Chapter 136

136 Do you miss him?

When evening fell, most of the work had already been done. The guests were to come the next day, and because of the tedious and thorough cleaning of the day, most of the staff retired to bed early to prepare for the next day. She and Penelope had just eaten dinner, and throughout, Penelope could not hold down her yawns.

“We should sleep.”, Penelope said after a long yawn.

Neera shook her head. “I will join you soon. I want to take a bit of a walk.”

Neera caught Penelope looking at her from her peripheral view. Confused, she gave her an inquiring look.

“Do you miss him a lot?” Penelope asked out of the blue. She knew she had been thinking about him all day, and pretended to be fine, but she had just ignored it. There was no need to bring it up when she was trying to keep her mind off it, but now seeing her almost at the brink of tears, she asked;

Neera shook her head, knowing who she was referring to. “No, he only took care of me, and that is over.”

“Neera,” Penelope took Neera’s hand inside hers. “You really don’t have to pretend with me. I can see how hard you are trying to be happy. I hope it is not so hard?”

Neera looked down. The sting of tears at the back of her eyes was beginning to betray her, and she didn’t want to end the day on a sad note.

So, she looked up at Penelope with the broadest smile she could muster.

.....

“I will be fine,” she told her friend the truth. “Trust me. I have been through worse, so I will get through any emotion I am feeling right now.”

Penelope did not press her for any more talk. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight. She pressed a kiss to Neera’s cheek after and gave a giggle.

“Go clear your head.”, Penelope rubbed her hands on her arms, warming herself from the slight chill of the night. “Take your time. I will be at the maids’ quarters waiting for you, or I would probably be asleep, but I will be there.”

Neera thanked her, and they parted ways. Neera walked into the night, and the quietness gave her thoughts an even louder voice. She welcomed every thought and every memory, and the cicadas and the night owls played a clashing tone of sound as the music for her.

She didn’t know how long she had walked, but she found herself in front of the old tree of over four centuries. She stopped in front of it and remembered Zavian’s words to her.

When I look at it, it reminds me of you...

She blew out a breath, watching it form a mist and disappear. She would be strong, she will be fine. She believed it.

There was a shuffling behind her that caught her attention. She looked into the shadows and found an image standing not too far off, unmoving.

“Who is there?” She asked, fear rising in her. Everyone must have already gone to bed. Was she followed?

“It’s me”, the reply came.

That voice. The one that had filled her from her waking to sleeping hours. He was here. Zavian was here.

“Your Majesty?” Neera asked to confirm he was truly the one. Zavian moved forward and stopped when he got in front of her. The dim lights from the celebration lights cast upon his features.

After days of preparing for a ceremony, he was to be involved in but had no interest in; he needed a break. Somewhere far away from all the noise, so there was nowhere more peaceful than the garden. The only thing he wasn’t expecting was to see the very person who had lived in his head for the days he hadn’t seen her, standing there before him.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” He asked, his voice caring as he stared so tenderly at him. He had missed her. He had missed her so much.

“Why aren’t you?” Neera asked in return.

His hand swept through his hair. “I can’t. I can’t seem to sleep.”

Neera did not have the courage to face the emotional turbulence in his eyes, so she looked at the tree, and said nothing more. They both shared the silence this way, and it was serene.

It had been days since they had been close in each other’s company. Neera was tempted to ask him if he had made a decision on which Princess to pick, but she didn’t. Truth be told, it was too heavy for her already heavy mind to handle. All her head thought about was him, and she would torture herself thinking about him and another woman; it would be the death of her.

“I missed you”, Neera found herself saying instead. Her tongue took control, and she let it go freely. No holding back. “I miss you all the time. I know this isn’t something I should say, or be telling you, but this is maybe the last time we will speak this way. But thank you for showing me the light when my life was dark, thank you for being there for me, and helping me through. And most of all”, she looked at him, tears brewing terribly in her eyes;

“Thank you for separating my identity from Lilah. I knew I said I would help you bring her back, but when you told me you see us as two separate people, it was one of the most freeing things you did for me, so thank you.”

Zavian was so still she wondered if he was holding his breath. A slight wind blew, and her skin grew goosebumps. The rain was still teasing them, buried in the clouds to announce its impromptu presence one of these close days.

“Don’t thank me Neera”, Zavian’s voice was soft. “Tell me you miss me as much as I miss you, and that is enough.”

His hand found her cheeks, and another wrapped around her midriff, drawing her close. She felt his breath fan her face, and her palms flattened against the planes of his chest. Everything about what was wrong or what was right did not matter at that moment.

“Tell me”, Zavian whispered against her lips.

“I miss you more than you can ever miss me”, Neera said. “I miss you with my heart, my body, and my soul.”