Chapter 98: Honey And Elixir II

「In other words, you're saying that the Gunmerrys’ elixirs don't actually replenish magic power, and their effect is to reverse the "time" of the body, which caused the misunderstanding that it restores magic power? Wow, I didn't know that. Thank you for that valuable information」

King Lutz smiled apologetically.

We were at the bar where we had agreed to meet.

The Gunmerrys were gorging themselves on meat and alcohol like before. My god had also joined in.

「I don't want your thanks! Is there any way to reverse the change?!」

Lanseal slammed her fist down on the table in anger. King Lutz let out a high-pitched shriek.

I feel bad for him, but it's a big problem if he isn't able to provide a solution.

As can be expected, I can't go back to the dungeon with a seven-year-old's body.

And the biggest problem is that all three elves said,

『It's just fifteen years or so, right?』

Well, that's an answer in keeping with the sensibilities of a long-lived race. For the time being, all three of them had headed off to the city or their hometowns to gather information. They didn't look very motivated though.

Lanseal is the only one……

『Souya, please call me Onee-chan. Oka-san or Oka-sama is also okay!』

……who worries deeply about me.

She does, right?

Even now, I'm being made to sit on her lap.

Before we had arrived in town, she only held my hand, but after I bumped into someone, she picked me up and carried me over-protectively in her arms.

It doesn't feel bad.

It's a situation where I can legally let an older woman spoil me.

It doesn't feel bad at all.

Oh, I want to go into the women's bath! I want to go into the women's bath with Rana and Lanseal! I want the two of them to wash me! From the front and from the back!

Guhehe.

No, just that alone isn't enough.

I want to ogle and lap up the bodies of all kinds of women! I can wear my glasses in and take all the voyeur photos I want! How great it is to have a child's body while still having an adult's mind!

Now that I've been transported to the alternate world and turned into a child, I can go into the women's baths with impunity!

…………Let's calm down.

Even my reason has fallen to the level of a child's.

「Um, King Lutz-san」

Lanseal's emotionally-charged approach will only frighten him and get us nowhere.

I'll have to talk to him calmly.

「Do the Gunmerrys make only one type of elixir?」

「Huh?………Oh!」

She must have thought of something.

「Now that you mention it, they occasionally~ make a different type of elixir. I've never seen them drink it before so I had forgotten about it」

「Where is that elixir?」

「It's probably somewhere in our room at the inn. It might take me a while to find it because it's so messy though」

「Then let's go. Now, right this minute!」

Lanseal rose to her feet with me in her arms.

「Oh, but I haven't eaten yet」

「Your meal or Souya's time. Which do you think is more important?」

「Eeek. It's Souya-san's time」

King Lutz cowered in fear.

It makes me wonder why this person is being called a king.

Lutz-san asked me in a frightened voice.

「Um, Souya-san, this terrifyingly beautiful beastkin maid, is she your……」

「I'm Souya's housekeeper. For now」

「It’s something like that」

She's not yet fully my mistress. In a lot of ways, it's only attempted.

With that, Lanseal finally lost her patience and started yelling.

「Before anything else, what is it with these slovenly creatures?」

The Gunmerrys and my god, who had gone, "Huh, am I included?", turned to her.

The horrible mess on the table defied description.

「What the hell did you say, you maid?! I'll squeeze your tits!」

One of the Gunmerrys confronted Lanseal with a menacing tone.

『We're gonna squeeze out fresh milk!』

The other ones followed suit and turned hostile.

Their words could also be seen as nothing more than sexual harassment.

In a flash, Lanseal decked one of the Gunmerrys with a punch.

「Get in line!」

Following that subsequent shout of anger, the Gunmerrys lined up on the table. For some reason, Misuranika-sama also lined up with them.

When I counted them………………I realized that there were eight of them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is bad, isn’t it?

「Adventurers are a rough crowd, but you lot are way outside the norm! Outrageous! You're worse than starving stray dogs!」

The Gunmerrys drooped their heads in unison.

「………We got scolded」

『Living is so painful. That's right, let's die』

In situations like this, Lanseal is strong. She doesn't sweat the small stuff, but when things get to be too much, she'll rage until the other party is overwhelmed.

She has made Maria cry a few times because of this. However, she isn't hated by her. In fact, Maria became more attached to her than before.

That's probably because she's a very loving person at her core.

「No dropping food! No eating with your hands! No throwing plates! Alcohol is not meant to be poured over heads! Before I talk about table manners, you lot need to learn how to behave like people!」

The Gunmerrys were all cowed by Lanseal's regal air.

This is the true majesty of someone of a true king's lineage. It makes me feel sorry for Lutz-san when I compare the two of them.

If she hadn't been carrying me, she would have appeared even more dignified though.

As could be expected, Misuranika-sama wasn't cowed. She was grooming herself.

「Who’s the one who taught you such barbaric behavior?」

In response to Lanseal's question……

「This one~」

『It's basically all the king's fault~』

……they sold out their king in unison.

They had not one shred of loyalty.

「You wench」

「Eeeeekkk!」

Lutz-san shriveled up so much that he seemed to be about to disappear.

It feels like he's one breath away from soiling his pants.

「Raise them properly! They're your children, aren't they?!」

「That's not true! I………………I haven't even kissed anyone yet. Once things settle down, I'm planning on getting a boyfriend」

What?

「Sorry. Can I ask a question?」

I raised my hand and asked Lutz-san a question.

「Err, Lutz-san, are you a woman?」

「Huh, I'm a woman, yes?」

Lutz-san gave me a look like she was saying, "Isn't it obvious?"

No, well, now that I take a closer look, though she's flat-chested and could use some cleaning up, I certainly do think that she has rather lovely features.

『Team member Souya, as Yukikaze thought, you didn't notice, did you?』

「I hadn't noticed, indeed」

『You've still got a long way to go』

「Yes」

I tapped Yukikaze's pod lightly……

……with my pathetically small hand.

「Huh? The lantern is talking? Is it a magic item?」

「I want it~」

『Acquire! Collect! Seize~!』

The Gunmerrys surged towards Yukikaze. I desperately resisted as they tried to snatch her away. My pants got pulled down.

Lanseal scattered the little ones with a kick. For some reason, they seemed happy as they were sent flying.

「You wench, you're called Lutz, right? They're causing trouble for others! You have to scold them properly!」

「I, I'm, I'm sorry. But I don't like scolding others. Besides, if the Gunmerrys leave me, I'll die a miserable death in the alternate world」

「First, you have to follow your own righteousness! These children are being raised all wrong because you don't take a firm stand on what's right and wrong! Interpersonal relationships are a clash of what each party believes is right. There are times when that results in both sides making concessions, sharing their values, or even killing each other. It is when people are able to forgive each other after such clashes that they develop feelings for each other. The first step is to hammer what you think is right into your children!

You think that just standing there silently will foster relationships between people and that it will turn things around. I'm putting my own righteousness on the line to tell you that you're wrong!」

In some instances, this argument is absolute nonsense, but if she's not wrong, she'll likely raise good kids even if she imposes her beliefs on them.

But the Gunmerrys aren't children.

They’re evil spirits.

But today's Lanseal sure is passionate. I wonder what happened?

「Oh! But, but, you see, umm, what if what I think is right is wrong to begin with?」

「At that time, you should apologize. You should beg for forgiveness. If the other party doesn't forgive you, then you should give up. It was not meant to be. If you are forgiven, then try your hardest not to be wrong next time. That's all there is to it」

「Un, understood. But, um, well, I don't know if I can do it……」

Lutz-san shriveled even smaller.

「Me and Souya started out trying to kill each other. It was so intense and passionate, and until I lost consciousness, he kept shooting shot after shot into me」

Arrows, she’s talking about arrows, alright?

「Eh, wow」

Lutz-san’s cheeks were a little flushed.

Another misunderstanding about me had been born.

「Now, Lutz, you should start right away. I'll pick up after you」

「Eep」

Urged on by Lanseal, Lutz-san turned to face the Gunmerrys.

「Li, listen to what I say~!」

「Tch, shut the hell up」

『Oh, we've reflected on it. Yeah, right~』

The Gunmerrys were completely looking down on her. This was probably these guys' true nature.

「Uu,uuu」

Lutz-san started trembling violently.

Perhaps she was a little panicked, but she grabbed an elixir from her coat and hurled it at one of the Gunmerrys.

With a loud crash, it shattered and the medicinal solution drenched its helmet.

「GYAAaaaa!」

『KYAAaaaa!』

「UWAAaaaa!」

The Gunmerry that had been doused with the elixir clawed at its helmet as it tumbled over and thrashed about on the ground.

Seeing that, the other Gunmerrys and Misuranika-sama started screaming.

It seems that it’s super effective.

「G, go, go back to the inn right now! A, an, and clean up the room!」

She grabbed another bottle of the elixir and brandished it in the air.

「Hyaaa!」

『Kyaaa!』

「What are you going to do? I'll throw it! It's sour and bitter, you know?!」

「I will obey~! Not that, my lord~![1] Please spare us that~!」

『What about this rice? Please, spare us this rice~!』

When the one who had been doused in the elixir did a Dogeza, the other eight followed suit. There were nine of them in total.

Hey, they've increased in number again!

「Then you know what to do, right? Right?!」

It might be because I had become more conscious of her as a woman, but Lutz-san looked kind of cute at that moment.

「I'll go back and clean, even as I vomit blood」

『We'll clean even if our limbs fall off』

What kind of cleaning are you guys going to do?

「Tidy everything up properly. Throw away the unnecessary things. Got it?!」

Maybe Lutz-san was getting into it, but she was puffing out her chest.

「It's time to declutter~」「Minimalist living~」「The Pol Pot[2] of the alternate world~」「We won't desire for things. With this, we'll win![3]」「Tighten the strings of your helmet after winning(don't let your guard down even after a victory)」「If we tighten the helmet strings, our insides will burst out~」「What do you mean, our insides~?」「No~ idea」「Those who found out have disappeared」「………Fufu」

Each and every one of the Gunmerrys offered up complaints.

They started talking about pretty strange things midway through though.

Also, they've been saying things that are curiously similar to phrases from the modern world, but were those translation errors by Babel, I wonder?

Or could it be that they possess modern knowledge or something? These fairytale-like mysterious creatures? Yeah, right.

「Everyone~, form a line!」

Fweet, fweet, went Lutz-san as she blew the whistle in her mouth.

Even though she was cowering earlier, she's in high spirits now.

「March straight to the inn! Don't get out of line! You alternate world worms!」

『Yes, King Lutz-sama!』

The Gunmerrys extended their hands diagonally upwards into a radical salute.

Fweet, fweet, went Lutz-san as she led the way. The little ones followed behind her. At the end of the line was a cat.

When we also tried to leave……

「Excuse me, dear customer. That'll be one gold coin for the food those people who just left ate-nya」

……I was forced to pay for their meal.

[1] What I’ve translated as my lord here is お代官様(O-Dai-Kan-Sama), and it’s how one would address a prefectural governor/magistrate in the Edo period. It’s also used sarcastically sometimes to refer to bosses and superiors who are irrational and too demanding.

[2] Pol Pot was a political leader whose communist Khmer Rouge government led Cambodia from 1975 to 1979. During that time, an estimated 1.5 to 2 million Cambodians died of starvation, execution, disease, or overwork. Some historians regard the Pol Pot regime as one of the most barbaric and murderous in recent history.

[3] This is most likely a reference to the wartime slogan “We won't desire for things until we win”. This slogan is said to have been made by a girl in the fifth grade, but that’s also said to be an unspeakable “lie.” Here’s a picture of the slogan(courtesy of https://withnews.jp):

I won’t go into the story behind it as it’ll get fairly long. But I’m sure you can surmise that it isn’t a good story.

Yeah, King Lutz is a girl. If you go back and check, you’ll realize that no one other than Souya had referred to her using gendered pronouns at all, which is in keeping with the original, until Lanseal calls her “wench”, the first time a gendered pronoun was used by anyone other than Souya. And even then, he hadn’t actually called her a “he” out loud, they’ve all been inside his thoughts only. Why do Japanese authors love doing this gag so much, I wonder…

As for the arrows gag, either you get it or you don’t, it’s too nsfw for me to explain...but yeah, I struggled a bit translating the joke so that it would fit...the original is much better at causing the misunderstanding, but English is just too darn specific…

Frankly, at this point, I don’t even know if I should be hinting and keeping things spoiler-free as I’m pretty sure everyone can clearly tell that the author is continuously dropping hints about Lutz-Ou and the Gunmerrys… But I’ll continue being vague…especially since there are certain discrepancies hidden in that deluge of hints...you know what they say about the forest being the best place to hide a tree...

Though I wonder why Misuranika-sama is always joining in with the Gunmerrys’ antics…

Anyway, long double chapter next time to wrap up this arc. Stay tuned!