CH 23

After crying my heart out, I lost my strength and became hungry. I finally realized I hadn’t eaten anything properly since morning, but the carriage was still running.

I took some beef jerky out of my bag along with some nuts and dried fruits. It wasn’t like I was going to need them anyway.

I gave the female lead— I meant, Ronan, something to eat. As I recalled that he couldn’t eat lunch because of me, I belatedly felt sorry.

“Eat this.”

“I’m all right.”

I forced him to take the jerky and drink, which he refused.

“They’re all useless now anyway. It’s a waste to throw them away, so let’s just eat together.”

I tore off the jerky roughly. I was sad again because it tasted salty and good. I should’ve eaten this on the ship.

“I’m sorry about what happened today. I’m wasting your time.”

“It’s fine. I had nothing to do today.”

I was hungry no matter how much I ate.

“That’s a relief.”

I chewed on the beef jerky and looked out the window. I didn’t know when it started to rain again, but the raindrops hit the window. The trail lingered on the window.

“I’ll try to figure out a way to go abroad.”

“Thank you, but I’ll look for it myself.”

Unless he was Ezette, Ronan’s help was not much needed. How could he not be the heroine after shouting that ‘I can do anything to live’ line? I suddenly felt angry at this ridiculous situation again.

‘Is this person really not the female lead?’

I couldn’t give up the slightest hope. If this person wasn’t the female lead, how was I supposed to run away?

I sighed. Even if Ronan was the female lead, this dire situation was not easily overcome, so I was at a loss.

“Two are better than one.” Ronan insisted on helping. Looking at his serious eyes, it didn’t seem like he was just saying that to soothe me.

Was it because I gave him money?

“You said you’d pay me back earlier. You don’t have to. Just keep it,” I said, intending to eliminate each other’s debts. Ronan gave me a rare frown as if he hadn’t even thought about money.

“I’m not saying I’ll help you because of the money. I’ll repay the money before you leave, but I also want to help you separately from the money.”

‘I appreciate your thought, but how will you repay me all that money?’

In real life, it would be about tens of millions of won. He wanted to repay me before I could leave, so I wondered how he would get it within that time.

And it wasn’t even my money anyway. It was Seniel’s— and Kid’s money.

I didn’t feel any remorse for spending Kid’s money recklessly. The mansion’s worth alone seemed to exceed several tens of billions of won. Maybe the entire property alone was in the hundreds of billions of won.

‘And it’s all worth my life.’

Why worry about the financial issue of someone who threatened my life? I was a little sorry for Seniel, but he would understand.

Anyway, when Ronan said he wanted to help me that much, I just nodded in agreement. Do as you please.

‘I don’t know how many days I can live.’

I thought I’d ask Ronan to protect me. But frankly, I didn’t think Ronan would beat Kid despite his built body, considering Kid’s deceptive nature.

My head throbbed.

***

The carriage arrived near the rental office. Considering the address I received from Ronan the other day, it seemed that Ronan lived around here. So I thought I’d drop Ronan off and take another carriage to the mansion.

‘Because if I go to Seniel’s mansion without changing to another carriage, useless rumors will spread.’

I didn’t want rumors such as ‘the High Priest’s wife went to the dock’ or that ‘she has an affair with a paladin’ to spread.

Before the carriage stopped, Ronan looked me in the eye and said, “There is something I want to ask you.”

“Tell me.”

“What is your reason for wanting to run away?”

I had wondered why he wasn’t curious.

In other people’s eyes, my life was in full bloom. There was nothing to worry about, and there was no need to go to another country. I married a gentle and handsome high priest, and without the marriage, my family itself was good.

When I couldn’t answer easily, Ronan asked more specifically in a cautious voice, “Is there something wrong with the High Priest?”

I traced my memory of how far I had leaked information to Ronan. I hadn’t said a word about Kid.

“No, there’s nothing wrong.”

I was reluctant to tell him the truth because he wasn’t the heroine, and my plan had sunk.

Ronan shook his head slightly as if he’d expected my answer.

“… I unintentionally saw your expression of anxiety at the wedding and your attempt to escape. Is the reason related to it?”

I had expected Ronan to pray then. Who else has seen it besides him? For a moment, I shook my head in denial.

I smiled bitterly at Ronan, who was worried about me.

“I want to live. That’s all.”

“I don’t understand—”

Clack. The carriage arrived, and the door opened. I got off the carriage first without further explanation to Ronan.

***

I walked to another carriage rental station and got on a carriage. As soon as I returned to the mansion, I entered my room.

The lady-in-waiting was astonished upon noticing me.

“My God. Madam! What happened to your clothes—!”

The hem of my dress was wet with filth from running around. My hair was almost completely dry, but it was still a mess.

“I’ll get the water in the bathtub first!”

I felt uncomfortable lying on the bed, so I sat on the sofa while waiting for the bath to be full.

I pondered whether to wear the protective gear for a moment as I bathed before throwing it away. I had no chance of living anyway, so why should I suffer from wearing something so inconvenient?

As I trudged down on the bed, my head felt dizzy. It seemed like I had gotten a fever because of the stress. It must have been raining hard, and I felt like I would have a severe body ache.

My body shivered. I covered my head with the blanket, but it was still cold. To be exact, my head was hot, but my body was cold.

‘The worst thing that could’ve happened…’

I closed my eyes.

***

I repeatedly fell asleep and woke up due to the fever. When I was about to close my eyes helplessly for the nth time— Knock, knock. There was an urgent knock on the door.

“Vivi, it’s me.”

Oh, was it already dinnertime? I was so sleepy I didn’t realize. My eyes were blurred with feverish heat.

I nonchalantly tried to tell him to enter but quickly shut my mouth. I didn’t want to see Seniel now.

Seniel spoke urgently as he couldn’t hear anything in the room, “I was worried because you didn’t come even though I waited. Can I come in for a minute?”

Seniel’s words echoed in my head, and I braced as I squeezed out a reply. “No. Don’t come in.” Seniel seemed taken aback and didn’t answer, so I kept talking dazedly. “Let’s pretend we don’t have dinner tonight. Go back.”

“But-”

“I’m fine. So go.”

I didn’t hear the sound of footsteps leaving until a few minutes later. And soon, I lay down again. My head ached so much as if it would split.

***

Seniel lingered in front of the door for a long time before finally returning to his room. His stomach ached, and his heart pounded.

When he woke up in the morning, he’d almost fainted to find Vivi next to him. The room was a mess because of what had happened the night before.

His blood cooled. It was a bigger shock than waking up in the piano room. His heart seemed to stop right there. 

But then he heard peaceful breathing at his side. Hurrying up, he turned his head to see the sleeping Vivi.

Vivi, who had just woken up, couldn’t hide her irritation upon seeing Seniel.

He asked what had happened but only got back an incomprehensible answer from her. A congratulatory order to leave was issued.

He couldn’t focus on his work all day because of his worries. He kept recalling the messy room and the apparently unscathed Vivi. He searched his memory for what had happened the night before, but nothing came to mind.

So he waited for dinner to come in the feeble hope that he might hear an answer by evening.

As soon as he arrived at the mansion, he headed to the restaurant without even changing his clothes. He couldn’t hear the piano that he had kept hearing since the day before yesterday. He had only listened to it for two days, but the quiet mansion felt strange.

He waited for Vivi at the restaurant for over an hour, but Vivi didn’t come.

He heard from the lady-in-waiting that Vivi had gone out today and returned in a mess. She hadn’t heard of her going out again since then, so she must be at the mansion.

He stormed out of the dining hall and ran to Vivi’s room. His complexion turned pale. He was going crazy because he was worried that something was going on.

Seniel hurriedly knocked.

“Vivi, it’s me.” There was no answer. He was worried and wanted to open the door, but he couldn’t. Vivi had been offended enough in the morning. Seniel caught his breath and spoke again. “I was worried because you didn’t come even though I waited. Can I come in for a minute?”

“No. Don’t come in.”

Seniel hesitated because of that answer. Her voice was hoarse and powerless. Was she sick?

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He wanted to ask if she was okay. He wanted to say sorry for everything. But his mouth didn’t move. He could apologize at any time, but he knew that a mere apology would only hurt the other person’s heart.

“Let’s pretend we don’t have dinner tonight. Go back.”

“But-”

“I’m fine. So go.”

Seniel stood at the door, unable to do anything. He felt so pathetic that he was going crazy.

The most pathetic thing was not only he wasn’t able to do anything. He couldn’t comfort her, ask her if she was okay, or say anything to her. A real man could’ve comforted her, but he couldn’t do that because he wasn’t qualified.

He felt a sense of distance from Vivi in an instant. He was so repulsive of himself at the moment.

Seniel went back to his room.

Only yesterday’s flowers adorned the vase. There was no reason to feel empty, but Seniel felt empty somehow.

Vivi had given him flowers simply because of Kid. Although he knew the meaning of the flowers well, his heart was endlessly empty.

His heart ached as much as he felt empty. It was so terrible that he couldn’t hold out.