I Became An Academy Spearman — Chapter 64. Hopeless Reality (2)
Han kept his mouth shut.
He didn’t reproach himself. He just accepted reality. Her next words then surprised him.
“Don’t let thoughts about your attribute weaken your mind.” It was as if Carly had seen through his heart.
“This fight should not be considered too important to you, Cadet Han Seong. I told you that I would help you train with my sword. However, it was actually a one-sided demonstration of my attribute, and it will be so for a while. Don’t look for any meaning in this fight. My goal is to test your willpower because you accepted to spar a cadet with a Legendary grade attribute. I thought that would be fine.” It sounded as if she had apologized at the end.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.” He tried to say calmly as he smiled.
His heart, which had initially been excited about the magical engineering item, had completely collapsed. But he couldn’t blame it, or Carly for gifting it to him, much less bemoan the attribute he had. He simply had to accept it all – as everything happened to him.
Carly, who had just lowered her sword, slowly approached him. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for her words.
“I can assure you. Cadet Han Seong is strong. Few cadets who entered this year could beat you in a fight.” A bitter smile appeared on his mouth as soon as he heard these words. He wondered if he was really strong like she said. He couldn’t even consider that he had just fought Carly. It was like hitting a stone with an egg.
There was a huge difference between their attributes. There was a huge difference between his ability and the other first year cadets’ abilities – regardless of him knowing their grade.
Even the most common cadet could easily subdue him without using their attribute. Then she stopped in front of him.
She had an apologetic, compassionate look on her face. There was a slight height difference between the two. He felt strange emotions mix within him as their gazes met.
It wasn’t a problem to lose this fight. But something with a different name had struck his heart. He was now convinced that he could never touch Carly no matter what he did.
It was as if he could now stare at a wall called reality. Perhaps he had initially taken his situation too lightly.
The difference between attributes could not be reduced. He felt that no matter how hard he tried from now on, there was a wall that he would never be able to overcome.
It was pathetic.
He ran his hand over his face. And he wondered what he looked like right now.
“Cadet Han Seong… I’m sorry.” When she finally said her apology, he quickly shook his head.
“No, Instructor. There is no reason why you should apologize.” He didn’t understand why Carly cared so much about him.
He couldn’t accept it.
“I don’t know what I was hoping for when I tried to compete with you using my attribute. However, I regret it so much now. No matter how strong a cadet is, no matter what his mentality is to face reality… That was too much. It was not a fair situation for me to put you in.” He tried to mentally reject Carly’s assertions. The outcome of the fight would not have been much different even if she only used her sword. Her attribute only accentuated the reality of the chasm that lay between their attributes.
He didn’t like – couldn’t accept – that Carly was sad about it.
At that moment he slapped his cheek hard with the hand that was not holding the spear.
“Cadet Han Seong!” Carly was startled. He laughed a little. His spirits were revived. The pain had helped him wake up.
“I’m fine,” he said, smiling towards her. “Everyone knows my attribute strength, so I didn’t expect to win this fight. But even if I’m going to lose, I’ll do my best.” His heart began to beat fiercely as he was finally able to speak with determination.
Similar situations would occur in the future. Even if it wasn’t an Instructor with ridiculous powers like Carly, there were cadets with special attributes at the Academy. And it would be pathetic if his heart broke every time like it just did now.
“Instructor Carly, could you help me train again?” He needed to be bolder. His slightly broken heart was to break dozens more times. There was no better place than now to do it once again.
“Cadet Han Seong…” He activated his mana again when Carly said his name in a daze.
After looking at him for a while, her gaze returned to its proud state. She increased the distance between them, and swung the blade around her head.
“Ready yourself.” Her voice sounded fiercely happy. Han grinned – knowing the result would be his defeat.
But he had to stand back up as many times as it took. No matter how much he broke now, it was part of the growing process.
“That look in your eyes, Cadet. I really like it.” He couldn’t help but laugh aloud at Carly’s words, readying himself to strike again.
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