CH 11.1
Broken Sweet Dreams (part 1)
Chu Yan didn't know where he was.
He seemed to be overturned by a huge wave on the cold seabed of the past, sinking and sinking, unable to breathe or make a sound.
He seemed to be able to feel the moonlight shining in front of his eyes, as well as the petals of pear blossoms rustling in front of him. But his eyes were blurry. His qi and blood were retrograding, and his lungs were churned into a ball. In this pain, his mind, which had been chaotic for several years, seemed to suddenly clear up. Many vague memories popped up, and in succession, the chaos never stopped.
...Sometimes he would feel that in his previous life, he seemed to want to redeem something.
In the third year after he met Bai Hua, his relationship with Mo Ren had obviously turned cold, but he himself had always had a strange stubbornness. He'd rather keep this person by his side every day and be angry with him, than let him go.
Hence the entangled, and the several tortures for four years. Until Mo Ren tried to assassinate Bai Hua, he abolished his dantian with his own hands in a rage, but spared his life.
After banishing him to the Side Hall, he went to see Mo Ren, and every time, they’d part in discord.
He finally chose to neither listen nor ask.
In this way.....it was another three years.
Afterwards, Bai Hua also emphasized several times, perhaps to seem unintentional, or that he used other people's mouths, to imply that he should completely get rid of Mo Ren to avoid future troubles.
This was reasonable, a subordinate who blatantly disobeyed the master's order and assassinated the mistress was just another useless person who had lost all his martial arts, what's the use of keeping it?
But he didn't answer, obviously he had lost himself because of his affection for Bai Hua, but he still didn't nod that last nod.
This was the only matter that became the only thing that he never let go of in front of Bai Hua until his death.
Therefore, until the corpse of Mo Ren in his previous life was in front of him, he still felt that he was "extremely benevolent and righteous".
——But how ridiculous it is just thinking about it. If he is really benevolent to Mo Ren, where do the countless scars on that pale and thin corpse come from!?
——What Qiu Jin said in the previous life, all kinds of humiliation and torture, all kinds of pain and misery, where did it come from!?
It wasn't until this moment that he suddenly woke up.
——All of these come from his own stupidity.
Chu Yan seemed to see the black sword’s ray of that year and that month, filled with blood mist, with both eyes that were blindfolded.
It was he who used the long sword bestowed to Mo Ren back then, to stab the guard's lower abdomen forcefully, and ruthlessly stirred with violent internal force that he poured in. Flesh and blood were indistinct, and the dantian was completely destroyed.
And Mo Ren just stared at him stunned...blankly…..looking at him without any resistance. It was just that before he passed out from the pain, in his hazy consciousness, he called out "Master" in a broken voice.
At this moment, those dazed eyes seemed to be still looking at him, and the soft voice that called “Master” seemed to be still echoing in his ears.
That call broke Chu Yan’s heart, he was overwhelmed with grief.
Back then, how could he do it......
How could…..he do it...
He saw again, the Mid-Autumn Festival jade plate of that year and that month.
It was a festive season when he first came to the Side Hall to meet Mo Ren. The man took a long time to arrive, and he couldn't even kneel down in front of him. Bai Hua smiled and wanted to reward him with a box of mooncakes, but Mo Ren was unable to hold it, and the mooncakes in the box fell to the ground.
He became angry, and indignantly denounced Mo Ren for deliberately bullying Bai Hua and trampling on Bai Hua's sincerity.
——But thinking about it now, how could it be deliberate? With Mo Ren's temperament, how could he deliberately do such a childish act out of anger!?
Someone had obviously broken the veins of his hands and feet, making him hardly wish to live!!
How could he not find out...
If he had just found even a little bit of abnormality—the most obvious abnormality that was clearly in front of his eyes—would the ending be different?
He saw the red silk wedding banquet, and he saw the mountains covered by heavy snow.
He didn't want Mo Ren to die.
At a rough estimate, it had already been ten years since Bai Hua conspired to get close to him. In the whole ten years, he never had the slightest thought of sentencing Mo Ren death–
However, he should have known that no one would survive under the severe punishment for betraying the Master, thus how could he lightly issue that order?
At the last glance, he saw that Mo Ren was on the torture rack, his blood was dripping down, dying the the white jade steps with a miserable red.
That person had clearly......already......he didn't even have the strength to speak….it was clear that......he didn’t even have the energy to look up at him one last time......
He should have known the fate of a patient who was seriously injured, suffering blood loss and had no internal strength to protect his body, just being thrown in the snow—as long as he was human, he should have known!!
But why did he have to casually open his mouth...?
"This Master is also fed up."
"Throw it out.
Why....
"Ah!!" Chu Yan's expression twisted in pain. The internal force in his meridians were retrograding, which was already a sign of being possessed by a demon, but he still didn't realize the danger.
He let out a low growl, his eyes turned red, then he punched a thick old tree.
In the deserted forest shrouded in moonlight, there was a muffled thud. The torso of the pear tree exploded, and pieces of sawdust flew in front of Chu Yan's eyes.
Then the pear flowers of the tree poured down.
Chu Yan was lost in thought, and his eyes were in a trance. Suddenly, he remembered the last moment in his previous life, the snow that he didn't have time to wait for.
Ah Ren's death, how cold it should have been, how painful it should have been.
Why can I be numb to this point?
Obviously it shouldn't be like this...
Farther back in time, getting rid of those haze, and looking at the bright old days, it was clear that he had loved his little guard so sincerely.
Since rebirth and returning, whenever he was tortured by guilt, how much Chu Yan hoped to make it up, how much he hoped that they could reconcile as before. Mo Ren was afraid of him, avoided him, and didn't dare to trust him. But it didn't matter, he could be patient and coax him slowly, and treat Ah Ren well for a long time.
Chu Yan didn't know where he was.
He seemed to be overturned by a huge wave on the cold seabed of the past, sinking and sinking, unable to breathe or make a sound.
He seemed to be able to feel the moonlight shining in front of his eyes, as well as the petals of pear blossoms rustling in front of him. But his eyes were blurry. His qi and blood were retrograding, and his lungs were churned into a ball. In this pain, his mind, which had been chaotic for several years, seemed to suddenly clear up. Many vague memories popped up, and in succession, the chaos never stopped.
...Sometimes he would feel that in his previous life, he seemed to want to redeem something.
In the third year after he met Bai Hua, his relationship with Mo Ren had obviously turned cold, but he himself had always had a strange stubbornness. He'd rather keep this person by his side every day and be angry with him, than let him go.
Hence the entangled, and the several tortures for four years. Until Mo Ren tried to assassinate Bai Hua, he abolished his dantian with his own hands in a rage, but spared his life.
After banishing him to the Side Hall, he went to see Mo Ren, and every time, they’d part in discord.
He finally chose to neither listen nor ask.
In this way.....it was another three years.
Afterwards, Bai Hua also emphasized several times, perhaps to seem unintentional, or that he used other people's mouths, to imply that he should completely get rid of Mo Ren to avoid future troubles.
This was reasonable, a subordinate who blatantly disobeyed the master's order and assassinated the mistress was just another useless person who had lost all his martial arts, what's the use of keeping it?
But he didn't answer, obviously he had lost himself because of his affection for Bai Hua, but he still didn't nod that last nod.
This was the only matter that became the only thing that he never let go of in front of Bai Hua until his death.
Therefore, until the corpse of Mo Ren in his previous life was in front of him, he still felt that he was "extremely benevolent and righteous".
——But how ridiculous it is just thinking about it. If he is really benevolent to Mo Ren, where do the countless scars on that pale and thin corpse come from!?
——What Qiu Jin said in the previous life, all kinds of humiliation and torture, all kinds of pain and misery, where did it come from!?
It wasn't until this moment that he suddenly woke up.
——All of these come from his own stupidity.
Chu Yan seemed to see the black sword’s ray of that year and that month, filled with blood mist, with both eyes that were blindfolded.
It was he who used the long sword bestowed to Mo Ren back then, to stab the guard's lower abdomen forcefully, and ruthlessly stirred with violent internal force that he poured in. Flesh and blood were indistinct, and the dantian was completely destroyed.
And Mo Ren just stared at him stunned...blankly…..looking at him without any resistance. It was just that before he passed out from the pain, in his hazy consciousness, he called out "Master" in a broken voice.
At this moment, those dazed eyes seemed to be still looking at him, and the soft voice that called “Master” seemed to be still echoing in his ears.
That call broke Chu Yan’s heart, he was overwhelmed with grief.
Back then, how could he do it......
How could…..he do it...
He saw again, the Mid-Autumn Festival jade plate of that year and that month.
It was a festive season when he first came to the Side Hall to meet Mo Ren. The man took a long time to arrive, and he couldn't even kneel down in front of him. Bai Hua smiled and wanted to reward him with a box of mooncakes, but Mo Ren was unable to hold it, and the mooncakes in the box fell to the ground.
He became angry, and indignantly denounced Mo Ren for deliberately bullying Bai Hua and trampling on Bai Hua's sincerity.
——But thinking about it now, how could it be deliberate? With Mo Ren's temperament, how could he deliberately do such a childish act out of anger!?
Someone had obviously broken the veins of his hands and feet, making him hardly wish to live!!
How could he not find out...
If he had just found even a little bit of abnormality—the most obvious abnormality that was clearly in front of his eyes—would the ending be different?
He saw the red silk wedding banquet, and he saw the mountains covered by heavy snow.
He didn't want Mo Ren to die.
At a rough estimate, it had already been ten years since Bai Hua conspired to get close to him. In the whole ten years, he never had the slightest thought of sentencing Mo Ren death–
However, he should have known that no one would survive under the severe punishment for betraying the Master, thus how could he lightly issue that order?
At the last glance, he saw that Mo Ren was on the torture rack, his blood was dripping down, dying the the white jade steps with a miserable red.
That person had clearly......already......he didn't even have the strength to speak….it was clear that......he didn’t even have the energy to look up at him one last time......
He should have known the fate of a patient who was seriously injured, suffering blood loss and had no internal strength to protect his body, just being thrown in the snow—as long as he was human, he should have known!!
But why did he have to casually open his mouth...?
"This Master is also fed up."
"Throw it out.
Why....
"Ah!!" Chu Yan's expression twisted in pain. The internal force in his meridians were retrograding, which was already a sign of being possessed by a demon, but he still didn't realize the danger.
He let out a low growl, his eyes turned red, then he punched a thick old tree.
In the deserted forest shrouded in moonlight, there was a muffled thud. The torso of the pear tree exploded, and pieces of sawdust flew in front of Chu Yan's eyes.
Then the pear flowers of the tree poured down.
Chu Yan was lost in thought, and his eyes were in a trance. Suddenly, he remembered the last moment in his previous life, the snow that he didn't have time to wait for.
Ah Ren's death, how cold it should have been, how painful it should have been.
Why can I be numb to this point?
Obviously it shouldn't be like this...
Farther back in time, getting rid of those haze, and looking at the bright old days, it was clear that he had loved his little guard so sincerely.
Since rebirth and returning, whenever he was tortured by guilt, how much Chu Yan hoped to make it up, how much he hoped that they could reconcile as before. Mo Ren was afraid of him, avoided him, and didn't dare to trust him. But it didn't matter, he could be patient and coax him slowly, and treat Ah Ren well for a long time.
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