CH 40

While Tan Meng was pouring Yan Yi a cup of black tea, Bi Ruijing suddenly appeared by the door, his expression unpleasant, “There’s an urgent matter, we’re making a trip to the hospital.”

Tan Meng wrinkled his beautiful eyebrows, “What happened?”

Bi Ruijing glanced at Yan Yi and couldn’t hold back the words that were about to come out of his mouth. Across the doorway, Yan Yi saw Lu Shangjin hurrying downstairs with his coat. 

The three of them left in a rush. Tan Meng couldn’t sit still as well, so he asked the nanny to bring him his coat. 

Completely indifferent, Yan Yi lowered his head to eat the cake. 

“Are you coming with me?” Tan Meng turned the car keys between his fingers, “Your alpha seemed very worried.”

“I’m not going.” Yan Yi ate the cake quietly. 

He was used to not pursuing matters that Lu Shangjin did not want him to know about, so as to give each other some space and decency. 

Now, their relationship had already eased a lot. Lu Shangjin seemed to have really changed his character. Yan Yi didn’t want to cause complications. He didn’t want to see anything that he shouldn’t be seeing and ruin the trust that had just been restored between them. 

“Hm, don’t spoil Lu Shangjin too much…I have to go and take a look.” Tan Meng put on his coat and hurried downstairs. 

Yan Yi had no choice. It made one worry to let such a little capsicum1 go out by himself. 

Tan Meng drove fiercely, and it could be seen that Bi Ruijing was the one who taught him those skills. Sitting in the passenger seat, Yan Yi could only hold onto the armrest tightly all the way until they arrived at An Fei Ya hospital. 

Even if a two-week old infant who suffered from multiple organ failures was cured, the possibility of having serious aftereffects was extremely high. The most that could happen was damage to the nervous system, such as cerebral palsy. 

Yan Yi entered the hospital and saw Lu Shangjin sitting on the ground outside the intensive care unit.

Lying inside, with the glass against its back was the corpse of an infant, stiff and ashen.

Yan Yi’s heart suddenly clenched, his vision turning dark for a moment. 

Was it Lu Shangjin’s child?

He didn’t want to get closer, but Tan Meng caught his wrist and brought him to Lu Shangjin. 

Lu Shangjin was leaning against the glass curtain wall. Even though he was dressed neatly, there was still a trace of dejection and soullessness in his vacant gaze.

With hands on the glass, Yan Yi watched the infant sleeping peacefully inside. It was a peregrine falcon baby, its wrinkly face thin and pitiful, which would have been handsome and lovely if it grew up. It’s a pity that it died before it was a full month old. 

Even if this was Lu Shangjin’s baby with another omega, Yan Yi was still unable to take pleasure in someone else’s misfortune, his sadness transmitting from his fingers through the glass. 

Lu Shangjin said in a low and hoarse voice:

“It’s Ye Wan’s child. My little brother.”

Yan Yi’s fingers quivered as he stared down at him with wide eyes, “Ten years ago, didn’t Uncle Wan already…”

Lu Shangjin rubbed his face and stood up unsteadily, “I’m going to the washroom.”

He staggered. Being without rest after driving for an entire day and having received a sudden thunderbolt from a clear sky, his spirit was seriously damaged. Feeling extremely exhausted, Lu Shangjin vomited into the bathroom sink, so much that he even saw blood. 

Despite the water force in the tap turning on to the strongest, the sound of rushing water couldn’t block out the buzzing in his head. A soft and lively little body stiffened and faded in front of his eyes, and Lu Shangjin could only look through the glass as the last trace left in the world by his most beloved father was taken away. 

Nothing was left for him. 

Yan Yi came in with a paper cup of warm water and hurriedly lifted him up, letting him rinse his mouth before washing his face for him. 

Like a drunkard, Lu Shangjin leaned most of his weight onto Yan Yi and hugged his omega tightly into his arms. 

“I’ll never get to see him again.” Lu Shangjin said in a muffled voice, “He’s completely gone- he used my gun- and bang.”

He held Yan Yi’s cheeks and leaned in close to him. Yan Yi could clearly see his eyeballs were densely bloodshot as his eyes trembled with extreme sorrow and fear. Every cell in his body was hysterically howling in pain, unable to be relieved. 

He embraced Yan Yi into his arms. 

“Yan Yan, why do I bleed the same blood as a scum like Lu Lin, why!”

Lu Shangjin gritted his teeth and buried his head into Yan Yi’s neck, his whole body trembling. 

“I know. Let’s go home first.” Yan Yi patted Lu Shangjin’s back and tried his best to release pheromones to comfort his hurt alpha.

He was too much like a wounded beast. When licking his wounds, the fragility and helplessness in his eyes were inadvertently revealed. 

April was coming to an end, and the green plants along the road were sprouting. Willow catkins occasionally swept past the windshield as the gentle breeze filled one’s nose.

Lu Shangjin leaned against the door of the passenger seat and slept. Before, no matter how busy the company was, Lu Shangjin would never show such a defenseless and tired expression. 

Yan Yi had only ever seen Lu Shangjin’s uncontrollable rage the day they broke up three years ago. 

It was in the past.

Yan Yi reached out a hand, gently interlocked his fingers with Lu Shangjin’s left ones which were hanging down, and rubbed the wedding ring on his finger. 

Let these painful three years pass as a dream. Everything can start again, like how all things on earth come back to life in April, sprouting from branches. From now on, every time their hands clasped together, it would be like a willow catkin brushing across the heart, letting the sincere feelings in their childhood and the fiery enthusiasm of their teenage years completely deliver to the gentleness and steadiness of the present. This would prove that his adoration that he had exhausted all his life wasn’t like a moth to a flame. 

He carried Lu Shangjin back to the bedroom. A strong alpha of 1.9 meters wasn’t light, so when Yan Yi put Lu Shangjin onto the bed, he was almost brought down with him. 

He went to the pantry next door to pour a cup of warm water, and when he returned, he saw Lu Shangjin had already fallen asleep, breathing evenly. 

Yan Yi placed the warm water by the bedside and hesitated for a moment, then sat on the carpet with his back against the edge of the bed. 

Since the breakup, he was rarely permitted into Lu Shangjin’s room to rest. Only when Lu Shangjin was too used to eating delicacies outside and wanted to taste something light to cleanse his palate, would he occasionally have the mood to have fun with him. He would then be able to lie for a while on the bed full of the smell of narcissus pheromones and get out as soon as they were done, not being allowed to relax his weak legs for even a moment. 

Now, Yan Yi had already gotten into the habit of trying his best not to stay in Lu Shangjin’s bedroom, let alone getting onto his bed. 

He silently hugged his legs as he sat on the carpet.

The scent of narcissus pheromones filled the air. He would never get tired of being wrapped with a sense of security by the alpha’s pheromones. Even so, he was satisfied with this and didn’t want to ask for too much. 

Lu Shangjin’s breath was suddenly close to his neck.

“Don’t sit here.” He wasn’t very awake and lay sleepily on the edge of the bed. 

Startled, Yan Yi took the cup of water and brought it to his mouth, “Drink some water.”

“I don’t want to drink.” Lu Shangjin dragged Yan Yi back, lifting one leg to press onto him, and lying sideways as he wrapped the little rabbit into a ball to hold, the tip of his nose and lips pressing against the soft rabbit ears. His heart, wrapped in the warm chest that was pressing close to Yan Yi, pounded quickly. Lu Shangjin’s fingers slightly trembled as he hugged him, deeply breathing in the soft scent of pheromones on Yan Yi’s nape. 

Yan Yi quietly stayed with him and released even more pheromones for him. The omega’s milk candy pheromones balanced out the irritable and anxious scent of narcissus in the room. When the restless narcissus pheromones finally adopted the omega’s gentle comfort, it even unguardedly entwined with it. 

Yan Yi traced his finger along the bridge of Lu Shangjin’s nose, then helped him smoothe out the tightly knitted brows. 

His alpha needed him.

He tried to reach out to turn off the lights, but was powerless to the body hugging him tightly, like he was being bound by a giant octopus, and couldn’t reach the switch. 

The breath that carried the light scent of pheromones swept over Yan Yi’s nape. With difficulty, Yan Yi turned around in Lu Shangjin’s arms and kissed the corner of his lips, then raised his little rabbit ears to cover Lu Shangjin’s eyes. 

Lu Shangjin was extremely exhausted and slept from the afternoon until the next evening. 

His arms and the bedside were empty.

When the harsh sound of the dishes shattering rang from the first floor, Lu Shangjin was abruptly shaken awake. 

He put on his slippers and went downstairs. 

The smell of beef steak wafted from the dining room. 

Yan Yi was squatting by the dining table, picking up the broken porcelain pieces. His fingers had cramped up suddenly just now and he didn’t hold the plate steady. 

The sound of footsteps hurried down from the second to the first floor. When Yan Yi looked up to see Lu Shangjin, his fingertips accidentally scraped against the sharp porcelain. 

It didn’t hurt at that moment, and he only discovered that the small wound was deep enough when it started seeping blood.  

“What’s the matter with you!” Lu Shangjin went over and dragged Yan Yi out of the pile of broken porcelain pieces. He took Yan Yi’s finger and squeezed the blood, “Wait here, don’t move.”

The alcohol and band-aids were originally placed in the medical kit in the bathroom, but they had been rummaged through from Lu Shangjin’s tossing about when he was in his rut, so he could only go to the storeroom to get a new one. 

“Thank you.” With a sweet look in his eyes, Yan Yi was overwhelmed by favour as he waited obediently.  

Jin ge was more considerate than the day before.

Lu Shangjin spent more time looking for the alcohol than expected. Yan Yi waited patiently, his little rabbit ears bouncing around in boredom. 

Where did he go to find the alcohol…the wound would soon heal if he didn’t come back. 

When Lu Shangjin returned, his expression was a little odd. 

He placed the alcohol and band-aids in front of Yan Yi before watching him disinfect and bandage himself. 

“Why are you looking at me…” Yan Yi’s expression had also started to become uncomfortable as he looked at Lu Shangjin strangely. 

Lu Shangjin opened his palm, and on it was the examination report folded into a small piece. 

Shocked, Yan Yi tried to take the examination report back, “Why did you touch my things again…did you see what’s on it?”

“…” Lu Shangjin held the examination report between his fingers and stretched his hand out  where Yan Yi couldn’t reach, “When did this happen?”

His little rabbit ears flicked lightly to hide his uneasiness. 

Yan Yi’s eyelids drooped as he answered softly, “It was when…we were in the dining room. You didn’t wear it, and I didn’t take the pill either.” 

Lu Shangjin pressed his temple as he clenched the examination report in his hand and smashed it on the table.

Yan Yi backed away from Lu Shangjin in fright, hugging his belly as he retreated to the corner, “You don’t like it?”

“…I’ll raise it myself…I’ll raise it myself…I won’t bother you…”

Lu Shangjin moved closer to him and reached out. 

Like a frightened rabbit, Yan Yi shut his eyes and squatted down, shrinking himself into a ball and trembled in fear. 

“Let me keep this baby, I’m begging you, I won’t disturb you when you play with anyone in the future. I’m begging you, please don’t kill it, I really want it, I want the baby…”

Lu Shangjin watched him in dismay. 

Had he gone too far with Yan Yi, that he only dared to secretly have a checkup even when he was pregnant, yet not daring to tell his alpha about it? 

It turned out that Yan Yi had been treading on thin ice around him. For this poor little rabbit, Lu Shangjin was not the most dependable alpha he could rely on, but a demon who would steal his child at any moment. 

“Don’t- don’t be scared…” Lu Shangjin squatted down, hooking his fingers and softly rubbing Yan Yi’s wet eyelashes. He picked up the trembling little rabbit and gently stroked his back, carrying him to the sofa in the living room and whispering in his ear, “I didn’t say that I don’t like it, I didn’t say that I don’t want it.”

Yan Yi lifted his gaze, his light grey pupils glistening with a layer of tears: 

“If it’s merely a little bunny O…”

“I’ll still love him.” Lu Shangjin planted a kiss between Yan Yi’s eyebrows, like the tender promise he made when he was seventeen.

Yan Yi froze for a moment. He then hugged Lu Shangjin’s neck, unable to contain the tears from spilling out of his tear ducts along his cheeks and onto Lu Shangjin’s nape. 

“Jin ge…have I waited long enough… that you’ve finally returned?” 

Lu Shangjin lowered his head and responded to the little rabbit’s expectation with a long kiss. 

At the age of thirty, he could relax his heart and be at peace.

In the bedroom at night, it was extremely touching. 

Two kinds of pheromones diffused into sweet aphrodisiacs, entwining and coupling as they submerged together.

Lu Shangjin was very patient, using sufficient soothing pheromones and his skills to give Yan Yi the most comfortable experience to make up for their lack of compatibility. 

Yan Yi stuck to him, seeking after him, holding his neck as he whispered in his ear again and again:

“Jin ge, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Even when it hurt, hidden inside, his heart still beat with enthusiasm.

At three in the morning, Lu Shangjin coaxed Yan Yi to sleep and closed the bedroom door. 

The small coffee table on the balcony was still in the same miserable sight as it was in when it had toppled over. Lu Shangjin ignored it as he sat on the ground with his back against the railing, lighting up his cigarette. 

May was soon approaching and the temperature at night was no longer terrifyingly freezing. 

This child might be a gift from the gods, bringing him hope when he had lost everything. 

He had only one thought in his mind; never to let Lu Lin find out and stir up his life that had just returned to peace, trampling and extinguishing his only hope.

He smoked on the balcony all night.

Three days later, he drove Yan Yi to An Fei Ya hospital for a formal checkup.

The set of examinations took several hours to finish. It was very exhausting. While Lu Shangjin’s driver sent Yan Yi back home to rest, he stayed in the hospital to wait for the results. 

When he received the examination report, there was inexplicable excitement in his heart. A little fella of his own blood was quietly gestating in his belly. It was a mysterious and sacred thing.

After reading them one by one, Lu Shangjin’s face turned from white to green. 

As if the stems of a row of bright blooming haitang flowers were cut off by a sickle. 

Footnotes

1. 小辣椒: straightforward and bold characte