthlessly. 

"Ying Sheng….of course your mother loves you. It just she is bad at expressing herself." Her father coax as his eyes  flashed with a bit of sadness.

"Love? Pftt…..if this is love then I wonder what hate is!" Ying Sheng yelled infuriated.

Mr. Ying sighed and racked his fingers through his hair. He wanted to tell Ying Sheng about the divorce but….from the way she is behaving he was afraid of her reaction.

"Don't say that. No parents hates their child. Remember we have given you everything you wanted when you were growing up. We weren't around most of the time but we made sure to give you the best of everything. All our hard work is for you."

Mr. Ying said as he stretched his hands to pat Ying Sheng's hair but she moved away.

"You didn't give me everything dad. You miss the most important thing. Love. I just want to be loved is it too much to ask? I don't care about money! All I wanted was a bit just a tiny bit of your love and affection." Ying Sheng mumbled.

Her mind was in chaos now. Something was bothering her, aching inside her. She want-needed to know. Why? Why a mother who has gone through the pain of childbirth would hate her child to this extent. Her strong facade was slowly cracking. 

"Ying Sheng…." 

"Why?" Ying Sheng lowered her head and asked interrupting his father.

Mr. Ying frowned at her question. 

"Why what?" Mr. Ying asked looking at Ying Sheng.

"Why do you hate, mother? What did I do for you to hate my mere existence? I want to know. Every night I go to bed hoping that one day my mom will love me. She would look at me with her eyes gleaming with love and affection but now…."

Ying Sheng trailed off. 

"Now, I'm giving up this hopeless wish.. But before I let go….I want to know. It's the least thing you can do me right? Just tell me the truth."

Su Cha fidgeted in her seat.  An unknown emotion flickered in her eyes. She didn't want to keep this to herself anymore. Why should she be the only to suffer?

"Do you really want to know?" She snickered as she asked Ying Sheng.

"Su Cha...". Mr. Ying said in a low dangerous tone. Warning evident in his tone.

"What? Your daughter deserves to know the truth! It's time she knows what kind of person she has for a father. Her precious father is nothing but a monster!"

"Pah!" The sound of a hand connecting with skin echoed in the room. Ying Sheng widened her eyes when she saw her mother head sideways with a pale look on her father's face.

Su Cha scoffed in response and busted into laughter as she rubbed her finger against her cheeks.

Mr. Ying stared at his hand like it had turned into an alien.

"Su….. I-I didn't…... no-no…...what have I done?!"

Mr. Ying muttered incoherent words as he bowed his head down in shame. He has become his biggest fear. A man who hits a woman.

Su Cha ignored her husband and turned to look at Ying Sheng.

"You wanted to know why I don't love you?! Why I hate your existence?! Why I tried killing you more than once?!"

Su Cha bellowed angrily as If she had lost her mind.

Ying  Sheng's face paled and she started shaking. She has never seen such raw hate in her mother's eyes before. It felt like her veins were closing up and not allowing blood flow. Her head felt fuzzy from the venom words spat by her mother.

'She even tried to kill her….not once....'

"Because you're a stain in my life, Ying Sheng! A stain that no amount of wash can clean! How can I love a child born out of r.a.p.e?! Do you know how it feels when the person you trust the most betrays you?! 

Do you know the fear, the helpless, how the whole world suddenly became dark because the person who was supposed to protect you crumbles you instead. 

I screamed, fought, begged him to stop. I told him it hurts... please…..don't .... please…..but the guy who was supposed to be my best friend didn't stop. He brutally r.a.p.ed me! He shattered my whole world."

Ying Sheng had tears in her eyes as her mother reveal to her, her pain.

"Do you know the scars I had to live with? The demons I had to fight at night, my fears, insecurities. My lonely tears at night. I couldn't even stare at myself in the mirror because I couldn't stand the sight of my body. Body stained with dirt. 

When I do I saw his face

His touch

I see a coward . Maybe if I had fought a little more…."

Tears fell from Ying Sheng's face, as her mother's words echoed in her mind.

"When I told my dad he slapped me. How can the almighty young master of the Ying family r.a.p.e me?! I should be happy he did! Can you believe that? It's an honor to be r.a.p.ed. Who says such words to his daughter?!"

Su Cha breathed heavily as memories flashed the her mind.

"I was just eighteen at that time. I had dreams, aims but it all got crushed. Oh the worse part wasn't that I was forbidden to tell anyone. No, the worst part was two months later I found out I was pregnant. I was pregnant with my rapist baby. You…."

Su Cha laughed manically.

"You should have seen how happy my dad was. I begged him to let me abort the baby but he didn't. He slapped and warned me. 

This baby is my ticket to a luxurious life! A ticket for the Su family to finally gain foot in City S. Do you know how it feels to be young, and used as a pawn? My feelings were never put into consideration! I had to leave everything----even the love of my life."

Ying Huai looked away as he ran his hand over his face. He was also a victim. They all were.

"I was drugged! I told you..."

"Shut up!" Su Cha snapped angrily.

Ying Sheng's heart ached so much she thought her heart would even stop beating from the pain. She tightened her fists so hard, they turned pale.

'Daughter born out of r.a.p.e. How can she ask for love? What right does she have to deserve to be love? She didn't deserve to be loved. No-no monsters like her didn't deserve anything. The source of someone's pain.'

"I stayed in a loveless marriage with my rapist for twenty years because of you! Every night I have to sleep on the same bed with the same person who broke me. I need to smile and look pretty in front of the camera every time I go out. Do you know what years of bottling up your scars does to you? Giving birth to you is enough punishment.So how can you be cruel to ask me to love you huh? You're an abomination undeserved of love!"

"Shut up!"  Ying Sheng exclaimed, immense rage boiling inside her.

She stood up from the couch.

"Ying Sheng….." Her father tried to grabbed her wrist but she flinched so violently shocking him.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed at him.

Mr. Ying stood frozen, his gaze fixed on her. Both horrified and frightened by her sudden reaction.

Ying Sheng stormed out of the restaurant without looking back.

She hated him.

She hated her.

She hated them.