By the time we ate lunch, I woke up due to the pain in my body from sleeping on the floor. I was startled to find a girl wearing only shorts and a T-shirt, revealing a lot of skin, right in front of me.
Come to think of it, I remembered the events that had occurred just before I went to sleep. She was Hayashi Megumi, my classmate from high school, and we had a chance reunion while working at a late-night part-time job in the city. She was a victim of domestic violence.
A few hours after our reunion, I finally noticed that her hair, which was a light brown color in high school, was now dyed black. Or rather, was it redyed? Well, that’s not a particularly important detail.
“You’ve changed.”
I felt overwhelmed by the cruel passage of time as I saw how different she was. The girl who was just a high school student not long ago now had a live-in partner and was in the midst of a serious crisis. She had experienced things that we couldn’t have tasted during our carefree high school days. Of course, I didn’t feel the slightest bit envious. Rather, I felt sorry for her… But why did I feel left behind? It’s not like we were particularly close during high school.
Feeling a bit hungry, I decided to get up and make lunch. I was sure the delicious smell would eventually wake Hayashi up. Opening the refrigerator, I decided to make yakisoba and began chopping ingredients and frying the noodles along with the toppings.
“Mmm…”
“Are you awake? Does your body hurt?”
Ah, she really did wake up because of the smell.
“Ah, yeah.”
Hayashi scratched her head. What exactly did she mean by “ah, yeah”?
“Good morning, Yamamoto. My whole body hurts.”
“I told you to sleep in the bed.”
“Shut up. A guy shouldn’t worry about such trivial things.”
She was the one who said her body hurt. I stopped myself from saying it. …Ah, but I asked her if her body hurt, so she answered. I guess I was in the wrong.
“Yakisoba?”
Hayashi, who had approached me from behind, asked.
“Yeah.”
“You can cook, huh?”
“A little.”
You learn to cook for yourself after living alone for a few months. Well, just a little, really.
“It’ll be ready soon, so just wait.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“…Thanks. He never said things like that to me.”
She was licking her own wounds… No, she was licking the wounds that were still healing. Glancing at Hayashi’s profile, she seemed to have gotten over it a bit.
After a few more minutes of cooking, I plated two servings of yakisoba and brought them to the living room.
“Let’s eat.”
“Let’s eat.”
We put our hands together and began eating the yakisoba. Yeah, it’s pretty good. It has that store-bought flavor.
“Delicious.”
“Thanks.”
While replying, I took out my smartphone and started tapping away. Since I started living alone, no one scolded me for using my phone during meals. So, I just did it as usual.
“Your manners are terrible.”
But today, I had a guest in the room. Feeling apologetic, I put my phone down on the table.
“Thank you for the meal.”
“Thank you for the meal. It was delicious.”
“Well, I just followed the instructions on the back of the package.”
“Come on, I’m complimenting you, don’t be so self-deprecating.”
“…Sorry.”
Even though she was like this in high school too, I reluctantly apologized because she’s scary when she gets mad. There were two empty plates on the table. I got up to wash them.
“It’s fine, I’ll do it.”
“Why? You’re a guest.”
“…It’s a debt for providing me with shelter and a meal.”
Hayashi had thanked me for letting her stay at my place so she could cool her head. In any case, she felt indebted to me for this situation.
Personally, I thought she had been through a lot and should rest and recuperate while at my place, but I decided to let her do it since it would be annoying to have her feel indebted in a weird way like before we went to sleep.
This time, I started using my smartphone without Hayashi complaining. I wanted to look something up.
“I’m done.”
“Thank you.”
Hayashi sat down across from me at the table. Facing her… I couldn’t make eye contact, remembering what happened before we slept. She shouldn’t use people as a pillow, no matter how scared she is. And she shouldn’t provoke any further actions. I want to tell her that she was lucky it was me and that she would have been in trouble if it were someone else. I couldn’t help but want to scold her like that.
Of course, I didn’t have the guts to say that either.
“Did you manage to cool your head a bit?”
I asked her.
“…Yeah, I guess so.”
“Let’s talk, then. But in the end, it’s all up to you since I’m like this, right?”
“…You said it yesterday, but you’re really detached. It’s like you’ve lived life twice.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Right. There’s no way someone who’s lived life twice could be in this world.”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that the way you say it sounds like… if someone lived life twice, they would become a master of dealing with the world, or they could live a better life.”
“Isn’t that close to the truth? …Or is it not?”
“It’s not.”
I stated firmly.
“Even if you experienced life twice, I can assure you that the life you would face would be no different from the first time around. Of course, if you had a life-changing experience in your first life and faced the same situation in your second life, your choices wouldn’t change if your mindset hasn’t changed. So why does everyone think that their life would be better if they lived it twice? It’s because they think their mindset would change.”
I wonder if Hayashi was even listening to my passionate explanation…
“What’s most important is having an experience that can change your mindset. To have such an experience, you must face things head-on and fight without running away. If you can do that, even without experiencing life twice, your life will undoubtedly become something wonderful.”
“Huh.”
“That’s a vague response… Well, that’s fine. Anyway, what I want to say is that you should face your current situation head-on.”
“The current situation…?”
“That’s right. Face it without running away, objectively look at your own situation, and then figure out what you want to do. If you struggle with it thoroughly, you’ll never regret it later.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
Hayashi looked down, seeming uneasy.
“Even if I objectively look at my situation, my subjective thoughts still mix in. When trying to find an answer, I could be influenced by fear… Not having regrets is impossible.”
“It’s not impossible.”
“It is…”
“It’s alright.”
“…Why?”
“Because I’m here for that reason, right?”
I said, with an uncharacteristic smile and words. Well, I couldn’t think of a more detached way to say it, so it came out straightforward. But that’s what I meant.
It’s not a complicated matter.
If you’re anxious on your own, rely on others. That’s the privilege of being human, who can think, share, and rely on each other since ancient times.
“…I never thought you would be so reliable.”
“I’m not really reliable. In the end, I’m just trying to help you out for my own sake.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I didn’t mean it as a joke, but Hayashi smiled. It was her brightest smile since we met again yesterday in Tokyo.
“Let’s think about it together. What you should do from now on. First, I know it might be painful, but tell me about your relationship so far.”
Hayashi then spent a few minutes telling me what had happened to her since she moved to Tokyo. To be honest, there wasn’t much interesting about it.
Her meeting with her lover.
Disowned by her parents.
Living together. Then violence. Violence… Violence.
It was a chilling and tragic story that I couldn’t find enjoyable to listen to at all.
“But he’s not always angry. He apologizes too. ‘I’m sorry for hitting you out of the blue. It must have hurt, I won’t do it again. Please forgive me.’ He always begs like that.”
“People who commit domestic violence seem to have a certain cycle in their behavior. Periods of violence, periods of reflection and self-loathing for the violence, and periods of getting irritated by even the smallest things.”
“…Ah.”
It seemed Hayashi could relate.
“You’re well-informed.”
“I looked it up just now.”
“When did you do that?”
“While you were doing the dishes.”
“I see.”
Hayashi seemed impressed and convinced.
“Have you talked to anyone else about this?”
“You’re the first.”
It wasn’t surprising given the situation, but it felt odd considering her high school days. Her parents probably weren’t an option for advice, but unlike me, she had many close friends. Couldn’t she have contacted them and asked for their help?
“By the way, what happened to your smartphone?”
When we met at the convenience store and brought her here, Hayashi had only her wallet and clothes. What had happened to her smartphone, an essential item for most people these days? I wonder.
“I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have one?”
“…I thought I’d be fine with you.”
“…Did he break it?”
Hayashi nodded silently.
“All my friends’ contact information is gone. He won’t let me buy a new phone either, so I was completely stuck.”
“…I see.”
The situation was more serious than I had thought, and a shadow fell over my face, even though I intended to keep things as light as possible. Hayashi’s lover’s possessiveness was, frankly, terrifying. Just hearing about it made my skin crawl.
“I’ve got the general idea… Sorry for making you talk about such painful things.”
“Oh, you’re apologizing sincerely.”
“…It seems I have a heart after all.”
“I see.”
Hayashi gave a bitter smile. Whether she had gotten used to the situation from talking about it or was just feeling calm now, the fact that she didn’t seem too weighed down by the conversation was a small relief.
“Let’s discuss what you should do from now on. My opinion hasn’t changed from what I said earlier… You shouldn’t go back to your lover. You should get away from him as soon as possible.”
I stated it clearly. Well, it’s the same thing I said before. But back then, I only ended up provoking her. I wonder how it is now?
I felt anxious with every move she made. Would she agree with what I said?
I thought earlier that if something happened to her, at least I had told her. I just hoped that would be enough to absolve me of responsibility. After all, her friends probably wouldn’t find out that I had met with her. So, I most likely wouldn’t be blamed by them.
But who would blame me?
Undoubtedly, it would be myself. To avoid being crushed by my own guilt if something happened to her, an acquaintance, I decided to tell her my thoughts.
Until now, I thought it would be fine if she didn’t agree with my questions.
However, after hearing her situation… things have changed. I couldn’t tolerate her being in such a serious relationship. If I did, I would probably be crushed by guilt.
No matter what words I used or how much she might hate me for it, I had to make her break off the relationship with her lover.
…And Hayashi…
“…Well, he does get violent sometimes. But he also has his gentle side, and cute moments too. That’s the kind of person he is.”
“…Hayashi.”
“…But.”
She smiled softly.
“I think you’re right. In the end, he’s taking advantage of me for his own selfish desires, using me. He’s tying me down, satisfying his possessiveness, and acting like a king… Your words woke me up.”
“…So.”
“I think I’ll break up with him. I don’t want to be involved with him anymore. Never again.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
