Chapter Forty

I woke to the sun shining through my window and a loud snoring sound. It took me a second to remember where I was. Looking over, I saw Damien asleep with his head lulled back. He was snoring loudly as his chest moved up and down. I sat up quietly. My whole body hurt.

Memories of the night before came flooding back. I inhaled sharply as I pulled back the sleeves of Lily’s sweater to reveal very dark bruises around my wrists. My thoughts went to Liam. He looked so distraught as I left the lake house. He could not expect me to stay after what he had let Gavin do. I looked around my small apartment. My suitcase sat by the door. The flowers Liam got me on our date now hung dry and dead in the windowsill. Something felt lonely about my home now.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I got up and went to my closet. Grabbing some clothes, I made my way into the bathroom trying not to wake Damien up. I turned on the shower to warm up as I undressed. Folding Lily’s sweater and placing it on the counter, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not only did I have dark bruises around my wrist, but my waist also sported a dark handprint and small claw marks. Gavin must have pierced my skin with his nails while he held me down. I turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see it anymore.

Once in the shower, I let the warm water wash over me. Grabbing my body wash from the tray, I began scrubbing every inch of myself. The more I washed, the dirtier I felt. It felt like there was this layer coating my skin and I could not remove it. My breath started coming shallower and my heart raced as I tried to scrub my body harder. A sob escaped my lips as I tried to catch my breath.

There was pounding on the door making me jump. “Azalea, are you okay?” I heard him call. I needed to calm down. I had been scrubbing myself over and over for a solid twenty minutes. No matter how I felt, I was not dirty any longer. I turned off the now lukewarm water, forgoing any shampooing I may have wanted to do.

More pounding came at the door, this time with more urgency. I knew it had to be Damien. “I-I’m okay,” I managed to stutter out. The pounding ceased. I wondered how he knew I was panicking from out there.

Liam

Damien driving away with my mate almost killed me. Now that we had mated, our bond was even stronger. Gavin was right, I was feeling much stronger than I had previously. But I also felt so much more pain.

Mates can feel each other's emotions and can sense where their mates are. It is like a special tracking ability wolves have to know their other halves are safe. Being away from your mate for too long can be detrimental to a wolf. In addition to my own guilt, I could feel Azalea’s terror and despair. There was a weight on my chest that had to be her emotions.

After a run in my wolf form, I laid awake most of the night trying to figure out what to do. She left me and rightfully so. I could not protect her from even my own wolf. Gavin had not spoken to me since I took back control. Complete silence. I should have just told her what was going on instead of fighting with her like that. If I had been honest when she first asked, we would have been in the living room when that wave of heat hit her.

It was now early morning, and the first sun rays were starting to peak in through the window. I wanted to go to her but how could I apologize for all this? What could I even say to make up for what I let happen? I could never really. I had let Gavin mate her against her will and not at all seeing to her own needs. Now we would be linked. And if I did not mark her, she could easily go into heat again but much worse.

As I lay there thinking about her, the despair I was feeling started to ease. It was replaced with some feeling of apprehension which quickly blossomed into panic. I knew something was happening because I could feel her anxiety and panic. I shot up, looking for my cell phone. Damien had said he would stay with her until he could arrange something. I grabbed my phone from its charger on the nightstand and dialed her number. It rang and rang with no answer.

“Damien, what is wrong with Azalea?” I linked him.

“What do you mean?” he linked back after a moment.

“She is panicking. Something is wrong. Where is she? Aren’t you with her?”

“I think she is in the shower. Must have woken up already…”

“Make sure she is okay!”

Damien went silent for a moment. It was agonizing feeling these things from her but now knowing what she was doing or that she was okay.

“She said she is okay. Calm down alright? I am here; I got her. Just go back to the pack house and get some work done for now. She is going to need time,” he said and cut our link. I think he was still angry with me.

He was right though. I needed to try and block out these emotions flooding through the link for now. I should go back to the pack house today. I clambered out of bed and into the bathroom to take a shower. Her scent still covered me. After showering and putting on some clean clothes, I packed my things to go back home.

Lily was in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee as I came downstairs. She looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. She clearly had not slept much last night. I could see the mix of emotions across her face. I knew she cared for me as a friend but was disappointed in what happened with Azalea.

“I am going to head back to the pack house,” I said, not able to make eye contact with her. She nodded her head as an awkward silence fell between us. I turned to leave.

“I don’t hate you,” she said quietly. “But you messed up Liam. She will never be the same and the worst part is she doesn’t know she has no choice now.” With that she stood up and left out the back door to sit on the porch.

When wolves mate, we mate for life. Once you are mated, there is no rejecting your mate. You are bound to them forever. Azalea and I would not be able to live apart. I would probably be able to cope better than her simply because of my strength and size. But soon, the effects of our separation would start to weigh on her. I sighed trying not to dwell on the gravity of the situation. I grabbed my bags and headed out the front to my car. For today, I would get to the packhouse and bury myself in work to distract myself from the mess I made.

-

It was almost 10 pm as I sat in my office looking at the papers scattered across my desk. I had done nothing but work all day, not even stopping to eat. There was a tray of food that had been brought to my office hours ago for dinner that lay untouched on the small coffee table by the couch.

I had nearly caught up on things I had been neglecting which was great, but I could not feel any relief. I was exhausted after not sleeping the prior night and it was weakening my ability to block the mate link. I sat there staring at the files and documents in front of me as my chest began to ache. I was feeling her anguish; I just knew it. Tears slipped from my eyes as I thought about her alone in her little apartment. Damien told me that she had sent him away today.

I knew she would not want any wolves around as a reminder of what had transpired but it left her unguarded. Whether she knew it or not, other wolves and creatures would be able to smell me on her even if I had not marked her. Damien had not returned yet, keeping an eye on her from afar. He had said he and Lily were looking for a pack member that she would not know to send to the Inn to keep an eye on her.

Wiping the wetness from my eyes, I pushed myself away from my desk. This all happened because I was not strong enough. I could not control my wolf and he hurt her. Now the bastard was hiding. I left my office heading to one of the training rooms. I would not let myself be too weak again.

Azalea

It had been a really long day. The old man pestered me all day, following me around the Inn trying to interrogate me about what happened. There were still wolves in the Inn and Amy had taken a few days off to go visit her parents a couple hours away. Damien stuck around until lunch time when I asked him to go back to the pack and Lily. He did not argue much but I could tell it was never his intention to leave me alone. I also asked him to remove the other pack members and leave me to run the Inn again. He promised me they would be gone within the week. He never told me what he wanted to explain before.

I sighed as I sat cross legged on the couch in the sitting area of the Inn holding a cup of tea. I was wrapped in a throw blanket with my sweater underneath. Ever since I left the lake house, I have been nothing but cold inside and out. I was not sure how I was supposed to feel and was avoiding really processing the events of yesterday.

My body still hurt but the bruises seemed to be a shade or two lighter on my wrists now. One of the helpers had started a fire in the fireplace before leaving for the day. The Inn was always busier in late fall and winter and we really seemed to be booming. We had only one vacant room today and we got a call a few hours ago looking for a vacancy. The room was all ready and I sat here awaiting their arrival.

I stared into the fire trying to let myself be numb. I did not want to feel. I just wanted to move on. I wanted to forget about Liam and the pack. I wanted to pretend I never went to the Lake House and never fell in love with the man. As tears silently slipped down my cheeks, I knew it was impossible. I would always love him even if he hurt me.

The bell over the door dinged as it opened, shaking me from my own thoughts. I quickly wiped away my tears, standing up to greet the guest. I turned around with a smile plastered on my face to greet him. “Welcome,” I said as he turned around to face me.

I stopped for a second taken aback by the stranger. He looked so much like Liam. He was similarly sized with the same broad, muscular build and beautiful blue eyes. The only difference was where Liam had dark hair this man had ginger curls that bounced on his head. He gave me a crooked smile giving him a young and dangerously charming look.

“I called about a room? Miss?” he said in a velvety voice. I gulped down the knot in my throat hoping he didn’t notice.

“Yes, yes. Hi, I am Azalea. Let me get your papers,” I said. Leaving the blanket on the couch and my tea on the coffee table, I went around the desk to grab the paperwork. I felt his eyes on me and I moved through the room. “Okay, I just need a credit to place on file, Mr?”

“You can call me Kol, Miss Azalea. That is a beautiful name by the way. May I ask where you are from?” he asked sweetly.

“Oh, a little place not far from here. But I have lived here about 3 years now. This place is home.” I said trying to keep a smile on my face. I could not admit that my little home didn’t really feel like home anymore; Liam felt like home.

“Cozy place to call home,” he replied. He handed me a credit card for his room. Once I was all done with his booking, I handed it back to him and grabbed his key from the wall.

“Here you go,” I said, handing him the key. “Do you need help with anything? I can show you to the room or help you with any bags you have?”

He laughed. I gave him a confused look. “I am sorry Miss Azalea, but it is a little funny to me that a small thing like you would need to carry the bags of a large guy like me. But I would appreciate you showing me where the room is,” he said, still laughing.

“No problem,” I said coming around the counter. I led him down the hall to the room. Once we arrived, I continued, “Breakfast is served at 7 in the dining room, complementary. Then Lunch and Dinner service are through the day. If you need anything at all, feel free to call the number in the room by the phone and I will be happy to help.”

“If you are up all hours of the night helping customers, what do you do during the day?” he asked.

“Take care of the Inn. I live out back so I can be here all the time.”

“Sounds like you work a little too much for such a pretty girl,” he said. I blushed a little.

“No, not at all. I just came back from a small vacation. Anyway, I will let you get settled in. Good night,” I said wanting to get away. I turned and walked back down the hallway to the front. I could feel the man’s eyes on me the whole way.

I jotted down a few notes at the desk before heading back through the kitchen and outside. Walking through the lawn, I felt like there was someone watching me. I hugged my arms to my body feeling cold again. I picked up the pace trying to get to my door as quickly as possible.

With shaking hands, I forced my key into the lock and turned the handle. Letting myself in, I quickly shut the door. I tried to calm my beating heart telling myself that there was nothing out there. Going over to my kitchenette, I put the tea pot on. I readied my mug and tea bag while I waited for the water to boil. My mind wandered to the new guest. Kol. Why did he look so much like Liam?

The tea pot whistled, and I made my tea. Taking the warm mug, I went over to my bed and climbed under the blankets. I sat there sipping the tea, trying to warm myself. It was futile. My body felt like a cold, empty pit after yesterday.