Volume 1 - CH 7.1

(…… where am I?)

I muttered to myself as I looked around at the scenery around me.

There are rare moments when I realize that I am dreaming of the scenery I am seeing, but I recognized this moment intuitively.

The room, which was white and had a lived-in feel to it, seemed to be a room in a hospital.

(…What? Is this a dream?)

I didn’t want to stay still, so I tried to get out of bed, but then I realized that my body was in a state where I could not move.

My arms were bandaged and my legs were hung so that they were immobilized. It felt as if my waist was also stiffened.

The dream was so realistic that I began to wonder if it was really a dream.

The external sensations in my body, of course, but also the reality of the experience made me feel as if I had experienced it myself.

(Aaaah, test…I can’t speak at all!)

Since I cannot move my mouth, I cannot speak, so I can only speak from my mind like this.

I can’t move my body and I can’t talk,…… but if I am dreaming, there must be a lot of dreams where I fly in the sky, use swords and magic, and beat my enemies to a pulp, but that’s not very thoughtful.

The door to the hospital room opened just as I was thinking about what I would do if I didn’t wake up.

“….Ah Towa!!”

It was Shu who entered.

He looked a little younger than he does now, but I couldn’t say anything, so I had to wait for him to say something.

Seeing me on the bed, Shu’s expression gradually became distorted and he began to cry, tears streaming down his face and snot dripping down his nose.

I’m sorry …… I’m sorry Towa! I……I was looking the other way, and Towa was!”

I was just looking on and didn’t understand why Shu was crying.

But for some reason, my heart is boiling hot with anger, and I feel that this anger is probably directed at Shu.

Of course, I didn’t know anything about this anger,……, but somehow it seemed to me that there was nothing wrong with having this anger.

“Don’t cry, Shu.”

My mouth moved of its own accord.

I was surprised at myself for suddenly speaking up, but I just told Shu the words that came out from inside me.

“That means this kind of thing can happen. Don’t worry too much, Shu, I’m really glad you’re okay.”

[….. why …… Why are you crying so much? I’m the one who wants to cry!?]

Apart from the words I uttered, my voice overlapped with his, as if in a double voice.

On the surface, I was concerned not to worry Shu, and yet secretly, my rage against him was in control.

This was definitely the anger held by Towa, which became one as if it assimilated with me.

(…… Aah, it’s this!)

Then I began to remember.

I remembered why I was on the hospital bed, why my body was in such a mess, and why I was so angry at Shu.

It’s simple —- I had an accident.

I was in a daze and ran out into the road, and I took his place in the accident.

“This is terrible. I can’t move my body properly. I don’t know how I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’m embarrassed to have the nurses take care of me.”

[Why …… Why this time of year! The tournament is around the corner …… I worked so hard to make my mom happy!!!]

Tournaments……Yes, there’s a soccer tournament coming up soon.

The whole club worked hard, practiced hard, and a lot of people cheered us on, and I’ve been trying my best to live up to that support!

My mom even took time off work to come cheer me on! Ayana said she would definitely come to support me too!!!!

(It’s disgusting… my emotions are mixed up…)

It was weird because I felt like me and Towa’s emotions were getting mixed up in a jumbled mess.

When I was unable to even utter that weak sound, and was still facing the two mixed emotions, a person who seemed to be the doctor entered the hospital room.

“…… Yukishiro-kun.”

The doctor looked as if he was having difficulty saying it, but began to speak slowly, as if he was firmly reminding me.

“Yukishiro-kun, let me be frank with you. The fractures in your limbs are serious, but above all, your back is far worse. It may be difficult for you to play soccer in the next tournament, and perhaps even to exercise for a year or so.”

The doctor’s words easily cut into my heart.

I was shocked as if I had been stabbed through the chest with a knife,……, but in order to keep my composure, I opened my mouth with a laugh.

“Of….course. It’s impossible for me in this state. …… hahaha, it can’t be helped”

[……]

I no longer hear the voice that is controlled by rage.

My mouth moves without my permission, words are spewed out without my permission, and tears do not flow even though my heart is a mess and I can’t do anything about it.

I don’t know if this is due to Towa’s own strength or because he is so shocked that he cannot accept the reality.

“Then I’ll leave you.”

“…. yes.”

The teacher then went to the door and was replaced by Ayana and Osamu’s mother, Hatsune-san, who came in.

“Is everything okay ……?”

Ayana’s eyes were bright red as she approached me at once and held my hand.

Seeing her like that made me cry so much, and I felt so sorry for having caused her unimaginable worry.

“I made you worry ……, didn’t I?”

“Of course you did! When I saw Towa-kun who collapsed and stopped moving, I …… uaaaahhhh!”

Ayana’s head, which had started to cry, was gently stroked with the one hand that was moving.

It was a little inappropriate, but I was happy to see her cry like this, and I tried to smile because I didn’t want Ayana to cry any more.

But then I heard Hatsune’s voice.

“Shu, stay outside with Ayana. I need to talk to him.”

At Hatsune’s words, Shu nodded his head and went outside, but Ayana didn’t move from her spot, as if she would never leave me.

Although she gave me a troubled look in response to Ayana, Hatsune-san immediately turned her reproachful eyes on me.

I know that Shu’s family, including Hatsune-san, and Ayana’s mother don’t think well of me because of my past history of taking Ayana around. …… So what will she say to me?

“What would you have done if either Shu or Ayana-chan had been injured? It’s a good thing it was only you who got hurt.”

“…… eh?”

“!?”

For a moment, I didn’t understand what she had said to me.

Ayana seemed to be in the same boat, raising her face from its prone position with a start and looking at Hatsune-san as if she were looking at something unbelievable.

I was stunned, but Hatsune continued to speak to me.

“Look, I don’t need you. Shu has Ayana, and Ayana has Shu. You are a foreigner, and you have come in, so you must have been punished.”

“Hatsune-san! What on earth are you saying!?”

As I listened to Ayana’s loud voice, I too wondered what in the world she was talking about.

I was only there with them as their friend,…… what in the world did I do?

“…… Oh, I see. I see.”

“Did I say anything?”

“No, nothing.”

I see, their world is complete on its own.

The world in which Shu and Ayana are united, that is the world these people want, and they will not tolerate any other …… ah kusu, for some reason that makes me laugh.

It would be a nearly impossible idea, at least in the world I lived in, but I guess it’s because of this world that there can be people with such broken personalities.

(…… I wonder what Towa thought about this.)

Unlike me, who can look at this situation objectively to some extent, even though I am linked to Towa’s emotions, I wonder how Towa felt when he received these words.

Did he resent it or simply give up?

After that, Hatsune-san seemed to have finished what she wanted to say and left the hospital room, leaving an air of inexpressibility between Ayana and me.

“I didn’t think she’d hate me that much.”

“Towa-kun,…….”

While I don’t think she needed to say so much, I understand the idea that Towa is like a pest that is destroying their box garden,…… although I never want to understand, I understand the idea that they have.

“……………”

I was downcast, but now my heart was supported by Ayana, who was right there by my side.

When I reached out to Ayana, she immediately wrapped her hands around me, and I was able to feel the warmth of her arms.

With this sense of security in my heart, I asked Ayana for a favor.

This is something I would never have said under normal circumstances, but now is the time to say it.

“…… can I have a hug? Is it okay if I cry?”

“……..I’m fine with it.””

I rested my face on Ayana’s chest.

The soft touch on my cheeks and the good scent make me feel at ease. …… Ayana’s warmth envelopes me as if to heal the wounds I had received in my heart.

“…… Kusu…… Kusu……!!!”

And I cried.

I couldn’t cry any more as I was held in Ayana’s arms, and she let me cry profusely, as if to say that I had let all my tears out.

The whole time I was crying out loud, Ayana never let go of me.

I didn’t know what Ayana looked like, but even so, I was truly saved by her presence.

“……?”

After a while, I finally calmed down and tried to move away from Ayana, but she wouldn’t let me go.

“Ayana?”

I called her name and heard the coldest voice I had ever heard.

This is ridiculous. Why should Towa-kun have to go through this? Why do you have to be talked down to like that?”

Ayana’s words did not stop and continued.

“Even though Towa-kun is the one suffering the most… I wish I could take your place if I could. Why did she say such terrible thing about you—-“

“…………….”

Ayana seems to have felt my indignation too.

I believe it is the utmost kindness one can have for others, to be able to grieve for others.

I would be just as angry at Ayana if something happened to her. …… However, it seems that Ayana’s anger has a slightly different meaning.

“Are those people …… huh? Are those people? Are those…… people like us? No, those things are not people. …… those things are …… those people are…”

Ayana kept mumbling in a voice that had lost its intonation.

I sensed a strange atmosphere from Ayana, and I moved away from her as if to put a little strength into my body.

Ayana was staring at me with her eyes rolled back, perhaps in a slight shock, and the atmosphere she had been in earlier was gone.

“……fuuu”

Although I missed the feeling of Ayana’s embrace, I lay down on the bed with my back to her, exhausted even though it was only a dream.

Ayana was very attentive to me as she laid me down on the bed.

“Aren’t you going home?”

“I’ll stay a little longer. I’m sure Mimi will be here in a little while.”

“I see. …… Mom is supposed to be at work.”

“Towa-kun was in an accident, so it’s only natural that she would come.”

“…….Right”

I wonder if my mom will cry too,……I’m sure she will.

I’ll have to comfort my mom somehow then, and it looks like I’ll have to do my best to do that.

“Towa-kun.”

“Yes?”

“I come every day to visit you. I don’t want you to feel lonely.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but I don’t want you to come every day. ……”

“No can do. I’ll definitely come every day.”

Ayana’s firm determination loosened my cheeks.

“Can I ask you for a favor, then? I want to talk to Ayana every day too.”

“Yes!”

She finally smiled at me.

The sad look on her face was gone, and the smile she had always shown me came back to life.

(……I remember this dream? Will I forget it when I wake up?)

I was worried about whether I would forget this dream, which definitely got to the heart of Towa, but somehow I felt it would be all right.

I would never forget this, I had no proof, but I was sure of it.

I had a dream in which I learned about Towa’s hidden past, and at the same time, it was a painful dream that tore my heart out of my body.

“…… Ayana, I will…”

I vowed more and more strongly to protect her …… and to protect her heart.