A debut in high school was supposed to create a new community. My high school debut started in the same sad situation as middle school, started as a loner.
(……I’d like to talk about it)
In the seat next to me, just a few boys and girls are talking about a manga that is currently popular. The storyline is a monotonous one in which the main character and his friends defeat evil demons, but the manga is very thought-provoking, with the main character becoming a demon and people who may or may not be friend or foe making appearances one after another. I think it was recently made into an anime, which became a hot topic on the Internet, involving anime fans overseas.
As I’m also a fan of the manga and subscribe to the latest episodes via an app, I can talk at least as well as the people sitting next to me. But I couldn’t take that step. The reason for this is quite simple.
Yes, I have a communication problem.
(……Come to think of it, I’ve never really talked to anyone my own age except Hisui.)
To be precise, there were a few girls who talked to me when I first entered the school. But…..
“……Yeah.”
“……Amazing.”
“……I think it’s great.”
“……Good.”
I could only respond in such a way that I could not continue the conversation with the person I was talking to. No, I think I was unconsciously rejecting people because I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Moreover, I tried to use honorifics, which I don’t usually use, so the awkwardness was not half as bad as it could have been.
(……I can’t wait until after school)
I felt so uncomfortable at school that I thought about it in the morning homeroom. However, I could only avoid school until middle school. In high school, where there is a system of detention, if you don’t take attendance seriously, you will be dropped without mercy, and your family will worry about you. And as an older sister, I was too prideful to be in the same grade as Hisui, so I was determined to do well in that area.
As a result of my hard work, I always kept my ranking in the top three in the school tests. Incidentally, the person who always got a perfect score and ranked first was a student from a different class named Shinkai Sakura. Of course, I don’t know her.
(…..Well, it’s not like I take her seriously.)
No matter how good my grades are, no one comes to ask me about my studies, as I usually don’t say a word. Maybe I’m too much of a shadow and a mob, but my father and my mother, who is in the hospital, are always happy for me, so I could do my best for that.
“Hey, hey, do you want to go to that café after school?”
“Sorry, I have club activities.”
“Then let’s go next Saturday.”
“Okay. While we’re at it, let’s go shopping for clothes……”
As I was reading, a conversation like a high school girl came into my ear. I always pretend to be reading a book and watching my classmates, whom I should be able to reach if I had the courage. If I were to ask if I’m jealous of them, I’d have to keep my mouth shut, but I’m interested in them in a way that I don’t fit in with the people around me.
“……Phew.”
But my heavy heart never lifted. Even when I summon up the courage, fear soon takes over. What if they find out about my family? Who would want to talk to such a creepy woman who worried about her family situation in the first place?
“……Ah.”
And so the people who were happily chatting and laughing had long since left my reach before I realized it. In the end, I’m always alone.
“It seems that my mother is not feeling well lately.”
My life is usually filled with rest when I return home, but the days when I’m driven by anxiety come at irregular intervals. Recently, my mother’s health has become unstable. Sometimes she is extremely energetic, and other times she is so sick that she falls asleep. Every day must be a struggle for her.
—–
“I’m worried about you, Sis. Are you enjoying school?”
“I see.”
“You’re being a loner again, huh.”
“That goes for you too, Hisui.”
“………..Yeah.”
“What now? Did you make a friend by any chance?”
“Nothing to do with you, Sis.”
Is it a girl?
Hisui who exchanged my words casually, cleaned up the breakfast. It seems that Hisui has made a friend. Normally, I would have been happy about this, but in a double sense, I could not honestly rejoice in the fact that my brother had a friend. Looking back, I wonder if I was jealous. In a double sense.
“By the way, Sis, aren’t you up early today?”
“Committee meeting.”
“Oh, really, there’s such a stupid thing in high school?”
I belong to the environmental committee. As for the jobs, it’s easy, you just need to take turns with other class members to water and care for the flowerbeds several times a month. There was talk of me joining other volunteer activities, but apparently it was only brought up and I have never actually done any such activities. If I’m not mistaken, this may be the easiest committee at this high school.
“……”
I went to the edge of the schoolyard and watered the flowers with a funnel without feeling any particular emotion. It seems that if there are weeds, they will pull them out, but I’ve never done that kind of work before, probably because other people pull them out on a shift system. I think it is childish that I have to work on flower beds even after coming to high school.
Like that, I was about to finish watering as usual. I heard someone’s footsteps approaching from behind me. I instinctively stiffened and instantly turned around.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I startled you.”
There was a female student standing there. I could tell instantly by the color of her ribbon that she was in my grade, but since we were not classmates, I had no idea who she was.
(……Who is this person?)
I took a step back. Although I was born into a family of the “Yakuza,” this was the first moment I realized that in an emergency situation like this, my weakness of mind is brought into sharp relief. Even though I dealt with the gang members with dignity.
“Excuse me, I saw you watering the flowers, and I just had to take a look at them.”
Apparently, her goal was not to talk to me, but to look at the flowers I was taking care of. If that was the case, I should quickly put away the funnel and return to the classroom.
But it seems that she didn’t get that idea.
“Ah, I’m sorry. It’s proper etiquette to introduce yourself by your name, but I just couldn’t help myself.”
She seemed like a pain in the ass. That was my assessment of her at this point. Besides, if she introduced herself without my permission, I would have to communicate with her to introduce myself. The thought of such a thing made me feel as if I were going to vomit.
However, she was a little different from ordinary students.
“My name is Shinkai Sakura. If you don’t mind, may I ask your name?”
“Shinkai……Sakura.”
Even I, who have stopped communicating with my classmates, can recognize her, the person who is ranked first in her grade. I thought she was even more mysterious than I was.
“Oh, is everything all right?”
“……It’s nothing….”
It can’t be helped that it’s going to be an unnatural way of speaking. Because it’s been a long time since I had this conversation since the beginning of the school year.
“Well, your name is…….”
“……Yukihana Ruri.”
“I see, so you’re Yukihana san.”
Do you know me? I directed such a look at Shinkai san and she smiled gently.
“You are the one who always performs as well as me, aren’t you? I often see your name. I’ve always thought that you must be a girl who puts in tremendous effort.”
“……I-I see…is that so.”
“Fufu, it’s okay if you don’t use honorifics. This is just the way I speak, but I think Yukihana san would be more suited to a more informal tone of voice. Besides, we are in the same grade.”
“……E-erm.”
I stiffened unintentionally at her words. Friends? Eh, we’ve never spoken before, and we’re friends? The incomprehensible words came out of her mouth.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was indeed overly familiar. I’m sorry, I said some strange things”
“……Ah, no, it’s alright…..it’s okay.”
Shinkai san smiled when I corrected my way of speaking. I thought she was like the heroine of a romantic comedy you see in manga. If I had been a man, I might have been out at once. That much charm was emanating from her.
Then she naturally stood next to me, bent down, and began to look at the flowers.
“Well, is this a marigold? Oh, and over here is the thousand sunflowers. And this is……goldenseal, is it? What an interesting choice.”
“……Flowers, do you know a lot…about them?”
“Fufu, yes. I have an acquaintance who knows a lot about flowers, so I naturally acquired this knowledge.”
Shinkai san gazes at the flowers. When was the last time I stood next to someone other than my family and talked to them like this? Normally I would be intimidated, but for some reason, I felt natural at this moment, except for my tone of voice.
“Come to think of it, do you know? Yukihana san’s name is Ruri, and there is a flower called Rurisou (Lobelia).”
“R-rurisou?”
For a moment I got nervous, thinking she had called me by my first name, but apparently it was a completely different story. I mean, I don’t know the name of such a flower. I know that there is a gem called Lapis Lazuli, which means Ruri in japanese, but I have never looked up that one.
“It’s a beautiful blue flower. If I remember correctly, it means ‘I think’ in the language of flowers.”
“‘I think’?”
From the sound of it, it is similar to a statue’s name. While learning that such a thing exists, Shinkai san smiles many times.
Perhaps, just like this language of flowers, I also have a tendency to overthink things.
“Eh…..”
“You don;t have to be so nervous around me. Yukihana san, I’m sure you’re actually a brighter and kinder person, and I was thinking just now that I was talking to you.”
I might have felt ironic when she said something like that, but at least I didn’t feel that way, and it felt more comfortable in my heart than anything anyone else had ever said to me.
“Oh, before I knew it, time had passed.. I’m going to the classroom, but if you have any concerns, please feel free to talk to me. I’ll always be waiting for you.”
“Eh, ah…….”
“Yukihana san, please be careful not to be late.”
Saying that, she waved her hand and left. It’s like talking to a friend.
“…..Did I make a friend?”
I was alone at the edge of the empty schoolyard, muttering to myself. But sadly, I never had anything to do with her, who was in a different class, and time passed mercilessly.
–
