Volume 2 - Prologue

[Mom PoV]

“Hmmm…..a…is that you, Yukito?”

In my dazed consciousness, my beloved son was peeking at me.

“Oh, you’re awake. Mom, are you thirsty? You have these dark circles under your eyes.”

Before I knew it, I was being tucked into bed. I was supposed to be in the living room. ……

I quenched my thirst with a sip of the soft drink my son had brought me.

“I was so surprised when you suddenly collapsed. It seems like you didn’t sleep well, are you okay?”

I tried to sit up, but he held me back. I was happy to see his casual kindness.

“I’m sorry, ……. I’ll make breakfast right away.”

When I checked my watch, it was past ten o’clock. It seemed that I had been asleep for an hour.

“I have already prepared it. It’s your day off, so take your time.”

I was feeling a little out of sorts. Finally, my mind started to work.

–At that moment, I was struck by fear.

Yes, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Gradually, the memory comes back to me.

A piece of paper I took out of the envelope.

No way, I thought. I prayed that I had seen it wrong.

But no matter how many times I checked, it was the same. The words “Needs close examination” were written on the paper.

Dizzy and weak, I fell to my knees. I was distraught with fear.

Breast cancer screening. It is recommended that women in their forties undergo breast cancer screening. I could not rest easy either.

After all, my grandmother had breast cancer. They say that if you have a relative with the disease, there is a risk of inheritance.

I should have taken the test to dispel my anxiety, but a nightmare awaited me.

I hurriedly looked up the diagnosis, and found that it was highly likely to be benign, but malignancy cannot be ruled out. There is a few percent chance of breast cancer.

Just a few percent. But it was enough to make me despair.

Impatience. I rushed to make an appointment for a checkup, but my body stiffened and wouldn’t move.

Suddenly, the fear of death was in front of me.

The end of life, the end of my life. One day, I would face the end of my life.

But I was still too young to understand it.

A vague future. –What will happen to my children if I leave now?

No! No! No! I don’t want to! I don’t want to disappear! I don’t want to go away! Because I still have so many things I want to do, so many things I need to do!

I desperately suppress my inarticulate screams and hold on.

I will disappear, from this world. An inevitability that will come equally. But not now.

At least let me watch over my children until they grow up. I don’t want to die yet!

I am afraid. I’m afraid of leaving my children, of not seeing them again forever. One day I won’t be able to talk to them, I won’t be able to touch them, I will lose their warmth, and I will die alone.

Leaving behind regrets and remorse. The shifting view of life and death. The reality that confronted me.

Fear flashes back, and my body stiffens.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the house. Sister is still sleeping. So you should go to bed, too. They say that lack of sleep is the enemy of beauty.”

“……Yukito”

My son’s words brought me back to myself. He cares about me. Me like this.

And yet, I could do nothing for this child. Tears welled up in my eyes.

What could I leave behind? A savings account, a life insurance policy. Even a car and this house. My legacy includes securities and other things. I had worked so hard not to make it hard for them.

I should be able to leave enough money to my children until they come of age. And yet!

“I don’t want to leave …….”

As if clinging to him, I reached out with a trembling hand and touched my son. He gently squeezed me back.

Regret washes over me. The sixteen years I have spent in idleness.

There was plenty of time to start over. I could have made it up to him.

It was I who had not done so. I cannot leave this child as his mother

Memories of me, proof that he loved me. The love he had for me.

I can’t tell him now. I don’t want my family to worry unnecessarily.

Until the results of a full examination are available, Please, please stay ――

“Please …… stay by my side.”

“Did you have a scary dream? Or did you have a hard time at work? Thanks for everything. It’s best to forget about the bad things. Oh, yeah, let’s sing a lullaby, shall we? No, wait a second. In this case, isn’t it a parental lullaby? If that’s the case, the tune should be bossa nova—-“

He encourages me in my weakness. He is a wonderful son who is too good for me.

“You know,…… I couldn’t sleep because I was very anxious. I want you to sleep next to me. Because I feel safe with you.”

Human skin is warm. Anxiety and fear are swept away. It soothes my feelings so easily. It envelops my heart, which was so fearful and yet so fragile just a moment ago. In fact, I should be the one to do that for him.

I always receive love, and by the time I regret it, it’s too late. However I!

–I love you.

My beloved rugged boy who protects me.