Volume 1 - CH 9

Chapter 9 - Older Sister

My family is a one-parent family.

My family consists of me, my father, and my older sister, who is 9 years older than me.

I used to be very quiet and shy, and no one would even talk to me when I was in elementary school.

But I never thought I was lonely. My older sister always filled my lonely hole.

My older sister, who was nine years older than me, was my mother.

She always cooked and washed clothes, replacing my father who always came home late.

And most importantly, she always played with me.

When I was in first grade, she came to cheer me on instead of my father.

"Yoruu──Onee-chan came to visit you, you know... Fight!!!".

I was really embarrassed by her cheering at that time.

When I had a fever in 2nd grade, she would sneak into my room.

"There is a myth that a fever can be cured by passing it on to another person. Of course, there's no medical proof of this, but in order for you to get better quickly, just transfer your fever to me, okay?"

Then she stayed on the same futon with me, stroking my head until I fell asleep.

Sh's very kind and caring, a very cool older sister I'm proud of.

She was the older sister I loved the most and we were very close.

But when I was in the third grade, my older sister was in the third grade of high school, and she was preparing for the college entrance exam.

"Sorry, Yoru. Can you play alone this time? I'll lend you a game."

At this rate, I won't have much time to play with her.

I end up spending more time alone, either at school or at home.

One day, worried about me, my father hired a tutor for me.

But rather than a tutor, it was more appropriate to call her my playmate.

He was a university student who lived in the same neighborhood as me and was the eldest child of a family close to ours.

Him name is Toshi Yuki-san.

I had always known him as my neighbor's older brother.

I called him "Toshiyuki-niichan," but it seems that when I was little and not very fluent in speech, I called him "Totchi-niichan.

But eventually I kept calling him "Totchi-niichan" even when I got older, and my older sister called him that too because it sounded interesting.

"From now on, I will take care of Yoru-chan instead of your older sister and father. I'll also teach you how to study, but yeah, I guess it's okay if the neighbor's older brother plays here often."

As he said, Totchi-niichan often plays with me instead of my father and older sister.

We play cards and sugoroku together.

TL/N: Sugoroku (すごろく) is a board game for children.

Hee also accompanied me to play with the playhouse, and he often played games with me, too.

Sometimes he makes me study, but I don't hate him at all.

Because Totchi-niichan is like a family to me,

"I feel bad that I made Totchi-niichan take care of Yoru alone.

"Then come and play. We'll play with the three of us. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I want to play with Yoru too. Well, that's okay. But just for a little while."

"Yaay!"

My older sister, who was studying for the entrance exam, ended up playing with me as much as she could.

"Then Seirei-san and her friends returned to Earth, and they lived happily..."

"Totchi-niichan, Yoru has grown up. If you read picture books like a child..."

"Really? Are you bored, Yoru-chan?"

"No. I really enjoyed it. Seirei-san and her friends are really great. I want to try to meet them."

Me, Totchi-niichan, and my older sister.

The time we spent together was so much fun, more fun than anything else.

I think it will last forever.

Even though I didn't have friends my own age, I didn't care.

Even when I was at school, I always thought of going home quickly to play with my brother and Totchi-niichan.

Time passed, and now I was in the fifth grade.

At that time, many of my classmates started talking to me.

I was asked to join one of the girls' circle, but I was still as quiet as ever, just laughing quietly in the corner of the group.

When I was cornered, I tried to talk back to them, and that is when I realized that there was a little problem.

"Eh, what kind of anime is this?"

"I... it's... an old anime that airs at midnight. It was an anime about another world that was popular at the time."

"Channel Shizu-nyan? What channel is that?"

"Ah, Anu... it's a distributor that usually broadcasts live streams. Sometimes they broadcast hack and slash games."

I can't keep up with the chatter of the girls in my class.

That's natural.

I only hung out with my older sister, who was nine years older than me, and Totchi-nii, who was ten years older than me.

My older sister is a sophomore, while Totchi-niichan is a junior.

I don't know since when, but instead of saying that they were the ones I always played with, it would be more accurate to say that I was the one they often invited to play with.

And I don't think that's a problem at all. In fact, I enjoy it.

I think watching anime and movies with two adults is cool and interesting and really fun.

But on the other hand, the anime and movies that girls my age like sound very childish.

I tried to watch one of their recommendations once, but I wasn't interested.

During recess, they invited me to play dodgeball and demons, but it didn't feel like fun to me.

Instead, when I went with my older sister to practice guitar and bass, which my older sister had been into lately, I thought it was much more fun.

I was more interested when they talked about effects and amps and when they took me to the pool hall.

That's why even though I'm in a group at school, my heart is still limited.

Then one day, as usual, I came home early to play with my older sister and Totchi-niichan.

Totchi-niichan didn't come to my house every day. It was about four times a week.

But since we lived in the same neighborhood, I always felt that he would stop by my house when he came home from college.

Or if not, I would usually play with my older sister.

"Nee-chan, can you teach me how to use this eyelash extender?"

"I'm busy. Next time."

For some reason, my older sister started to be cold to me.

She only talked a little when I asked her to chat, and when I asked her to play, she always refused, saying, "Next time."

I only saw my older sister who cared about me when we were with Totchi-niichan.

But when Totchi-niichan comes to the house, without me even inviting him, he will come here and we will play familiarly together.

That's why I always thought it would be good if Totchi-niichan came here every day.

Then the reason why my kind older sister turned cold...

...I might find out soon.

........................................

My Older sister only dared to come into my room when she saw me studying.

One day, when my older sister was away, Totchi-niichan came into my room and offered me something.

"Hey, Yoru-chan. Would you like to go to the amusement park on Sunday?"

I was working on a problem at the time, and he asked me out of the blue.

"Uh, is that okay?

Is this a reward for me because I got a good grade on yesterday's exam?

I'm so overjoyed that I feel like I'm losing my mind.

"Yes. I want a date with Yoru-chan alone."

Date.

Every 5th grader already knows the meaning of that word.

I was silent for a moment, then I opened my mouth.

"Ufufu..."

I laughed in an adult voice, which surprised me.

"Okay. If it's a date with Totchi-niichan, I'm willing."

Totchi-niichan is an adult and a third-year college student who is over 20 years old, while I am a child who is only 10 years old.

So of course I understand that he's not serious about the date.

To Totchi-niichan, I was just a kid who had been his neighbor for a long time. That's all.

I can understand that, but when I got a date from such a mature man, I was very happy.

It's possible that Totchi-niichan is a bit serious. Ufufu.

If he didn't think so, my life might have been different.

But back then, I was just like a girl in a dream whose heart was overjoyed like a fool.

........................................

Going to the amusement park with Totchi-niichan was fun.

I even borrowed my older sister's makeup and secretly used her powder and lipstick.

We rode the Ferris wheel, the merry-go-round, the roller coaster, and other rides.

When we went on rides, we always held hands. Because even if we held hands, we would just look like older brothers and sisters.

And when we took a break, Totchi-niichan would wipe my seat with his handkerchief before I sat down.

Well, even though my classmates are mostly boys, they are all still children. Even the girls in my class had probably never been on a date with an adult who provided this kind of escort.

As I was lost in my pleasure, the dreamlike moment came to an end.

"Then let's go home, Yoru-chan."

I actually wanted to play longer, but it seems like this selfish woman is just a child.

I nodded, still holding Totchi-niichan's hand in the twilight of the amusement park.

Suddenly, Totchi-niichan made a lonely face and muttered something.

"Thank you for accompanying me today. I'll always have fond memories until the end."

The end? What did he say?

He looked at me, who was confused by his sentence, then he continued

"I talked to your father and today is my last day as your tutor. I had a lot of fun taking care of you, so I feel a little lonely."

...Ah, I see. So that's what he meant by the end.

You see, Totchi-niichan is a junior now, and he will be even busier trying to find a job.

He will be very busy, so I'm grateful that he took care of me up to this point.

I felt this way and then tried to deal with it like an adult.

But not unlike a child, I cried my eyes out.

With that, him status as a tutor was over, and he would no longer come to the house.

........................................

I guess it wasn't even 10 days since my dating with Totchi-niichan.

That day, I had been wilting since the morning, and I left school early before noon.

When I opened the door, there were two pairs of shoes.

One was my Older sister's high heels and the other was a boy's high tops.

Isn't that Totchi-niichan's?

Those are definitely the shoes that Totchi-niichan used to wear.

He already said that he's no longer a tutor, but why did he come here? Maybe he came to see me?

If so, I'm very happy!

While I was feeling so happy, I suddenly heard a strange sound.

Just to the right of the entrance was my room, and across from it was my older sister room.

And I heard that strange sound coming from my older sister's room.

"Wait, I just heard the sound of the door opening. Isn't that Yoru-chan who just came back from school?"

"That's just your impression. She's still at school. Anyway, just concentrate here."

Totchi-niichan is actually with my older sister.

It's just like that,

This is not their usual voice.

It's not the sound of them chatting and laughing like they usually do.

They made strange noises several times and I heard something squeaking.

Squeak, squeak, squeak ──ah ──ah ──ah ──nngggghhhhhh.

What are those two doing?

I thought, then I slowly opened the door of my older sister's room───there I saw them.

「~~~!?」

I don't know how mature it was, but it was too early for a 5th grade girl.

A black box belonging to the two of them, something that cannot be shown to others.

When I saw it, I was just shocked, scared, and screamed.

I screamed loudly anyway, and of course that made them aware of my existence.

My older sister was very angry, and Totchi-niichan tried to calm her down.

I runn into my room and cried loudly.

And I ended up cowering in the corner of my room, then Totchi-niichan came over to me.

"Anu... First of all, I apologize. Since you're her older sister, you should calm down for now. I'm going to talk to Yoru-chan, so I'm going to leave now."

I didn't see him satisfied face, but I felt that Totchi-niichan really chose her words.

"This way, Yoru-chan. I've always kept this a secret, but we... have been dating for about half a year. Your older sister and I have become lovers."

Actually, he told me a few other things, but I was too shocked by what I saw earlier, my heart kept racing, and I didn't understand why I kept crying.

So there wasn't much that I could catch.

...The point is, I understand that they're together.

I'm sure the reason he quit being my tutor was so he could go out with my Older sister' more often.

You see, if he quit because he was busy, why did he come here today?

I also wanted to meet Totchi-niichan.

But it looks like I'll have to hold off for a while.

"So I hope you can understand that we are serious about our relationship. I'm really sorry..."

That was the last sentence Totchi-niichan said, then he turned around and left my room.

This is not good. If I don't congratulate you, I'll just look like a child.

"Wait."

I stopped him, wiped away my tears, and smiled at him.

"Congratulations. I'm so happy to know that you're together."

That, what I saw earlier, really shocked me.

But if the two of them were dating, it should make me happy.

Because even though Totchi-niichan is no longer my tutor, he will still come to my house.

When Totchi-niichan came, my older sister always treated me well. He would play with me and talk to me casually.

That's why I should be happy that the two of them are finally dating.

Of course, both my older sister and Totchi-niichan will be busy with their dates.

But please take the time to play with me again sometime...

I also have to congratulate my Older Sister.

"Onee-chan, are you free now?"

My older sister was playing with her hand phone on the bed, she still wasn't as friendly as usual and didn't look at me.

"If that's the case, I won't apologize to you. After all, it's your fault for speeking in so casually."

"I understand. I'm sorry."

I didn't want to remember that again, but I lowered my head because it seemed like my sister was still angry.

Then I told her seriously.

"I heard you're going out with Totchi-niichan. Etto... congratulations."

My older sister sighed and finally looked at me.

"Yes. That's right. It's been half a year."

"Yes. I didn't realize it at all."

"Well, he was still your tutor then anyway, and Dad said I didn't need to tell you, so I never told you."

"Ah, no problem. I'm glad to hear you guys are dating."

"Then don't go near that guy again."

Huh?

For a moment I didn't understand what she meant.

Then it seemed that my face was very frightened at that moment.

"Ah, you're showing that face again. You must think that with that face you can attract the attention of the people around you. Men are naive, but it doesn't work for me."

I'm an introverted person, so from the beginning I never thought about attracting people around me.

But instead of that, it's better to ask her what she just meant.

"Uh... what do you mean, don't approach that guy again?"

"Like. I want you to not approach Toshiyuki-san anymore."

Toshiyuki-san = Totchi-niichan.

Although she always called him 'Totchi-niichan', I don't know when she changed it to 'Toshiyuki-san'.

Once again, I think they're really dating.

Maybe my older sister just wanted to emphasize their relationship.

But I didn't understand what she meant when she said that she no longer approached Totchi-niicha

While I was thinking about it, my older sister said something like this.

"When you went to the amusement park, you felt like you were on a date, right? You hold hands, too, don't you?"

"Huh? T-That"

"Well, I also don't understand why Toshiyuki-san uses the word 'date' when going out with a child. I don't want there to be any misunderstanding. Toshiyuki-san didn't mean it when he said that to Yoru, who is still in 5th grade."

Of course. And I already knew that.

I'm just someone who got a date from a grown man and I'm just too happy about it...

"Still, you used my cosmetics without permission, right? I don't know if you felt like it was a date with someone you loved. But you, still in 5th grade, went that far──」"

Dating someone I love?

I'm in love with Totchi-niichan?

No, you're wrong! It's not like that!

Of course I like Totchi-niichan, but it's just like my love for One-chan.

So that liking isn't "love."

I'm happier when the three of us are together.

Onee-chan, Totchi-niichan and me.

I want the three of us to be together.

That's why I can't fall in love with Totchi-niichan. And from the bottom of my heart, I'm really happy that they're together.

I definitely won't interfere in their relationship.

I just want to do it once I'm in your midst.

So please.

Don't say pathetic words like not going near Totchi-niichan.

Why is it that when Totchi-niichan isn't around, One-chan's attitude towards me is like this?

You used to be so nice to me... why?

I held back my tears, and then my older sister said something I wasn't expecting.

"It seems like you were right to tell him to stop being a tutor."

What do you mean, "tell him to stop"?

"Maybe it's One-chan who wants Totchi-niichan to stop being a private tutor..."

"Yes, that's right. You still haven't changed from before, you don't have any friends at school and you always hang out with people who are 9 years older than you. I think that's a very negative influence on you. You're still in 5th grade, but you're starting to take advantage of boys' looks, and that's not a good example. Imagining yourself maturing too early like that gives me goose bumps."

"Why?!!!"

I shouted for the first time since I was born.

"Why?!!! Why have you become so selfish?! Like you took Totchi-niichan away from me! Why!?!?!」

My older sister replied in the same tone.

"Then I will tell you the truth. I'm afraid of you lately! I'm afraid that you're maturing too fast because you're jumping up some stairs that you should have skipped! When I think that there might be some strange feelings between you and Toshiyuki-san, it's really scary. It's so scary!"

"What do you mean, strange feelings? Was it me who approached Totchi-niichan? Ah, or do you mean I'm doing naughty things like you did earlier──」?

Then there was a dry voice.

The next thing I knew, my cheeks felt sore and hot.

My Older sister slapped my face. It was also the first time in my life.

"I told you it was scary! You're only 10 years old...!"

"...Who teaches a 10-year-old all the adult stuff?"

"I said that's why you don't have any friends! You always came along on my date with Toshiyuki-san...!"

Ah, I see.

I finally understand.

It seems like they have been dating for half a year. But I'm sure they liked each other long before that.

So when Totchi-niichan played with me, my brother would always come with us when I wasn't studying.

At first, they were the ones who played with me, but as time went on, they became absorbed in their own entertainment.

I ended up watching anime and videos that girls my age don't usually watch. I also read adult fashion magazines, started playing guitar and bass, and they often took me to billiards and archery. I also often went to co-ed style cafes where there were only adults.

It was all because I didn't have any friends to play with, and I always stuck with them wherever they went.

"Toshiyuki-san is no longer your tutor, and we will soon be leaving this place to live independently. You won't be playing with us anymore, so you'd better make friends with someone my age right away."

They're leaving? They won't play with me anymore...?

Wait. Suddenly like that── isn't that too much?

At least tell me what kids my age do that I don't know about.

I can only see my classmates as children.

And yet they want to disappear from my sight?

Me, who used to hang out with people in their 20s, and now you're telling me to get used to my 10-year-old classmates?

I realize that my inability to make friends so far is really bad...

Yeah, it's all my fault!

"Wa-wait, One-chan."

I looked at my older sister in despair. Hopefully, I said that I didn't want them to leave.

"Let's play the three of us again sometime, okay? I'll visit the place where you live together! Even if it's just once in a while, let's play together again, okay? Yeah?"

"Didn't I tell you that we won't play together anymore?"

Even so, my older sister continued to angrily refuse.

"I told you that we will live independently to separate you from Toshiyuki-san, do you still not understand? Don't you dare to contact him or meet him secretly. Even if it's bad for you, I really don't want you to go near him again! I don't want you to take him away from me!"

There is a bad feeling in my older sister, like a terrible monster living inside him.

And I already know the name of that monster.

The name of that monster is──jealousy.

My older sister is jealous of me.

When Totchi-niichan was alone with me to teach me how to study, when I went to the amusement park with him, and when I held him hand.

When my older sister hit me with those feelings, I was so scared. I was really scared.

"Tsk....tsk....huuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaa.....tsk.」"

I ran to my room screaming.

Some time later, Totchi-niichan and my older sister actually left the house, just as she said.

The place they had chosen to live was far away and inaccessible to children like me.

And that night, when they completely disappeared from my sight,

I curled up on the bed in my room.

I saw my older sister relieved face just before they moved out, and it made me realize even more.

That my older sister was very jealous of me, and she really wanted to break me up with Totchi-niichan.

I'm in love with Totchi-niichan?

I have strange feelings for Totchi-niichan?

That can't happen.

You see, I'm only 10 years old, while Totchi-niichan is 20 years old, you know?

So something like a love affair isn't possible. I don't know how jealousy can happen.

But why is my older sister so blind that she can't see his surroundings?

The answer is clear and simple.

Because my older sister loved Totchi-niichan very much.

My older sister is an intelligent person and qualified to enter one of the top national universities.

She is a kind, caring, cool, and very proud older sister.

But my older sister, who is like this, can lose her mind and turn into a stupid girl when it comes to love.

As a result, she became jealous of me, of her family members, of her only older sister.

She was jealous of a girl who was only 10 years old.

I should have understood how much I could depend on her.

Nevertheless, she raised her hand from me, separated me from a boy for reasons that seemed to be lies, and finally made the choice that I couldn't believe, which was to disappear from my sight.

It may be ridiculous, but it's true.

If someone were to hear it, I am sure they would laugh out loud at the folly of going too far for love.

I want you not to go near that person again! Don't take her away from me!

My older sister, who wasn't so charming, said such a stupid and ridiculous sentence.

"Ufufu...ufufu. Ahahahahahaha.─── What the heck is that?"

It was so stupid that hatred arose in me.

Not for my older sister.

But for the feeling of "love" that now left me completely alone.

"Return to me..." .... Give me back my mature and admired older sister..."

And at the same time, when I really hate the name "love".

"Actually... what is love?"

Until my wise older sister went crazy about it, it must be something powerful, evil, and also dangerous.

"I think it's something wonderful."

I thought it was like an interesting fruit that tasted sweet, delicious, beautiful, and terrible.

"I also...want it..."

That was my admiration, which I couldn't put into words.

"I want to try it too... Anyway...I want to know about it!..."

"I really want to love."

This desire seemed to spread to the tips of my feet.

Lately my body feels strange, it's because I keep searching for what love is until it seems to be the thing that forms my body.

After my older sister left me, I became even more thirsty for love.

Finally, I became a junior high school student who was different from the others.