Chapter 77
Tidwell noticed something odd about Ravia the moment she showed up with her head in the clouds.
First, she came to his room on her own.
Then, she stood in the doorway without saying a word.
Her gaze was fixed on him, but he became anxious when her thoughts seemed to wander elsewhere.
His anxiety was justifiable.
Because the way Ravia said she got lost seemed to imply that she had proven herself wrong.
However, his anxiety revealed its weight when it overlapped with other emotions.
Even though Tidwell didn’t want to be conscious of it, his anxiety brought back familiar memories.
Ravia had fed him sleeping pills, deceived him with love, and finally this morning…
–…I forgot that I have an appointment today.
Ravia had no idea how uncomfortable she looked when she said that. A type of expression that was different from contempt or hatred.
As a man who was used to seeing all kinds of repulsive expressions, he generally classified those repulsive feelings according to one criterion.
That was the direction of the arrow.
An expression that indicated whether the arrow was aimed at others or at oneself.
Or, in this case, when she was facing an object, there was undoubtedly a difference.
The pain of being stabbed with a sharp knife was similar to the pain of being beaten with a blunt object.
But that wasn’t the case with Ravia.
Tidwell thought he saw the arrow she had pointed at herself.
Faced with the truth, he couldn’t help but wonder.
Why do you look like that? Why did you get lost? Why did you keep walking past me without even looking back, as if you were going to retract your words and deny me?
Don’t you realize the beast you’ve unleashed can actually bite you?
It may be docile in your arms, but if you take your hands off it for even a second, the beast will surely destroy one of your limbs….
‘…No, I shouldn’t do that.’
He must maintain his patience like usual.
Tidwell questioned her in a low tone, “You started it, Sister. Don’t try to deny it.”
“I’ve never denied it.”
“Then why don’t you face me?”
“Am I not facing you now?”
“Don’t you remember me pulling you, Sister?”
Tidwell grasped Ravia’s wrist as if to shackle her. His large hand, slightly larger than Ravia’s, slid down her arm and pressed it firmly.
Even as he squeezed the soft flesh between his fingers, his gaze was fixed on Ravia’s bright eyes.
No, it’d be right to say there was no room for anything else in his line of sight.
Ravia told him that it’d be difficult to avoid disappointment if he didn’t expect the worst, but there was something else she didn’t realize.
Tidwell was so used to preparing for the worst that it was second nature for him. Tidwell’s mind was constantly occupied with the worst-case scenario.
He often heard about promiscuous love affairs while carrying three large glasses at a cheap pub in the slums.
Most of the stories were filled with bluffing and bragging, but sometimes there were people who shed tears.
–I, hic, I thought he was being sincere….
–But how can you sleep with him already? Didn’t I warn you about the importance of the push-and-pull trick? That jerk looked like a scumbag from the start.
–Hic, I, at that time…I thought we’d last long. I was anxious….
Lovers who changed their minds overnight.
People who agreed to spend the night together due to anxiety.
The obvious seduction and love that vanished with the rising sun.
What was so different from Tidwell’s current situation?
He told Ravia that he had awakened because of her touch, but he had been awake for quite some time.
In fact, he was a man who couldn’t sleep deeply, and Ravia had a history of leaving him in his sleep.
However, that was not enough for him to resist the morning air seeping through the quiet bedroom.
He opened his eyes when the sunlight poked at his eyelids. His fingers began to fumble around despite being half-asleep. It was to make sure that someone was next to him.
And Ravia was still with him.
Her unkempt hair reminded him of ivy growing up the walls.
Her closed eyelids and even breathing were as innocent as a child snooping around a rabbit hole.
Tidwell felt like he was able to forget the pain and anxiety that dwelled in his chest when he saw her.
So he waited patiently.
If Ravia wakes up and smiles at him like she did last night.
Then he will confess everything to her.
…but the result was disastrous.
When Ravia tried to leave without waking him up, he felt he understood the feelings of those who cried their eyes out at the pub.
They cried because they couldn’t accept the fact that their partner had changed overnight.
They cried because they didn’t know what they had done wrong….
Tidwell, with a scowl on his face, raised his voice in distress.
“Why do you….keep trying to deny me? I was troubled by you all day long.”
“…You?”
Tidwell’s brows furrowed when Ravia asked back.
“Do you think I’m lying?”
“No, it’s not like that.”
Ravia unintentionally denied it, and then closed her mouth.
She seemed hesitant at first, but eventually admitted it as if she had finally untied the knot.
“Me too, that’s why…”
She looked a little lost, perhaps embarrassed by herself.
Wouldn’t this be the moment when Ravia was cornered for the first time?
Her first emotional dilemma.
A realization that felt like a bottomless pit.
Just like the memory of that day when she hesitated to look down into the pit.
It was like being mired in mud.
Ravia bit her lower lip and looked like someone trying to flee after a confession.
Then her broken voice came out.
“I, too, feel the same way. I felt like I was out of my mind…” She halted again.
It wasn’t because she behaved erratically like a lunatic normally would. It was simply because she remembered what she had said in the past.
Ravia had consistently said this about Tidwell who approached her.
–It’s definitely not something that stuck in my head.
–Even if it is, don’t you think you’re too shameless?
That was a direct accusation toward someone who seemed to think like a lunatic.
What she said in the past had brought her back to the present.
The bitterness was funny, so Ravia laughed unknowingly.
She also enjoyed watching Tidwell’s brows furrow in an unpleasant way.
With a voice as bitter as his expression, he asked.
“May I ask you why you’re laughing?”
“No, just…don’t you think we’re both only doing crazy things?”
“It doesn’t surprise me at all. Didn’t I always lose my mind when it came to you, Sister?”
“You?”
“Again, are you asking because you think I lied?
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I have a habit of doubting everything.”
Tidwell sighed in response to Ravia, as if to say it was understandable.
He lifted her gently in his arms and placed her on the desk. And then he said with a slightly tired countenance.
“Have I not told you before? I can’t think clearly when I’m with you, Sister.”
“I thought you said that because you weren’t fully awake.”
“It’s always so easy for you to treat me lightly, Sister.”
“But isn’t it true that we only kissed lightly?”
“It wasn’t light at all,” Tidwell whispered, his hand covering Ravia’s on the desk.
Unlike other times when he wouldn’t hesitate to move toward Ravia, he lowered his head. Maybe he was unable to look at her.
So Ravia decided to go easy on him since he looked adorable when he hesitated. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him a little closer to her.
Her obedient admirer did not resist her gesture again this time and leaned his forehead on her shoulder.
“When I’m with you, I can’t tell what’s right or wrong anymore, Sister.”
No, he might have known but he chose to ignore it. Because that’s how dreams usually cloud our reason.
Tidwell continued his confession.
“I lost my patience, and I blindly followed my heart. I feel as if I’ve lost my reason as well. I tried to resist my urge because I can’t even comprehend these feelings, but…”
I couldn’t stop myself from being pushed forward.
Ravia understood the last sentence he tried to utter. Because that was exactly what she was thinking.
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