Chapter 88 - EIGHTY EIGHT: I Don’t

"I'll sleep now, and when she comes back, I'll ask about the emperor."

That was Kel's original plan, but when the librarian returned with a cheery 'good afternoon,' her eyebags had only grown darker. 

After the librarian had left the first time and almost as soon as she'd pressed her face into the soft pillow on her bead, Kel's mind and body had been carried away with sleep. Unlike the peaceful, deep sleep she'd been hoping for, however, she ended up becoming caught in a restless dream.

It started with a younger version of herself, standing in a golden field. The grasses had all dried up and turned hard, prickling at her legs with each step she took.

"Dash! Dash!" the dream version of herself called, running toward a teenage Dash.

The boy, his sandy brown hair worn much shorter than the way it swung freely around his neck these days, was leaning back against a large stone, a crumpled piece of parchment crackling in his trembling fists.

Kel was wearing her armor, her helmet wedged in her elbow as she sprinted across the field. She'd just returned from a mission and had been summoned to take the princess's place in an upcoming delegation meeting. 

All she wanted was to see Dash, even for a moment, before she was separated from him again performing her duty.

Before her fast strides had covered half the ground between them, however, she knew something was wrong. Dash's face didn't rise to greet her with his usual smile. Instead of lounging happily with his hands behind his head, he was hunched over, bracing himself against rock that dug into his spine as if it was his only support.

As she came closer, she noticed more oddities.

His shaking hands.

The torn and crushed paper trapped within his fingers.

The way the corners of his mouth and eyes drooped lifelessly.

Something was wrong.

If she'd known what would happen when she finally reached her friend, the news she'd never be able to unhear, she would have walked as slowly as possible across that field.

No, she would have gone somewhere else entirely. She would have spent one last day in blissful ignorance.

Stop! Kel begged to her dream self. Don't go there! Turn back! You'll regret this moment more than you can even imagine.

Like all dreams, however, the storyline continued on, unconcerned with Kel's inner longing. 

The fourteen-year-old Kel in her dream kept running. She ran and ran until she was out of breath, and still, she ran.

Why wasn't Dash getting any closer? Had her wish been answered after all?

This is better, Kel consoled herself, her lungs on the verge of collapse. It's much better for my lungs to break than my heart. 

It's less painful that way.

When she was certain she could run no more, especially in such an immature body, she finally reached Dash.

He hadn't budged during all that time. If he'd seen her struggling, gasping for air, he pretended he hadn't.

"D-Dash…" her voice came out in a squeak. "What happened, Dash?"

The boy blinked slowly before turning his darkened eyes toward her.

Don't say it! Kel screeched internally.

"It's Uncle," Dash's voice cracked. "His entire patrol unit has gone missing at the Serin border."

"We just have to go find them then, right?!" The foolish words poured out of Kel's mouth against her will.

You stupid girl! She scolded her younger self. All that's left to find are piles of bones!

"No. He's gone, Kel," Dash said softly, standing up. "It's too late."

He wrapped her in a hug so tight she could feel every shudder running through his body. She willed her arms to hug him back, to offer the tiniest bit of warmth to the pitiful, broken boy, but they hung uselessly at her sides.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Her throat stung with each word. "What do you mean it's too late?!"

"He's dead, Kel."

She pulled away in shock, but it wasn't a shivering sixteen-year-old boy in front of her anymore. A man with shoulder-length hair stood in his place, giving her a look sharp enough to cut her skin.

"He's dead, Kel," Dash repeated. "The Dragon Emperor killed him."

"N-no," Kel stammered, finally gaining control of her speech. "This is wrong. That's not what happened here."

This was the part of the memory where the two broke down in sobs as they clung to each other. This painful moment brought them closer together. It made them stronger. 

And Dash had never mentioned the Dragon Emperor.

"It is what happened to Uncle, though!" Dash barked.

He took a step closer, bringing one of his hands to her neck. "And you…"

Kel gasped for breath again, this time from Dash's fingers digging into her airway.

"And you love the man who killed him," Dash hissed.

I don't love him!

I don't!

I don't love the Dragon Emperor!!

With a start, Kel jolted up in her bed, sweat pooling on her neck.

Letting out shaky breaths, she reached up to touch her throat. It still ached from Dash's merciless grip.

She was unable to fall asleep again after the vivid dream, fearing she would find herself back in that field if she dared close her eyes.

Fortunately, she had mostly recovered from her nightmare when Lila returned. 

"Good afternoon!" the woman chirped happily.

Her smile disappeared immediately after laying eyes on Kel's grim appearance.

"You… didn't get any rest, did you?" The librarian hung her head. "Perhaps we should have resolved some of your worries beforehand."

"... I had a nightmare," Kel whispered, "but it was about some old memory."

Lila nodded sympathetically, taking a seat next to the bed.

"Sometimes our new pain finds a way to interlace itself with our old pain," she remarked, patting Kel's hand. 

"The Dragon Emperor," Kel continued, "he killed someone important to me. A long time ago."

She had no idea why she was telling all this to Lila, but she couldn't stop the words from leaking out her mouth. It was as if they wanted to break free all on their own.

"He's killed a lot of people, dear," Lila clicked her tongue. 

Kel knew the woman wasn't trying to disregard her painful past. She was simply stating a fact.

"Can you tell me about how he took the throne," Kel asked, attempting to recollect her focus. 

"I can describe what he did," Lila replied thoughtfully, "but explaining just how he pulled it off is a bit difficult."

"Oh," Kel answered absently. "Soren said he took advantage of The Yellow Marguerite."

"Now see, this is where it gets difficult," Lila sighed. "Soren is mistaken, but he's also correct."

"I'm not in the mood to decipher riddles," Kel huffed, rubbing her forehead. "Just tell me the straight truth."

"The straight truth, huh?" Lila bit her lip, gazing across the room. "Well then, no, Calix didn't take advantage of us."

"So Soren was lying," Kel muttered to herself, brushing aside the strange feeling of relief settling over her.

"We willingly gave him our aid," Lila continued. "Some of us did, anyway. There were no tricks involved."

"Some of you?" Kel questioned.

"Well, one of us, to be exact," Lila smiled. "But he was a bit of a rebel in the first place, and he broke away to help Calix in his quest."

"Tell me about him," Kel insisted, her interest piqued. "Tell me who it is?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that, dear," Lila shook her head.

"Wait! Why not?" Kel exclaimed.

"Because you probably know more about him than I do."

Kel opened her mouth to argue again when the woman's words suddenly sunk in. Was there anyone in this place Kel knew better than Lila? Was she using weird metaphors to talk about the emperor himself? 

Even then, though, Kel was almost certain Lila knew more about him than she did.

"His name was Itzae," Lila explained quietly. "He was the emperor's teacher and yours as well if I'm not mistaken."

"Uncle Itzae?" Kel gasped. "My Uncle Itzae? He's the emperor's…?!"

"You know.." Lila trailed off, "Itzae isn't really a common name. I'm a bit surprised at how dense you are."

"I've been hearing that a lot lately," Kel pouted. "But how could my Uncle Itzae possibly have trained the emperor when he was busy raising me and Dash?"

"By the time you and that boy came into the picture," Lila clarified, "Calix didn't need such constant attention. Itzae did his work through messages and the occasional visit."

"Messages? The occasional…!"

Kel felt like cursing. Lila's words made too much sense. 

From the time she was small, Kel had clear memories of Uncle Itzae sitting at the table late at night writing pages upon pages of letters by candlelight. On top of that, there were several times he left for multiple months on what he referred to as 'extended missions'.

It made sense, but it couldn't be right.

How could Kel's Uncle Itzae, the old man whose voice still guided her inner thoughts, be the same person who created the Dragon Emperor?