Volume 1 - CH 5
“Kyaa ~♡! What a wonderful man! And aren’t they just the ideal couple!” A girl squealed. She was probably about fourteen or fifteen years old, and had long curled hair with an extravagant pink dress on. In that sense, she was like a doll. Although it was supposed to be a normal afternoon, somehow everything around her appeared as a field of flowers…
“It’s perfect! Just a perfect couple! Ena was right, wasn’t she!? Yes! I finally found it!” She screamed from within her stylish coach as she vigorously tap-tap-tapped on the window.
She grabbed the neck of the gentleman in his forties next to her and shook it in excitement, ignoring his groan.
“They’re the perfect couple. That’s what I’ve been searching for. Wanting for. Isn’t that right? Old man!!”
He recovered quickly when she let go, corrected his collar, then spoke. “Yes. It is just as you say, Lady Hamine.”
Both of them, the so-called Lady Hamine and the older gentleman called ‘Old Man’ peeked out the window again.
It was a major road that’d soon lead to a town called Fanoll. Two people were walking along the road. One had beautiful long blond hair. They were awfully expressionless, but that expressionless face was somehow perfect, and they had such a fantastic, graceful body that one could easily mistake them for… a woman. But with their leather armor and longsword, there was simply no possibility for them to be anything but a man. Women in Runa did not wear armor.
He was perfect—the man that Hamine had always wanted to meet.
The man that he was with wasn’t bad, either. He was reasonably attractive, though his black hair was a mess. He had unmotivated black eyes, and his slouch gave the overall impression that he was languid in general.
Why was he so tired…?
“Could it be that the blond tops and the one with black hair bottoms!?” She yelled, her words entirely incomprehensible. Then she cooed and whispered as if in a trance. “It’s just perfect… Two handsome men doing XXX and OOO each and every night, hidden from the public eye… iyaan ♡ !”
“Lady Hamone, you’re drooling.”
“Drooling? Drool? What would these two handsome men do if there was drool involved? Kyaah ♡ !”
“P-please calm down!”
“How could I!? That’s impossible! What kind of immoral things do the two of them get up to together… ♡ I can’t die without seeing it! Now, Old Man. We’ll become acquainted with them. Even if the world won’t forgive them, I will! I’ll protect them, even! They’re world-class treasures, after all!”
Kind of shitty treasures, though.
Anyway…
Ryner continued to walk, as tired as always, completely oblivious to what was going on inside of the carriage. There was a blond man next to him—actually, she was a well and true authentic woman, Ferris Eris—and she walked at a quick pace next to Ryner.
“We’ll be in town soon,” Ferris said in that absolutely monotonous voice of hers.
Ryner nodded. “Yeah. That’s what the sign said, anyway. I’ll finally get to sleep in a real bed. All we’ve done for ages is camp. For someone as delicate as I am, um… never mind,” he said and shook his head. He was so tired that even thinking of what to say was a bother.
And so the two of them walked in silence.
Then Ferris suddenly spoke, curt as always. “We’ll be camping tonight.”
“……”
They continued to walk in silence. Then it finally sunk in.
“Hah!? What the hell? We camped yesterday and the day before, so why can’t we stay in an inn now that we’re finally in a city?”
“We’ve run out of money. We’re broke, whether you want to stay in an inn or not.”
“Hah!? How? We’re on a mission to find heroic relics that the king himself made us do, right?”
“Yes.”
“So how come we’re broke? We’re getting an allowance straight from Roland’s treasury for this, right? Actually, me aside, I saw you with lots of money recently. That was our allowance, wasn’t it? Can’t we just use that? We should have tons since we’ve just been using it on inns.”
Ferris shook her head. “It’s all gone.”
“All of it!? How?”
“I gave it all to a lovely woman who was down on her luck.”
“Yeah, right! Actually, back up,” Ryner said, looking more tired by the minute. “You’re the ‘lovely woman’ you’re talking about, aren’t you?”
“Oh. You’re getting smarter, Ryner. What gave it away? A lovely maiden who is forced to travel with a sex field must do something for herself every now and then.”
“Like what?”
“Mm. Such as investing it in the uncertainty of the future. Fragile girls live their lives in fear. We should use it as we await the day we mature.”
“…Until you mature…… You know that you can just save it, right?”
“Really? But don’t worry about that. The king informed me that you would spend it all on women.”
“…You always manage to make this stuff my fault… But anyway, if we just sleep outside for a while he’ll send more and then we’ll be good, right?”
Ferris shook her head easily. “That won’t happen. The king states that he won’t send money that you’ll just waste on women. He said that we must source our own money from now on. God, you’re something else. How far will you go to inconvenience me?”
“No, uuhh… um, well… okay. Sorry.” Ryner was out of energy to do anything but apologize.
That was the kind of exhausting afternoon he had.
---
Hamone followed behind, listening in on the tender love that society criticized with shaking shoulders.
Just like Ena said, the blond one was Ferris, and the one with black hair was Ryner. Ryner seemed to be tired of violently making love outdoors, and wanted to be taken kindly on a real bed. Ferris, on the other hand, knew that they’d need money to live on the fringes of society, so he tried to tell Ryner to bear it for just a little longer…
She was pretty sure that was the conversation they were having.
Hamone couldn’t help but shiver at their extreme conversation. “They’re the real deal! This is true love!”
She was shaking with pleasure as tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.
She couldn’t hesitate a moment longer. She was going to do it. She had to protect these world-class treasures!
And so Hamone executed her plan. They’d rush ahead, then she’d collapse on the ground, then she’d put her hand to her chest, and wait for Ryner and Ferris…
“Hau!? My chronic disease is acting up… Someone save me, cough, cough!”
Hamone looked up at the two men as she acted.
They glanced down at her, and…
“Hm… So what should we do about the money, Ferris? We can’t travel without money, right?”
“Don’t worry about that. I have an idea.”
“Hohoh. What kind?”
“First, I cut your head off, then I take your insides and sell them on the streets. Cannibalism is a huge trend right now. I should be able to make a lot—”
“Proposal rejected. Just the fact that you know that makes me scared to travel with you.”
They ignored Hamone entirely, walking past her without looking back.
“Huh…?”
She watched them behind, a dazed look on her face.
“S-so they have absolutely no interest in women. Perfect. It’s just so perfect,” she said, shivering for how positively moved she was.
She completely dropped her chronic illness schtick and once again ran in front of them.
“I-I’m actually being chased by assassins right now,” she said and flopped down on the ground a second time. “I’m still wounded from the last time they caught up to me!”
“So about the money,” Ryner said. “I’ll get half of it, so let’s make sure to actually save it this time.”
“Mm. I will collect the money, then bring peace to the world.”
“…You’re trying to say that you want to kill me, right?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, I guess I can’t really argue with that…”
And so they once again ignored Hamone.
“Ggh! I won’t lose!” Hamon said as she ran forward again. The older man’s carriage followed.
To keep it brief, she rushed forward and collapsed so close to them that there was absolutely no way for them to ignore her.
“Auh…”
Then she lay there, unable to move.
“Hey, are you okay?” Ryner asked. “You just fell hard enough to break your neck…”
Truly, she felt blessed that the bones of her neck were so powerful as to survive that. Even so, the jewel that she was to the world was mere rough when compared to the world-class diamonds of handsome men that were standing here in front of her.
“I… have an incurable illness, and I’m being chased by assassins, and on top of that, I’m having a seizure. But I’m saved thanks to you two. I’m already feeling so much better. I must give you a gift to account for your good graces.”
“…Already feeling better, huh… Somehow I don’t see how all that can be fixed by me asking if your neck was okay.”
“You needn’t be modest. I’m on your side. No matter what anyone may say, I am on your side!”
“Modesty isn’t the problem here, your neck is.”
“My neck is fine. Look,” Hamone said and cracked her neck to put it fully back in place.
For some reason, Ryner was white as a sheet, twitching with discomfort. Then there was Ferris, completely unperturbed. She could feel love radiating from the two of them. Oh, what a wonderful thing. To think that she was able to closely bear witness to such a beautiful thing.
“Old Man. Take the carriage to Fanoll and buy a home for the two of them—a suitable love nest.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Hamone nodded to herself, satisfied. “Please do take a seat, my good Ryner and Ferris. I, Hamine Pati, your chief supporter, would like you to take full advantage of this opportunity.”
Ryner grimaced at the words that came straight from Hamone’s heart. “What’s with this chick? She’s creeping me out… How’d she know our names?”
But Ferris replied with the only words that could shatter his hesitation. “She seems like she has a lot of money.”
“Ah…”
“Mm.”
That was all it took for them to reach a mutual understanding.
“A-ahaha,” Ryner laughed, suspiciously high-pitched. “Um, well, to think that you’d spoil us with kindness like this…”
Hamone was deeply moved by their exchange. By how Ferris’ words could dispel Ryner’s concerns with ease. Ah, how far could she see them to?
“Even if God won’t forgive your love…”
Those self-absorbed, undevout words played on loop in her mind.
“Now let’s advance,” she said, “To the country of love!”
With Ryner and Ferris in the carriage, it raced forward.
And so they were led into a beautiful mansion and fed a lavish feast. They’d learned in the carriage that the Pati family was one of the big names in Runa’s nobility, and not only that, but she was cousins with Ena Asto, Runa’s princess.
“I’ve heard of you two,” Hamone said. “About how that dastardly Ena used her status to have an illicit affair with you, Ferris, and about how Ryner saved you. I was truly moved.”
“Uhh, leaving all of that misinformation aside,” Ryner said with a grimace, “Are you thinking that me and Ferris are lovers?”
“Of course. Your romance is the only one that I have seen in my life that rivals that of romance novels.”
Ryner’s grimace only deepened. “So you also heard that Ferris is a man from Ena, right? So you think that this is a romance between two men?”
Hamine seemed to tremble as she responded. “Yes, of course. And I know for a fact that boy x boy is the only true love in the world!” She said it with the absolute certainty of someone who believed that what she was saying was common sense.
“……”
Ryner was at a loss for words. Ferris, meanwhile, was still eating, completely unbothered by their conversation…
“Then there’s Ena, who used her status to single Ferris out,” Hamon continued. “That filthy wench! Ferris belongs to Ryner! Er… I’m sorry. I became a bit fired up there. You are free to resume eating. Preparations for tonight have already been made, so please, do enjoy yourselves. It’s designed to allow for roleplay too… ehehehe.”
“Uuh… roleplay, she says,” Ryner groaned after hearing her eerie laugh. It was scary. Super scary. She wasn’t explaining the details, but worst case scenario, wasn’t his chastity in danger?! So Ryner spoke, a little high-pitched. “Um… Hamone, I think you might be misunderstanding something. See, the truth is that Ferris is—”
Shink! There was the sharp sound of Ferris’ sword unsheathing. It was at Ryner’s neck in an instant.
“What are you trying to say?” Ferris asked.
“You know that she thinks we’re a gay couple, right? And that she’s gonna have us spend the night together? My chastity is at risk here,” Ryner said, trying to appeal to Ferris with wet eyes.
Ferris, meanwhile, remained cold. “She seems like she’s loaded. She might pay us if we act. Any problems?”
“…Problems or not, this is a crime on so many levels… It’s kinda maddening, actually.”
“Mm. No problems. There’s nothing we can do about your chastity.”
“Hey, I don’t think that’s something you should be deciding for me…”
Hamone, meanwhile, was fangirling over their hush-hush conversation. “Aha. You two really are close. ♡ I’ll do anything I can to protect your love, so be as brazen as you’d like in this city. I’ve already told them all about you.”
“You told them!?”
“Yes. I will use my power to imprison anyone who says anything about you two. No, the death penalty. I’ll give them the death penalty. The ignorant people who don’t understand your sublime love are better off dead!”
If the nobility could go around saying that, then this country was doomed…
Ryner picked at his food as he did everything he could to keep a straight face.
---
And so night fell.
Ryner, having lost to peer pressure, followed Hamone, who looked like she was living in a dream and Ferris, completely expressionless as always, to the bedroom. The door slowly opened, and…
“Uwah…”
That was the only sound that Ryner could muster as he looked in from behind the girls.
The wallpaper was flower-patterned. The ceiling was made of mirrors. The whole thing felt like a fairytale. Naturally, the bed had flowery bedding, too…
But reflected in the mirrors, there was also a stand with leather ropes, wicks and the like, along with various costumes.
“Whoa, whoa…”
Hamine, meanwhile, completely misinterpreted his awe. “Lord Ryner, I see that you’re interested. Aha ♡, just like I knew you’d be! Oh, Lord Ferris whipping Lord Ryner… Ough, just thinking about it makes me…!”
Meanwhile, Ferris—being Ferris—walked over to the bondage items and picked up the whip. “Hm.”
She raised her arm, and…
Wha-cha!
The second her arm moved, a dreadful sound rang out. She’d whipped the wall. Not just once, either. She did it again and again, until another whip or two would break the whole wall down to lead into the next room over. That was how much power this woman had when she wielded a whip.
“Amaaazing!” Hamine said as she watched. “So fierce! ♡ So that’s why Ryner is so tired all the time - you always bring him right to his limit! To think that he doesn’t keel over dead from that… The power of love is something else.”
No fucking way…
…is what Ryner wanted to say, but he was fresh out of the energy to speak, much less argue.
Seeing Ryner’s face, Hamone seemed to understand that something was a little wrong with this picture. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “Nighttime is for couples. I, being a woman, am intruding on your private time…”
She turned red before continuing.
“You don’t need to camp outside tonight; you have a proper bed… So don’t mind us too much, my lord Ferris. Please make Sir Ryner cry tonight, okay? I’ll leave the rest to you two, so enjoy your youth… ehehehe. Let’s go, Old Man.”
And so Ryner and Ferris were left alone in that blindingly pink room.
“……”
“Um…”
There was a rotten air around them. They were a man and woman here in a room that was meant for two men to do this and that in…
Not just that, but Ferris was inarguably a world-class beauty. There shouldn’t have been a single man in the world who could face this situation with a straight face… There shouldn’t have been, but…
Ryner yawned. “I’m so tired. And sleepy.”
There he was.
He yawned real big a second time, his sleepiness easily reaching his eyes. Then he laid down on the bed. “Anyway, this is the first time I’ve seen a bed in forever, so do you mind if I turn in?”
Ferris watched him, her face somehow meek. Her expression was more sincere than usual despite being nearly as expressionless as always. Even her voice was sexy, which was very different from her norm.
“Ryner…”
Ryner looked at her, surprised. “Huh?”
“I can’t take this anymore, Ryner. ♡”
“Huh? You can’t take it? ♡? W, wait…”
What? What did this mean? She wasn’t making a move on him, was she? But why now? Even though he was pretty much just her punching bag…?
But Ryner’s thoughts stopped then and there. Even Ferris’ expression had gone sexy—though her eyes were just as expressionless as always—and she took a couple more steps closer.
“Uh, Ferris? I don’t think you should drop this stuff on a guy so suddenly. Trying something like this when we’re on the clock is kinda… y’know…”
But Ferris wasn’t listening. She just kept approaching, silently, until she raised her whip…
“Huh? Uwah!?”
Wha-cha!
Ryner jumped off the bed to escape the Killer Whip. It slammed into a pillow, diving it neatly into two…
“Are you trying to kill me!?” He screamed.
Ferris didn’t reply. She just raised the whip a second time.
Wha-cha!
“Gyaah!? W-wait, Ferris!?”
She ignored him completely. “Hm. I see,” she said to herself. “So I can use it like this.” She slammed the whip down with even more force than before.
“Come on, Ferris, talk to—”
“Heheh. You’ll die if I hit you. You’re nothing but an insect. Try and escape if you dare.”
Wha-cha!
“Guuh…! You have some nerve getting even better at using that thing… uwouh!?
Wha-boom!
“What the hell was that sound!? There’s no way that sound came from the whip… huh?”
Ryner was suddenly at a loss for words. She’d whipped a hole into the ground. He could see right through the bottom of this floor and into the next… If that whip had hit him, he’d have disappeared without a trace…
“Hey, this was going too far! I definitely would’ve died if you hit me with that th—”
Ferris dropped the whip and closed the distance between them in no time, holding Ryner still by a hand over his mouth. Then she pushed him down onto the bed. “This has gone on for too long. Haven’t you realized that that perverted girl, Hamone, has been watching us this whole time? We have to give her a show if we want her to shell out for us. Give up and sacrifice yourself to my whip.” She’d kept her usual emotionless expression, but her voice had gone sexy again.
Ryner tried to speak, but her hand was still over his mouth. “Fugo! Fuowoh foh fuwaoh fufhehehefu!?”
By the way, what he was trying to convey was this: “Uuh! I can’t breathe! Get your hand off of me!”
Ferris nodded in understanding. “Mm? The whip hurts, so you want me to choke you until you’re unconscious and then whip you to our hearts’ content? I understand. Let’s do that, then. I’ll be sure to convey your passion towards completing our mission to the king.”
So she said as she began to choke Ryner.
“Uah!?”
He tried to get her to release him with both his hands and all his power, but she skillfully captured his arms with her legs, rendering him useless. Her grip tightened and tightened.
“Ah… uuh…”
He could feel his consciousness begin to fade, but strangely, his senses began to sharpen. The reel of his life’s memories flashed before his eyes, and ah, the flowers… the field of flowers…
For some reason, the night was louder than usual. There was the faint sound of insects from outside, and for some reason, Hamone’s voice from above. “Amazing! Fierce! So this is love! This is true love!?”
There was another voice, too, coming from far away. A familiar one. One from forgotten days. One that he treasured very much, but also one that he didn’t give a shit about…
“…ner… you, so… chea…”
It was a girl’s voice, one that slowly got clearer and clearer.
“Ryner! I’ll never forgive you! All you do is cheat!” And then, “I wish for thunder - Lightning Flash!”
There was a violent sound, and in the next moment, the wall exploded, as if the one who did it didn’t think about the people in the room at all.
Ferris was the first to respond. “It’s that girl again.” Her grip on Ryner’s neck finally loosened.
Ryner used the opportunity to push her legs off with his arms and sit up. “Fuaoh! I thought I was a goner!”
“Hm. You were so close to meeting paradise, too…”
“Were you trying to knock me out? Or kill m—”
Ryner was cut off by yelling. “Wh-wh-what were you doing, Ryner!? Were you s-sl-sleeping with a girl on this bed!?”
Ryner was already tired of hearing it. He didn’t have to look to see whose voice it was. She had an adorable face and a flaxen ponytail. Vigor overflowed from her small body. When Ryner looked back at her, yep, it was Milk Callaud.
Milk talked way louder than one would expect to hear from someone as small as she was. “Explain yourself! Or I’ll never forgive you! You’re a coward when it comes to that woman! Beauty’s all she has! Right? Isn’t that right, Luke?”
Luke, who was backing her from behind, was always there as if he was her guardian. “More importantly, Chief… I feel like your language is getting a bit crude…”
A flower-pattered board on the ceiling raised and Hamine glared down from her perch, surely at Milk. “You have some gall trespassing in my mansion! Who are you people?” Hamine said. That was the most reasonable reaction to anything she’d had all day, even though she said it after almost letting a demon turn Ryner into a ghost.
And of course there was Milk, who always had the worst timing imaginable. She probably should’ve said something before trespassing like this, but instead—
“I’m Milk Callaud, chief of a Taboo Hunter squad, and me and Ryner promised to get married!” She said while sticking her finger out. Dun-dun-duuun!
Hamine scowled. “I can’t let you spew lies like that. Marrying Lord Ryner? To think that a woman of all people would say something as rude as that. And you’re a Taboo Hunter… certainly boy x boy is taboo, and of course people whisper about it to their hearts’ content, but that’s just gossip from foolish and ignorant people! Boy x boy is the most sublime of love!”
“Say that all you want, but aren’t you one of the girls that’s trying to seduce Ryner too!?” Milk fired back. “I can’t let you do that!”
“Hm. You think I want to seduce him? You’re so stupid. You really think that a woman such as myself could be Lord Ryner’s partner? Women repulse him. He has absolutely no interest in them.”
Ryner was about to tell her that wasn’t true in the slightest, but Ferris beat him to it.
“That’s right,” she said. “So give up. There’s a reason that he’s thrown so many girls away. This demon of a man has advanced to just little girls and other men…”
“…Haah.” At this point, there was nothing that Ryner could do but sigh. The situation had long passed the point of control. It was completely out of his hands now.
Milk, meanwhile, was trembling from the combined force of Ferris and Hamine’s words. “Little girls? Men? I-I have to compete with men, too…? Is that true, Ryner?”
Even Luke, who’d been waiting behind her, was trembling. “I k-knew that this was a dangerous job… Come on, Chief, let’s withdraw! You’re not the only one that’s in danger of this man! He could attack me or the others, too!” He said, anxious for the three behind him, Lach, Lear, and Moe.
Ryner, meanwhile, was completely and totally done with all of this. “Well… I guess that could be a plus,” he said offhandedly.
In contrast, Hamine was ecstatic. “Kyah ♡, so he’s protecting those three pretty boys! This has to be love, right!? So that’s how this is. That makes this girl the villain around here. She’s not only getting in the way of Lord Ryner’s love, she’s also getting in the way of the beautiful man x those three pretty boys! She’s committing atrocities here! God may forgive her, but I most certainly will not!”
For some reason Ryner got the feeling that Hamine was the one here who god wouldn’t forgive here… but anyway, she kept going.
“Lord Ferris, Lord Ryner. I’ve prepared everything that you might need for your journey outside. Please, use it all to escape. I’ll follow from behind!”
“No, it’s okay, you really don’t need to follow us,” Ryner mumbled before turning to Ferris. “Alright, let’s go.”
“Mm.”
And so they moved to escape through the window.
“Ah! Wait!” Milk yelled. “I definitely won’t let you get away this ti—”
Milk was cut off by Hamine’s punch. “I won’t let a vulgar female like you get in the way of their sublime love! You’ll get the death penalty!”
It was a pretty serious punch, and it caught Milk completely off her guard, so she stumbled back. But she soon caught herself. “Luke, Lach, Lear, Moe. We’re getting past this perv and chasing after Ryner. Cover me!”
““Got it!””
With that, Milk and her four subordinates rushed to the window, but not before Hamine could react. “Old man, cover for me!”
“As you wish,” another voice said from the ceiling, and soon an older gentleman descended.
“So you were there too?” Ryner asked, tired.
“Yes. I am not to leave Lady Hamine’s side, after all.”
“Basically, you’re a huge perv too…”
“No, I’ve quite been looking forward to this,” the old man said as he pressed both hands to his chest. “O God who lies in heaven, save us pitiful humans with your flame!” It was Runa’s characteristic magic, which relied on the power of god. Flames appeared around the gentleman, soon followed by Hamine’s scream.
“Old man!” She shrieked. “What are you doing!? You can’t burn those four hunks! They’re in love, you know! They’re some of the world’s most wonderful treasures!”
“Mgh, what have I done!” He said and his magic instantly dissipated. He had to be pretty skillful to have that level of control over his magic, but Milk wasn’t a force to be reckoned with, either. She started a spell with master speed…
Ferris and Ryner used the sudden fight as an opportunity to slip out of the window, making a stop downstairs to silently rummage around and steal some expensive-looking jewels and anything else they could find that looked valuable, then took to the carriage and bolted.
---
The next morning was clear and free of clouds. Hamine and the old man were stuck with the aftermath of the tough battle as sunlight poured in through the window. The four men, who she’d gathered from Milk were called Luke, Lach, Lear, and Moe, were out cold. It was quite the beautiful sight. Proof of their love for each other, even. Just seeing it made her certain that their sublime love was one of the many truths of the world. They were coworkers by day, but the night brought them closer!
“Heheheh. Not bad. Not bad at all. Hey, Old Man.”
“Yes, my lady?”
They spoke as they watched the men. Luke and Moe had ended up holding each other, and the same went for Lach and Lear. Hamone watched as God smiled upon her from heaven.
“You don’t have to worry anymore,” she said. “Your nightmare is over. I’ve defeated that woman. I’ve already distributed pamphlets informing the town’s commoners of your love. You’ll be able to live with confidence now, hiding from nothing and no one. Isn’t that right, Old Man?”
“Yes. Love has yet again been saved by your hands, my lady.”
“I am a protector of sublime love. I will do anything in my power to fulfill this duty. Now, Old Man, let us pursue Lord Ferris and Lord Ryner.”
“Your wish is my command.”
With that, Hamine Pati’s quest to find true love began.
On another note, a few hours later, Milk woke from where she’d been thrown aside on the floor. She looked to her subordinates, who were all on the floor hugging each other. “Wha!? L-Luke!? You guys, too!? Wh, what… And this pamphlet… noooooo!!”
But her mental breakdown was another story entirely.
“It’s perfect! Just a perfect couple! Ena was right, wasn’t she!? Yes! I finally found it!” She screamed from within her stylish coach as she vigorously tap-tap-tapped on the window.
She grabbed the neck of the gentleman in his forties next to her and shook it in excitement, ignoring his groan.
“They’re the perfect couple. That’s what I’ve been searching for. Wanting for. Isn’t that right? Old man!!”
He recovered quickly when she let go, corrected his collar, then spoke. “Yes. It is just as you say, Lady Hamine.”
Both of them, the so-called Lady Hamine and the older gentleman called ‘Old Man’ peeked out the window again.
It was a major road that’d soon lead to a town called Fanoll. Two people were walking along the road. One had beautiful long blond hair. They were awfully expressionless, but that expressionless face was somehow perfect, and they had such a fantastic, graceful body that one could easily mistake them for… a woman. But with their leather armor and longsword, there was simply no possibility for them to be anything but a man. Women in Runa did not wear armor.
He was perfect—the man that Hamine had always wanted to meet.
The man that he was with wasn’t bad, either. He was reasonably attractive, though his black hair was a mess. He had unmotivated black eyes, and his slouch gave the overall impression that he was languid in general.
Why was he so tired…?
“Could it be that the blond tops and the one with black hair bottoms!?” She yelled, her words entirely incomprehensible. Then she cooed and whispered as if in a trance. “It’s just perfect… Two handsome men doing XXX and OOO each and every night, hidden from the public eye… iyaan ♡ !”
“Lady Hamone, you’re drooling.”
“Drooling? Drool? What would these two handsome men do if there was drool involved? Kyaah ♡ !”
“P-please calm down!”
“How could I!? That’s impossible! What kind of immoral things do the two of them get up to together… ♡ I can’t die without seeing it! Now, Old Man. We’ll become acquainted with them. Even if the world won’t forgive them, I will! I’ll protect them, even! They’re world-class treasures, after all!”
Kind of shitty treasures, though.
Anyway…
Ryner continued to walk, as tired as always, completely oblivious to what was going on inside of the carriage. There was a blond man next to him—actually, she was a well and true authentic woman, Ferris Eris—and she walked at a quick pace next to Ryner.
“We’ll be in town soon,” Ferris said in that absolutely monotonous voice of hers.
Ryner nodded. “Yeah. That’s what the sign said, anyway. I’ll finally get to sleep in a real bed. All we’ve done for ages is camp. For someone as delicate as I am, um… never mind,” he said and shook his head. He was so tired that even thinking of what to say was a bother.
And so the two of them walked in silence.
Then Ferris suddenly spoke, curt as always. “We’ll be camping tonight.”
“……”
They continued to walk in silence. Then it finally sunk in.
“Hah!? What the hell? We camped yesterday and the day before, so why can’t we stay in an inn now that we’re finally in a city?”
“We’ve run out of money. We’re broke, whether you want to stay in an inn or not.”
“Hah!? How? We’re on a mission to find heroic relics that the king himself made us do, right?”
“Yes.”
“So how come we’re broke? We’re getting an allowance straight from Roland’s treasury for this, right? Actually, me aside, I saw you with lots of money recently. That was our allowance, wasn’t it? Can’t we just use that? We should have tons since we’ve just been using it on inns.”
Ferris shook her head. “It’s all gone.”
“All of it!? How?”
“I gave it all to a lovely woman who was down on her luck.”
“Yeah, right! Actually, back up,” Ryner said, looking more tired by the minute. “You’re the ‘lovely woman’ you’re talking about, aren’t you?”
“Oh. You’re getting smarter, Ryner. What gave it away? A lovely maiden who is forced to travel with a sex field must do something for herself every now and then.”
“Like what?”
“Mm. Such as investing it in the uncertainty of the future. Fragile girls live their lives in fear. We should use it as we await the day we mature.”
“…Until you mature…… You know that you can just save it, right?”
“Really? But don’t worry about that. The king informed me that you would spend it all on women.”
“…You always manage to make this stuff my fault… But anyway, if we just sleep outside for a while he’ll send more and then we’ll be good, right?”
Ferris shook her head easily. “That won’t happen. The king states that he won’t send money that you’ll just waste on women. He said that we must source our own money from now on. God, you’re something else. How far will you go to inconvenience me?”
“No, uuhh… um, well… okay. Sorry.” Ryner was out of energy to do anything but apologize.
That was the kind of exhausting afternoon he had.
---
Hamone followed behind, listening in on the tender love that society criticized with shaking shoulders.
Just like Ena said, the blond one was Ferris, and the one with black hair was Ryner. Ryner seemed to be tired of violently making love outdoors, and wanted to be taken kindly on a real bed. Ferris, on the other hand, knew that they’d need money to live on the fringes of society, so he tried to tell Ryner to bear it for just a little longer…
She was pretty sure that was the conversation they were having.
Hamone couldn’t help but shiver at their extreme conversation. “They’re the real deal! This is true love!”
She was shaking with pleasure as tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.
She couldn’t hesitate a moment longer. She was going to do it. She had to protect these world-class treasures!
And so Hamone executed her plan. They’d rush ahead, then she’d collapse on the ground, then she’d put her hand to her chest, and wait for Ryner and Ferris…
“Hau!? My chronic disease is acting up… Someone save me, cough, cough!”
Hamone looked up at the two men as she acted.
They glanced down at her, and…
“Hm… So what should we do about the money, Ferris? We can’t travel without money, right?”
“Don’t worry about that. I have an idea.”
“Hohoh. What kind?”
“First, I cut your head off, then I take your insides and sell them on the streets. Cannibalism is a huge trend right now. I should be able to make a lot—”
“Proposal rejected. Just the fact that you know that makes me scared to travel with you.”
They ignored Hamone entirely, walking past her without looking back.
“Huh…?”
She watched them behind, a dazed look on her face.
“S-so they have absolutely no interest in women. Perfect. It’s just so perfect,” she said, shivering for how positively moved she was.
She completely dropped her chronic illness schtick and once again ran in front of them.
“I-I’m actually being chased by assassins right now,” she said and flopped down on the ground a second time. “I’m still wounded from the last time they caught up to me!”
“So about the money,” Ryner said. “I’ll get half of it, so let’s make sure to actually save it this time.”
“Mm. I will collect the money, then bring peace to the world.”
“…You’re trying to say that you want to kill me, right?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, I guess I can’t really argue with that…”
And so they once again ignored Hamone.
“Ggh! I won’t lose!” Hamon said as she ran forward again. The older man’s carriage followed.
To keep it brief, she rushed forward and collapsed so close to them that there was absolutely no way for them to ignore her.
“Auh…”
Then she lay there, unable to move.
“Hey, are you okay?” Ryner asked. “You just fell hard enough to break your neck…”
Truly, she felt blessed that the bones of her neck were so powerful as to survive that. Even so, the jewel that she was to the world was mere rough when compared to the world-class diamonds of handsome men that were standing here in front of her.
“I… have an incurable illness, and I’m being chased by assassins, and on top of that, I’m having a seizure. But I’m saved thanks to you two. I’m already feeling so much better. I must give you a gift to account for your good graces.”
“…Already feeling better, huh… Somehow I don’t see how all that can be fixed by me asking if your neck was okay.”
“You needn’t be modest. I’m on your side. No matter what anyone may say, I am on your side!”
“Modesty isn’t the problem here, your neck is.”
“My neck is fine. Look,” Hamone said and cracked her neck to put it fully back in place.
For some reason, Ryner was white as a sheet, twitching with discomfort. Then there was Ferris, completely unperturbed. She could feel love radiating from the two of them. Oh, what a wonderful thing. To think that she was able to closely bear witness to such a beautiful thing.
“Old Man. Take the carriage to Fanoll and buy a home for the two of them—a suitable love nest.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Hamone nodded to herself, satisfied. “Please do take a seat, my good Ryner and Ferris. I, Hamine Pati, your chief supporter, would like you to take full advantage of this opportunity.”
Ryner grimaced at the words that came straight from Hamone’s heart. “What’s with this chick? She’s creeping me out… How’d she know our names?”
But Ferris replied with the only words that could shatter his hesitation. “She seems like she has a lot of money.”
“Ah…”
“Mm.”
That was all it took for them to reach a mutual understanding.
“A-ahaha,” Ryner laughed, suspiciously high-pitched. “Um, well, to think that you’d spoil us with kindness like this…”
Hamone was deeply moved by their exchange. By how Ferris’ words could dispel Ryner’s concerns with ease. Ah, how far could she see them to?
“Even if God won’t forgive your love…”
Those self-absorbed, undevout words played on loop in her mind.
“Now let’s advance,” she said, “To the country of love!”
With Ryner and Ferris in the carriage, it raced forward.
And so they were led into a beautiful mansion and fed a lavish feast. They’d learned in the carriage that the Pati family was one of the big names in Runa’s nobility, and not only that, but she was cousins with Ena Asto, Runa’s princess.
“I’ve heard of you two,” Hamone said. “About how that dastardly Ena used her status to have an illicit affair with you, Ferris, and about how Ryner saved you. I was truly moved.”
“Uhh, leaving all of that misinformation aside,” Ryner said with a grimace, “Are you thinking that me and Ferris are lovers?”
“Of course. Your romance is the only one that I have seen in my life that rivals that of romance novels.”
Ryner’s grimace only deepened. “So you also heard that Ferris is a man from Ena, right? So you think that this is a romance between two men?”
Hamine seemed to tremble as she responded. “Yes, of course. And I know for a fact that boy x boy is the only true love in the world!” She said it with the absolute certainty of someone who believed that what she was saying was common sense.
“……”
Ryner was at a loss for words. Ferris, meanwhile, was still eating, completely unbothered by their conversation…
“Then there’s Ena, who used her status to single Ferris out,” Hamon continued. “That filthy wench! Ferris belongs to Ryner! Er… I’m sorry. I became a bit fired up there. You are free to resume eating. Preparations for tonight have already been made, so please, do enjoy yourselves. It’s designed to allow for roleplay too… ehehehe.”
“Uuh… roleplay, she says,” Ryner groaned after hearing her eerie laugh. It was scary. Super scary. She wasn’t explaining the details, but worst case scenario, wasn’t his chastity in danger?! So Ryner spoke, a little high-pitched. “Um… Hamone, I think you might be misunderstanding something. See, the truth is that Ferris is—”
Shink! There was the sharp sound of Ferris’ sword unsheathing. It was at Ryner’s neck in an instant.
“What are you trying to say?” Ferris asked.
“You know that she thinks we’re a gay couple, right? And that she’s gonna have us spend the night together? My chastity is at risk here,” Ryner said, trying to appeal to Ferris with wet eyes.
Ferris, meanwhile, remained cold. “She seems like she’s loaded. She might pay us if we act. Any problems?”
“…Problems or not, this is a crime on so many levels… It’s kinda maddening, actually.”
“Mm. No problems. There’s nothing we can do about your chastity.”
“Hey, I don’t think that’s something you should be deciding for me…”
Hamone, meanwhile, was fangirling over their hush-hush conversation. “Aha. You two really are close. ♡ I’ll do anything I can to protect your love, so be as brazen as you’d like in this city. I’ve already told them all about you.”
“You told them!?”
“Yes. I will use my power to imprison anyone who says anything about you two. No, the death penalty. I’ll give them the death penalty. The ignorant people who don’t understand your sublime love are better off dead!”
If the nobility could go around saying that, then this country was doomed…
Ryner picked at his food as he did everything he could to keep a straight face.
---
And so night fell.
Ryner, having lost to peer pressure, followed Hamone, who looked like she was living in a dream and Ferris, completely expressionless as always, to the bedroom. The door slowly opened, and…
“Uwah…”
That was the only sound that Ryner could muster as he looked in from behind the girls.
The wallpaper was flower-patterned. The ceiling was made of mirrors. The whole thing felt like a fairytale. Naturally, the bed had flowery bedding, too…
But reflected in the mirrors, there was also a stand with leather ropes, wicks and the like, along with various costumes.
“Whoa, whoa…”
Hamine, meanwhile, completely misinterpreted his awe. “Lord Ryner, I see that you’re interested. Aha ♡, just like I knew you’d be! Oh, Lord Ferris whipping Lord Ryner… Ough, just thinking about it makes me…!”
Meanwhile, Ferris—being Ferris—walked over to the bondage items and picked up the whip. “Hm.”
She raised her arm, and…
Wha-cha!
The second her arm moved, a dreadful sound rang out. She’d whipped the wall. Not just once, either. She did it again and again, until another whip or two would break the whole wall down to lead into the next room over. That was how much power this woman had when she wielded a whip.
“Amaaazing!” Hamine said as she watched. “So fierce! ♡ So that’s why Ryner is so tired all the time - you always bring him right to his limit! To think that he doesn’t keel over dead from that… The power of love is something else.”
No fucking way…
…is what Ryner wanted to say, but he was fresh out of the energy to speak, much less argue.
Seeing Ryner’s face, Hamone seemed to understand that something was a little wrong with this picture. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “Nighttime is for couples. I, being a woman, am intruding on your private time…”
She turned red before continuing.
“You don’t need to camp outside tonight; you have a proper bed… So don’t mind us too much, my lord Ferris. Please make Sir Ryner cry tonight, okay? I’ll leave the rest to you two, so enjoy your youth… ehehehe. Let’s go, Old Man.”
And so Ryner and Ferris were left alone in that blindingly pink room.
“……”
“Um…”
There was a rotten air around them. They were a man and woman here in a room that was meant for two men to do this and that in…
Not just that, but Ferris was inarguably a world-class beauty. There shouldn’t have been a single man in the world who could face this situation with a straight face… There shouldn’t have been, but…
Ryner yawned. “I’m so tired. And sleepy.”
There he was.
He yawned real big a second time, his sleepiness easily reaching his eyes. Then he laid down on the bed. “Anyway, this is the first time I’ve seen a bed in forever, so do you mind if I turn in?”
Ferris watched him, her face somehow meek. Her expression was more sincere than usual despite being nearly as expressionless as always. Even her voice was sexy, which was very different from her norm.
“Ryner…”
Ryner looked at her, surprised. “Huh?”
“I can’t take this anymore, Ryner. ♡”
“Huh? You can’t take it? ♡? W, wait…”
What? What did this mean? She wasn’t making a move on him, was she? But why now? Even though he was pretty much just her punching bag…?
But Ryner’s thoughts stopped then and there. Even Ferris’ expression had gone sexy—though her eyes were just as expressionless as always—and she took a couple more steps closer.
“Uh, Ferris? I don’t think you should drop this stuff on a guy so suddenly. Trying something like this when we’re on the clock is kinda… y’know…”
But Ferris wasn’t listening. She just kept approaching, silently, until she raised her whip…
“Huh? Uwah!?”
Wha-cha!
Ryner jumped off the bed to escape the Killer Whip. It slammed into a pillow, diving it neatly into two…
“Are you trying to kill me!?” He screamed.
Ferris didn’t reply. She just raised the whip a second time.
Wha-cha!
“Gyaah!? W-wait, Ferris!?”
She ignored him completely. “Hm. I see,” she said to herself. “So I can use it like this.” She slammed the whip down with even more force than before.
“Come on, Ferris, talk to—”
“Heheh. You’ll die if I hit you. You’re nothing but an insect. Try and escape if you dare.”
Wha-cha!
“Guuh…! You have some nerve getting even better at using that thing… uwouh!?
Wha-boom!
“What the hell was that sound!? There’s no way that sound came from the whip… huh?”
Ryner was suddenly at a loss for words. She’d whipped a hole into the ground. He could see right through the bottom of this floor and into the next… If that whip had hit him, he’d have disappeared without a trace…
“Hey, this was going too far! I definitely would’ve died if you hit me with that th—”
Ferris dropped the whip and closed the distance between them in no time, holding Ryner still by a hand over his mouth. Then she pushed him down onto the bed. “This has gone on for too long. Haven’t you realized that that perverted girl, Hamone, has been watching us this whole time? We have to give her a show if we want her to shell out for us. Give up and sacrifice yourself to my whip.” She’d kept her usual emotionless expression, but her voice had gone sexy again.
Ryner tried to speak, but her hand was still over his mouth. “Fugo! Fuowoh foh fuwaoh fufhehehefu!?”
By the way, what he was trying to convey was this: “Uuh! I can’t breathe! Get your hand off of me!”
Ferris nodded in understanding. “Mm? The whip hurts, so you want me to choke you until you’re unconscious and then whip you to our hearts’ content? I understand. Let’s do that, then. I’ll be sure to convey your passion towards completing our mission to the king.”
So she said as she began to choke Ryner.
“Uah!?”
He tried to get her to release him with both his hands and all his power, but she skillfully captured his arms with her legs, rendering him useless. Her grip tightened and tightened.
“Ah… uuh…”
He could feel his consciousness begin to fade, but strangely, his senses began to sharpen. The reel of his life’s memories flashed before his eyes, and ah, the flowers… the field of flowers…
For some reason, the night was louder than usual. There was the faint sound of insects from outside, and for some reason, Hamone’s voice from above. “Amazing! Fierce! So this is love! This is true love!?”
There was another voice, too, coming from far away. A familiar one. One from forgotten days. One that he treasured very much, but also one that he didn’t give a shit about…
“…ner… you, so… chea…”
It was a girl’s voice, one that slowly got clearer and clearer.
“Ryner! I’ll never forgive you! All you do is cheat!” And then, “I wish for thunder - Lightning Flash!”
There was a violent sound, and in the next moment, the wall exploded, as if the one who did it didn’t think about the people in the room at all.
Ferris was the first to respond. “It’s that girl again.” Her grip on Ryner’s neck finally loosened.
Ryner used the opportunity to push her legs off with his arms and sit up. “Fuaoh! I thought I was a goner!”
“Hm. You were so close to meeting paradise, too…”
“Were you trying to knock me out? Or kill m—”
Ryner was cut off by yelling. “Wh-wh-what were you doing, Ryner!? Were you s-sl-sleeping with a girl on this bed!?”
Ryner was already tired of hearing it. He didn’t have to look to see whose voice it was. She had an adorable face and a flaxen ponytail. Vigor overflowed from her small body. When Ryner looked back at her, yep, it was Milk Callaud.
Milk talked way louder than one would expect to hear from someone as small as she was. “Explain yourself! Or I’ll never forgive you! You’re a coward when it comes to that woman! Beauty’s all she has! Right? Isn’t that right, Luke?”
Luke, who was backing her from behind, was always there as if he was her guardian. “More importantly, Chief… I feel like your language is getting a bit crude…”
A flower-pattered board on the ceiling raised and Hamine glared down from her perch, surely at Milk. “You have some gall trespassing in my mansion! Who are you people?” Hamine said. That was the most reasonable reaction to anything she’d had all day, even though she said it after almost letting a demon turn Ryner into a ghost.
And of course there was Milk, who always had the worst timing imaginable. She probably should’ve said something before trespassing like this, but instead—
“I’m Milk Callaud, chief of a Taboo Hunter squad, and me and Ryner promised to get married!” She said while sticking her finger out. Dun-dun-duuun!
Hamine scowled. “I can’t let you spew lies like that. Marrying Lord Ryner? To think that a woman of all people would say something as rude as that. And you’re a Taboo Hunter… certainly boy x boy is taboo, and of course people whisper about it to their hearts’ content, but that’s just gossip from foolish and ignorant people! Boy x boy is the most sublime of love!”
“Say that all you want, but aren’t you one of the girls that’s trying to seduce Ryner too!?” Milk fired back. “I can’t let you do that!”
“Hm. You think I want to seduce him? You’re so stupid. You really think that a woman such as myself could be Lord Ryner’s partner? Women repulse him. He has absolutely no interest in them.”
Ryner was about to tell her that wasn’t true in the slightest, but Ferris beat him to it.
“That’s right,” she said. “So give up. There’s a reason that he’s thrown so many girls away. This demon of a man has advanced to just little girls and other men…”
“…Haah.” At this point, there was nothing that Ryner could do but sigh. The situation had long passed the point of control. It was completely out of his hands now.
Milk, meanwhile, was trembling from the combined force of Ferris and Hamine’s words. “Little girls? Men? I-I have to compete with men, too…? Is that true, Ryner?”
Even Luke, who’d been waiting behind her, was trembling. “I k-knew that this was a dangerous job… Come on, Chief, let’s withdraw! You’re not the only one that’s in danger of this man! He could attack me or the others, too!” He said, anxious for the three behind him, Lach, Lear, and Moe.
Ryner, meanwhile, was completely and totally done with all of this. “Well… I guess that could be a plus,” he said offhandedly.
In contrast, Hamine was ecstatic. “Kyah ♡, so he’s protecting those three pretty boys! This has to be love, right!? So that’s how this is. That makes this girl the villain around here. She’s not only getting in the way of Lord Ryner’s love, she’s also getting in the way of the beautiful man x those three pretty boys! She’s committing atrocities here! God may forgive her, but I most certainly will not!”
For some reason Ryner got the feeling that Hamine was the one here who god wouldn’t forgive here… but anyway, she kept going.
“Lord Ferris, Lord Ryner. I’ve prepared everything that you might need for your journey outside. Please, use it all to escape. I’ll follow from behind!”
“No, it’s okay, you really don’t need to follow us,” Ryner mumbled before turning to Ferris. “Alright, let’s go.”
“Mm.”
And so they moved to escape through the window.
“Ah! Wait!” Milk yelled. “I definitely won’t let you get away this ti—”
Milk was cut off by Hamine’s punch. “I won’t let a vulgar female like you get in the way of their sublime love! You’ll get the death penalty!”
It was a pretty serious punch, and it caught Milk completely off her guard, so she stumbled back. But she soon caught herself. “Luke, Lach, Lear, Moe. We’re getting past this perv and chasing after Ryner. Cover me!”
““Got it!””
With that, Milk and her four subordinates rushed to the window, but not before Hamine could react. “Old man, cover for me!”
“As you wish,” another voice said from the ceiling, and soon an older gentleman descended.
“So you were there too?” Ryner asked, tired.
“Yes. I am not to leave Lady Hamine’s side, after all.”
“Basically, you’re a huge perv too…”
“No, I’ve quite been looking forward to this,” the old man said as he pressed both hands to his chest. “O God who lies in heaven, save us pitiful humans with your flame!” It was Runa’s characteristic magic, which relied on the power of god. Flames appeared around the gentleman, soon followed by Hamine’s scream.
“Old man!” She shrieked. “What are you doing!? You can’t burn those four hunks! They’re in love, you know! They’re some of the world’s most wonderful treasures!”
“Mgh, what have I done!” He said and his magic instantly dissipated. He had to be pretty skillful to have that level of control over his magic, but Milk wasn’t a force to be reckoned with, either. She started a spell with master speed…
Ferris and Ryner used the sudden fight as an opportunity to slip out of the window, making a stop downstairs to silently rummage around and steal some expensive-looking jewels and anything else they could find that looked valuable, then took to the carriage and bolted.
---
The next morning was clear and free of clouds. Hamine and the old man were stuck with the aftermath of the tough battle as sunlight poured in through the window. The four men, who she’d gathered from Milk were called Luke, Lach, Lear, and Moe, were out cold. It was quite the beautiful sight. Proof of their love for each other, even. Just seeing it made her certain that their sublime love was one of the many truths of the world. They were coworkers by day, but the night brought them closer!
“Heheheh. Not bad. Not bad at all. Hey, Old Man.”
“Yes, my lady?”
They spoke as they watched the men. Luke and Moe had ended up holding each other, and the same went for Lach and Lear. Hamone watched as God smiled upon her from heaven.
“You don’t have to worry anymore,” she said. “Your nightmare is over. I’ve defeated that woman. I’ve already distributed pamphlets informing the town’s commoners of your love. You’ll be able to live with confidence now, hiding from nothing and no one. Isn’t that right, Old Man?”
“Yes. Love has yet again been saved by your hands, my lady.”
“I am a protector of sublime love. I will do anything in my power to fulfill this duty. Now, Old Man, let us pursue Lord Ferris and Lord Ryner.”
“Your wish is my command.”
With that, Hamine Pati’s quest to find true love began.
On another note, a few hours later, Milk woke from where she’d been thrown aside on the floor. She looked to her subordinates, who were all on the floor hugging each other. “Wha!? L-Luke!? You guys, too!? Wh, what… And this pamphlet… noooooo!!”
But her mental breakdown was another story entirely.
RECENTLY UPDATES
Action
Eastern
Action
Fantasy
Video Games
Drama
Action
Action