Volume 1 - CH 10

In which Gu Yan gets a lucky new phone number. I wonder how many 6s or 8s are in it now.

Volume 1, Chapter 10

Qin Zhiyuan also seemed to realize that he was being a bit too disgraceful and turned around to look outside the window for a while. Slowly, he adjusted his mood and said, while massaging his temples, “My apologies, I was simply scared.”

Nothing could ever beat the surprise that this person gave Gu Yan on the day of that car accident.[1]

So Gu Yan completely didn’t take those words to heart and said, with complete calm, “If you’re done talking, then I’ll send you back.”

“Wait just a bit more.”

Qin Zhiyuan hurriedly called out. He seemed to think it was too stifling speaking like this and so opened the door, got out, and walked over to the front passenger’s seat. Opening the door, he bent down and got in, sitting next to Gu Yan.

Gu Yan didn’t object and quietly waited for him to speak.

Contrarily, Qin Zhiyuan was no longer in a hurry, and he carefully examined the other’s face, saying, “It seems you’ve fattened up a bit.”

“I’ve been eating and sleeping well. Even if I wanted to get skinnier, it’d be difficult.”

“I’ve heard about what happened with the sex scandal. I never thought that Qin Feng would mess around like this, and that model…”

Gu Yan waved a hand, cutting him off to say, “It’s all just a misunderstanding, and it’s already in the past, so let’s just forget it.”

“The other thing is that film, which is a bit more difficult to handle. Since it’s already midway through filming, it’s too late to change the script. I know you never play the supporting role, but just endure it a bit this time. Next project, I’ll definitely let you be the lead.”

Qin Zhiyuan said all this very earnestly, but the more Gu Yan heard, the funnier he found it. In the end, he leaned against the steering wheel and started laughing out loud.

“What are you laughing about?”

“No matter if it’s business or feelings, you don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to make it up to me like this.” Only after Gu Yan had enough of laughing did he half-turn to look at Qin Zhiyuan, opening his mouth to respond, “In movies, you can still pick whether you want to be the lead or play a supporting role, and you can resign if you don’t want to do it, but that choice is beyond your control in reality, even with all the roles out there.”

There was no way that Qin Zhiyuan wouldn’t understand the meaning behind those words.

His chest felt stifled. His right hand was clenched into a fist at first, but he slowly relaxed it before reaching out a hand to grab Gu Yan’s and saying, “While I was overseas for these last few months, I never asked about your circumstances, and I even made the decision that I’d definitely never look for you again after I came back.”

“That’s a very wise decision.”

“I thought that I would be able to find someone to replace you without even trying, but when I saw you in that restaurant just now, I wasn’t able to control myself at all. I…”

Gu Yan stopped him from continuing further, “Humans are creatures very easily moved by emotions, and considering how long we were acquainted? You might feel uncomfortable at first, but gradually you’ll get used to it.”

Like how he had already learned how to discern Qin Zhiyuan’s honeyed words.

Acting in a supporting role once was already enough. How could he want to do it twice, or even three times?

Qin Zhiyuan then became unable to speak, and only a long while later did he say, “Loving someone is very easy, but forgetting someone is actually a hundred, a thousand, times harder.”

“I understand.”

“What do you think was the first thing I did when I got back in the country?”

Gu Yan blinked and said, “You invited an elegant and beautiful woman out to eat?”

Qin Zhiyuan almost laughed, but in the end he simply let out a sigh and raised his head to look out at the dark night beyond the car window. “I burned all of those photo albums and notebooks. I didn’t leave a single one.”

Gu Yan froze for a moment.

Qin Zhiyuan had first said a lot of meaningless things, and now that he had gotten to the main point, he conversely was having trouble speaking further, as if afraid that Gu Yan would be able to see into his heart. Softly, he let go of that hand. “I’ve finished speaking now. You should go home first. There’s no need to see me off.”

As he spoke, he opened the door and got out.

When he helped Gu Yan close the car door, he didn’t forget to add, “Be careful when driving home at this time of night.”

Gu Yan didn’t remember how he responded.

He simply felt as if the early spring night brought with it a slight chill. Qin Zhiyuan stood on the side of the road and stared at him for a long time. Even when he started the car, he could still see that person’s silhouette in the rearview mirror.

When he got back home, he received a text from Qin Zhiyuan, asking him if he had returned safely.

Gu Yan gave it a glance and then carelessly threw his cellphone aside. He didn’t respond before going to bed.

That night, he suffered from slight insomnia.

Thankfully, he didn’t have work the next day, and so Gu Yan slept until almost noon before getting up. Grabbing his cellphone, he saw that Qin Zhiyuan had sent another text, asking him out to eat dinner tonight.

Gu Yan still had yet to reply when Xiao-Chen called first, excitedly shouting, “Yan-ge, big news!”

Gu Yan feared that he was too excited and hurried to say, “Speak slowly, there’s no need to hurry.”

“Yan-ge, do you still remember that young model who came on set that day and made such a huge fuss? Called Lily or Lulu or whatever. I heard that she had been with Young Master Qin for so long and had finally gotten the opportunity to attend an international fashion show, but then the upper echelons of the company said that her sex scandal has had a bad effect and turned around to assign this work to someone else… Right now, she’s probably so regretful that she’s stomping around fuming…”

Xiao-Chen had been angry on Gu Yan’s behalf this whole time and so was definitely breathing a sigh of relief right now.

On the contrary, Gu Yan didn’t feel much at all. He had never been angry in the first place, and so now he naturally wasn’t delighted either. He simply let out an inward sigh, thinking that Qin Zhiyuan was really quite efficient at taking care of things.

After he shared this piece of gossip, Xiao-Chen’s delight still hadn’t faded, and so he continued to chatter about something else, “Oh, that’s right, have you heard, Yan-ge? Director Zhao is getting married next month.”

Gu Yan startled. While he clearly knew which Director Zhao this was, he still asked, “Zhao Xin?”

“Yes, I heard that originally it was just an engagement, but because of the car accident, neither side wanted to wait any longer, so they’re just going straight to marriage now. Yan-ge, you’re this close with Director Zhao, so you’ll probably attend his wedding, right?”

Actually, Gu Yan’s relationship with Zhao Xin was very ordinary, but since the two of them were in a car accident together, Xiao-Chen then automatically assumed that they were close. Gu Yan was also too lazy to explain and just made some perfunctory sounds in acknowledgment before saying, “We’ll have to see whether or not Director Zhao will give me an invitation.”

And then he chatted with Xiao-Chen about a few more trifling things. After he hung up, Gu Yan fiddled with his cellphone for a moment, silently sitting on the edge of his bed for a while.

After a proposal came marriage; this was a matter of course.

Since Qin Zhiyuan accompanied Zhao Xin overseas for treatment, then there was no reason he wouldn’t know this information.

Out of habit, Gu Yan kneaded his right palm, turning his thoughts this way and that. When he made the connection to the words Qin Zhiyuan said last night, he actually felt relieved.

So it was like that.

He thought, how could there have possibly been any other reason? So it had turned out to be just like that.

In the end, Gu Yan didn’t reply to Qin Zhiyuan’s text.

He threw away his phone’s SIM card and, in the afternoon, went to buy a new one, notifying everyone that should know about his new number. As for those who shouldn’t know… of course he didn’t mention it to any of them.

Like this, it took only two days for Qin Zhiyuan to come look for him on set.

At that time, Gu Yan had already put on his makeup and, with that ruined face, was currently filming a fight scene. With the clothes on his back poor and tattered, his face bearing a sinister and twisted fake scar, he truly cut quite a sorry figure.

Qin Zhiyuan stood to the side, watching him and laughing, even raising up his hands and fitting them together in an imitation of taking a photo.

Gu Yan waved the sword in his hand, pretending as if he hadn’t seen, and turned around to continue filming.

Qin Zhiyuan then held back and patiently waited. Only when this scene was finished and Gu Yan had sat down to rest did he walk over, step by step. Holding out a bottle of water to Gu Yan, he said, “These past few days, I haven’t been able to get through to your phone.”

“Oh, I got a new number.” Gu Yan very naturally accepted the water bottle, opened it, and took a sip.

“Why?”

“The old number wasn’t auspicious enough.”

This excuse really was too perfunctory, and Qin Zhiyuan immediately asked, “Was it because of me?”

Gu Yan simply smiled.

Qin Zhiyuan also didn’t ask any further, simply lowering his head to look at the other and say, “I heard that when you gave the new number to other people, you specifically told them not to reveal it to any unimportant people. Were you talking about me?”

How could the big boss be unimportant?

Even though Gu Yan thought like that, he couldn’t reply that way, so he didn’t answer the question directly, simply quietly saying, “I received the invitation to Director Zhao’s wedding.”

Qin Zhiyuan’s body stiffened slightly.

“On the fifth of next month. I’ll definitely attend.”

After he finished speaking, Gu Yan stuffed the water bottle back into Qin Zhiyuan’s hand, stood up, and walked off in long strides.

He thought that, with this decisive move, Qin Zhiyuan would definitely not want to see him for a while, but contrary to expectations, a certain person acted as if nothing had happened and still persevered in coming to find him.

Gu Yan thus had to pull out the tricks used to dodge fans in order to dodge him.

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t become anxious or get angry; he maintained his good-natured and elegant attitude towards the end and didn’t act too persistent towards Gu Yan.

It wasn’t until Zhao Xin’s wedding that the two of them met again.

The wedding wasn’t too grand, and only some close friends and family were invited. The hotel where the celebratory banquet was held last time was chosen as the location, since it was said that Zhao Xin had proposed there, so it was quite a romantic choice.

Although Gu Yan was lucky enough to have been invited, he was seated quite far away[2], and everyone else at the same table were those of the entertainment circle with whom he was barely half-familiar. Other than making a toast, no one at the table was able to strike up any real conversation.

The Zhao Xin who usually didn’t care about his appearance was dressed up particularly nice for the occasion, with his white dress shirt and black suit along with his meticulously styled hair, looking quite dashing. And with his gentle and graceful new bride standing right beside him, the two of them looked like two beautiful halves of a whole.

A talented man and a beautiful woman, to the envy of all the onlookers.

Gu Yan watched and watched, but his gaze eventually fell on the best man Qin Zhiyuan standing on the sidelines — this person had done a good job choosing his outfit for the occasion, a metal-gray suit that wasn’t too eye-catching and wouldn’t overshadow the new groom but that still made him look very outstanding.

Gu Yan used his eyes to trace that elegant waistline, letting his imagination run wild, not even eating much of the dishes before him.

Qin Zhiyuan was smiling the entire night.

He helped greet guests, took pictures, separated smokers, accepted red envelopes, taking care of everything big or small. Judging him as a friend, even if he couldn’t get a hundred percent, one could still give him about ninety percent, with plenty of room to spare.

When it came time to exchange rings, it was up to the best man to hand over the pair to the groom.

Gu Yan watched the scene as he ate, unable to control his imagination — perhaps Qin Zhiyuan would grab the rings and throw them on the floor before grabbing Zhao Xin and running out of the hotel.

Of course, nothing like that happened.

The new bride and groom successfully put the rings on one another and hugged and kissed among all the cries wishing them well, their expressions sweet enough to make everyone jealous. Qin Zhiyuan was standing at the closest place to Zhao Xin as he applauded, his lips maintaining an arc of a smile from beginning to end, smiling so much that a faint light seemed to surface in his eyes.

Gu Yan was full of admiration. If it had been him, then he definitely wouldn’t have been able to perform to this level.

He felt that Qin Zhiyuan should be the one to become the film emperor.

Since the bride and groom had finished the ceremony, they now had to go propose a toast at each table.

Tonight, Zhao Xin was especially happy. He held his bride’s hand, smiling nonstop the whole way, not refusing no matter who called for him to drink. Qin Zhiyuan could only rush forward and try to block as much alcohol as he could, drinking as much wine in the other’s stead as possible.

He usually abstained from alcohol and smoking, but who knew that his alcohol tolerance was actually fairly good. When they came to pay their respects at Gu Yan’s table, he had already drunk quite a bit, but he still seemed sober and stood next to Gu Yan for a while, telling the other quietly, “You shouldn’t drink too much. If you end up drinking too much, then you shouldn’t drive home yourself.”

Gu Yan startled. He didn’t even have time to react before Qin Zhiyuan had already moved on to the next table, patting Zhao Xin’s shoulder and laughing out loud.

How was this person still able to laugh?

Up until the end, Gu Yan pondered over this question.

When the banquet ended, Qin Zhiyuan’s face had become somewhat unsightly, and even with eyes closed, Gu Yan could count how many times the other had gone to the bathroom. But he actually persisted in remaining standing and even let others send the drunk-as-a-skunk Zhao Xin off first, himself staying behind to see off the remaining guests.

Gu Yan guessed that he was incredibly drunk and was afraid that the other didn’t have any way to return home, so he booked a room at the hotel and even requested a cup of warm water from the waiters. When he returned to the wedding hall, most of the guests had already left. The crystal chandeliers on the ceiling were still reflecting all kinds of dazzling light, while the floor was covered with the remnants of multicolored confetti. And Qin Zhiyuan was standing alone in this deserted hall, currently staring blankly at the half-eaten wedding cake.

Gu Yan said a word to the waiter, requesting that the other come a bit later to tidy up, before walking over to Qin Zhiyuan’s side, handing over that cup of water. “Drink some water to try and sober up a little.”

Qin Zhiyuan regained his senses at once. He was most likely truly drunk, as he stared quietly at Gu Yan for a moment before he seemed to recognize who this person was and accepted that cup, saying his thanks.

Gu Yan then said, “I booked a room downstairs. Do you want to rest for a while?”

“No need.” Qin Zhiyuan pulled over a chair and sat down, rubbing his brows and saying, “I want to sit here for a while longer.”

A pause, and then, “Haven’t you been avoiding me for the last several days? Why have you decided to come talk to me today?”

“Tonight is special.”

Qin Zhiyuan nodded, his black eyes reflecting the beautiful light from the chandeliers, as he smiled and said, “To be able to openly and honestly pine after a certain someone… tonight will be the last time.”

Gu Yan couldn’t help but ask, “But have you been able to be open and honest in the past?”

Qin Zhiyuan carefully thought it over and said, with a bitter smile, “I really haven’t.”

And then he raised a hand to cover up his own eyes, his voice turning somewhat hoarse, “Why are the lights here so piercing?”

Gu Yan quietly walked out.

After a while, a thud echoed, and the hall’s lights all shut off.

The only light was the sliver shining in through the window.

In the dark, Qin Zhiyuan let out a sigh of relief, feeling as if his face had become somewhat stiff from smiling. He saw a blurry figure winding around the tables and chairs, stumbling and bumping around while walking over, finally coming to a stop right in front of him.

He really was so incredibly drunk that he suddenly couldn’t remember who this person was. But he involuntarily grabbed the other party’s hand, and a name abruptly jumped out in his mind, “Gu Yan.”

Gu Yan made a sound in acknowledgment. When Qin Zhiyuan’s hand brushed over the scar on his palm, he made a slight struggle but ultimately gave up, allowing the other to hold him like this.

The surroundings were completely quiet, bereft of even the smallest sound.

Gu Yan softly leaned against the back of a chair, turning to look out the window at the flickering starlight just like Qin Zhiyuan. After a while, he suddenly asked, “Why have you kept coming to look for me recently?”

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t answer the question, simply saying in a low voice, “…head hurts.”

Gu Yan had no choice but to help him press down on his temples, asking, “Is it a bit better now? Do you want some more water?”

“It’s fine.” Qin Zhiyuan did actually feel somewhat better, and he fortified his spirits to answer, “I didn’t really mean anything by it. I just wanted to talk with you. There’s a question that I’ve always been meaning to ask you.”

“What did you want to ask?”

“That day… the day you left my house, why did you say thanks to me?”

Gu Yan started and then finally understood. So it turned out that Qin Zhiyuan had always bore grudges over the fact that he had stolen Qin Zhiyuan’s lines. Originally, he could have said a few mocking words in response, but after a moment of hesitation, he still said his true feelings, “When you have an unrequited love, although there will be times when you toss and turn, restless with pain, at the same time, there’s also a sweetness to it that you’d have trouble voicing, isn’t that right?”

In the dark, he couldn’t see Qin Zhiyuan’s expression clearly.

But the hand that the other was using to hold Gu Yan’s actually trembled before then slowly tightening. “It’s all my fault.”

“Hm?”

“Before ending my feelings for one person, I shouldn’t have tried starting a relationship with another.”

“Has it ended now?”

Qin Zhiyuan was usually tightly closed off, always locking his own heart up as securely as could be, but tonight perhaps he really had gotten drunk, since he actually honestly said, “I don’t know.”

It wasn’t like Gu Yan hadn’t guessed that this would be the answer. After all, if it was so easy to forget someone, how many fewer infatuated men and women would there be in this world. He continued helping Qin Zhiyuan massage his temples for a while longer before saying, in a soft voice, “It’s fine. Take your time. Time will always prevail in the end.”

Even the deepest love would pass.

They just had to see which came first — Qin Zhiyuan forgetting Zhao Xin, or Gu Yan forgetting Qin Zhiyuan.

Qin Zhiyuan made some ambiguous sounds in acknowledgment and, leaning against the chair, gradually fell asleep.

Gu Yan stood for a while longer before finally finding a waiter to help move Qin Zhiyuan to a room downstairs. Qin Zhiyuan was muddle-headed with drunkenness and didn’t take off his shoes or change his clothes, simply falling directly onto the bed.

Gu Yan was too lazy to help him tidy up and simply pulled up the blankets, tucking him in randomly before then also lying down. But Gu Yan didn’t feel like sleeping in the slightest, simply lowering his head to stare at Qin Zhiyuan’s sleeping face.

Even if he kissed those closed eyes, no one would know.

But Gu Yan restrained himself from acting on these feelings.

He thought that Qin Zhiyuan would call out Zhao Xin’s name and so had long made preparations in his heart, but who could’ve expected that Qin Zhiyuan didn’t mention that name once. He slept very quietly, holding Gu Yan’s hand from beginning to end, very, very softly saying one ‘I’m sorry’.

I’m sorry, I was too late to love you.

Gu Yan didn’t sleep for the whole night, watching as the dark night outside the window slowly brightened, but his spirits actually felt exceptionally high. He had work that afternoon, so he didn’t go home to change, simply freshening himself up in the hotel’s bathroom before calling Xiao-Chen to come pick him up.

Xiao-Chen naturally didn’t forget to gossip a bit about Zhao Xin’s wedding.

Gu Yan picked a few insignificant details to tell him. After chatting and chatting, he finally started feeling tired, in the end falling asleep in the car who-knew-when. When he arrived on set, he was just in time to start work. Although Gu Yan’s face was somewhat pale, he fortunately still had to disfigure it with makeup, and with that fake scar on, everything was covered up.

Today, he had only one scene to shoot.

For the sake of saving the female lead, his character had been heavily injured by a group from the enemy faction and had fallen amidst a heavy torrent of rain, never to get up again…

In the past, Gu Yan had acted as the male lead a countless number of times and had very seldom acted out a death sequence, so he got NG’d several times in this scene. He was soaked through by the artificial rainwater, and since he had to fall into the muddy water each and every time, his entire body was now filthy. He no longer even needed makeup to look broken and worn-down.

Although the director’s fame was great, his temper was even greater, and he itched to throw the script right in the other’s face, scolding, “Hey, famous celebrity, can’t you put on more of an expression here? Can you even act?”

Gu Yan kept silent.

No one in the surroundings spoke, but all of them were staring at him.

Everyone with eyes could see how his acting was. All of them knew that he couldn’t act; he had simply climbed into the right bed.

Gu Yan wiped away some rainwater from his face and said, “Let’s do another take.”

Because his attitude was this good, the director couldn’t even get mad in retaliation and simply grit his teeth, saying, “If this take still isn’t good, then we might as well end work here today.”

A pause, and then, “Imagine for a moment that you’re about to die, and your beloved was currently in the arms of another man… Is trying to act out this kind of despair too difficult?”

Gu Yan shook his head and once again got into position.

That’s right, how could it be too difficult?

He’d already finished acting out a much more difficult play.

The rainwater once again fell, those droplets pelting against Gu Yan’s body, bringing with it a faint pain. He first held a sword in one hand and covered his chest with another, and then as if he could no longer support himself, he slowly, slowly began toppling over. In the end, he finally let go of the sword in his hand and completely collapsed into the rainwater.

Crash.

The water splashed up, obscuring both his eyes.

Gu Yan didn’t try to move his body. He knew that he’d never be able to stand again, but he still stubbornly kept his eyes open, fantasizing that his beloved person would appear in the next instant.

The ice-cold water fell down without ceasing, and he seemed to see Qin Zhiyuan.

He was within the rain, and the other was outside it.

Just like a dream that he could touch if only he reached out a hand.

His dream was actually very simple — going out to earn money in the day and coming home to cook dinner at night, feeling a sense of accomplishment once he had fattened up his beloved person so that they were full and happy. He had thought he could achieve it, or at least Qin Zhiyuan once gave him that misperception. The most frightening thing wasn’t being unable to obtain it; it was that, when you thought that it was within reach, you were suddenly forced awake by the cruel reality.

Everything had been an illusion. Even if he waited until death, the other wouldn’t come.

Mixing with the rainwater, his tears slid down.

Just like it was written in the script, he had softly and quietly, persistently and obstinately… loved him for a lifetime.

[1] Unfortunately, the writing falters here as the author’s sentence is just… ultra ambiguous with its pronouns, and not intentionally I think. The sentence is: 永遠也比不上車禍那天，他給他的驚喜。(lit. “[It] could never compare to, that day of the car accident, the surprise he gave him.”) Which “he” is which person?? So instead of making you suffer this same confusion, based on context (aka the next sentence), I assumed the person giving the surprise = Qin Zhiyuan and the person receiving the surprise = Gu Yan. Since I’m not actually sure, and it could technically be the other way around, I decided to include this footnote, so readers can come to their own conclusions. (For the record, this has happened before, and usually context clues are enough for me to guess who is who, but this time was just… extra hard.) 

[2] I’m genuinely not sure what western weddings are like, but modern Chinese weddings are typically banquets, and seating arrangements are decided beforehand, based on how close the guests are to the couple. The couple is generally seated on a “stage” at the front, and their family and close friends are seated at tables right near them. Gu Yan has probably been seated near the back, along with other people Zhao Xin worked with. 

Next will be the volume one extras! There’s two of them, and they’re both fairly short, so I’ll probably treat them as one chapter and upload both of them along with the first chapter of volume 2, aka the volume where Qin Zhiyuan will actually work on himself! Hype! :>