Volume 2 - CH 12

In which Qin Zhiyuan is not happy about being friends. Σ(゚Д゚|||) How could you, Qin Zhiyuan?? Friends are great!!

Volume 2, Chapter 12

In this humid summer evening, Qin Zhiyuan’s back actually felt slightly cold. He really wanted to hold Gu Yan’s hand, but he had reached his hand out only halfway when he suddenly realized that he had long already lost that kind of right.

And so the only thing he could do was slowly retract his hand.

The video on that laptop had long already finished playing, but the image of Gu Yan falling in that pouring rain kept replaying itself before his eyes. Qin Zhiyuan wasn’t able to describe what his heart was currently feeling. It was just as if something was quietly slipping through his fingers, and he didn’t know exactly what it was he was about to lose.

After that, he was somewhat preoccupied, unable to concentrate on anything.

In contrast, Gu Yan had actually hit it off with Lin Jiarui. The two people engaged in a battle of words, and each would throw out a piercing line at the other from time to time, but neither of them would actually get angry, and in the end, they both actually started smiling.

Even Lin Jiarui’s smile carried with it some coldness as he said, “How about it? Is famous celebrity Gu interested in this movie?”

Gu Yan also didn’t mislead him and said, straight to the point, “In all honestly, I’m probably more suited to playing a flower vase type of character.”

It wasn’t as if Lin Jiarui wouldn’t be able to tell the state of his acting. But Young Master Lin simply raised a brow, lifting a finger to tap on the table, saying, “I don’t care if you’re innately talented in acting, had to practice acting, or even if you absolutely can’t act at all. The only thing I want is for you to act well in my movie.”

“Director Lin believes in me this much?”

“You’re wrong, I believe in my own insight.” Lin Jiarui simply and decisively settled that question. “Go back and give a good look over that script, and then get in touch with me.”

That carelessly cheerful appearance as if nothing was wrong looked as if he was sure that Gu Yan would definitely accept the role.

Although Qin Zhiyuan was sitting on the side, not saying a word, he still couldn’t help but frown, really feeling as if he couldn’t muster up any good feelings for this person.

Perhaps it was just that their temperaments were too different, but he felt that this Young Master Lin was far too arrogant, even making that trouble-making Qin Feng look more likeable in comparison.

Fortunately, Lin Jiarui still had plans for the night, so right as the sun set, he got up and left first.

Qin Zhiyuan ate with Gu Yan and then, on the way home, asked him, “Are you really going to work together with Lin Jiarui?”

“He’s quite an interesting person. If the script is written well, then I really do want to try it out.”

Qin Zhiyuan opened his mouth but wasn’t able to say anything. In terms of work, he had always given Gu Yan the greatest amount of freedom, allowing Gu Yan to decide whether or not to take the project, so right now he naturally couldn’t find any reason to object.

He somewhat regretted how much he had feigned generosity and consideration in the past.

When they had almost reached Gu Yan’s house, Qin Zhiyuan once again thought of that scene in the rain and, for whatever reason, ended up blurting out, “When did you shoot that scene?”

“Hm? What scene?”

“The one that Young Master Lin specifically played for us to watch.”

“Oh, I don’t remember.” Gu Yan was a bit sleepy and so answered without much thought, “Anyway, it was a couple months ago, right around when the movie was about to wrap up filming.”

It had still been Spring a few months earlier.

Gu Yan had fallen in the middle of that ice-cold rain, struggling while he was beaten and battered, revealing that expression of despair… Lin Jiarui had said that expression was able to touch people’s hearts, and that was actually true; Qin Zhiyuan felt as if his own heart had been torn in two as he said, “Your acting has improved quite a bit.”

Gu Yan couldn’t help but laugh. “As if. I NG’d who-knew-how-many times while shooting that scene. The director also scolded me to death. And I didn’t even sleep at all the night before…”

Only when he had said this much did Gu Yan realize that he had revealed too many details and sharply turned his head to stare outside the window.

But Qin Zhiyuan had already grabbed onto the most important point and insisted on asking, “Why didn’t you sleep that night?”

“It’s nothing, I remembered wrong.” Gu Yan was still looking out the window.

However, this kind of reaction actually made people more suspicious.

Qin Zhiyuan’s thoughts turned, and he suddenly remembered. A couple of months ago was also the night of Zhao Xin’s wedding, and Gu Yan did indeed stay with him for the night.

He knew that Zhao Xin liked only women and that a wedding would one day come.

He had once imagined countless times how he’d make it past that night — perhaps he’d drown his sorrows in alcohol, perhaps he’d find solace in pleasure, perhaps… He’d never anticipated that he would actually fall right to sleep with Gu Yan by his side. And he had slept very peacefully and steadily, sleeping straight through until the next afternoon before he finally awoke.

He still remembered how Gu Yan’s fingers had touched the corners of his eyes, how gently the tone the other had used while whispering in his ear, Time will prevail over everything. Every time he suffered an emotional pain and was in a hurry to assuage that suffering, Gu Yan was practically always there by his side.

He hadn’t known that Gu Yan had rushed to film a scene the next day.

And he hadn’t known that Gu Yan had repeatedly fallen into that ice-cold rainwater, single-mindedly waiting for that person who would definitely not appear.

…Until that deep-rooted love also completely wore away to nothing.

How could this be acting?

Qin Zhiyuan was more aware than anyone else that Gu Yan was always stiff and unnatural when acting; the only one Gu Yan knew how to act as was himself.

So what he saw in that video was the truest Gu Yan.

Qin Zhiyuan’s hands tightly gripped the steering wheel. Even upon arriving at Gu Yan’s house, he didn’t realize it, continuing to drive forward. Although Gu Yan’s eyes were staring out the window, Gu Yan also didn’t say a word.

After an unknown amount of time, Gu Yan finally opened his mouth to say, “We’ve reached my house.”

Qin Zhiyuan said an ‘ah’ and, with much difficulty, found his voice again, abruptly asking, “As we are now, what kind of relationship do we have?”

Gu Yan turned around, supporting his chin and smiling as he said, “If President Qin doesn’t think it’s presumptuous of me, then I suppose we can be considered friends.”

These words were said very sincerely and gently, and if he had heard it a few days ago, Qin Zhiyuan would have definitely been very satisfied. However, right now, he wasn’t the least bit happy about it.

He thought that it must be because the weather was much too hot today.

He stopped the car, raising a hand to loosen his necktie, but his heart still felt as stuffy as could be.

Gu Yan, however, didn’t feel anything like that at all. He opened the car door and got off, saying goodbye to Qin Zhiyuan just like an ordinary friend would, as if all the previous tender longing that used to be in his eyes were all a trick of the imagination.

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t have any reason to keep him.

He remembered that, for these last several months, Gu Yan always had this same attitude, and it was only now that he had realized it.

That afternoon many months ago, he had even been pining over another person in his dreams.

And his heart had already become ashes.

Gu Yan’s figure walked further and further away, the night wind blew against his clothes, showing how this summer was just about over.

Qin Zhiyuan leaned against the seat to rest for a while, feeling a faint pain somewhere in his body but also not knowing where exactly the pain originated. He thought that it definitely must have to do with his work being too busy and the pressure too great recently, to the point that he hadn’t taken a break in these last several months. That’s right, tomorrow, he’d arrange for some time off for himself and then find some random place to travel.

Just like that day they separated, when Gu Yan didn’t even turn around while walking out that door, he had bought a ticket out of the country the very next day.

There had been nothing to fear. When he returned a few months later, everything had returned to normal.

He and Gu Yan were still able to continue being friends…

Tsk, what goddamn friends!

Qin Zhiyuan clenched and unclenched his fists before he once again started the car. This time, he drove at lightning speed, but his heart remained a complete mess. Just like that, his driving suddenly turned aimless in this dark night.

In the end, he didn’t return home to sleep until midnight.

Of course, the next day, he didn’t go through his plans of taking time off. Instead, he did some consecutive days of overtime at the office. He endured, and endured, and endured for an entire week before he finally went to Gu Yan’s restaurant on a certain evening.

He had used the excuse of eating a meal to go there, but when he asked the waiters, it turned out that Gu Yan hadn’t even gone in that day. He couldn’t say if he was disappointed or relieved, only that he didn’t have an appetite because the day was too hot, so he decided to choose a few random dishes just to get by.

But before he could even find a place to sit, he saw someone waving at him from afar.

“Miss Wang?” Qin Zhiyuan immediately put forth a gentle smile and walked over in long strides. “You’re also here to eat?”

Wang Yali was sitting in a corner seat by the window and was wearing a black suit, clearly having just come from work. Smiling, she said, “My boyfriend had to work overtime tonight and canceled our date on short notice. I originally came here looking for that stinky brat Gu Yan, but who knew that he wouldn’t even be here.”

After a pause, she asked, “How about you, Mr. Qin?”

“I’m also by myself.”

Wang Yali was a naturally familiar person and immediately said, “Then why don’t we eat together? Then we could order a few more dishes.”

As she spoke, she handed over the menu.

“I’m very honored.” Qin Zhiyuan naturally wouldn’t refuse a lady’s invitation and sat down in front of her with a smile.

The two people’s tastes were both very conventional, and so they ordered a few of the restaurant’s signature dishes.

After ordering, it didn’t take the waiters very long to bring out the dishes. No matter if it was the cold plates or the stir fries, all of it tasted outstanding, but both Qin Zhiyuan and Wang Yali thought that Gu Yan’s own handiwork was still better.

“It’s a pity that Gu Yan has gotten lazy since becoming a boss. Recently, he hasn’t been willing to cook at all for me.”

Qin Zhiyuan put down his chopsticks and deliberately said, “Miss Wang, could I consult with you about something?”

“Go ahead.” Wang Yali waved a hand, asking in a very friendly manner, “What is it? Do you want to ask me some legal advice? A divorce settlement? Or an issue with your business? Seeing as how we’re so close, I can give you a discount on consultation fees.”

“I want to ask… how long have you and Gu Yan known each other?”

“Ah?” Wang Yali was clearly very disappointed with this trivial question and said, “Gu Yan didn’t mention it to you? We’re old neighbors, and we grew up in the same building. When we were little, we used to fly kites, catch tadpoles, and skip school together.”

Qin Zhiyuan imagined it for a moment and felt somewhat happy that Gu Yan didn’t like women before asking, “How was he in the past? Did he always have this kind of quiet personality?”

“Uh-huh, he’s never liked talking since he was little. When everyone else was playing around outside, he’d hide in the house by himself to read. He’s also loved cooking since very early on. I remember when I first ate his cooking, it was…”

Wang Yali’s disposition was the exact opposite of Gu Yan’s; the moment she started talking, she could talk non-stop, and Qin Zhiyuan listened with rapt attention. In the past, he hadn’t been concerned at all with Gu Yan’s history; after all, Gu Yan was only a bed partner, so it was fine as long as the other made him happy in bed. But now he was actually sitting in a restaurant that Gu Yan opened, talking to a woman he wasn’t that familiar with about everything that had to do with that person.

He didn’t know what had possessed him, but so long as it was about Gu Yan, even if it was the smallest things, he listened with deadly earnest.

“Whenever Gu Yan did something, he always had a plan, and he was always very clear on his goals. I even thought that he’d definitely become a chef, but who knew that those things would happen…”

“What things?”

“His dad’s business failed, and they ended up owing a large sum of money. From then on, I never saw his family ever again. I heard they fled overseas to escape the collectors. Gu Yan was the only one who remained behind, and he had to earn money to pay back the debt, so he definitely suffered a lot in that time. But he’s always loved to pretend at bravery; he changed his address and phone number, and only when his situation got better did he get back in contact with all his old friends.”

Qin Zhiyuan had been vaguely aware that Gu Yan’s dreams hadn’t come true because of some unforeseen circumstances befalling his family, but it was only now that he learned the entire sequence of events. When he thought back to all the pain that Gu Yan had suffered, he couldn’t help but sigh as he said, “He’s never mentioned any of this before.”

Wang Yali nodded and said, “He’s always been this type of person. The more important something is, the more deeply he hides it, not letting anyone else know.”

She thought for a moment and then added an example, “Just like how, when he eats, Gu Yan looks like he’ll eat everything and that he’s not picky at all, but actually he loves to eat things he hates first, and he always saves the things he truly likes for last.”

“Really?” Qin Zhiyuan often invited Gu Yan out to eat, but he had never noticed this small detail.

“If you don’t believe me, next time you should steal some of the food left on his plate, telling him you’ll help him finish them, and see what kind of expression he makes.”

Qin Zhiyuan felt like that was too foolish a thing to do and asked, “Miss Wang couldn’t have actually done that, right?”

“Haha.” Wang Yali candidly laughed out loud. “I was also giving him a valuable lesson. If you don’t hold tightly onto the things you love, then other people will quickly steal it from you.”

When Qin Zhiyuan heard these words, he suddenly felt as if his heart had been stabbed, and right as he was about to say something, he saw Wang Yali look outside the window and call out, “Gu Yan’s finally returned.”

Following the direction of her voice, he looked out the window at the flickering streetlights. Wearing a simple white T-shirt, Gu Yan had just gotten out of a luxury car and was currently saying his goodbyes to the Lin Jiarui sitting within.

If you don’t hold tightly onto the things you love, then other people will quickly steal it from you.

Those words suddenly sprang to mind.

Qin Zhiyuan’s heart thumped, and he once again felt that irritable feeling rise. He couldn’t help but stare at the figure outside the window, expending a lot of effort in order to maintain the smile on his face.

Young Master Lin didn’t stay for long. Separated by the car window, he said only a few words to Gu Yan before calling for his chauffeur to drive away.

Gu Yan stood outside for a moment before he pushed open the door to enter the restaurant. He had forgotten his sunglasses, so a few young women recognized him and enthusiastically stuck around asking for his autograph. The only thing he could do was exchange a few pleasantries, sign some autographs, and take some photos, before continuing further inside.

The moment they met, Wang Yali opened her mouth to complain, “Stinky brat, why did you come back so late?”

Gu Yan first greeted Qin Zhiyuan and then said with a bitter laugh, “Young lady, I’m also very busy with work, so next time remember to first schedule an appointment with me.”

“Busy with work?” Qin Zhiyuan gave him a glance and said, “Regarding the matter of the film, the company can help you discuss it.”

“Isn’t having a good relationship with the director also one of the aspects of work?”

“It’s rare to see you so earnest about a project.”

Gu Yan could hear the fight hidden in those words, but he still said, in as calm a tone as ever, “Yes, the movie this time is very interesting.”

Was it the movie that’s interesting? Or was it the director?

Qin Zhiyuan forced himself not to ask.

But his face definitely couldn’t have looked very good. However, even though Gu Yan was usually skilled at reading people’s expressions, he acted as if he hadn’t noticed as he sat down next to Wang Yali, smiling and saying, “Today’s meal is on me.”

“Of course, it should be your treat.” Wang Yali poured a glass of water for him and said, “Don’t think that I don’t know whether you were working or on a date. When I called you earlier, you were clearly at a movie theater!”

Although Gu Yan was exposed on the spot, he didn’t appear the least bit embarrassed, simply putting on a helpless expression and saying, “Yes, yes, yes, and tomorrow I even arranged to go mountain-climbing with him. Do you want to come along as a chaperone, young lady?”

He didn’t even glance around as he spoke those words.

But Qin Zhiyuan couldn’t help but substitute himself in, as he imagined what it’d be like if he shadowed Gu Yan on that date, before then immediately coming to his senses, scolding himself internally for going crazy.

How could he do such an inelegant, graceless thing?

Perhaps his expression had grown too strange, as even Wang Yali couldn’t help but stare at him and ask, “Mr. Qin, are you all right? Why do you keep furrowing your brows?”

“It’s nothing.” Qin Zhiyuan hurried to flash her a smile. “I’m simply a bit tired.”

Gu Yan was sitting on the side, unhurriedly drinking tea, and said, “If you’re tired, you should go back and rest early. It’s already quite late anyway.”

—-Just like a good friend would.

It was very different from how Gu Yan used to talk. When he encountered this kind of situation in the past, he’d always think of some way to poke at Qin Zhiyuan, mocking him for always using work as an excuse.

And Qin Zhiyuan actually very much missed that kind of Gu Yan.

He really did feel tired, but he continued to sit there, unwilling to move.

He didn’t know why he had wanted to come today. On one hand, he kept thinking about how to forget Gu Yan, but on the other hand, he also kept hurrying over to see this person. When they were unable to meet, he kept hoping they would, but when they actually met, it simply made him angry.

While Qin Zhiyuan couldn’t bear to leave, Gu Yan actually stood up first and said, “There’s still some things in the kitchen that I need to handle, so I’ll go and check it out first. You two can continue talking.”

Qin Zhiyuan watched as the other walked past, Wang Yali’s words earlier suddenly jumping out in his mind.

If you don’t hold tightly onto… the things you love…

He anxiously wanted to grab hold of Gu Yan’s hand.

But right as his fingertips were about to touch, Gu Yan wordlessly avoided him and, as if nothing had happened, continued to walk away.

Qin Zhiyuan felt as if his mind was completely empty. He lowered his head to stare blankly at his own hand, unsure if that… had already been stolen away?

Perhaps because his face looked too unsightly, Wang Yali insistently urged him to return home to rest. He originally wanted to wait a while longer for Gu Yan, but unfortunately, Gu Yan hid in the kitchen and refused to come out. In the end, having no other choice, he took his car and left first.

It actually wasn’t too late when he returned to his apartment.

An envelope was waiting for him in his mailbox downstairs, and Qin Zhiyuan grabbed it before getting into the elevator. Under the elevator lights, he could see that the envelope had been written very carelessly, with only his name and address on it, without any indication of the sender.

His heart was completely focused on Gu Yan and Young Master Lin’s date[1], to the point that his head was starting to ache from all the thinking, so he wasn’t concerned about who exactly would mail something to him. The moment he got through his door, he ripped open the envelope.

The only thing inside was a single DVD.

Regardless, it wasn’t like this thing would explode, so Qin Zhiyuan didn’t think further on it. He simply turned on the TV without much thought and stuffed the disc into the DVD player before sitting on the sofa to watch.

At first, no image appeared on screen, simply a slight rustling sound.

Qin Zhiyuan was thinking only of Gu Yan.

The image gradually cleared up, and the scene of an elegant bamboo grove slowly unfolded.

Qin Zhiyuan was still thinking of Gu Yan.

With a turn of the camera, Gu Yan’s beautiful face suddenly appeared on the TV screen.

Qin Zhiyuan froze, arrested in an instant.

He saw Gu Yan in historical clothing flying through the bamboo forest, relying on his lightness skill to chase after a similarly clothed woman, grabbing hold of her from behind.

Qin Zhiyuan thought back and remembered that he had once seen this scene on set. It was that historical drama Gu Yan was filming last year, the one which had specially gone all the way to A City for its location shots. The current scene playing on the TV was precisely the climax of the series.

He knew what would follow afterwards.

When he had seen it at the time, he had felt as if his chest had been fiercely struck and had even wished to hide this kind of Gu Yan away, not allowing anyone else to see. As such, he had told the director to re-take the shot and edit out the previous version so that he could keep it for his own private collection. However, the frightening car accident had happened right afterwards, and he had practically forgotten all about this matter; he hadn’t actually expected the director to mail him the DVD.

And he hadn’t expected… that he’d rewatch this scene so suddenly, without any prior preparation.

The Gu Yan on screen covered the female lead’s eyes with his hands, kissing her hair as he slowly raised his head.

Qin Zhiyuan felt a bit short of breath.

He hurried to find the remote, wanting to turn off the TV, but his hands were shaking so much that he almost knocked over the glass of water on the table.

Gu Yan was currently looking right at the camera, at him, those eyes so focused and full of emotion, as if this person was staring right at his true love. Qin Zhiyuan was completely unable to escape, and he collapsed against the sofa as even his heart started trembling.

Gu Yan opened his mouth to speak.

That voice was low and hoarse, and a trace of ruthlessness flashed through his infatuated eyes.

In that moment, it was like Qin Zhiyuan was seeing Gu Yan cut open his chest, digging out and handing over his own bloody heart. Even as his fingertips were covered with blood, he still gave the camera a smile, saying that beloved and touching line one word at a time.

I love you.

[1] So 約會 in Chinese can mean either a regular appointment or a (romantic) date, depending on context. I decided just to translate it as date here, since that’s what Qin Zhiyuan thinks it is. 

Qin Zhiyuan is sooo hilarious omg. I can’t even with him ahahaha. Volume 2 is just a comedy with Qin Zhiyuan playing the clown lmao.
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