CH 102

“Would it have been different if the previous emperor hadn’t treated you so harshly?” 

The emperor sat next to the empress dowager, who recently always slept throughout the day, and muttered, looking at his sleeping mother’s wrinkled face. 

“Where is His Majesty? Don’t tell me he’s at that girl’s place again?” 

For a moment, she was glad to see her son visiting her palace, but the empress dowager held her son’s hand and kept asking such questions until she fell asleep again. 

“His Majesty definitely said he would come to see me today, but how can he not come? Did that sly fox seduce His Majesty again? That thing is the cause of all this. If it hasn’t seduced His Majesty vulgarly, how could His Majesty be so cruel to me?”

Those words no longer meant anything to Yihan. His mother was already trapped in the past for a long time, repeating the same days.

However, Yihan was sometimes sad. The son, who could not do anything as a child, had now grown up and become an emperor, and the country was getting richer and stronger day by day, and the woman his mother hated so much had become a traitor and even her name had been erased from the side of the previous emperor. His mother, who now stood in the empress dowager position where she could take a leisurely look down the world, envied by everyone, still remained at her most miserable days. 

His mother did not hate her emperor. It was her husband who left her alone and gave all kinds of affection and power to the hands of the concubine, but his mother only poured all her hatred into the woman as if she was the source of all evil. It was as if she thought all this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her. So when he was very young, Yihan also hated the woman as if she was the only person in the world who harassed his mother. 

However, as he grew up and began to see the world with his own eyes, rather than the concubine who tried to monopolize the emperor’s favor by all means, Yihan couldn’t understand his father who helped the concubine despise the empress. 

Not to mention since Yihan became the emperor. He couldn’t understand at all how the man who led the country could have allowed the state of the internal court to be so bad, and how he could have encouraged them to have such a treacherous heart. 

His mother and father said it was all love. The reason his mother suffered so much and ended up being ruined like this, and the reason his father ignored his mother, the nation’s empress and his legal wife, so much and made her live in hell for the rest of her life.

Everything. They said everything was because of love. 

“Wouldn’t everything have been better without love from the beginning?” 

The son’s voice fell on the wrinkled hands of his old mother. The woman, who was supposed to look down at the internal court from the highest place in the form of an exalted empress dowager, looked too old and tired for her age. 

Sitting there, Yihan looked back on the past few days. At himself, who had been stamping his feet all day long like a dog, waiting for the night to come quickly. He, who ran to Jeongan Palace when he got the chance and sat next to one concubine, worrying about his condition. He was looking back at himself, who couldn’t stop thinking about that concubine and laughed all the time just thinking about his words. 

Suddenly, he wondered if his father was the same. Was his father also impatient, thinking of a woman who was the apple of his eye? Did that woman’s smiling face make his heart beat all day uncontrollably? He wondered if he did that.

“…”

The emperor slowly rose from his seat. The emperor had been thinking about when to show his face at Jeongan Palace until he came to the Empress Dowager Palace, but his mother’s appearance at this moment was pierced into his heart like an arrow. The emperor tried to erase the face that came into mind and left the Empress Dowager Palace. 

***

“Are you feeling well?” 

“Yes, Your Highness. Thanks to your concern, I’m almost better now.” 

Sukbi stared at Yeonbin, who was sitting in a humble manner without wavering in front of her. He looked emaciated enough to vividly portray the past days of suffering from pain. His face was not hateful to see, but rather fragile, evoking a protective instinct in people’s hearts, which was also a completely different atmosphere from the previous Yeonbin. 

There was a moment of silence between the two. The current Yeonbin had no ill feelings toward Sukbi, and Sukbi had also changed her thoughts about Yeonbin, but it was natural for them to not feel close to each other at once. While Sukbi took a sip of tea because she couldn’t easily say the things on her mind, Yeonbin opened his mouth first. 

“You must have been very surprised that day, Your Highness. Are you okay?”

In response to Yeonbin’s question, Sukbi briefly looked up and looked straight into Yeonbin’s eyes. There was no sign of sarcasm in Yeonbin’s kind eyes. Putting down the cup, Sukbi said, 

“I’m safe because of you.” 

Yeonbin bowed his head as if he had heard something undeserved. Sukbi’s lips moved again. Now she had to talk. She had to say what she had been wanting to say while waiting. 

“Yeonbin…” 

“Yes, Your Highness.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Yeonbin opened his eyes wide in surprise at Sukbi’s words. Yeonbin tried to answer in a hurry, but Sukbi raised her hand and interrupted Yeonbin. 

“I couldn’t easily believe that you really changed. You and I didn’t get along better than anyone else in this palace, so I thought I would get stabbed in the back if I believed it hastily.” 

“It was… It was natural, Your Highness.” 

“Yes, it was valid in its own way. But it’s also undeniable that you were seriously injured because of that.”

If she had moved away when Yeonbin first called her, such an accident might not have happened. No one would have hurt and everyone would have gone through the night safely. Sukbi, who swallowed her dry saliva once in the meantime, continued. 

“… It’s my fault. Because of me you’ve been seriously injured and got a scar, so how… how should I apologize to you…”

“Your Highness…” 

“I am a concubine serving the Emperor, a child who is obligated to protect my family, but I am also a person who must know what favor and grudge is.” 

Sukbi’s voice was more determined than ever. Yeonbin wanted to stop Sukbi from blaming herself so many times, but he couldn’t open his mouth easily in front of Sukbi’s eyes, which were staring at him straight. 

“So I’ll make a pledge in front of you today. I will forget all the resentment between us in the past. This has nothing to do with whether you forgive me or not.” 

“Your Highness, how can you say that? I’ve already forgotten everything about that day.”

“Those who give grace may forget it, but those who receive it should not forget. There is nothing I can do for you right now, but I will never forget what happened that day, and I will repay you someday.” 

Now, Sukbi didn’t have to think about whether Yeonbin really changed or not. This was because it had become meaningless. 

If Sukbi had been attacked head-on by a hawk that day and injured her face, the situation would have been truly irreversible. If it were severe, her life would have been in danger, and she could have had to spend the rest of her life in pain even if she was lucky to survive. Sukbi believed that Yeonbin had changed now, but it didn’t matter even if he hadn’t. Sukbi decided not to think of such things until she returned what she had received. 

Sukbi, who had been stiff, finally drew a very fine smile. 

“So you can stop being so awkward with me, and act comfortably.” 

Hwawoon had no reason to reject Sukbi who acknowledged himself who had changed now. Hwawoon bowed his head slightly and replied with a similarly subtle smile. 

“Yes, Your Highness. Thank you for your understanding.”

One by one. Shades cast between people have also been lifted. The days when he never gave up were finally paid off. 

***

“Your Highness. You can’t move too much just because you’re a little better.”

“Yes, yes. I know. Five minutes. Let’s walk for five minutes and go back.” 

Hwawoon answered as if to appease Ahjin, who stuck close to him and nagged him with a worried look on her face. He then slowly moved his steps. He thought this wouldn’t make her worry, but apparently not by Ahjin’s standards. Of course, he was grateful to Ahjin, but it was also true that it was frustrating to spend another few days only at Jeongan Palace after visiting the Empress Palace and Unhwa Palace. 

Hwawoon walked slowly and thought of the neglected wooden sword in his bedroom. When the Department of Internal Affairs first sent him the sword, he was excited because he thought he could swing the sword right away. He was sad to be in a state of recuperating again due to an unexpected incident. However, that was not the only reason why Hwawoon was so frustrated and sad now.