Chapter 92 - [Bonus ] The Awakening Of Memories
"TRIGGER WARNING.... TRIGGER WARNING.... HIGHLY DEPRESSIVE MATERIAL AHEAD."
"How are you here?" I asked still looking shocked at the human standing before me.
"How do you think dumbass? I'm your soul, I'm you, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will be there."
"But why now?"
"Because your body has matured enough to handle having the memories of 2 souls. Also your body has hit the age when we died so think of it kind of like a requirement that needed to be met first." The human said as he stepped further into the tiny room and closer to me.
He reached up and grabbed my arm and then he pat my shoulders. He was very interested in my body and how it looked and seeing as how this was my former self, I had no problems showing off. It was like an older version of myself going back in time and showing off how your life changed in front of your younger self.
"Wow, we really changed haven't we..... Do you still think about them?" He asked me with a sudden sadness.
".... no...." I said as I answered honestly, I knew who he was talking about and like a sudden shift in reality the tv started playing my old memories.
Forever home that I got with my wife after working so hard and through so much. The happy memories and even the sad ones replayed in a loop as we both stood there staring at the videos being played like a home movie.
"I miss them Vexsus.... I know you have a new life here but I've been stuck in this tiny room for as long as you've been alive. Everytime your body aged through your skill was just that.... You might have aged instantly but for me time was just as slow. I went through 30 years of rewatching everything over and over again...."
He sat down on his bed with his hands over his head. I conjured up a chair to sit in front of him, that made him stare at me with shock but then a saddened smirk came over his face.
"That's another example of why I'm going to ask this Vexsus. You're not me anymore, you've fully converted and started a new life here, where as I've been stuck reliving our old one." He looked into my eyes with a hardened resolve as he breathed deeply.
"I need you to kill me. Take away my misery and inherit all of your old memories. I serve no purpose for your new life other than to hold all of your old life's memories and knowledge."
I was a bit taken aback by what he said but I understood where he was coming from. If I was stuck watching the family I left behind countless times over and over for 30 years and not able to escape it in any way, I would want to end it to.
So I stood up and grabbed his arm and helped the old me up from the bed. I looked down at my human form and glared into his eyes.
"You know your asking me to not only take you away but also take back all of those painful reminders of those I left behind. This serves me no purpose." I said while growling.
"You will gain more than just that, You will gain your knowledge of everything you read about, or watched. You think you remember everything now but in reality your memory of before is maybe 10%. I hold ALL of our old world knowledge and memories. This is the sacrifice for that knowledge, You take back those memories and then you can use what you remember to become stronger."
"What if I say no and just leave you here." I said menacingly as I let him go and started walking towards the door.
Before I could reach towards the doorhandle the door completely disappeared and a red chain wrapped around my body.
"If you say no then I'll be forced to keep you here so you can see for yourself just how miserable it is." My human form said as he lowered his hand that glowed a faint red as wisps of blackish smoke rose from it.
I tried to resist but something about these chains kept me bound, and a feeling of anger was starting to surge in me. I hated being bound and unable to move, it connected to a deep part of me that was very phobic against this. I started lashing around uncontrollably in a failing attempt to break the chains. Nothing I did was able to break them, it all just seemed to be fuel for chains as every outburst would strengthen and increase the weight of those chains. Until eventually I was on my knees from the weight.
"Are you done? One thing I was able to do with this new psuedo life of mine was that now I'm able to use magic aswell..... Well I say magic but in reality our old sin was able to come to life."
"What do you mean 'our old sin'? I am the child of Gluttony, That is my sin."
"OH YEA? Well buckle up you fucking moron because I'm gonna take you down memory lane."
He grabbed my head and instantly I was transported back to my childhood, back to the night I stood there as a young child watching my mother be abused and remembering that in my head I was unable to do anything to help her. I was jumping and kicking the air and yelling trying to force myself to run and protect her but my child brain knew how dangerous it was and made sure that even though I was jumping and kicking, I didn't take a single step towards what I was seeing. It was like a forcefield was stopping me but instead of something physical of magical... It was my own body that stopped me. My own body forced me to watch and not be able to risk my life.
As I relived this moment I saw a small spark inside my childhood soul. It sparked with an malicious red hue and every so often you could swear you would see a smiling fanged face staring out at the torment I was going through and loving every second of it.
Then flash forward years to a boy between 11-12. When I lost two of the most important role models of my young life. My uncle and my father. The human me looked at me as it forced the memories of those nights when my mother had to sit me down and through a cracked facade of stoic strength, she had to explain to her son how his father was now dead. But it wasn't until some time later when my child self heard a particularly upsetting rumor of his death.
About a betrayal and a potentially planned murder. Even if it wasn't true or not that spark of red grew in size just because there was a rumor of my father dying at the hands of some bastard looking to fuck his wife. 'Ahem' back to the now small wisp of fire and the now evident face of some creature staring back at me.
Whispers of anger and rage start to flow from its mouth as a forked tongue licks the chains my childhood mind is slowly starting to create. The chains and bars start forming a cage not only over the flame creature but also over the dimming light of childhood.
Next the human me transports us further into the future and I stare down to a Boy of 20. I'm laying in bed in my grandparents house. I hear a hacking cough come from my grandma but the sound was unsettling, something within me sounded off alarms but the naive, lazy part of me just overrode the bells blaring in my brain and told me that it was normal for old people to cough.
Only for a couple hours later to hear my grandpa started yelling out her name and I rush towards their room in a panic and turn the corner to see him shaking her in bed trying to get a response from her, He would pound on her chest and shake her. Obviously he didn't know CPR, but I knew the basics, I wasn't certified but I had watched enough to atleast attempt to help..... If only my body once again forced me to stop in my tracks and just watch.
The dribble of saliva coming down her chin was what my brain needed to make itself up in telling me to not do anything, Because I didn't want to CPR nasty saliva. Even when my grandpa looked at me in panic and wanted my help, I froze and only shook my head no.
The flame inside the cage that was partially dormant from being unfed for years lit ablaze as a new source of hate and rage appeared, but this time it flowed from within my soul instead of being an outside source as the thoughts of the reason why she died was because I was disgusted with spit that I refused to try and save her. My self hate and being disgusted with myself flowed back into my memories and the face that grew in size was now looking at me, and I mean Vexsus, and it smiled as if it knew all along that it was being watched. It smiled as it started to whisper self doubt and hate with renewed vigor that surpassed the chains and bars that made up its prison.
Again flash forward in a sequence of short second clips of my life in between happy moments in public, and depressed hateful scourne in private as I critiziced myself for all that I've failed to do.
Then comes the memory of that fateful day of me making out with a truck.
That's when my memory ends but when I looked up at the human me with tears streaming from my eyes and snot flowing and the sadness seeping back into my soul, he only shakes his head as he nods towards the scene that now played.
There was my former body, splayed across the road in a broken heap but still breathing haggardly. My eyes were still open and blinking in consciousness but the blood flowing was taking its toll slowly.
I then started to hear garbled, but panicked voices as people rushed around my body.
Within seconds I saw flashing lights as EMT's tried to keep me alive but upon first glance the looks in their eyes betrayed their efforts.
They knew.
Then my consciousness was shoved into that dying body and the pain racked across me like a forest fire, yet I didn't scream, I didn't yell. I only looked out with sadness as I saw a figure running towrads me through the crowd. Tears flowing like a waterfall from her face as she kneeled down and took my mangled hand in hers.
I uttered a final I love you before the light dimmed from my eyes and I was wrenched back out and to the side of the human.
"I have had to relive this for years thanks to you." He finally said after all this time.
"I-I'm sorry." I muttered, unable to look up at him after rewitnessing all of this.
I kept watching as the EMT's had to pull my wife from my body so they could bag me up and load me into the ambulance.
Me and the human were now transported to a black and star lit sky. Before I could speak a dimly lit light appeared and with it a short chain that was attached and wrapped around a prison. Seconds later the chains were broken and the prison melted down to a puddle of liquid metal as a large body of absolute flame rose up from within.
"Ahhhh, finally I am free. Such a shame it has to be after your death but I still have plenty of uses for you. I just wish you would have listened to my sweet nothings and gave in to your rage while you were living. I would have gained so much power from draining your life."
The flame creature now stood over the dim light as it reached to grab it.. Only for a bright flash of Green light to appear and within seconds the green light envoloped the dim light and in the blink of an eye they both vanished.
"How are you here?" I asked still looking shocked at the human standing before me.
"How do you think dumbass? I'm your soul, I'm you, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will be there."
"But why now?"
"Because your body has matured enough to handle having the memories of 2 souls. Also your body has hit the age when we died so think of it kind of like a requirement that needed to be met first." The human said as he stepped further into the tiny room and closer to me.
He reached up and grabbed my arm and then he pat my shoulders. He was very interested in my body and how it looked and seeing as how this was my former self, I had no problems showing off. It was like an older version of myself going back in time and showing off how your life changed in front of your younger self.
"Wow, we really changed haven't we..... Do you still think about them?" He asked me with a sudden sadness.
".... no...." I said as I answered honestly, I knew who he was talking about and like a sudden shift in reality the tv started playing my old memories.
Forever home that I got with my wife after working so hard and through so much. The happy memories and even the sad ones replayed in a loop as we both stood there staring at the videos being played like a home movie.
"I miss them Vexsus.... I know you have a new life here but I've been stuck in this tiny room for as long as you've been alive. Everytime your body aged through your skill was just that.... You might have aged instantly but for me time was just as slow. I went through 30 years of rewatching everything over and over again...."
He sat down on his bed with his hands over his head. I conjured up a chair to sit in front of him, that made him stare at me with shock but then a saddened smirk came over his face.
"That's another example of why I'm going to ask this Vexsus. You're not me anymore, you've fully converted and started a new life here, where as I've been stuck reliving our old one." He looked into my eyes with a hardened resolve as he breathed deeply.
"I need you to kill me. Take away my misery and inherit all of your old memories. I serve no purpose for your new life other than to hold all of your old life's memories and knowledge."
I was a bit taken aback by what he said but I understood where he was coming from. If I was stuck watching the family I left behind countless times over and over for 30 years and not able to escape it in any way, I would want to end it to.
So I stood up and grabbed his arm and helped the old me up from the bed. I looked down at my human form and glared into his eyes.
"You know your asking me to not only take you away but also take back all of those painful reminders of those I left behind. This serves me no purpose." I said while growling.
"You will gain more than just that, You will gain your knowledge of everything you read about, or watched. You think you remember everything now but in reality your memory of before is maybe 10%. I hold ALL of our old world knowledge and memories. This is the sacrifice for that knowledge, You take back those memories and then you can use what you remember to become stronger."
"What if I say no and just leave you here." I said menacingly as I let him go and started walking towards the door.
Before I could reach towards the doorhandle the door completely disappeared and a red chain wrapped around my body.
"If you say no then I'll be forced to keep you here so you can see for yourself just how miserable it is." My human form said as he lowered his hand that glowed a faint red as wisps of blackish smoke rose from it.
I tried to resist but something about these chains kept me bound, and a feeling of anger was starting to surge in me. I hated being bound and unable to move, it connected to a deep part of me that was very phobic against this. I started lashing around uncontrollably in a failing attempt to break the chains. Nothing I did was able to break them, it all just seemed to be fuel for chains as every outburst would strengthen and increase the weight of those chains. Until eventually I was on my knees from the weight.
"Are you done? One thing I was able to do with this new psuedo life of mine was that now I'm able to use magic aswell..... Well I say magic but in reality our old sin was able to come to life."
"What do you mean 'our old sin'? I am the child of Gluttony, That is my sin."
"OH YEA? Well buckle up you fucking moron because I'm gonna take you down memory lane."
He grabbed my head and instantly I was transported back to my childhood, back to the night I stood there as a young child watching my mother be abused and remembering that in my head I was unable to do anything to help her. I was jumping and kicking the air and yelling trying to force myself to run and protect her but my child brain knew how dangerous it was and made sure that even though I was jumping and kicking, I didn't take a single step towards what I was seeing. It was like a forcefield was stopping me but instead of something physical of magical... It was my own body that stopped me. My own body forced me to watch and not be able to risk my life.
As I relived this moment I saw a small spark inside my childhood soul. It sparked with an malicious red hue and every so often you could swear you would see a smiling fanged face staring out at the torment I was going through and loving every second of it.
Then flash forward years to a boy between 11-12. When I lost two of the most important role models of my young life. My uncle and my father. The human me looked at me as it forced the memories of those nights when my mother had to sit me down and through a cracked facade of stoic strength, she had to explain to her son how his father was now dead. But it wasn't until some time later when my child self heard a particularly upsetting rumor of his death.
About a betrayal and a potentially planned murder. Even if it wasn't true or not that spark of red grew in size just because there was a rumor of my father dying at the hands of some bastard looking to fuck his wife. 'Ahem' back to the now small wisp of fire and the now evident face of some creature staring back at me.
Whispers of anger and rage start to flow from its mouth as a forked tongue licks the chains my childhood mind is slowly starting to create. The chains and bars start forming a cage not only over the flame creature but also over the dimming light of childhood.
Next the human me transports us further into the future and I stare down to a Boy of 20. I'm laying in bed in my grandparents house. I hear a hacking cough come from my grandma but the sound was unsettling, something within me sounded off alarms but the naive, lazy part of me just overrode the bells blaring in my brain and told me that it was normal for old people to cough.
Only for a couple hours later to hear my grandpa started yelling out her name and I rush towards their room in a panic and turn the corner to see him shaking her in bed trying to get a response from her, He would pound on her chest and shake her. Obviously he didn't know CPR, but I knew the basics, I wasn't certified but I had watched enough to atleast attempt to help..... If only my body once again forced me to stop in my tracks and just watch.
The dribble of saliva coming down her chin was what my brain needed to make itself up in telling me to not do anything, Because I didn't want to CPR nasty saliva. Even when my grandpa looked at me in panic and wanted my help, I froze and only shook my head no.
The flame inside the cage that was partially dormant from being unfed for years lit ablaze as a new source of hate and rage appeared, but this time it flowed from within my soul instead of being an outside source as the thoughts of the reason why she died was because I was disgusted with spit that I refused to try and save her. My self hate and being disgusted with myself flowed back into my memories and the face that grew in size was now looking at me, and I mean Vexsus, and it smiled as if it knew all along that it was being watched. It smiled as it started to whisper self doubt and hate with renewed vigor that surpassed the chains and bars that made up its prison.
Again flash forward in a sequence of short second clips of my life in between happy moments in public, and depressed hateful scourne in private as I critiziced myself for all that I've failed to do.
Then comes the memory of that fateful day of me making out with a truck.
That's when my memory ends but when I looked up at the human me with tears streaming from my eyes and snot flowing and the sadness seeping back into my soul, he only shakes his head as he nods towards the scene that now played.
There was my former body, splayed across the road in a broken heap but still breathing haggardly. My eyes were still open and blinking in consciousness but the blood flowing was taking its toll slowly.
I then started to hear garbled, but panicked voices as people rushed around my body.
Within seconds I saw flashing lights as EMT's tried to keep me alive but upon first glance the looks in their eyes betrayed their efforts.
They knew.
Then my consciousness was shoved into that dying body and the pain racked across me like a forest fire, yet I didn't scream, I didn't yell. I only looked out with sadness as I saw a figure running towrads me through the crowd. Tears flowing like a waterfall from her face as she kneeled down and took my mangled hand in hers.
I uttered a final I love you before the light dimmed from my eyes and I was wrenched back out and to the side of the human.
"I have had to relive this for years thanks to you." He finally said after all this time.
"I-I'm sorry." I muttered, unable to look up at him after rewitnessing all of this.
I kept watching as the EMT's had to pull my wife from my body so they could bag me up and load me into the ambulance.
Me and the human were now transported to a black and star lit sky. Before I could speak a dimly lit light appeared and with it a short chain that was attached and wrapped around a prison. Seconds later the chains were broken and the prison melted down to a puddle of liquid metal as a large body of absolute flame rose up from within.
"Ahhhh, finally I am free. Such a shame it has to be after your death but I still have plenty of uses for you. I just wish you would have listened to my sweet nothings and gave in to your rage while you were living. I would have gained so much power from draining your life."
The flame creature now stood over the dim light as it reached to grab it.. Only for a bright flash of Green light to appear and within seconds the green light envoloped the dim light and in the blink of an eye they both vanished.
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