Volume 1 - CH extra 1

Content warning (major):

This extra deals with Gu Yan’s past re: drugging/sexual assault.

Volume 1, Extra 1

“Ka-chak!”

“Ka-chak!”

The light from the camera flash was piercing to the eyes.

Gu Yan gasped, using all his strength just to narrow his eyes. He couldn’t even muster up the strength to move his fingers. The blurry figures before his eyes swayed to and fro. Was it three people or four people? His mind was a complete mess, and he couldn’t get a clear count even after trying several times.

He knew this was an effect of the drugs.

It was tasteless and odorless when placed in water, and drinking it would scatter people’s thoughts and even cause hallucinations, leading to greater heights of pleasure when playing around. But after the play was finished, it’d probably cut short half the person’s life.

He had been too arrogant. He had clearly known that these people didn’t have good intentions, yet he had still carelessly drunk the water that the other party handed to him.

Actually, hadn’t he been a fool more than this once? Because he had been in a hurry to earn money to pay back his debt, he had believed another person’s deceitful, flowery words and jumped headfirst without thought into the entertainment circle. Ever since then, it was already predetermined that he wouldn’t be able to escape.

Who could he blame?

The only one he could blame was himself. It was him who was too stupid and foolish, who wasn’t strong enough, so much so that he had fallen into someone else’s hands.

Thinking up to this point, Gu Yan couldn’t help but close his eyes, his lips lifting up into a soft smile.

“What? Suddenly not struggling anymore?”

“Have the drugs started taking effect?”

“Hold down his arms and legs!”

Rough palms explored his chest, and those urgent breaths slowly approached.

Gu Yan didn’t move, keeping his eyes closed as he calmly waited. When those hot breaths hit his cheeks, he suddenly snapped open his eyes and took the initiative to present his lips. A haze obscured his gaze, and he wasn’t able to see the person who was pressing him down at all clearly, but he threw himself into the kiss, his tongue entangling to lick and suck. Once the other party was fully immersed in it, he suddenly and ferociously bit down—-

“Ah!”

The moment that scream sounded, Gu Yan flipped around and took the chance to roll off the sofa. The last of his strength had already been long used up, and at this time, he couldn’t even stand steadily, so he could only roll and crawl towards the door.

“Shit, hurry and stop him!”

“Don’t let him run!”

Buzzing filled Gu Yan’s ears, and he persistently crashed and slammed into things in his rush forward. Some caught up and grabbed his limbs, so he heedlessly swung around his fists, punching this way and that. He didn’t know if his ferocious appearance had scared them or what, but in the end, he really did manage to escape out of the room.

Outside the door was the dazzling and luxurious hallway of a hotel.

At this time, the drugs had fully taken effect, and Gu Yan had to use the walls as support as he walked forward, step by step, feeling as if the entire world was topsy-turvy. Very quickly, he heard the sounds of people chasing after him. Pulling up the shirt that was barely covering him, Gu Yan grit his teeth and continued moving forward.

One step, two steps, three steps…

Just a bit more and he’d reach the elevator at the end of the hallway. But the light from the crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling were far too dazzling, and those brilliant rays made Gu Yan’s head spin. His steps faltered, and he fell heavily onto the ground.

He stared blankly as the elevator doors closed.

His body seemed to have been submerged deeply in a muddy swamp, and he no longer had the energy to get back up again.

He…

“Are you all right? Are you hurt?”

A gentle voice sounded next to his ear, making Gu Yan think that he was hallucinating.

The first thing that appeared before his eyes were a pair of leather shoes, then some expensive business suit trousers, and finally an elegant and beautiful hand — a hand that was being held out towards him.

Gu Yan had always been as stubborn as could be. If ever he had a moment of weakness, then it was probably right at this very moment.

No matter whether it was real or fake, he still firmly grabbed ahold of that hand.

“Can you stand?” That low voice sounded especially pleasant.

Gu Yan nodded, using the other’s help to support himself, struggling to stand up. It was only that his footing was still unsteady, so he ended up stumbling and pitching forward. Fortunately, he fell into that person’s arms.

That person then let out a low laugh.

That laugh was gentle and pleasing, without an ounce of scorn. “Do you need to use the elevator? Which floor?”

“Ah.” Only then did Gu Yan sober up, and he hurried to say, “First floor! I need to escape quickly… from this place.”

“Mn, I also happen to be going the same way.”

That person supported him into the elevator. After pressing the correct floor, the other carelessly swept his gaze over.

Gu Yan had escaped in a hurry just now and was wearing only a tattered shirt, the ruined state of it making him look quite forlorn, with ambiguous red marks visible all over his neck.

That person had clearly seen all of this but didn’t say a word about it. He simply, as natural as could be, took off his suit jacket and softly draped it over Gu Yan’s body.

A slight, lingering warmth permeated the jacket.

Gu Yan’s heart trembled, and he rigidly held onto the hem of his clothes, biting his lips to say, “…Thank you.”

That person smiled even more cheerfully and reached out a hand to pinch Gu Yan’s chin, his fingers slowly stroking the new injuries on his face. The person’s tone was as gentle as the spring wind when he said, “If you want to protect yourself, then the first thing you should learn is how to smile.”

***

Gu Yan looked at himself in the mirror and revealed a smile.

The corners of his eyes lifted slightly upwards, his thin lips almost imperceptibly curved, looking both appropriately fitting yet also not losing its unique qualities, appearing especially remarkable contrasted against his handsome face — this was the smile he had created with utmost care after practicing countless times.

It was also the daily homework he had to finish.

Only when it felt like his face was starting to grow stiff from smiling was Gu Yan satisfied with his performance today. He reached out a hand to turn off the bathroom lights and then felt his way back to the bedroom in the dark.

The Qin Zhiyuan who was lying in bed had long already fallen into deep sleep, and only some faint moonlight shone through the windows, half-hazily outlining his face. Compared to when they first met, his appearance hadn’t changed much at all, only a few traces of the years appeared around his eyes, giving him a kind of mature charm.

After Gu Yan softly and quietly returned to bed, he didn’t hurry to sleep, instead half-raising himself up with an arm and reaching out a hand to touch the corners of Qin Zhiyuan’s eyes.

He had spent so much effort before he finally learned how to smile.

He had made so many plans before he finally climbed into Qin Zhiyuan’s bed.

But he still had to conceal this love, only showing the barest hint of it in the dead of the night.

After all, who let him fall in love with this heartless person? Even after all these years, he was still this foolish, this stupid, to give away his own heart, to let someone else play with it.

Of course, many people were better than Qin Zhiyuan.

People who were more handsome and more rich, more gentle and more considerate, more worth it to love.

But time could never flow backwards.

There would never be another person, in that time, in that place, who held out a hand to him.

“So, I…”

Gu Yan opened his mouth, but he forcibly stopped himself, not daring to say those three words out loud to the end. He simply tucked Qin Zhiyuan in and, within this still and soundless night, quietly smiled at him.

Ah.

I love you.

Next extra is from Qin Zhiyuan’s perspective~