I wonder how long he’s been sitting on the floor next to my bed. I’m sure he hasn’t been watching me all night. I feel like I owe him a favor.
“Is it uncomfortable…?”
It would be nice to get back to bed and sleep comfortably …Not in the same bed, of course.
Anyway, if I pull my hand out like this, he’ll definitely wake up. So I left my hand in his grasp and turned my head slightly. My thirst was quickly forgotten when I saw his sleeping face.
It had been a long time since I’d seen Heo-sang sleeping face. It’s been quite a while, but his sleeping face is still the same as when he was a child. Even then, he used to hold my hand as tightly as he does now. Or more precisely, he wouldn’t sleep unless he was holding me.
The habit started the day after I jumped into the ocean. He said he couldn’t sleep because he was afraid of where I was going. Then, the first night he didn’t hold my hand, I ran away, leaving only a letter on his bedside table.
Maybe that’s why he’s anxious even now, afraid of where I’ll end up, resembling John.
Every time I look at you, the guilt grows, and every time you look at me, the hurt only deepens. This relationship, which is not good for anyone, should end here. That would be the ideal option, but reason had long since broken down.
‘Hyung. Why, did you leave me?’
Hearing his young voice scared me more than hearing my mom or dad’s voice. If Fenex had copied Heo-sang from the beginning, maybe I wouldn’t be here. I’d be wandering in a dream forever, just like that hunter.
“Stupid….”
He frowned as I muttered that, and I lifted my right hand to press lightly against his wrinkled brow, wondering if he was having a nightmare. Curiously, his expression relaxed. I should have pulled my hand away but seeing him so uncharacteristically defenseless was strangely encouraging.
Just a little. Just a little would be fine.
A trembling fingertip brushed against his jutting brow bone. Soft hair tickled the back of his hand. Soon it rested on the top of his closed eyes. Long, dark lashes fluttered greedily down his face and brushed against his slender cheeks. His fair skin looks even whiter against his dark hair. Beautiful. So much so that it’s etched in my mind.
Finally, as his index finger passed the line of his lips, he came to his senses. It was then that I withdrew my hand, deciding that enough was enough. Simeon grabs my hand as it moves away, then brings it back to his cheek and whispers in a hushed voice,
“You can touch me, as much as you want.”
He wasn’t sleeping. Startled, I jerked my hand away as if it were on fire.
“Oh, I thought you were having a nightmare.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
”…What? Since when?”
“The start.”
Ouch. I swallowed the swear word into my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut. Not wanting to lie down anymore, I raised my upper body and Simeon gently supported me. The pain in my thighs somehow seemed to worsen as I leaned against the head of the bed.
“How are you feeling?”
“My hands are fine, but my legs… They’re still a little sore.”
Not to be fooled, I stabbed myself mercilessly with the knife. I couldn’t move the way I wanted myself to because I’d cut my muscles. I had no one to blame but myself. I shrugged my shoulders as if it was no big deal, and Simeon let out a small sigh.
“Excuse me.”
Sitting on the bed, he slipped his hands behind my knees and bent my legs. Naturally, the hem of his pants rose, exposing his thighs. Despite the bandages, I felt like he could see my bare skin. Even though we’re the same sex, it’s embarrassing because this is a bed and the opponent is him.
Next thing I know, he’s gently wrapping his hands around the back of my thighs, one-handed. I had prided myself on my leg muscles from running errands, and it was a bit of a blow to my pride to be caught with only one hand. Whether he realized it or not, Simeon began to gently rub his thigh.
“Does it hurt?”
“…A little.”
He was quite skilled at loosening tight muscles. But his fingers seemed to dig deeper and deeper, until they reached his inner thigh. My shoulders slumped as I realized he was touching the deepest flesh I’d ever felt in my life.
He was just checking up on me, but I tensed up and stood on my toes.
”That….”
“I know it hurts, but hang in there, it’s good to let it out.”
It’s not that it hurts. No, it does hurt, but…!
It’s the fact that those long fingers are touching my leg, a hand I’ve always thought was beautiful. It’s too much stimulation, both visually and tactilely. I was so distracted by the hand stroking my leg that the pain took a backseat.
Suddenly, I realized that he was doing this on purpose. He’s the one who pretended to be asleep so he could see my reaction. I was about to tell him to stop playing games to his face when I realized I was speechless.
“…What was that? That look.”
His face was uncharacteristically somber.
“Are you worried about me?”
Simeon’s tone was deliberately light because he didn’t want to sound serious, but he was firm.
“Yes.”
Removing his hand from his thigh, he continued in a calm voice.
“I’ve never regretted my decisions, because I always choose the best-case scenario.”
The twitching of his brow spoke volumes about his complex feelings.
“It was the same when I sent guild members to the gate, I didn’t care about their opinions, I only sent those who would be useful to the mission, and when they came back wounded, I figured it was a part of being a hunter, and besides, once they’re healed, that was that.”
Simeon stared at the wound for a long moment, then frowned.
“But then I saw you, all mangled, and for the first time, I regretted it.”
Simeon had a pained expression on his face, as if he had been injured himself.
He seemed to feel guilty about my injury.
“Oh, it’s all right. It ended safely, so that’s enough.”
I smile at him, telling him not to worry about it, but his face grows darker.
“Four days.”
“…What?”
“It’s been four days since Shin Hajae-ssi woke up after coming out of the gate.”
Huh?
“I just realized that no amount of medicine or ability can wake someone who has fallen unconscious.”
My smile froze on my face.
I hadn’t realized how much time had passed; I thought it was half a day or a day at the most…. I’m sure it was more due to my mind being gnawed away by the Fenex than any blood loss or injury.
“I thought you’d never wake up again, I was afraid I’d driven you out on a limb.”
A self-help sneer crossed his lips.
“I’m sorry, this is my fault.”
“You don’t have to do that….”
“No. It’s made me realize a lot of things.”
His dark eyes were calmer and cooler than ever. It was like he was reviewing his loss in chess by himself.
“You see, it wasn’t my proper command that kept the guild members from dying, it was their capabilities. I’ve just been lucky so far.”
“…That.”
“Then the choices I’ve made so far have been both the best and the worst.”
“Simeon.”
“No, maybe not even the best.”
No matter how many times I call him, it’s no use. Finally, I cupped both his cheeks and forced him to look at me.
“Heosang-ssi.”
Simeon’s eyes widened at the mention of his name.
“Enough, just listen to me.”
His mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in surprise.
“I mean…”
I’ve just woken up and my head is spinning. To make matters worse, I’m not very good around words, and I’m not very good at consoling. Still, I knew what I wanted to say, so I took a deep breath and let it out.
“Honestly, at first, I resented you for asking me to do such a difficult job.”
Yeah. To be honest, if Simeon hadn’t taken me to the gate, I wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place. Between meeting the nun and entering the cathedral, I considered running away several times.
However, Simeon said at the moment before the summons. I was the best choice.
“But when I think about it, someone had to do it, and you’re right, it was the least risky option.”
That alone convinced me. So I did it with all my might.
“Okay? It was for the best, I just agreed to it, and I’m sure the rest of the guild knew that, and they’ve been following your lead all along, so don’t beat yourself up about it, it worked out fine.”
Leading this huge guild on your own must have been difficult in many ways. When a member of your guild gets hurt, you’re likely to put on an outwardly calm face, but inside you’re probably beating yourself up just like you just did. In order to make the best choice, the decision would have been made after calculating several times to reduce the damage.
I have no idea how heavy the burden of being a guild leader is, so I smiled gently and stroked his cheek, hoping to lighten the load a little.
“If this has taught you anything, then we can change things from now on.”
Simeon didn’t say anything, just stared at my face, and I don’t know how long that silence lasted before he dropped his head in disbelief. His shoulders began to shake slightly.
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