“… To the Empire?”
“Yes. Aren, if you want.”
Even though he said a lot of things, Mr. Hafterry was calm. I just kept my mouth shut for a while. I felt like I had to say something, but I was just dazed and couldn’t organize my thoughts. First of all, I opened my mouth to confirm my biggest curiosity.
“Why did you make such an offer to me?”
I was nervous for no reason and waited anxiously for Mr. Hafterry’s answer. Facing those clear eyes that didn’t wander at all, he was always strangely focused. And the feeling of a tickling in my cheeks with the heat also intensified.
“Because I want you to learn better. Greater learning opportunities will come when you go to the Empire, because I would actively help to make that happen.”
A strange sense of disappointment came over me when Mr. Hafterry explained that I would be able to become a great scholar. I don’t even know what I was expecting. I just had a strong sense of desolation. I lost my energy and muttered in a low voice.
“My father won’t allow it.”
“It’s up to you. If you want to go, I will ask your father for permission.”
Even so, it was not something that could be easily decided. No matter how well Mr. Hafterry persuaded him, there was no guarantee that Father would let me go alone while I was still young.
Still, it was hard to imagine that Father would move with me. I know how attached Father was to the Grand Duke’s knights. I also felt sad if I were to be separated from Father. However, I hated being separated from Mr. Hafterry forever.
Unable to answer, I lowered his head and pouted my mouth. Mr. Hafterry’s palm gently patted my head. I was startled at first, but calmly felt the touch. This kind of self-indulgence was something that Mr. Hafterry no longer do since I was over 10 years old. It had been a long time.
“It is something that cannot be easily decided. Please take your time to think about it, and give me an answer.”
Even if he said so.
“You won’t have much time, will you?”
Instead of answering, Mr. Hafterry gave a slightly bitter smile. It clearly expressed that my time to think was short, and my heart beat even more anxiously.
* * *
I realized when I was taught in the Grand Duke’s mansion through Kir, it was a good opportunity to learn other things. Even if that wasn’t the case, thinking about it in common sense, what Mr. Hafterry suggested to me was to get out of this narrow country and study abroad to learn about a bigger culture in a new place.
And for me, who had a trauma in my previous life, studying abroad was sweet temptation I didn’t want to refuse. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to learn, despite the sadness of parting. The reason why I couldn’t easily gave an answer, even though I wanted that much, was because of my only family.
Although he was blunt on the outside, I know how much affection Father had for me. Occasionally, on the day we went out to dinner, I could see that Father was excited since the morning. He even showed signs of being sad if I didn’t act childish.
Even though he seemed savage on the outside, he was a gentle father on the inside. I couldn’t think of leaving a father like that alone. I don’t think I felt this kind of disappointment when I was independent from my parents in my previous life, but now I felt hesitant. I was an adult back then, so was it because I’m young now?
“What are you worried about?”
Taken aback by Father’s question. I rolled my eyes, wondering if I was so obvious. What if I made Father worry? As I got nervous, Father’s hand touched my chin and lifted my head.
“I want you to tell me if you have any concerns. Don’t just think about it by yourself.”
A slight bitterness came from Father. Oh, I made another mistake. Even children who are immature make their parents upset, but children who are too young also make their parents upset. Didn’t I know just by looking at Father’s for me to act childish?
So I put my feet on the couch, hugged my knees, and curled up to ask Father an indirect question.
“What would Father think if you were to be far away from me?”
Father’s hand, which was gently brushing my hair, stopped abruptly. And a stiff voice came.
“What, what do you mean by that?”
