Chapter 229
229 Fear
“Yeah yeah, make fun of me all you want.”
“I’m not making fun of you though!”
“Is that so?”
Kairen sat down on the chair in front of Reyan.
“Is everything alright?”
He asked as he examined Reyan’s face.
“Are you the one asking that question from me?”
Kairen tilted his head.
“Why not?”
.....
“....”
Reyan shook his head and sighed.
“I heard you wanted to change your house?”
“...Where did you hear that from?”
Reyan looked away from Kairen and stared at someone’s back. Kairen also turned to look at the person whom Reyan was staring at.
Sensing their gazes on her back, Serria turned around and looked at the two with a puzzled face.
‘Really, she went and told him? Why?’
Kairen shrugged his shoulders.
“Well, yes. I want to move out of Kain’s house.”
“Why?”
Kairen looked up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact.
“I just want to move out, there is not a particular reason.”
“....”
He didn’t look back at Reyan’s disappointed face.
“Do you have enough money to buy a house?”
“No.”
Kairen just answered honestly.
“What the hell?! Then how are you going to buy a house?”
“Who said I will buy a house? What’s wrong with renting a small place and living there?”
Reyan once again sighed and shook his head.
“If you want to, I can lend you some money-”
“No.”
Kairen got up from his seat.
“But I could really lend you-”
“Is team leader Dains in his room?”
“Uh? Yes, he is... But wait-”
“See you later.”
“Wait up!”
Kairen left Reyan and walked to the team leader’s office. He didn’t want to continue the conversation so he just ran away.
Knock Knock
“Come in.”
Kairen opened the door and entered the office.
“Good morning, sir.”
“Yes, good morning.”
Kairen closed the door and stood beside the closed door.
“Come sit.”
Team leader Dains pointed at a seat beside his desk while glancing at Kairen with a puzzled face as if thinking that what this boy wanted to tell him that he had come to his office like this.
“No, it’s fine.”
Kairen shook his head.
“I just wanted to ask you for something.”
“...”
The team leader put his pen down on the desk.
“I’m listening.”
“Ah, no! It’s nothing much!”
Kairen waved his hands in the air as he smiled.
“I just wanted you to give me a permit to meet the commander.”
He said that and lowered his hands, staring at the team leader with anticipation.
“....”
The man blinked several times.
“Meet the commander?”
He was clearly dumbfounded.
“And you say it’s nothing much?”
He mumbled that last sentence to himself in a low voice so that Kairen wouldn’t hear it out.
“Why do you want to meet the commander all of a sudden?”
Kairen avoided the team leader’s gaze.
“There is something that I need to tell him.”
“Something that you need to tell the commander?”
“Yes, sir.”
“....”
The team leader examined his subordinate’s face, still having a puzzled expression before suddenly frowning.
“Kairen!”
Kairen flinched from the man’s sudden serious voice.
“Yes, sir?”
He gulped as he looked at the team leader’s scary face.
“Don’t do anything stupid.”
“....”
“I know you are angry and you have the right to be, but you shouldn’t make decisions based on anger.”
“....”
“Whatever you want to do, you have to think through it completely first. Don’t do anything that might hurt you. Don’t put yourself in danger because of your emotions. I am sorry about what happened to your brother and his wife, but you shouldn’t make any dangerous decision because of what happened to them.”
“....”
Kairen couldn’t help but smile at the team leader who always worried about him as if he was Kairen’s father or something.
“I won’t.”
.....
He shook his head from side to side.
“I’ve not made any dangerous decisions because of my anger, sir. And thank you for your concern.”
“....”
The team leader raised one eyebrow. Once again, he examined Kairen from head to toe.
“I guess they were right.”
Team leader Dains lowered his head. Taking out a piece of paper from the drawer, he started to write down something on it.
“Pardon?”
“Those kids talk all day about how you are different these days...”
“....”
He moved his pen and signed the paper. The team leader then held the paper towards Kairen.
“Here. The permit.”
Kairen took the paper and read its contents. There were a few simple sentences in handwriting and then a signature below.
“Thank you, sir.”
He thanked the team leader and turned around to leave.
“Don’t forget my words.”
Before he left the office, he heard the team leader’s voice again.
“Don’t do anything rash. Don’t act out of anger.”
“Yes, sir.”
Kairen gave the team leader a smile, put the paper inside his pocket, and then left the office.
‘Hmm? I act differently?’
He had been hearing the same thing since he came back to work a few days ago, but he didn’t understand why people thought that way.
‘Wasn’t I always like this?’
He walked towards the desk Reyan was sitting at.
“Hey, Reyan!”
Kairen sat down on the chair in front of Reyan once again.
“Have I changed?”
“....”
Kairen pointed at his face with a finger.
“Do I act differently?”
“....”
Reyan had a blank face.
“Huh? What all of a sudden-”
He opened and closed his sleepy puffy eyes.
“I mean, yes.”
Reyan nodded his head.
“....”
Kairen lowered his hand.
“Ah, no!”
Reyan then shook his head.
“Yes, or no? Decide already!”
Kairen folded his arms and leaned back on the chair.
“Weellll...”
Reyan was contemplating the question deeply and thoroughly.
“It’s not like you’ve suddenly changed to another person... But you’ve been acting differently since a while ago. Since about... a few months ago?”
Reyan nodded his head and his own words.
“But it wasn’t like you’ve changed, it was like you were going back to the person you were before you lost your memories...”
“I see...”
Kairen nodded his head under the strange glare Reyan was sending at him.
People kept telling him that he was different, but he didn’t feel different at all. It was the way he had always been. Even before coming to this world, he was this way.
Thinking about it now, his actions and behavior after he came into this world seemed to be strange. He was not truly how he remembered himself to be.
Not just the memories of Kairen 1, in his own memories of living on Earth, he didn’t remember a time when he was that timid and weak.
Thinking back about that time now, he could tell that he was really scared. Even after living in this world for months, he was still scared. He didn’t feel that he belonged to this place, and at the same time saw the people here as his friends and family. He felt scared to get close to them and felt even more scared when he was alone. He was afraid that if he thought about this place as a home and its people as his friends and family, he wouldn’t be able to go back to his own house and family, and was also scared that he would be rejected by these people if he acted out of line and tried to get close to them and act as he did before he lost his memories.
So he did his best to keep a distance while still maintaining a relationship with them.
The example was Reyan and Serria, his two friends whom he avoided most of the time and only met every now and then.
He was also not sure if he could make choices for someone else’s life and do what he pleased in Kairen 1’s stead. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. He only did what the others asked him to do out of the same fear while telling himself that he was deciding things for himself.
“Haaah!”
Kairen sighed.
‘Anyway, I don’t care anymore.’
Maybe it was because he has gotten back his memories, but this world didn’t seem that alien, and the people weren’t that much of strangers anymore.
Also, there might be another reason.
His brother whom he missed so much and was trying to go back to. He too was in this world.
Then, doesn’t that make this world his home as well?
‘Well, if I can find that bastard, that is.’
That soil dude had been nowhere to be found since the incident. Not even a small trace of him was found.
“It even feels that you have never lost your memories, or have gotten them back...”
Kairen snapped out of his thoughts and looked back to Reyan.
“Hmm, right.”
He casually gave him an answer and went back to staring at the air.
“Huh?”
However, Reyan instead, stared at him more intensely.
“You’ve got them back?”
Kairen answered while still staring at the air.
“Huh? Yes.”
“WHAT???”
CREACK
Reyan jumped up from his seat, the seat fell down to the ground behind him and made a loud noise.
“You’ve got them back? Really? You are not joking? When? How? Where? All of them?”
“....”
Everyone in the hall was staring at them.
“Umm... yes. A few weeks ago.”
SLAM
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Why would I-”
SLAM SLAM
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?! That you’d get them back?”
“....”
“And you didn’t even tell me!”
SLAM SLAM SLAM
“No wonder you looked less stupid! No! You are still stupid! You didn’t tell me such a thing!”
“....”
Reyan, slamming the table like a little kid, was glaring at him with teary eyes. No, the tears were from anger, Kairen was sure of it.
Now that he thought about it, maybe it would be better to keep avoiding his friends for a while longer.
“Yeah yeah, make fun of me all you want.”
“I’m not making fun of you though!”
“Is that so?”
Kairen sat down on the chair in front of Reyan.
“Is everything alright?”
He asked as he examined Reyan’s face.
“Are you the one asking that question from me?”
Kairen tilted his head.
“Why not?”
.....
“....”
Reyan shook his head and sighed.
“I heard you wanted to change your house?”
“...Where did you hear that from?”
Reyan looked away from Kairen and stared at someone’s back. Kairen also turned to look at the person whom Reyan was staring at.
Sensing their gazes on her back, Serria turned around and looked at the two with a puzzled face.
‘Really, she went and told him? Why?’
Kairen shrugged his shoulders.
“Well, yes. I want to move out of Kain’s house.”
“Why?”
Kairen looked up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact.
“I just want to move out, there is not a particular reason.”
“....”
He didn’t look back at Reyan’s disappointed face.
“Do you have enough money to buy a house?”
“No.”
Kairen just answered honestly.
“What the hell?! Then how are you going to buy a house?”
“Who said I will buy a house? What’s wrong with renting a small place and living there?”
Reyan once again sighed and shook his head.
“If you want to, I can lend you some money-”
“No.”
Kairen got up from his seat.
“But I could really lend you-”
“Is team leader Dains in his room?”
“Uh? Yes, he is... But wait-”
“See you later.”
“Wait up!”
Kairen left Reyan and walked to the team leader’s office. He didn’t want to continue the conversation so he just ran away.
Knock Knock
“Come in.”
Kairen opened the door and entered the office.
“Good morning, sir.”
“Yes, good morning.”
Kairen closed the door and stood beside the closed door.
“Come sit.”
Team leader Dains pointed at a seat beside his desk while glancing at Kairen with a puzzled face as if thinking that what this boy wanted to tell him that he had come to his office like this.
“No, it’s fine.”
Kairen shook his head.
“I just wanted to ask you for something.”
“...”
The team leader put his pen down on the desk.
“I’m listening.”
“Ah, no! It’s nothing much!”
Kairen waved his hands in the air as he smiled.
“I just wanted you to give me a permit to meet the commander.”
He said that and lowered his hands, staring at the team leader with anticipation.
“....”
The man blinked several times.
“Meet the commander?”
He was clearly dumbfounded.
“And you say it’s nothing much?”
He mumbled that last sentence to himself in a low voice so that Kairen wouldn’t hear it out.
“Why do you want to meet the commander all of a sudden?”
Kairen avoided the team leader’s gaze.
“There is something that I need to tell him.”
“Something that you need to tell the commander?”
“Yes, sir.”
“....”
The team leader examined his subordinate’s face, still having a puzzled expression before suddenly frowning.
“Kairen!”
Kairen flinched from the man’s sudden serious voice.
“Yes, sir?”
He gulped as he looked at the team leader’s scary face.
“Don’t do anything stupid.”
“....”
“I know you are angry and you have the right to be, but you shouldn’t make decisions based on anger.”
“....”
“Whatever you want to do, you have to think through it completely first. Don’t do anything that might hurt you. Don’t put yourself in danger because of your emotions. I am sorry about what happened to your brother and his wife, but you shouldn’t make any dangerous decision because of what happened to them.”
“....”
Kairen couldn’t help but smile at the team leader who always worried about him as if he was Kairen’s father or something.
“I won’t.”
.....
He shook his head from side to side.
“I’ve not made any dangerous decisions because of my anger, sir. And thank you for your concern.”
“....”
The team leader raised one eyebrow. Once again, he examined Kairen from head to toe.
“I guess they were right.”
Team leader Dains lowered his head. Taking out a piece of paper from the drawer, he started to write down something on it.
“Pardon?”
“Those kids talk all day about how you are different these days...”
“....”
He moved his pen and signed the paper. The team leader then held the paper towards Kairen.
“Here. The permit.”
Kairen took the paper and read its contents. There were a few simple sentences in handwriting and then a signature below.
“Thank you, sir.”
He thanked the team leader and turned around to leave.
“Don’t forget my words.”
Before he left the office, he heard the team leader’s voice again.
“Don’t do anything rash. Don’t act out of anger.”
“Yes, sir.”
Kairen gave the team leader a smile, put the paper inside his pocket, and then left the office.
‘Hmm? I act differently?’
He had been hearing the same thing since he came back to work a few days ago, but he didn’t understand why people thought that way.
‘Wasn’t I always like this?’
He walked towards the desk Reyan was sitting at.
“Hey, Reyan!”
Kairen sat down on the chair in front of Reyan once again.
“Have I changed?”
“....”
Kairen pointed at his face with a finger.
“Do I act differently?”
“....”
Reyan had a blank face.
“Huh? What all of a sudden-”
He opened and closed his sleepy puffy eyes.
“I mean, yes.”
Reyan nodded his head.
“....”
Kairen lowered his hand.
“Ah, no!”
Reyan then shook his head.
“Yes, or no? Decide already!”
Kairen folded his arms and leaned back on the chair.
“Weellll...”
Reyan was contemplating the question deeply and thoroughly.
“It’s not like you’ve suddenly changed to another person... But you’ve been acting differently since a while ago. Since about... a few months ago?”
Reyan nodded his head and his own words.
“But it wasn’t like you’ve changed, it was like you were going back to the person you were before you lost your memories...”
“I see...”
Kairen nodded his head under the strange glare Reyan was sending at him.
People kept telling him that he was different, but he didn’t feel different at all. It was the way he had always been. Even before coming to this world, he was this way.
Thinking about it now, his actions and behavior after he came into this world seemed to be strange. He was not truly how he remembered himself to be.
Not just the memories of Kairen 1, in his own memories of living on Earth, he didn’t remember a time when he was that timid and weak.
Thinking back about that time now, he could tell that he was really scared. Even after living in this world for months, he was still scared. He didn’t feel that he belonged to this place, and at the same time saw the people here as his friends and family. He felt scared to get close to them and felt even more scared when he was alone. He was afraid that if he thought about this place as a home and its people as his friends and family, he wouldn’t be able to go back to his own house and family, and was also scared that he would be rejected by these people if he acted out of line and tried to get close to them and act as he did before he lost his memories.
So he did his best to keep a distance while still maintaining a relationship with them.
The example was Reyan and Serria, his two friends whom he avoided most of the time and only met every now and then.
He was also not sure if he could make choices for someone else’s life and do what he pleased in Kairen 1’s stead. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. He only did what the others asked him to do out of the same fear while telling himself that he was deciding things for himself.
“Haaah!”
Kairen sighed.
‘Anyway, I don’t care anymore.’
Maybe it was because he has gotten back his memories, but this world didn’t seem that alien, and the people weren’t that much of strangers anymore.
Also, there might be another reason.
His brother whom he missed so much and was trying to go back to. He too was in this world.
Then, doesn’t that make this world his home as well?
‘Well, if I can find that bastard, that is.’
That soil dude had been nowhere to be found since the incident. Not even a small trace of him was found.
“It even feels that you have never lost your memories, or have gotten them back...”
Kairen snapped out of his thoughts and looked back to Reyan.
“Hmm, right.”
He casually gave him an answer and went back to staring at the air.
“Huh?”
However, Reyan instead, stared at him more intensely.
“You’ve got them back?”
Kairen answered while still staring at the air.
“Huh? Yes.”
“WHAT???”
CREACK
Reyan jumped up from his seat, the seat fell down to the ground behind him and made a loud noise.
“You’ve got them back? Really? You are not joking? When? How? Where? All of them?”
“....”
Everyone in the hall was staring at them.
“Umm... yes. A few weeks ago.”
SLAM
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Why would I-”
SLAM SLAM
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?! That you’d get them back?”
“....”
“And you didn’t even tell me!”
SLAM SLAM SLAM
“No wonder you looked less stupid! No! You are still stupid! You didn’t tell me such a thing!”
“....”
Reyan, slamming the table like a little kid, was glaring at him with teary eyes. No, the tears were from anger, Kairen was sure of it.
Now that he thought about it, maybe it would be better to keep avoiding his friends for a while longer.
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