CH 4

The old gentleman who was sitting on the futon holding a whisk with his eyes closed was gone, replaced by a child in Taoist robes, holding a shrunken whisk, staring at the stove seriously, and saying in a childlike voice: “Tong’er, this pill still lacks a treasure of heaven and earth, so you can get it quickly.”

“Yes, Laojun.” Although Xian Tong didn’t understand why Laojun suddenly became a child, he still brought the ingredients according to his words. The materials Laojun asked for were Tianquan passion fruit and Melaleuca honey, and he watched in horror as Laojun threw a large jar of honey into the alchemy furnace.

After sitting beside Tianzun for a while, Bai Ze started to feel drowsy. He looked around, moved away a little, and then changed into his original shape and stretched. He didn’t get enough sleep to begin with, so he’d better wait until he had woken up to talk about saving the heavens from danger.

As soon as he fell asleep, he heard a sound piercing through the air not far away, and then, a child in armor was thrown on Bai Ze’s body, and fell into Bai Ze’s thick fur with a “poof”.

Bai Ze groaned under the pressure, shook his head, and met Nezha’s piercing eyes.

“Please asking Lord to take care of my father. Laojun has become a child. I have to go arrest him quickly!” Nezha finished speaking, and without waiting for Bai Ze to respond, he stepped on the hot wheels and rushed out roaring, holding the Huntian silk tied to the Qiankun circle which made it look like a horse harness.

Bai Ze silently stretched out his paws to cover his face, exchanged a glance with Tianzun, turned into a human form, put down the displeased Li Jing, and told him to play with Fu Li for a while, and thought that he had better follow Nezha to have a look.

“You two be good, don’t fight.” Bai Ze looked back worriedly, and walked out of Yuqing Palace.

When Nezha arrived at Tushita Palace, everything was as usual, the alchemy furnace was blazing, the fairy boy shaking the fan was working hard, and the treasures and dendrobium were neatly arranged, except for the three-foot-tall Taishang Laojun in front of the stove.

Laojun was still wearing his usual long-sleeved gown of Taichi, holding a miniature fly whisk in his hand, staring at the flickering fire seriously.

“Old gentleman…” Nezha opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but was immediately interrupted by Laojun.

“Hush——” the little old gentleman turned his head, glared at Nezha, and said in a low voice, “Don’t make noise, if the pill fire is shocked, this furnace pill will be useless.”

Nezha had to stand holding the Qiankun circle on one hand, while staring at Laojun doing alchemy, then he saw Laojun pouring honey into the furnace: “That…”

When Bai Ze arrived, he saw that Nezha was about to catch Laojun who was doing alchemy, so he hurriedly took a stride forward and grabbed Nezha back: “Don’t move, let Laojun finish refining.”

Laojun’s elixir was the most precious treasure in the world, and it concerned the entire immortal world, so nothing could go wrong. It would be a great sin if even one elixir was damaged because of the two of them making trouble.

“But…” Nezha opened his mouth. He had been with Laojun for thousands of years, and he had never seen such an alchemy method. This guy had clearly lost his mind!

Bai Ze covered Nezha’s mouth, motioning him not to speak. The elixir had a spirit, and speaking would disturb the spirit.

“Boom—” the furnace cover suddenly rose, and the golden light flourished.

Bai Ze subconsciously closed his eyes, and then opened them again. The furnace lid had been shifted, and golden mist diffused from the opening, accompanied by a refreshing sweetness.

Taking a deep breath, this pill contained the aura of heaven, material and earth treasures, and it was refreshing to even take a breath.

Laojun raised his hand, took a small gourd, and wanted to suck out the elixir from the elixir furnace. Holding a gourd in one hand, and drawing the Taiji seal with the other, the vast immortal power rippled away, and then disappeared without a trace.

The little old gentleman was stunned for a moment, then he snorted, lifted the hem of his clothes, climbed up on the alchemy furnace, turned the mouth of the gourd down, and said, “Take it!”

Bai Ze looked at him collecting it diligently even though his figure had shrunk. Seeing the old gentleman making the elixir, he was very relieved. It seemed that Laojun’s mentality had not changed, he was still the Supreme Venerable who had the common people in his heart and had become obsessed with alchemy.

“It’s done haha!” Laojun threw the whisk in his hand aside, walked up to Bai Ze with the small golden gourd in his hand, then looked up at him, “stretch out your hand.”

Bai Ze stretched out a slender white hand in a daze, and a golden pill appeared in his palm.

“Whoever sees it has a share.” Laojun raised his chin and said and gave Nezha one too.

Bai Ze immediately became excited, this was Laojun’s elixir! It had miraculous effects such as washing the tendons and cutting the marrow, bringing the dead back to life and so on. If ordinary people ate it, they would live forever; if demons ate it, they would become immortals immediately; and if immortals ate it, their magic power would surely increase. Usually only the Jade Emperor could eat it as a snack, and other people could only get one if they had an urgent matter or had a good relationship with Laojun. Low-level immortals were not even qualified to eat elixir. If they stole it without authorization, they would go to Zhuxiantai[1].

Now, it was rare for Laojun to give him one so generously.

“Thank you, old gentleman.” Bai Ze was a pragmatic beast, he ate it as soon as he got it, and threw it into his mouth after speaking, lest the old gentleman go back on his word.

Closing his eyes, Bai Ze tried to feel the rich aura in the elixir. A sweet breath permeated the tip of his tongue, but there was very little aura. It reverberated twice in the air, and it disappeared before it could enter the veins. Bai Ze opened his eyes in a daze, then turned to look at Nezha.

Nezha chewed, and pointed to the jar of honey beside him expressionlessly: “I actually wanted to say…he made jelly beans…”

Bai Ze silently swallowed the jelly bean in his mouth, and then bent down to pick up Laojun: “Follow me to Yuqing Palace.”

“Oh, no!” Laojun was held up by the collar and kicked his short legs vigorously, “I have other elixirs to refine. The Pantao meeting[2] is coming soon, and the Jade Emperor will ask for the golden elixir.”

The old gentleman broke free from Bai Ze’s hand, and ran to the alchemy stove, holding on tightly to the alchemy furnace.

The pill fire had not been extinguished, and the surrounding temperature was still very high, and mortals would be wiped out as soon as they get close. Bai Ze was originally a water-loving beast, afraid of fire, and the true fire of alchemy would surely burn his fur, so he didn’t dare to go forward for a while.

Nezha was not afraid, but he was too lazy to talk to Laojun, so he raised his hand, and the Qiankun circle in his hand flew over, and tightly caught Laojun, then he pulled it with his bare hands, and the Huntian silk tied to the Qiankun circle tightened instantly, and all of a sudden, Laojun was caught.

The Eight Diagrams Alchemy Furnace held by Laojun turned into a palm-sized small furnace, shrunk in Laojun’s arms, and Laojun was bundled into a rice dumpling by the following Huntian Ling, and was then carried to Nezha’s shoulders.

Out of Tushita Palace, Laojun felt that it was embarrassing to be wrapped like a silkworm chrysalis in this way, so he squirmed twice and said: “Untie the Huntian Ling, and I will go by myself.”

Nezha was unmoved, and turned his hot wheels, and jumped up on them to go.

“Huh?” Qian Liyan, who was playing cards in the cloud, immediately saw Nezha, who was in a hurry, and Bai Ze, who was rushing behind Nezha, looked strange, and pulled his ears along the wind to meet him.

“Boom!” The strong Shun Feng’s ear bumped into Nezha’s arms, almost breaking his body of the lotus root. Nezha took a few steps back, raised his hand and turned into a pointed spear, which he pointed at Shun Feng’s ear: “Want to fight?”

Bai Ze twitched his mouth, he finally understood why Li Jing liked to fight after he became young, it seemed all his family members were like this. He sighed and stepped forward to dissuade him: “Don’t be impulsive, they are just bored.”

Just as he was speaking, Qian Liyan saw a yellow piece of cloth exposed from under the red Huntian Ling, and pulled it away when it came out, it turned out to be a child’s arm covered with a sleeve embroidered with intricate fiddle patterns.

Looking at the entire immortal world, only Laojun’s taoist robe was embroidered with fiddle patterns all the year round. Moreover, there were still some ashes from the alchemy furnace on the stuck clothes now, which only dispersed when touched.

“Ah! You kidnapped Laojun!” Qian Liyan yelled loudly, “You are… Gududu…”

Bai Ze pinched a seal, and a stream of clear water was accurately poured into Qian Liyan’s wide-open mouth, blocking it, to make him shut his mouth. Qian Liyan quickly spit out the water and sprayed his brother in the face with a “pooh–“.

“Come on, I heard it all,” Shun Feng wiped his face, and said unhappily, “You are going to take Laojun to Yuqing Palace, this must be ordered by Tianzun!”

Bai Ze rushed forward anxiously, and then covered Shun Feng’s mouth: “Shhh—” He knew that these two guys were the most dangerous, one of them saw thousands of miles and the other listened to all directions, and this secret would be known to them sooner or later.

Seeing Bai Ze’s nervous look, Qian Liyan immediately became interested, and leaned over cheaply: “We’re right? Hmph, if you want us to keep a secret, you have to exchange it with other secrets.”

“That is, you got drunk a thousand years ago and said there was someone you admired, who exactly is it?” Shun Feng’er chimed in, “Is it Bian Shengjun?”

“Lord!” Bai Ze gritted his teeth, the veins on his forehead twitched, and a hundred ways to silence Qian Liyan and Shun Feng’er flashed before his eyes. He wasn’t annoyed by these two guys, he was really trying to keep the peace of heaven. Yes, it was like that!

Just when Bai Ze couldn’t bear it and was about to make a move, Nezha had already preemptively pulled out Huntian Ling. Laojun, who was originally tied inside, slipped out.

Bai Ze stretched out his hand to catch the dizzy little Laojun and watched as Nezha tied up Qian Liyan and Shun Feng in ones and twos, then he turned them into a stream of light, and ran directly to Lingxiao hall. It would be more appropriate to leave these two big mouths to the Jade Emperor.

Calm was restored on the cloudy road, Bai Ze was sweating, he silently gave a thumbs up to Nezha’s leaving back and walked towards Yuqing Palace with Laojun in his arms.

The Yuqing Immortal Palace, which used to be as peaceful as an ancient well, was now a mess.

Before leaving, he told the two little guys to be obedient. Bai Ze thought that even if Li Jing was disobedient, Tianzun would be more prudent, so he could dissuade him. Now it seemed… the futons in the hall were thrown everywhere, and the ground was covered with fragments of the jade lamp and the jade pot, and Li Jing in armor, was chasing Tianzun Fuli to fight.

Fu Li had just crossed one hand behind his back leisurely, while dodging left and right, and beside him was a fist-sized Liangyi Hunyuan Knot, firmly imprisoning the palm-sized small pagoda.

“Give me back the pagoda!” Seeing the small ball of the Liangyi Hunyuan Knot rising higher and higher, Li Jing jumped up hard, waving his short arms, trying to catch the small pagoda back.

Lord Tianzun smirked and raised his delicate chin: “Then you have to listen to me from now on.”

“No!” Even though Li Jing shrunk down, he was still the mighty General, and he definitely would not recognize a boss casually.

Bai Ze looked at the messy Yuqing Palace, and suddenly felt a headache. The Laojun in his arms was still struggling to get down, so he had to bend down and put him on the ground.

As soon as the little Laojun landed on the ground, he quickly ran towards the two little guys who were arguing: “Fuli!”

Tianzun turned to look at him, and before he could say anything, he was hit by the too fast Laojun and fell down.

“I’ll make you eat this!” Laojun lay on Tianzun’s body, then he triumphantly took out a small golden gourd, and poured him a jelly bean.

The author has something to say:

Small theater:

Bai Ze: From now on, Fuli will be the class monitor

Tianzun: Alright

Bai Ze: How are you going to manage the children in the class?

Tianzun: If you are disobedient, you will be beaten until you are obedient.

Bai Ze: …

——————-

Tianzun is still a child, and the small theater cannot be dirty.

[1] This literally means “The Heavenly Attack” and since I could not find any reference of it, I’m assuming it’s the Heaven’s prison.

[2] A reference to a meeting held by the Queen Mother in the Journey to the West