CH 63

“I have nothing to say. Go back.” 

This was not what he wanted to say. Yulif wanted to pluck out his tongue, which had to pour out words like this.

Canaren didn’t respond on the other side of the door. He imagined her turning her back to him with drooping shoulders. He desperately wanted to hug her from behind.

Then, as if she had made up her mind to something, Canaren’s voice was heard on the other side. There was even wretchedness in her voice.

“I’ll do it. I will go in.”

He heard her place her hand on the door handle, turned… it got stuck in the lock, and wouldn’t move. Still, Canaren did not give up. She kept grabbing the door handle and turning it. The rattling noise didn’t stop. The sound seemed to urge him to hurry and open the door for her. Yulif held his breath.

If he did this, wouldn’t Canaren just go back? With no false hope.

“I’ll wait until you open it. I have a lot of time.”

Canaren’s voice was firm. She was never going to back down. There was a faint smile in the sigh that leaked out of itself. It was so frustrating that she wanted to scream in the empty air, but strangely, she didn’t feel so bad.

‘When there is something that I think is right, there is no backing down especially when I think I should do something.’

Even when she realized she couldn’t get out of Deltinus’s grasp, as he goes on and on about his ruthless violence toward her body, Canaren was not broken. She might have been sad for a day or so, or she might have been sad for a couple of days. But she found something she could do for herself inside the imperial palace, and she worked hard to make it happen.

It would have been a trivial thing in the eyes of her others. It could not be great to be the emperor’s plaything, confined in the corner of the detached palace. Occasionally, if she finds an injured animal while taking a walk, she bandages it with all her heart, and brings it to Yulif, or when she finds a rare fruit for him to eat, or the act of giving presents to the maids.

Even at such a small task, Canaren did her best. Then she smiled with her golden eyes twinkling.

‘When the other person is happy, I feel better too. Especially when Yulif is happy. Yulif doesn’t know how cool he is when he smiles, right? Please smile more often.’

Even then and now, the only person who made Yulif laugh was Canaren. But Yulif couldn’t make Canaren laugh. He turned back in time with deep regret, but nothing had changed.

“If you really don’t like it… Let’s talk like this.”

It was difficult for Yulif to dare guess Canaren’s heart and know that she still wanted to talk to him after hearing harsh words. Eventually, he unlocked the lock, but didn’t open the door. Was it because he wanted her to go back?

He couldn’t give her the kind words she wanted. He loves her but can’t whisper his love to her frankly. He felt he would hurt her over and over again for her sake.

But Yulif knew. He knew that the brave and candid Canaren would not give up. She was different from his cowardly and pathetic self.

“Oh… Why is your complexion so bad? Are you feeling ill?”

The projections were not missed. Canaren opened the door and came in and faced Yulif. That was not enough, and she even carefully reached out with an alarmed expression that showed how worried she was about him.

Yulif blatantly swatted away her hand hard enough to make a sound. It was a clearer refusal than necessary.

“Just tell me what you want.”

“…All right. I’m going to accept Yulif’s proposal. If you can even call it a proposal.”

“The story ended a few days ago. It’s no longer your business…”

“But I have one condition.”

“Condition?”

One of Yulif’s eyebrows twitched. Conditions. He had no idea what Canaren was thinking. It was rather him who was embarrassed by Canaren’s expression, which contained only a determined ‘I will never back down’ look. He pumped up ferocious energy to intimidate Canaren. However, Canaren stood still facing him. He raised her ferocious energy to threaten her. But she still stood immovable.

“Actually, I still don’t know why Yulif is doing this. You won’t tell me even if I ask.”

Hearing the decisive testimony of Roana and Derek, Canaren made a decision. It didn’t matter if Yulif once had a loved one or that that person really looked like her.

The person she loves is Yulif. And that Yulif would never harm her. That was the only truth.

“I am not shaken.”

Dangerous. If he talked with her for a long time, it seemed that he would confide in her his painful feelings. He wanted to affectionately embrace her, to whisper that he loves her and wants her to be happy. The sweet Canaren would accept everything. No matter how he did it, she would embrace his sins that could not be washed away and tell him that it was okay and that he had done nothing wrong.

And she would abandon herself to save him from dying. Without any hesitation

It was a terrible future. A future that he will never let come true.

“Conditions.”

Yulif spoke with a hard, firm voice as if commanding. Canaren’s clear voice came back as if she didn’t care.

“Please eat with me at least once a day.”

“…What?”

“It doesn’t matter what time it is. Please call me when it’s convenient for you. Any place is good, but a place where we can see each other’s faces is best. Anyway, once we get married, you must eat with me at least once a day. This is my condition.”

The only thing in Canaren’s clear and bright eyes was Yulif. He said he had a loved one once. He saved her because she resembled this loved one. His absurd lies couldn’t make her give up.

His heart ached at her tender, blind affection. Instead of clenching his chest, Yulife clenched his fist tightly.

‘Damn, my heart is beating like crazy. I like it. because I like it so much. I like the fact that Canaren loves me so much.’

He wanted her to hug her right away and kiss her.

He managed to barely grab hold of his reason. He let out a long sigh inwardly and steadied his racing heart.

“I know what you are thinking.”

‘Please give up on me, Carnaren.’

“You must have thought that I might love you.”

‘I don’t want to hurt you anymore.’

“You don’t seem to understand, so I’ll tell you one last time. No matter what you do, it won’t happen.”

‘I don’t want you to cry because you will be left alone and you’ll be weighed down by sadness and guilt.’

“If you want to be loved, how about finding another man? I don’t care as long as you don’t leave my side.”

“You are mean.” Yulif heard Canaren’s small whisper. He was worried that she would cry, but she bit her lips to the point that they turned white, trying to swallow the tears. Her appearance didn’t get any worse.

“…I don’t intend to. I don’t even want Yulif to love me.”

“Then why are you asking for something that is troublesome?”

“Is it strange for a wife to want to see her husband at least once a day? Does one need a reason?”

Canaren widened her eyes as if she couldn’t take it any longer. Yulif was speechless. It wasn’t just because her accusing eyes didn’t fit the situation, it was because she was unbecomingly adorable.

A wife, a husband. Already. Although the wedding date hasn’t been decided yet.

“I’m sure it’s not a difficult condition for you. So please listen.”

Canaren had no idea how daring her own words were.

Yulif covered his face with one hand and quietly swallowed his groans. Husband and wife… How was it that the most common words passing through Canaren’s mouth could become so sweet and soft?

‘I’m going crazy.’

Yulif sternly whipped himself for being tempted. His eyes were as cold as when he lowered his hand. He walked towards Canaren.

Canaren unknowingly took a step back from him, avoiding him little by little. And at some point, her back lightly touched the closed door.

“I don’t eat.”

“Why not at all…!”

“If you want to see my face, I will show it to you. Instead, in bed.”

His sharp gaze looking down at her from a very close distance was unusual. Canaren swallowed dry saliva. The office suddenly seemed absurdly quiet. She could hear herself swallowing, even the sound of her exhaling nervously.

Swish. She thought she heard the sound of the cloth rubbing right next to her ear, and before she knew it, Yulif was holding her between his arms. With his back to the light, his face, which was shaded here and there, approached slowly. As if to kiss.

“Will you still do it?”

The strong masculine scent emanated off his body and suddenly pressed against Canaren, crushing her senses. Her long eyelashes quivered briefly.

Yulif was confident that this time she would back down. Then he was going to step away with arrogance and tell her to speak through Roana in the future.

“Yes. I will.”

It was a mistake. Instead of wilting, Canaren pulled herself up straight with her heels. Her face came closer, and the tip of her nose touched Yulif’s chin. Her soft fragrant breath tickled the nape of his neck.

At that moment, Yulif lost his composure. Panic emanated from those gestures and he wanted to run away from her.

“I’m not afraid.”

Canaren calmly said to him, but unable to hide her shaky eyes.

“I’ll see you wherever you want. At least once a day. Whether it’s in bed or the dining room.”

What she was afraid of was Yulif pushing her away in the end.

“Since Yulif has accepted the offer… I will also give you a wedding present.”

Canaren placed something in his hands, sculptural in many ways. It was the same thing he did to her a few days ago.

After she folded his long fingers one by one, she looked up at Yulif and smiled broadly.

“I took it myself. I hope you like Yulif.”

Canaren left the office like that. Confidently. As soon as she closed the door, strength was released from her legs. She leaned against the door and sat down. Her face was red as if it was about to explode.

“What did I just say to Yulif…?”

The situation was no different for Yulif, who was beyond the door. He stared blankly at what Canaren had given him.

It was a forsythia branch with bright yellow flowers. Canaren said if she became a flower, she might look like this. The small, bright yellow, and cool early spring resembled her, even her fortitude to make the flowers bloom.

His wife, him, the husband, and the bedroom.

Three words floated around in his mind. Strength entered his hand holding the forsythia branch. Yulif, who came to his senses just before the branch broke, hurriedly removed power from his hand.

It was a gift from Canaren. He wanted to cherish it.

“I’ll see you wherever you want. At least once a day. Whether it’s in bed or the dining room.”

“…What the hell did I just do?”

Yulif’s ears, as he was muttering as if lamenting, were burning red like autumn leaves.