CH 117

Sendai-san and the post-graduation ceremony — 117

Translated by KaiesV

Edited by KaiesV

Nothing special happens just because it is graduation morning.

I know that.

Maybe she was waiting for me.

I thought about that, but there was no way that Sendai-san would be waiting for me when I left the apartment. I just thought that since Sendai-san had barged into my house in the past, it might happen again today. Maybe she doesn’t care about me anymore because I ignored a few messages she sent me.

I don’t have any expectations of her and I don’t want her to come.

I walk along a familiar path.

Once I arrive at school, I will only have to walk this road one more time wearing my school uniform. It’s just one time when the graduation ceremony is over and I’m going home. It’s a little sad to think so.

Passing through the city, which is warm for a March morning, I head for school.

The weather is supposed to be nice and pleasant, but my legs are heavy. My uniform also feels heavier and I walk slower. Inevitably, I walk more leisurely than usual.

Walking slowly does not mean the end of school or the graduation ceremony. Even my promise to Sendai-san will not disappear.

I entered the school and went up the stairs.

As I walk down the hallway, Sendai-san comes out of a noisy neighboring class.

She had buttoned her blouse to the very top, as one would expect on the morning of a graduation ceremony, and her tie was neatly fastened.

It was a sight I would never see again after today, and although I did not want to burn it into my eyes, my gaze was glued to Sendai-san.

I wanted to call out to her, even though I couldn’t.

It doesn’t matter if someone sees me.

I told Sendai-san that on the day we watched the movie together, but I should keep my promise. If both Sendai-san and I had kept our promises all the way to today, we would not be in such a depressed mood right now.

I try to look away from Sendai-san.

But she noticed me before I could look away.

Sendai-san opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but Ibaraki-san, who had arrived before I knew it, pulled her away and disappeared into the classroom before I could hear her.

Not even a sigh.

I already know the answer, but looking at Sendai-san, I feel lost.

After everything related to the exam was over, I kept thinking about what I would do after the graduation ceremony. In fact, I think it is strange to think about it. The end is set, and I have told that to Sendai-san. And promises are not meant to be broken, but kept.

I think so, but I’ve lost my way for quite some time.

I flopped down the hallway where Sendai-san had disappeared and entered the classroom. I put my bag on my seat and go to Maika’s seat.

Ami was crying because she had to stay here alone before the graduation ceremony started, although she was not a fan of humid atmosphere. Maika is focused on reaching out to Ami.

My legs and uniform are still heavy.

It feels like a chore to move.

I manage to move my mouth to say good morning to them both,「Are you okay?」and look at Ami.

「Shiori～!」

Ami, the head of her nose bright red, calls out to me in a voice that sounds like the end of the world and hugs me.

「I should have gone to the same college as you two. Don’t leave me～」

「It’s not like we can’t see each other. I say you’re overreacting.」

「But, you know…」

Ami, who is crying continuously, has a terrible nasal voice.

I pat her on the shoulder and tell her that I can see her anytime and that we can play together during summer vacation.

All the while, my mind is occupied with Sendai-san, and I consider myself a heartless person. But I also want to do something about the fact that I have been thinking about her ever since the exam was over.

「Ami, if you doesn’t stop crying soon, your face will look bad.」

Maika taps Ami on the shoulder.

Ami, who had been crying like a child, pulls away from me and presses her eyes with a handkerchief, saying,「I know that.」I don’t know how long she had been crying, but Ami’s eyes were definitely swollen and she looked terrible for the upcoming graduation ceremony.

「You too, Shiori.」

Maika then offers me a pocket tissue.

「I’m not crying.」

「You’re not crying, but you’re about to cry.」

「You really were.」

Ami looks at me and cries and laughs.

It’s heartbreaking.

I’m not crying yet.

I return the pocket tissue to Maika and rub my eyes.

There’s nothing sad enough to cry about today.

Ami and I will be at different universities, but that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other. Maika and I will continue to be together.

——The only person I will not see again is Sendai-san.

After today, our relationship is over and we will never see each other again.

So I decided to get just a few memories before the graduation ceremony comes. I didn’t want to do something like mark the calendar with Sendai-san, but I thought that if the end date was near, it would be nice to have a few more memories.

It’s not as big a deal as giving Valentine’s Day chocolates or watching a movie together. Even if I do something out of the ordinary, I will forget about it soon anyway.

Memories don’t stay with me.

They will fade and even disappear at some point.

Sometimes I forget things that happened only a year ago.

I don’t know how much time will pass and my memories of being a high school student will fade, but if I don’t think back on it, it shouldn’t take too long to disappear.

But now I regret that I thought it was okay to have a few more memories.

The taste of Valentine’s Day chocolate.

The kiss we had on the day we went to the movies together.

I think back to it many times, and the memory is not fading, but thickening.

It doesn’t work.

Memories that should have been a little heavier are heavier than I thought.

「Shiori.」

I hear Maika’s voice and was brought back to reality.

「You’re crying.」

Maika’s hand with a tissue reaches out and wipes my cheek.

「…I’ll wipe myself.」

I look at Maika, trying to wipe my cheek with my hand.

There is no teasing color in her eyes.

I take one of the tissues I returned earlier saying I didn’t want it.

「Umm, Maika. Thanks.」

「The graduation ceremony will start soon.」

Maika says in a soft voice.

“Yes,” Ami says in a nasal voice.

The atmosphere was about to turn somber when Maika clapped her hands.

「Ah, right. Let’s go somewhere together for spring break, the three of us!」

「Oh, that’s nice!」

Ami’s bright voice echoes.

The date, the time, and the place.

After a while the three of us decide together, the teacher comes to the classroom and the graduation ceremony quickly begins.

It’s the principal’s talk, or a speech from a great man who came from the outside.

The talk continues much the same as last year. I was neither moved to tears nor moved by the words that fell from the podium, but the ostentatious yet somehow sad atmosphere created by the graduation ceremony made my tear ducts slow down.

I rub my eyes and look for Sendai-san.

But I look down, unable to see well because of the group of uniforms in the way.

If I had been in the same class as Sendai-san, would I have become a different person?

If I had been in the same class as Sendai-san, could I have trusted her?

Such hypotheticals with no answers go round and round in my head.

——I am the one that Sendai-san wants.

In the midst of my unstoppable thoughts, my thoughts stop like pins in the midst of making just a few memories.

I don’t know what kind of me I was right to be.

I thought that I might be able to change the ending if I were the kind of person Sendai-san wanted me to be, but I couldn’t be myself, I couldn’t be something else, I couldn’t be the kind of person who could trust her.

When I think about the future, all I can feel is anxiety.

I look up.

On the stage, the former student body president was reading his speech.

If that had been Sendai-san, I would have seen it better.

Thinking of this, I gave a small shake of my head.

I sing the song and return to the classroom.

I receive a diploma from the teacher.

I leave the school with Maika and Ami, and we talk about the same silly things as usual, and part ways with them. Then, within five minutes, I hear a voice behind me.

「Miyagi!」

I don’t have to look back to know it’s Sendai-san’s voice.

I increase my walking speed.

「Miyagi, hey!!」

I hear voices coming from closer than before, but I don’t look back.

「Shiori!」

A loud voice called me and I had no choice but to stop.

I turned and looked at Sendai-san.

「I’ve told you many times not to call me by my name.」

「It’s Miyagi’s fault for not looking at me.」

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Sendai-san rushes over to me, smiling as she says this.

「I asked you to come to my house, but I didn’t ask you to come home with me, did I?」

Sendai-san came next to me and, as usual, unbuttoned the top button of her blouse and loosened her tie.

「You didn’t say, but it doesn’t matter, right?」

「It matters. I know this isn’t school, but it’s part of the deal not to talk to people in places like this.」

「The graduation ceremony is over and it doesn’t matter anymore. For rules like that.」

Sendai-san says something that is typical of Sendai-san.

Sendai-san is always random and light.

Today, the graduation ceremony, is no different.

「There is. Follow me from behind.」

「Okay.」

When I say this in a tone of voice that doesn’t seem to understand much, Sendai-san stops. But she immediately starts walking and comes up next to me.

「I told you to follow me from behind.」

「You said to follow you behind.」

I glare at Sendai-san, who doesn’t seem to be following my words.

「Take a good look.」

When I looked closer at Sendai-san, whose voice lacked any trace of remorse, I saw that she was really walking just a little bit behind me.

「That’s not what I meant.」

「Let’s just leave it at that. We won’t be going home together in uniform anymore.」

I don’t have a chance to wear the uniform anymore.

I won’t even have a chance to go home with Sendai-san.

When I think about it, I feel like I can accept her point of view. But I am not convinced.

「Sendai-san.」

I stopped to look at Sendai-san, and she also stopped to look at me, exactly the same as usual, even though there was a graduation ceremony.

「What is it?」

Fifteen or twenty minutes.

Maybe even later, but I know what I will say to Sendai-san when I get home. I think Sendai-san knows what I’m going to say. Still, she doesn’t look sad. I am disgusted by Sendai-san’s seeming unconcern in such situations.

It’s not that I want her to cry or look sad. I just want her to look a little bit different.

「Sendai-san. About the graduation ceremony, did you cry?」

「I didn’t.」

Sendai-san chuckles.

I know why I get so anxious when I think about the future.

Even if we decide to continue to meet as we do now, it won’t be exactly the same as it is now when we go to college. I will go to a different university and live a different life than Sendai-san. When I do meet with Sendai-san, it was only occasionally, and I can only know the Sendai-san I meet from time to time.

And I can only know the Sendai-san that I see from time to time, and perhaps, no matter what I ask her, she only looks unconcerned like she does now.

What kind of face would she make if I told her I can’t tolerate that kind of Sendai-san?

I don’t think I would be able to forgive Sendai-san, whom I don’t know.

I am sure that Sendai-san would not accept me like this, and I am not normal to feel this way about her.

「Did Miyagi cry?」

Sendai-san asks in a voice that sounds as if the same day will continue tomorrow.

「There’s no way I would cry.」

If I wanted to make what I have in mind a reality, I would have to lock Sendai-san up somewhere. That is impractical and impossible. Then we should make today the end of the day, as promised.

「I see.」

We both head home, as we did the day we saw the movie.

But unlike the day we saw the movie, we don’t hold hands.

「Wanna take a detour?」

Sendai-san, with the same look she always has, points to a store on the other side of the driveway.

「I don’t want to. Let’s just go home.」

「Okay.」

I increase my walking speed.

Sendai-san walks next to me as a matter of course.

My words about following from behind are ignored.

Although I didn’t feel very good, I headed for home without changing my walking speed.