Chapter 1068: Call of the void
[Reminder. There is a bit of sensitive issue about suicide here. So, if you are not comfortable about that, hope you prepare yourself or simply skip this chapter.
It relates a bit to the plot of the story but nothing is worth it if it triggers some kind of desire for some unthinkable things.
And if you are thinking about suicide, talk to someone. Hope everyone is having a good day and if not, just hold on there. As long as you are alive, there is always a chance to turn it all around]
P.S : This is a long chapter
>>>
Arial tilted his head to the right a bit and rub his neck
now that he slowly has woken up, his control over his power is slowly become more proficient
He brought his palm a few inches away from his chest and then he slams his chest again with his palm
Another shockwave exploded from his body but this time the shockwave is contained around two-meter radius of his body, causing the edges of the floating land to crack and collapsed to the dark space, turning into particles that was destroyed almost immediately.
His skill was annihilated with that palm strike
And there is another effect that happens as he erases all of this skill from his body and soul
The status window of the system began to become more clear. Azief look at it and felt a bit surprised.
Slowly it seems to recover slowly.
More strings were cut off from Azief body and the more his body felt lighter and his sense of existence become heavier.
'Can I access it?' he thought to himself. This time he closes the status window. And waited for a while
It is like he was rebooting the computer
He closes his eyes and waited the moment to pass, waited the energy of the skill to really disperse before opening back his eyes and then he summons his status window
He smiles a bit as he saw the familiar status window.
But there is a lot of changes in his status window now that he purges many of his skill
It is still blurry but at least he could see the writing this time unlike before
NAME
DEATH MONARCH
LEVEL
89.5
CLASS
ETHERNA
RACE
Eterna Monarch
SOUL
Etherna Soul
LAWS THIRTEEN
[WORLDLY LAW] [UNIVERSAL LAW] [ANCIENT RUNE LAW] [CELESTIAL LAW]
[ALL SOURCE LAW] [ANCIENT DEMONIC LAW] [AETHER LAW] [ NETHER LAW]
[ PRIMORDIAL LAW] [SOUL LAW] [DIVINE LAW] [ COSMIC LAW] [OMNI LAW]
DISK
THIRTEEN
[WORLDLY DISK] [UNIVERSAL DISK] [ANCIENT RUNE DISK] [CELESTIAL DISK]
[ALL SOURCE DISK] [ANCIENT DEMONIC DISK] [AETHER DISK] [ NETHER DISK] [ PRIMORDIAL DISK] [SOUL DISK] [DIVINE DISK] [ COSMIC DISK] [OMNI DISK]
SEEDS
(TREE OF LIFE)
DEATH SOURCE
TENTH SEED
SEEDS CONCEPT
[DEATH] [LIFE] [REBIRTH] [TIME] [DARKNESS] [ELEMENTS] [DESTRUCTION] [DESTINY] [FATE]
BODY REFINEMENT LEVEL
ETERNAL BODY
ATTRIBUTES
[DEATH] [DARKNESS] [TIME] [VOID] [LIFE] [FEAR] [CHAOS] [WAR] [PESTILENCE]
[LIGHT] [DEVOUR] [FATE] [ORDER]
SKILL
[GREAT SOUL PERCEPTION] [PURE DIVINE SENSE]
CLASS SKILLS
[OMNIVERSAL ANTIMATTER BLAST] (SEALED)
[ENERGY CONSTRUCT CREATION] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL ENERGY ABSORPTION] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL ENERGY AUGMENTING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL REALITY ALTERATION] (SEALED)
[ENERGY METAMORPHOSIS] UNSEALED
[OMNIVERSAL DIMENSIONAL RIPPING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL] (SEALED)
[TRUE IMMORTALITY] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL DIVINE SENSING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL CATACLYSMIC ENERGY BLAST] (SEALED)
ABILITIES
-
SIX PATH METHOD
- HEAVEN SUNDERING METHOD (INDEX)
- LIFE GIVING METHOD (THUMB)
- DIVINE SLAYING METHOD (PINKY)
- STAR SHATTERING METHOD (MIDDLE)
- DESTINY SEVERING METHOD (RING)
- WORLD CLEAVING METHOD ( PALM)
RACE SKILLS
[LEVEL REPRESSION UNLOCKED] [RACE SUPERIORITY UNLOCKED] [PILLAR REPRESSION UNLOCKED] [BLOCKING SENSES UNLOCKED] [ELEMENT RESISTANCE UNLOCKED]
[CALL OF THE VOID][TRACING THE SOURCE] [SKILL FUSION UNLOCKED]
ACCESSORIES
RING OF CREATION SONGS
RING OF FORBIDDEN WORDS
RING OF GREAT SUMMONING
RING OF ALL ELEMENTS
RING OF GRAND FORMATION
RING OF ULTIMATE SEALING
RING OF ETERNAL DARKNESS
RING OF PERFECT SYMBOLS
RING OF ANCIENTS
RING OF RUNIC CREATION
BRACELET OF PERFECT REFINEMENT
Looking at his level it said that his level is 89.5.
Azief didn't even think that was possible to have such number to indicate his level
'is it because of what happened was so bizarre that even the system did not know how to classify it?' Azief thought to himself
But seeing the status window, he understood that he was that one step away to reach Essence Creation
'The system should at least say 89.9' He thought to himself before he laughs at himself.
Then one of the status window caught his eyes
'Oho, so it changed' he mutters to himself
His Six Path Fingers in the past has now turned to Six Path Method
During the time he was refining his Avatar and condensing it to become his soul, he also had a deeper understanding of the Six Path fingers
It is because of that, the skill had changed from Six Path Fingers, to Six Path method.
Azief is itching to use it, to apply his understanding to the Six Path method but since he had no enemies to try it on, maybe later when he had to fought off against the soldiers of Seresian, he would unleash this new upgraded Six Path method
There are many methods toward the Six Path. And what he understood and the thing he could use is merely the tip of the icebergs
Now, that he could control laws and manipulate the Laws, there is more freedom and more variations that the Six path method could be used for
Even in his fight with the Demon King, in the Wheel of Reincarnation, he could become the Lord of the Six Path.
It is just a pity he could not destroy his mind in that Wheel.
The Six Path method had upgraded itself.
Next time, he uses it, Laws will imbue into it. Not only will its destructive power would increase, it would also affect the laws and concept to the extreme level.
As for his Race skill, there is two of his skill that he could not understand.
That skill is the Call of the Void. That, and the Tracing the Source
If the skill is named the Call of the Void, who is it calling? If the skill is called Tracing the Source, then what source is it tracing?
Azief of course have his own theories about it.
L'appel du vide.
There is such a thing on Earth too.
Call of the Void.
Azief had a very high understanding on how the system works. It is adapted from the Nervian race that inhabits the Mtrainan system.
Their world is very advanced and all of them from birth is outfitted with nano technology that changes their physique and strengthen their mental abilities.
To regulate their physique and for them to grow stronger to compete with the other universal civilization that also inhabits the Mtrainan system, each of Nervian race had their level as their measure of strength
It is like nano technology whose sole purpose is the strengthening of their host.
The laws of the world itself was changed when one of them had reached some powerful level suspected to be a Sovereign level entity and even inanimate objects in that world have level of power.
Of course, the All Source adapts this system of increasing strength by the Nervian race to the current understanding of humanity by imitating something that the human mind could easily comprehend which is leveling system like a game
Azief knows that the name skill and everything else in his status window is explained to him, in a way that his mind could interpret it according to his understanding and comprehension
As such, some skill name does not necessarily mean as he thought it is.
But merely the name skill is derived from the understanding of the system toward his own understanding of the world
As such, he believes that in Etherna, the Call of the Void might be called something else. But, to fit his own understanding to it, the skill name become Call of the Void
Call of the Void is that feeling when you stand in a high place and think about jumping. But don't actually want to and don't actually do it.
Like a voice shouting in your head, a voice whispering to your ear. You might be walking down some bridge and as you look over the railing and you see below the bridge.
And then a feeling came.
It is a normal day, a good day. With white clouds and blue sky, sunshine shining on your face, perfectly sane and within your wits, and a voice came to you
You look down and you wonder, what it would be like to take the plunge from that bridge.
Knowing that the outcome that would come from taking just one step forward, that voice comes and cries out in your mind.
Maybe to some people, it is a piercing whisper, like the wind blows by your ears, or maybe a silent cry of desolation, but it is heard as clear as day
"Jump" the voice would say
But then as you heard this voice, feeling like you will jump, you take a hold of your sense once more and the voice disappears.
As if it was never anything more than a passing fancy, a whim of your heart that you could hardly understand.
It did not mean that you would do it, it doesn't even mean that you would even give it serious consideration but the thought was definitely there
What is it then, this Call of the Void? Is it a desire to end one life? Is it some kind of dark desire hiding in one hearts?
The answer is probably none of that
The simplest way to describe it is like your brain is doing a system check making sure you actually decline the suggestion
Like there is some kind of miscommunication within your brain. He once read about it in the internet, long before the Fall happened to Earth
Let say that at that time, his mind is not exactly…. stable. There were times he contemplated doing something that is unthinkable.
The Azief then, and the Azief now is two different people.
The Azief in the past could not see a life beyond the same place of his small town. There is no one he loves, and there is no one to love him.
His existence is ignored by his family, and while he has friends, their personality is different from him
It is not saying that they are not his friend. It is not the fault of his friend that he thinks a lot about something dark.
It is not easy talking to someone about your insecurity especially for a man that is accustomed to keep everything in his own heart
The circumstances are different. Some television shows that he had watched always said, "talk to someone"
They seem to think that everyone had someone that they could confide to. But when you are a dark person, most of the time, you have few friends.
And when your thought goes to the negative, it is hard to extricate yourself from that feeling. And Malaysia is not really known for its famous suicide prevention system.
Most people in Malaysia do not even know the hotline for suicide prevention. Regardless, it is not easy for him to open up and show a part of himself that is hurting
Let them in, some article would tell you.
But the thing is, even if you wanted to let someone in, you would always have this nagging feeling, a fear that by telling them of these dark thoughts, you are pushing them away
Not everyone could handle this kind of heavy feeling and if that happens, you felt guilty for pulling them into your problem.
This is his thought in the past.
Azief at the time don't want to bother his friends.
He simulated all of it in his mind and the best response that he thinks his friend is going to say is …."be strong. Tomorrow would be better'
But that is the thing that most people don't understand.
When one began to have these dark thoughts about doing this unthinkable thing, the reason why in the first place they felt such feeling is that because they don't believe that tomorrow would be better
To them, to him, tomorrow would still be the same. There is no hope.
Saying to someone "Be strong" could work or it could crash down to the ground. Everyone is different after all
If its him, and his friend say that to him, he might take it the wrong way and thought to himself
"I have try. I have try my hardest to be strong and he keeps telling me to be stronger. I could not do it anymore'
Because when you are in that dark corner, where only the whisper of your dark heart is speaking to you, you would think of the worst.
Your sorrow then become your only comfort.
You relish in the sadness and the despair. It is like heroin for the single reason that when one is sad and full of misery, one gets to pay a lot of attention to oneself.
Misery itself is some kind of emotional masturbation.
And sometimes it could be so addicting, that is the only thing you know.
You could have the best friend in the world but the one that have to pull yourself out from that dark hole, from listening to the voice of that dark passenger in each and every one heart, is yourself
Friends could only do so much.
One day, Azief was riding along the Temerloh bridge. It is a bridge that connected the villages to the town.
Below the bridge is the large Pahang River. One day, there was an accident on the bridge. A car and a motorcycle.
The road is jammed. Lines of cars and vehicles stranded on top of the bridge
Everyone was stuck.
And he was in the motorcycle lane.
He is stuck there.
Just beside the bridge railings.
Everyone was waiting for the fireman and the Civil Defense Force to remove the car away from the bridge
As he was waiting, he looks below the bridge. And as he saw the river below, the calm stream of the river, there is a feeling, a voice, telling him to jump.
He did not do it, but he was afraid.
Azief regardless his feeling at that time, weak as he is, fearful as he is, in the end, he wanted to live
There is not a lot of happy moments in his life. And if there is, it is covered up by his sadness and failures after he grows up
There is tears he did not show to the world, sorrows that he hides beneath his smile. The reason why he wanted to live is because of his family
Do not mistake that he had some kind of affection for them. Whatever affection he has for them….it had withered long ago
But humans…. they are complicated
He hated his family…but he did not want to harm them. You could hate someone, yet at the same time crave for their love
It would be easier if his family did not show him any affection at all. It is harder when you once felt what it was like to be treated with affection and then to have it…gone.
He wanted to live not just solely for existing. He wanted to live to prove to them, that he is not useless.
That they were wrong.
Hatred….and a desire to prove them wrong, kept him alive. It is a petty feeling but it is the only feeling that stop him from considering doing the unthinkable.
One could say that his hatred, his desire to repay back the humiliation that he felt…. all of that motivate him to live
But that feeling on the bridge spook him so the next time when he got back to work in the cyber café he began researching that feeling
It was then Azief stumble upon the Call of the Void phenomenon if it could even be considered a phenomenon.
From what Azief remember of that article it is said that simply put when someone is on the verge of a dangerous scenario, such as standing on a high bridge or on the rooftop of a large building, your fear circuitry is aware of this situation and it is sent into action.
And when the fear circuitry send action, it sends a rapid signal to your brain alerting you of the danger leading to the reflex action, telling you "hey, you might want to take a step back or you might fall off the edge, and die;
So, you do take a step back.
After all, it is in your best interest to stay safe but the safety signal is relayed too fast without you even thinking about it
Because of that your response would be to question yourself.
'Why did I do that?' You wonder.
'I wasn't close enough to need to back up, right?'
you consolidate this question in your mind.
And this chain of thought leads you to a few moments later trying to conceptualize it and this safety signal get misattributed to the conclusion of 'I must have wanted to jump or at least thought about it'
It could be considered as a warning rather than a prompt.
The best way to encapsulate all of this in a few sentence is that the Call of the Void, is an affirmation of your will to live, the desire to preserve the insatiable human appetite for life.
It could be considered a dissonance of the mind
And if that is so, what does the word, the skill seems to imply?
A warning? A dissonance? If it is a warning, warning him from what? If it is a dissonance of the mind, why?
Azief of course remembers that during his weird experience inside the Time Tunnel. There is his future-self trying to materialize and to Azief best knowledge, it almost appears like his future- self wanted to kill him.
At that time, there is a roar coming out of nowhere, pushing his future self away from the Time Tunnel. Since that time, Azief is very careful in trying to travel through Time Tunnel
Time Tunnel and Time Space Tunnel is different.
The name might not be that different but the properties are quite different.
And it is not like that is the real name for that tunnel.
It is called tunnel because it looks like that when you are traveling inside it.
The name is something that he and Will created so it would be easy to call it when they were talking about it
Call of the Void, is it to call upon those roars to help him?
A warning to others? Or a warning to him?
Or is he simply overthinking this.
Could it be simply that the Call of the Void is a message from the Void?
>>>>
It relates a bit to the plot of the story but nothing is worth it if it triggers some kind of desire for some unthinkable things.
And if you are thinking about suicide, talk to someone. Hope everyone is having a good day and if not, just hold on there. As long as you are alive, there is always a chance to turn it all around]
P.S : This is a long chapter
>>>
Arial tilted his head to the right a bit and rub his neck
now that he slowly has woken up, his control over his power is slowly become more proficient
He brought his palm a few inches away from his chest and then he slams his chest again with his palm
Another shockwave exploded from his body but this time the shockwave is contained around two-meter radius of his body, causing the edges of the floating land to crack and collapsed to the dark space, turning into particles that was destroyed almost immediately.
His skill was annihilated with that palm strike
And there is another effect that happens as he erases all of this skill from his body and soul
The status window of the system began to become more clear. Azief look at it and felt a bit surprised.
Slowly it seems to recover slowly.
More strings were cut off from Azief body and the more his body felt lighter and his sense of existence become heavier.
'Can I access it?' he thought to himself. This time he closes the status window. And waited for a while
It is like he was rebooting the computer
He closes his eyes and waited the moment to pass, waited the energy of the skill to really disperse before opening back his eyes and then he summons his status window
He smiles a bit as he saw the familiar status window.
But there is a lot of changes in his status window now that he purges many of his skill
It is still blurry but at least he could see the writing this time unlike before
NAME
DEATH MONARCH
LEVEL
89.5
CLASS
ETHERNA
RACE
Eterna Monarch
SOUL
Etherna Soul
LAWS THIRTEEN
[WORLDLY LAW] [UNIVERSAL LAW] [ANCIENT RUNE LAW] [CELESTIAL LAW]
[ALL SOURCE LAW] [ANCIENT DEMONIC LAW] [AETHER LAW] [ NETHER LAW]
[ PRIMORDIAL LAW] [SOUL LAW] [DIVINE LAW] [ COSMIC LAW] [OMNI LAW]
DISK
THIRTEEN
[WORLDLY DISK] [UNIVERSAL DISK] [ANCIENT RUNE DISK] [CELESTIAL DISK]
[ALL SOURCE DISK] [ANCIENT DEMONIC DISK] [AETHER DISK] [ NETHER DISK] [ PRIMORDIAL DISK] [SOUL DISK] [DIVINE DISK] [ COSMIC DISK] [OMNI DISK]
SEEDS
(TREE OF LIFE)
DEATH SOURCE
TENTH SEED
SEEDS CONCEPT
[DEATH] [LIFE] [REBIRTH] [TIME] [DARKNESS] [ELEMENTS] [DESTRUCTION] [DESTINY] [FATE]
BODY REFINEMENT LEVEL
ETERNAL BODY
ATTRIBUTES
[DEATH] [DARKNESS] [TIME] [VOID] [LIFE] [FEAR] [CHAOS] [WAR] [PESTILENCE]
[LIGHT] [DEVOUR] [FATE] [ORDER]
SKILL
[GREAT SOUL PERCEPTION] [PURE DIVINE SENSE]
CLASS SKILLS
[OMNIVERSAL ANTIMATTER BLAST] (SEALED)
[ENERGY CONSTRUCT CREATION] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL ENERGY ABSORPTION] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL ENERGY AUGMENTING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL REALITY ALTERATION] (SEALED)
[ENERGY METAMORPHOSIS] UNSEALED
[OMNIVERSAL DIMENSIONAL RIPPING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL] (SEALED)
[TRUE IMMORTALITY] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL DIVINE SENSING] (SEALED)
[OMNIVERSAL CATACLYSMIC ENERGY BLAST] (SEALED)
ABILITIES
-
SIX PATH METHOD
- HEAVEN SUNDERING METHOD (INDEX)
- LIFE GIVING METHOD (THUMB)
- DIVINE SLAYING METHOD (PINKY)
- STAR SHATTERING METHOD (MIDDLE)
- DESTINY SEVERING METHOD (RING)
- WORLD CLEAVING METHOD ( PALM)
RACE SKILLS
[LEVEL REPRESSION UNLOCKED] [RACE SUPERIORITY UNLOCKED] [PILLAR REPRESSION UNLOCKED] [BLOCKING SENSES UNLOCKED] [ELEMENT RESISTANCE UNLOCKED]
[CALL OF THE VOID][TRACING THE SOURCE] [SKILL FUSION UNLOCKED]
ACCESSORIES
RING OF CREATION SONGS
RING OF FORBIDDEN WORDS
RING OF GREAT SUMMONING
RING OF ALL ELEMENTS
RING OF GRAND FORMATION
RING OF ULTIMATE SEALING
RING OF ETERNAL DARKNESS
RING OF PERFECT SYMBOLS
RING OF ANCIENTS
RING OF RUNIC CREATION
BRACELET OF PERFECT REFINEMENT
Looking at his level it said that his level is 89.5.
Azief didn't even think that was possible to have such number to indicate his level
'is it because of what happened was so bizarre that even the system did not know how to classify it?' Azief thought to himself
But seeing the status window, he understood that he was that one step away to reach Essence Creation
'The system should at least say 89.9' He thought to himself before he laughs at himself.
Then one of the status window caught his eyes
'Oho, so it changed' he mutters to himself
His Six Path Fingers in the past has now turned to Six Path Method
During the time he was refining his Avatar and condensing it to become his soul, he also had a deeper understanding of the Six Path fingers
It is because of that, the skill had changed from Six Path Fingers, to Six Path method.
Azief is itching to use it, to apply his understanding to the Six Path method but since he had no enemies to try it on, maybe later when he had to fought off against the soldiers of Seresian, he would unleash this new upgraded Six Path method
There are many methods toward the Six Path. And what he understood and the thing he could use is merely the tip of the icebergs
Now, that he could control laws and manipulate the Laws, there is more freedom and more variations that the Six path method could be used for
Even in his fight with the Demon King, in the Wheel of Reincarnation, he could become the Lord of the Six Path.
It is just a pity he could not destroy his mind in that Wheel.
The Six Path method had upgraded itself.
Next time, he uses it, Laws will imbue into it. Not only will its destructive power would increase, it would also affect the laws and concept to the extreme level.
As for his Race skill, there is two of his skill that he could not understand.
That skill is the Call of the Void. That, and the Tracing the Source
If the skill is named the Call of the Void, who is it calling? If the skill is called Tracing the Source, then what source is it tracing?
Azief of course have his own theories about it.
L'appel du vide.
There is such a thing on Earth too.
Call of the Void.
Azief had a very high understanding on how the system works. It is adapted from the Nervian race that inhabits the Mtrainan system.
Their world is very advanced and all of them from birth is outfitted with nano technology that changes their physique and strengthen their mental abilities.
To regulate their physique and for them to grow stronger to compete with the other universal civilization that also inhabits the Mtrainan system, each of Nervian race had their level as their measure of strength
It is like nano technology whose sole purpose is the strengthening of their host.
The laws of the world itself was changed when one of them had reached some powerful level suspected to be a Sovereign level entity and even inanimate objects in that world have level of power.
Of course, the All Source adapts this system of increasing strength by the Nervian race to the current understanding of humanity by imitating something that the human mind could easily comprehend which is leveling system like a game
Azief knows that the name skill and everything else in his status window is explained to him, in a way that his mind could interpret it according to his understanding and comprehension
As such, some skill name does not necessarily mean as he thought it is.
But merely the name skill is derived from the understanding of the system toward his own understanding of the world
As such, he believes that in Etherna, the Call of the Void might be called something else. But, to fit his own understanding to it, the skill name become Call of the Void
Call of the Void is that feeling when you stand in a high place and think about jumping. But don't actually want to and don't actually do it.
Like a voice shouting in your head, a voice whispering to your ear. You might be walking down some bridge and as you look over the railing and you see below the bridge.
And then a feeling came.
It is a normal day, a good day. With white clouds and blue sky, sunshine shining on your face, perfectly sane and within your wits, and a voice came to you
You look down and you wonder, what it would be like to take the plunge from that bridge.
Knowing that the outcome that would come from taking just one step forward, that voice comes and cries out in your mind.
Maybe to some people, it is a piercing whisper, like the wind blows by your ears, or maybe a silent cry of desolation, but it is heard as clear as day
"Jump" the voice would say
But then as you heard this voice, feeling like you will jump, you take a hold of your sense once more and the voice disappears.
As if it was never anything more than a passing fancy, a whim of your heart that you could hardly understand.
It did not mean that you would do it, it doesn't even mean that you would even give it serious consideration but the thought was definitely there
What is it then, this Call of the Void? Is it a desire to end one life? Is it some kind of dark desire hiding in one hearts?
The answer is probably none of that
The simplest way to describe it is like your brain is doing a system check making sure you actually decline the suggestion
Like there is some kind of miscommunication within your brain. He once read about it in the internet, long before the Fall happened to Earth
Let say that at that time, his mind is not exactly…. stable. There were times he contemplated doing something that is unthinkable.
The Azief then, and the Azief now is two different people.
The Azief in the past could not see a life beyond the same place of his small town. There is no one he loves, and there is no one to love him.
His existence is ignored by his family, and while he has friends, their personality is different from him
It is not saying that they are not his friend. It is not the fault of his friend that he thinks a lot about something dark.
It is not easy talking to someone about your insecurity especially for a man that is accustomed to keep everything in his own heart
The circumstances are different. Some television shows that he had watched always said, "talk to someone"
They seem to think that everyone had someone that they could confide to. But when you are a dark person, most of the time, you have few friends.
And when your thought goes to the negative, it is hard to extricate yourself from that feeling. And Malaysia is not really known for its famous suicide prevention system.
Most people in Malaysia do not even know the hotline for suicide prevention. Regardless, it is not easy for him to open up and show a part of himself that is hurting
Let them in, some article would tell you.
But the thing is, even if you wanted to let someone in, you would always have this nagging feeling, a fear that by telling them of these dark thoughts, you are pushing them away
Not everyone could handle this kind of heavy feeling and if that happens, you felt guilty for pulling them into your problem.
This is his thought in the past.
Azief at the time don't want to bother his friends.
He simulated all of it in his mind and the best response that he thinks his friend is going to say is …."be strong. Tomorrow would be better'
But that is the thing that most people don't understand.
When one began to have these dark thoughts about doing this unthinkable thing, the reason why in the first place they felt such feeling is that because they don't believe that tomorrow would be better
To them, to him, tomorrow would still be the same. There is no hope.
Saying to someone "Be strong" could work or it could crash down to the ground. Everyone is different after all
If its him, and his friend say that to him, he might take it the wrong way and thought to himself
"I have try. I have try my hardest to be strong and he keeps telling me to be stronger. I could not do it anymore'
Because when you are in that dark corner, where only the whisper of your dark heart is speaking to you, you would think of the worst.
Your sorrow then become your only comfort.
You relish in the sadness and the despair. It is like heroin for the single reason that when one is sad and full of misery, one gets to pay a lot of attention to oneself.
Misery itself is some kind of emotional masturbation.
And sometimes it could be so addicting, that is the only thing you know.
You could have the best friend in the world but the one that have to pull yourself out from that dark hole, from listening to the voice of that dark passenger in each and every one heart, is yourself
Friends could only do so much.
One day, Azief was riding along the Temerloh bridge. It is a bridge that connected the villages to the town.
Below the bridge is the large Pahang River. One day, there was an accident on the bridge. A car and a motorcycle.
The road is jammed. Lines of cars and vehicles stranded on top of the bridge
Everyone was stuck.
And he was in the motorcycle lane.
He is stuck there.
Just beside the bridge railings.
Everyone was waiting for the fireman and the Civil Defense Force to remove the car away from the bridge
As he was waiting, he looks below the bridge. And as he saw the river below, the calm stream of the river, there is a feeling, a voice, telling him to jump.
He did not do it, but he was afraid.
Azief regardless his feeling at that time, weak as he is, fearful as he is, in the end, he wanted to live
There is not a lot of happy moments in his life. And if there is, it is covered up by his sadness and failures after he grows up
There is tears he did not show to the world, sorrows that he hides beneath his smile. The reason why he wanted to live is because of his family
Do not mistake that he had some kind of affection for them. Whatever affection he has for them….it had withered long ago
But humans…. they are complicated
He hated his family…but he did not want to harm them. You could hate someone, yet at the same time crave for their love
It would be easier if his family did not show him any affection at all. It is harder when you once felt what it was like to be treated with affection and then to have it…gone.
He wanted to live not just solely for existing. He wanted to live to prove to them, that he is not useless.
That they were wrong.
Hatred….and a desire to prove them wrong, kept him alive. It is a petty feeling but it is the only feeling that stop him from considering doing the unthinkable.
One could say that his hatred, his desire to repay back the humiliation that he felt…. all of that motivate him to live
But that feeling on the bridge spook him so the next time when he got back to work in the cyber café he began researching that feeling
It was then Azief stumble upon the Call of the Void phenomenon if it could even be considered a phenomenon.
From what Azief remember of that article it is said that simply put when someone is on the verge of a dangerous scenario, such as standing on a high bridge or on the rooftop of a large building, your fear circuitry is aware of this situation and it is sent into action.
And when the fear circuitry send action, it sends a rapid signal to your brain alerting you of the danger leading to the reflex action, telling you "hey, you might want to take a step back or you might fall off the edge, and die;
So, you do take a step back.
After all, it is in your best interest to stay safe but the safety signal is relayed too fast without you even thinking about it
Because of that your response would be to question yourself.
'Why did I do that?' You wonder.
'I wasn't close enough to need to back up, right?'
you consolidate this question in your mind.
And this chain of thought leads you to a few moments later trying to conceptualize it and this safety signal get misattributed to the conclusion of 'I must have wanted to jump or at least thought about it'
It could be considered as a warning rather than a prompt.
The best way to encapsulate all of this in a few sentence is that the Call of the Void, is an affirmation of your will to live, the desire to preserve the insatiable human appetite for life.
It could be considered a dissonance of the mind
And if that is so, what does the word, the skill seems to imply?
A warning? A dissonance? If it is a warning, warning him from what? If it is a dissonance of the mind, why?
Azief of course remembers that during his weird experience inside the Time Tunnel. There is his future-self trying to materialize and to Azief best knowledge, it almost appears like his future- self wanted to kill him.
At that time, there is a roar coming out of nowhere, pushing his future self away from the Time Tunnel. Since that time, Azief is very careful in trying to travel through Time Tunnel
Time Tunnel and Time Space Tunnel is different.
The name might not be that different but the properties are quite different.
And it is not like that is the real name for that tunnel.
It is called tunnel because it looks like that when you are traveling inside it.
The name is something that he and Will created so it would be easy to call it when they were talking about it
Call of the Void, is it to call upon those roars to help him?
A warning to others? Or a warning to him?
Or is he simply overthinking this.
Could it be simply that the Call of the Void is a message from the Void?
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