Volume 3 - CH 2
Ryner was staring, dazed, at a booklet in the street on a day that they didn’t have any plans.
His bed head was four times worse than usual, and his eyes spat upon aspiration itself. Those very eyes were presently zoning off into a booklet that he bought at a stall just a moment ago. It was as expensive as a hardcover novel despite being only 126 pages in total. He read from the start.
Step 1: Don’t assume that water, safety, or even knowledge is free.
Step 2: Also, the fact that you’re taking advice from this book means that you’re pretty gullible.
Step 3: Anyway, writing this is pretty boring, so that wraps things up.
Every page after the second was completely blank…
Ryner trembled. “What do you mean, ‘that wraps things uuuppp!’” He yelled and threw the booklet as hard as he could.
Ferris Eris, the beautiful woman standing by him, spoke. “That book taught us something important, though, so I would say that it was worthwhile,” she said as she casually flipped her hair, her blue eyes following the booklet’s path through the sky.
“What, that Iyet doesn’t give a shit about the fact that it’s a dangerous country crawling with criminals? That it’s the kind of place where the strong eat the weak?”
“No, it’s that you shouldn’t buy books like that like an idiot. You didn’t realize that it’s strange how there would be a guidebook to Iyet when this country is so cut off from the rest of the world?”
“Uuh… Okay, they did get me with that one, but… You said that it was okay for us to buy it, didn’t you?”
Ferris somehow looked proud of herself. “Hmph. How naive. That was camouflage.”
“Camouflage!? What does that even mean!? In the first place, you’re… no, whatever… Yelling is making me even more tired. Frankly, I don’t get this place. It’s completely isolated from the rest of the world. It’s a total mystery. We need to gather information on what kind of relics might be here, but… I don’t know who we can ask about finding a library…”
Ryner’s words trailed off as his eyes followed the booklet. It rose up in an arc, up and up, riding on the wind… His eyes flicked left and right to see where it’d land. Naturally, there were three men down there, and they looked like trouble.
“Ah, it’s coming in to your right, Boss.”
“Alrighty. Here?”
“Bingo, Boss!”
The booklet fell right onto the head of the ‘Boss’ with a light sound…
The man slowly pulled a red liquid in a clear bag out of his pocket, opened it, and dribbled it on his head.
“…The fuck is this!? I’m bleeding!? Bleeeeeding!”
It was a very convincing act.
Ryner watched in blank amazement. What else was he supposed to do?
The henchman paled and rushed to his boss’ side. “Ah, hold it together, Boss!”
“Shit… Who’d do something so terrible?” The boss asked with a terrible monotone. “I won’t forgive ‘em… I’ll never forgive ‘em…”
So he said, but it was pretty obvious, all things considered. The men made their way over to Ryner and Ferris.
Ryner sighed. “Ugh, I’m so done with this country…”
“Mm. So you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like people who are similar to yourself.”
“Where exactly are you seeing any similarities here?”
“You’re all criminals,” Ferris said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Though I doubt that there are sex fiends of your caliber here.”
“How am I that high-level!? Wait… ugh, you know that’s not true! But anyway, we can ask these guys where the library is. Oh, but Ferris, you remember what that booklet said? About how we shouldn’t assume that basically anything is free?”
“Of course.”
“This country sure is a pain in the ass. I don’t think they’ll tell us where the library is for free…”
Ferris unsheathed her sword.
“…Aah, well, I guess you’re pretty good at this kind of thing… I think you’re a lot more suited to life in this country than I am.”
The men had finally made their way over.
“Well, well, you bastar—”
That was as far as he got before Ferris; sword flashed and she disappeared. The men were sprawled across the ground in an instant.
“Mm. The weather is excellent today,” Ferris said, perfectly casual. “The birds are singing. Surely your heads are longing to fly through the sky just as those birds are.”
The men screeched. They were white as sheets at the contrast of Ferris’ pleasant start and violent end. They were experiencing turmoil unlike anything they’d ever known.
Ryner, meanwhile, was mostly just impressed. “Only Ferris, the heinous king of everything evil, couuullddd gyaaaaahhh!!”
And so Ryner was slammed into the ground.
That only scared the men more.
“So,” Ferris started, “Unless you want to suffer another blow from this charming angel, you will answer my questions. Won’t you?”
“Y-yes, ma’am…”
It seemed that Ryner and Ferris became accustomed to Iyet’s traditions with ease.
---
They learned from the men that there was no free institution that one could consider a library in all of Iyet. They also learned about the monopolies. There was a monopoly on food. A monopoly on land and buildings. If you could name it, there was a monopoly.
The massive organization that controlled the country’s publishing power, documents, and even the flow of information itself through a regulated rumor mill was known as the Fiurelle group.
“So you’re telling me that we can’t learn anything at all without paying up… I mean, that’s par for the course for important stuff, but really?” Ryner asked as he looked up to the massive building they’d been standing by. - a building that was said to be managed by the Fiurelle group.
The Iyet Republic’s Information Synthesis Headquarters was written on it. Fantastic naming sense, right? But that wasn’t the only division that the massive black building had to offer. There were numerous other doors in, too, each with its own division.
‘Financial Information,’ ‘Political Information,’ ‘Maps,’ ‘Distribution’… There were smaller divisions within those, too. ‘Infidelity Investigations,’ ‘National Gastronomy,’ ‘Recruiting for Soap Operas,’ ‘Let’s Party, Fellow Elites,’ and other ‘who the hell cares’ kinds of divisions…
“Oh, but this could be weirdly convenient,” Ryner said. “I’m all for not investigating things myself. So, um, the stuff that we need to know about is…”
Ryner took one of the pamphlets provided outside the building and leafed through it.
“Ah, Gate 302248 - Historical Facts might be right, or maybe Gate 302344 - City Legends…? What do you think, Ferris?”
Ferris shook her head. “I believe we will find the most useful information within Gate 302238.”
“Huh? Three, zero,” Ryner flipped through the pamphlet. “Hm. Three, zero, two… uhh, the hell is this? Delicious Dango Info…? You’re the only one who cares!”
“Perhaps Gate 804867, then.”
“Hm? Eight-zero-four… How to Get Rid of Stalkers? Are you implying that I’m stalking you?”
“Oh, he’s become self-aware…”
“It’s not even true!”
And so their usual back-and-forth flared up. But they were soon interrupted.
“Hello, Customers.”
“What?”
“Mm?”
Ryner and Ferris dropped their unproductive conversation to look at the person who’d talked to them. A man with a neat black suit was standing there.
“We have been awaiting your arrival. Welcome to the Fiurelle Group. Our leader would like to speak with you in the VIP room, if you will,” he said, then began to move.
Ryner tilted his head. “Haah? Your leader? VIP room? Why’re we getting special treatment? Hey, Ferris, what do you—”
He was going to ask, but she was already following the man.
“—You don’t think this is suspicious!?” Ryner finished.
“What is?”
“Like, why are we being treated like VIPs? We’re hardly famous. I mean, we just got here…”
Ferris sighed, then gave him a look that was clearly meant to be condescending. “I pity the ignorant. Do you really not understand why?”
“What? Well, do you know why we’re VIPs?”
“Mm.”
“Hoh. Okay, so what’s all this about, then?”
Ferris locked eyes with him. “It’s because I’m beautiful. Beauties are always VIPs. That’s that.”
Ryner was at a loss for words. Truly.
Silence was all that passed between them.
Then, after a long moment, Ferris reddened. Her hand moved to her sword. “I’ll k…”
“Don’t kill me! Listen, I’ve thought about this a lot, and if something’s so embarrassing that you feel the need to kill someone after you said it, maybe you shouldn’t say it in the first place…? Ugh, I’m so sick of this. I guess we can follow him and see where it goes. If I’m with an atrocious demon like you… Um, I mean, if I’m with an angel like you, I’m sure that I’ll be safe wherever I end up.”
With that, Ferris’ sword left his neck, and they began to follow the man in earnest.
---
“Welcome.”
A boy had been waiting for them in the dimly lit VIP room. He might have been about twelve or thirteen, and his face would no doubt grow into something incredibly beautiful. He was very easy to mistake for a girl. He was wearing a shrine maiden outfit, which lended an antique sort of association to him, and watched Ryner and Ferris with sweet, innocent eyes.
“Well, it is very much a pleasure to meet you! I am the leader of the Fiurelle Group, Vois Fiurelle. I am pleased to henceforth make your acquaintance,” he said, polite beyond what one would expect of a child of his age.
Ryner was taken aback. “You’re tellin’ me a brat like this is the leader here…? Guess that’s how family-run businesses operate, though… Anyway, did you guys need something from us?”
Vois smiled sweetly. “Please, I would hate to make you stand as we speak. Have a seat. Oh, and have something to drink, too.”
“O-oh… okay.”
Ryner and Ferris took their seats, and accepted the tea that they were offered. Only then did Vois continue. “Now, to get straight to the point… You two defeated Koch Krook’s gang just after entering the Iyet Republic without any outside help. I would very much like to rely on that sheer power of yours. That is why I called you here today…”
Ferris’ eyes narrowed. “Hoh. You know quite a bit. Have you been monitoring us?”
“No, I wouldn’t call it monitoring… You see, buying and selling information is what we do for a living. It’s our main source of income. Information like this has no chance of escaping me,” Vois said pridefully.
“And I think that anyone would have noticed you demolishing that inn,” Ryner added. Nobody responded to him as usual, though…
“Now, where to start?” Vois wondered out loud. “You may not know much about us since you’ve only just entered the country, but we in the Fiurelle Group make our living off of the flow of information. That is only one face of what we do, however. We are actually a charitable organization; we give what we make back to the people. Day by day, we do everything that we do for the sake of the people. So? Doesn’t that make you want to support us, knowing that we’re pure and correct in all that we do?”
Ryner was already sick of hearing it. “No, it just sounds like you’re singing your own praises—”
“See? It made you want to support us, didn’t it?” Vois asked.
“Were you even listening—”
“Yes! Of course it’ll be free.”
“Look, you’re clearly not listening—”
“Should you accomplish what we ask of you with flying colors, we shall allow you full access to one type of our information. One gate, if you will. So, what do you think? I personally think that it’s an amazing deal.” With that, Vois waited, observing them as they found an answer to his question.
Ryner grimaced. “I don’t like your attitude, but… Well, it doesn’t sound like a terrible deal. What do you think, Ferris?”
“Mm. Depends on what his request is.”
“Oh, true. I’m not accepting anything that’s going to put us down as accomplices to some massive crime. So what kind of request are we talking about?”
Vois was happy to hear them considering it. “Naturally, our Fiurelle group, which stands for fraternity, charity, and purity, would never ask you to commit a crime like that. Please, be at ease!” He said strongly.
Just then the door opened, and a man who’d gone pale rushed in. “Youth! Youth!? ‘S terrible. The geezer that who lives on the plot that we’re gonna build an orphanage on just won’t leave!”
Vois wrinkled his eyebrows. He appeared in deep thought for a moment. “Hmm… That is a problem. But our motto of fraternity and charity means that we must respect his viewpoint, too.” Then his expression suddenly changed. His face went from that of a normal boy to that of a demon. “Alright, here’s what we’ll do. Tie him up by his arms and legs, tie a weight to him, and sink him in Toyrule Bay. That should be a rather peaceful way to solve the problem.”
“Yessir!”
“Don’t ‘yessir’ hiiimmm!!” Ryner yelled. Then he facepalmed. “Stop right there, brat. Sorry if I misheard any of that, but didn’t you just tell him to drown someone in the ocean with a straight face?”
Vois looked at him, surprised, not a single trace of that devil’s expression left on his face. “Huh? What are you saying? Noo, I’d never. Why would I ever say anything of that sort? A charitable organization like this would never do something as unscrupulous as that, you know?”
“R-really…?”
“Of course,” Vois said. He just looked so innocent. Not evil in the slightest. Not with that sweet smile on his face.
Ryner reluctantly gave up on it, overpowered by Vois’ current innocence.
But then! The door opened a second time and a different man ran in.
“‘S terrible, Youth! You know that up-and-coming gang of kids who we left the drugs on our island to? Well, they broke into the drugs!”
Vois took a kind expression, like the parent of a bad kid… even though he was a kid himself. “I see. They can’t tell right from wrong. This often happens when one is young, however. Kids don’t grow if you scold them over every little thing. We must deal with this peacefully—”
His expression shadowed over. It was so dark that only his red mouth stood out from the rest.
“—Capture one as an example. Beat him, parade him around town, and then wrap a rope around his neck and hang him in the square—”
“Aaahhh!! For real, how are you saying that scary shit with a straight face!?”
It was as though Vois came to his senses at the sound of Ryner’s voice. “Huh!? What was I just saying?! I’m so embarrassed. Truly, how shameful of me. Please, forget all about me. To think that I would let anyone die alone at that tender age… How terrible. I am grateful for your warning. We must do as Ryner says. He’ll be lonely if he’s the only one hanging out in the square, so tie ropes around every single person in his family’s necks, and—”
“That’s not what I meaaaannnnnttt!”
Vois’ childlike expression only moved because someone who could’ve been his brother scolded him. “What’s the problem now?” He asked. “You still think there’s something wrong with it, don’t you?”
“What, am I the problem now!?” Ryner asked, confused by everything that was going on here. “No, wait, that’s not even the point! You just said that fraternity and charity was the Fiurelle Group’s motto!”
“Of course it is. For example, we build orphanages every day for the sake of this country.”
“And then you kill people to make them! Your priorities are totally backwards. And wait, before we get too far on the orphanage point, didn’t you say something about drugs a minute ago?”
Vois looked like Ryner had just said the unthinkable. “Huh? Drugs, you say? That can’t be right… Our peaceful and charitable group would never deal in drugs. We do, however, aim to help the people with their ailments. We are investigating the matter so that we may bring pharmaceuticals to the people at never before seen low rates.”
“…Okay… So can you describe what those pharmaceuticals do to people when they take them?”
“Of course. You’re enveloped by a dazzling light for a moment, the world gets bright, and then you feel ecstasy like never before. It’s like you can do anything, and yes - if you will it, you can even fly!”
“You’re talking about hallucinogens!”
“Enough of your false accusations. You are right, though, that there are drawbacks to this medicine. The first is that it’s addictive. The second is that taking too much will disable you… Though those are, of course, fairly minor.”
“Those are major issues!! God, I’m exhausted… All I do is yell… Anyway, I’m going home. You guys can live your charitious lives without me. Let’s go, Ferris…”
“Mm.”
Vois watched them with a sad expression. “I see. In the end, I didn’t even get to tell you about our sublime ideals… Such a shame. I will be praying that your journey from here on out is a wonderful one.”
“Ah, yeah. Do all the praying you want on your own time.”
“Yes. The lifespan of those who have drank poisoned tea such as what you just had is a mere three hours. I pray that you find the antidote by then…”
“Wait, what!? Poisoned tea? Are you kidding me? You seriously poisoned our tea…?”
“Tee-hee ♡”
“Don’t ‘tee-hee’ me you damn braaatt!!” Ryner yelled, then turned to Ferris. “What should we do? He says we’ll die in three hours without the antidote…”
“Mm. I did sense a high level of toxicity in his black tea through the kemari. But when the smell of the tea mixed with the smell of poison, it smelled exactly like dango… This Vois character is rather tactful.”
Vois smiled. “You have quite the discerning eye. Kemari is a rare plant that we can’t grow here in Iyet. I’m pleased that you noticed that we went through the effort to bring it all the way here so that our esteemed guests could drink it.”
“Mm. It’s a once in a lifetime chance. That’s the foundation of all such tea parties.”
“What are you guys even talking about?” Ryner mumbled. “It’s obviously a once in a lifetime chance if we’re poisoned and die… Not that anyone’s listening to me anyway.” He was starting to feel dizzy. “So, brat. You went out of your way to import the poison. You went out of your way to import the cure too, right?”
“Of course not. In the end, it was a once in a lifetime—”
“We already went over that joke!” Ryner yelled. By now, he was on the verge of tears. But as usual, no one cared.
“So will you accept my request now?” Vois asked.
“……”
They had no choice.
---
It was the time of the day that invited sleepiness in. Vois himself led them to a shopping street, then snuck into a cafe, then snuck under a table, where they then waited.
“Soo… Why exactly are we hiding under a table?” Ryner asked.
“What are you saying?” Vois asked. “I got information that said that my target would be here. Ryner, Ferris, please hide as soon as possible. You aren’t taking this seriously at all.”
“It’s kind of hard to take something seriously when you don’t even know what it’s supposed to be… But it was pretty easy for us to take out all those bandits, so I don’t see why this would need to be taken any more seriously than that was.”
“Here! She’s here!” Vois yelled. “It’s that girl!”
Ryner scanned the crowd slowly, until… “What!? Them?”
Ryner and Ferris moved at the speed of light. They were under the table with Vois in an instant.
“What kind of a target is that!” Ryner said. “Do you know something about her!? And what do you want us to do to her?” He asked the shaking thing under the table.
There was a girl with a brown ponytail and sparkling big eyes, protected by four men. She had candy in either hand, and her smile was nearly the size of her face.
“Hey, Luke, Luke, what is this? I’ve never eaten anything like it before! It’s so fluffy! And good!” She said. Her extreme happiness at having her very own cotton candy was truly a sight to see.
“I’m glad that you like it, Chief Milk,” her young, white haired subordinate said. “Just make sure that you brush your teeth once you’re done, okay?”
“Okay!” Milk said, then got back to her cotton candy.
These were the persistent and veeerryy frightening elite Taboo Hunters that’d been hot on their tails for god knows how long now…
Vois was watching Milk, in a trance. “Ahh… That swirly ponytail… How wonderful.”
“Huh…? Wait, wait, wait. What on earth are you…”
“It’s ideal. How does she do her hair? It’s wonderful. Exceptional workmanship. Aah, Miss Milk… You would be a suitable wife to the leader of the Fiurelle Group…”
“What? Your wife? You’re saying that she has a good ponytail, so she should be your wife? Are you insane?”
“What are you saying?” Vois asked, serious. “Her ponytail is on fire!! Are you really telling me that there are other criteria that I should be considering when her ponytail is right there!?”
“E-even if you get all fired up about it, it’s still…”
Ferris tugged Ryner so she could whisper in his ear. “What’s wrong? Are you opposed to it? You are faced with a man who is after the woman you threw away. Is it only now that your true feelings awaken? In the night, you—”
“Ugh, shut it! Stop making your own explanation for everything!” Ryner whispered back.
“Huh? You threw the ponytail away…?”
“Nobody said that! Ugh, I’m tired of having the only brain cell all the time! But anyway, back to the point. What do you want us to do?”
“That should be obvious. I already know that you guys know Miss Milk. I need you to play cupid between Miss Milk and I, since we’re clearly meant to be. Can I make it any more obvious? I need you to send regards to her father, Mr. Luke, since we’ll be getting married. And of course, I need you to persuade her to do it. That is all.”
Ryner was at a loss for words. It took him quite some time to speak. “My trust in the Fiurelle Group’s information network is rapidly dwindling… You have misunderstandings to work through here. You’re misunderstanding our relationship with her, and also, Luke’s not her dad…”
But his words fell on deaf ears.
“Oh, and I’m busy with inviting everyone and reserving a location for the ceremony, so I’ll leave this to you,” Vois said. “Thank you in advance.”
With that, Vois got up and left.
They didn’t have time to dwell on him, though. Milk’s group was on the move.
“Now, where should we go next?”
“How about that cafe? I’m sure that they serve juice.”
“Huh!? They have juice? Really? Yaay!”
“Whoa, you’re kidding me,” Ryner said, flustered. He moved to escape from under the table, but—
Someone screamed.
“Uwah…”
Strong wind blew up from behind them.
“This is bad!”
Milk had tripped over absolutely nothing and into not one but several tables.
“Urgh… What is she, a boar?”
“Mm. That or a type of meteorite,” Ferris said, as calm as always.
“…Yeah, her destructive power does land her somewhere around there, doesn’t it.”
The God of Destruction herself stood and locked eyes with him, astonished. “I-I can’t believe this. Why are you under a table with a beautiful woman when you have me…? Geez! This is the day! I will never forgive you ever again after this! Luke, Lach, Lear, Moe, it’s time for some containment magic. We’ll trap him here in this cafe where we can punish him properly!”
““Understood!””
With that, all of her subordinates began to chant as one.
Milk was drawing her own magic circle, too, fast as could be. “Alright! Say goodbye to this cafe!”
Ryner just stared for a second. When he pulled himself out of his daze, it was only to hold his head in his hands. “Same shit, different day… What do you think of that? Her saying she’s gonna blow this cafe down, I mean. That’s crazy…”
“Mm. A woman who has found new love wants nothing but to wipe her dirty past clean.”
“Hey… Where do you even get those ideas from…?” Whatever. Anyway, what should we do? We’re gonna die from poison if we don’t take her back.”
“Mm. We take her and offer her up as sacrifice to that child.”
“Uuh… When you say it like that, it makes me feel awful about all of this… Ahh, it’s not like we have any other choice, though. Our lives depend on it… Okay, let’s do it.”
He took a step towards Milk to try to stop her from casting destructive magic inside of a cafe, but when he did—
She stopped her spell. “Huh? Um!? E-even if you come closer and tell me that you love me, it’s already too late! I-I wouldn’t smile! I wouldn’t b-be happy! So, so, so…”
Ryner raised his arm and carefully, kindly tapped it as soft as he could against her neck to knock her out without hurting her.
“There.”
“Auhh…”
Milk fell, unconscious, into Ryner’s arms.
““C-Chieeeff!!””
Her noisy subordinates yelled out for her, but thanks to the magic that they themselves cast preventing entry to the cafe, they themselves were unable to come and rescue her…
Anyway, ignoring those idiots.
“Let’s bring her back to Vois, then,” Ryner said.
“Mm. I see. So the second you make her trust you again, you’ve already betrayed her. You are a true fiend.”
“…Auh…”
Maybe there was a little bit of truth in her words this time. Ryner was unable to refute her.
Milk’s subordinates continued to yell outside of the cafe, at their wits’ ends. “He’s stealing the chieefff!!”
Ferris’ expression turned sad at the sound. “Sorry. Even I, Heaven’s purehearted messenger, am unable to defend her against this perverted, demonic, violent kidnapper… This is a natural disaster that we must simply learn to live with.”
“Uuh… Why do you always have to say that?”
“This human woman is aws pitiful as it gets. She got mixed up with and thrown away like trash by an awful man when she was younger… But even after throwing her away, he persists, and when he finally regains her trust a second time, he immediately betrays her and offers her up to another man.”
“Auauauh…”
Her words were stabbing him in the heart one by one… He would never recover from this.
“…What else am I supposed to do!” Ryner snapped. “We could die from poison, you know? You’re just as much of a fiend here as I am.”
“No, I’m beautiful.”
“I’ve heard! Ugh, let’s just go. The hard part starts now. We hand her over to Vois, get the antidote, then steal her from him and give her back to those other guys.”
Ferris nodded. “Right. We only have an hour to go before the poison kills us… I suppose I should stop messing with you for now.”
“You were messing with me!?”
They left the cafe from its second entrance with ease. Strained cries echoed in the distance.
““Th-they kidnapped our chieeeeffff!!””
But there was no one in this country who would lend a sympathetic ear to them…
---
Ryner and Ferris were led to the VIP room a second time. They were told to wait on a fluffy couch. It was thirty minutes before Vois opened the door, cheerful as could be.
“Oh, it’s been a minute, Mr. Ryner. How, pray tell, have you been?”
“What!? Don’t ‘pray tell’ on me, asshole, you just made us wait half an hour! We only have five minutes before the poison starts taking effect. Here, we brought Milk, so hurry up and give us the antidote.”
When Vois looked at Milk, his cheerfulness faded. “Hmm? What’s this? You say that you brought her here. Don’t you notice the changing of the ages?”
“Huh? What are you saying?” Ryner asked, dumbfounded.
“Now glasses are in!” Vois said, back to being happy. “Only a glasses girl can marry the leader of the Fiurelle group now! Don’t you think so Mr. Ryner? Now, hurry up and find a beautiful woman who can rock glasses… hm? Is something the matter?”
“…I see,” Ryner said sarcastically. His expression had gone dark. “I see! It just clicked. Man am I glad that this is all it was. I blame Ferris for making me put all this effort in lately. You’re just burglars anyway. Ahahah.”
Vois shrunk back at the sound of Ryner’s dry laughter. “Um, M-Mister, your laughter is a bit… dark…”
“Naww, it’s normal. Totally normal. Ufueheh. Let’s settle this, Ferris. Do your thing.”
“Mm.”
Her sword unsheathed with a horrifying shink.
“Ah! No, ah, jokes aside,” Vois tried, flustered, “You’ve accomplished my mission, thank you so much for your time and effort! I will get you the antidote as soon as possible. I will allow you access to one of our information rooms where you can learn to your heart’s content. Yes. Ah, I will send Miss Milk home myself. Please do tell me the number gate that your desired information is behind.”
Ryner finally relaxed. “Man, we really should’ve started with this. Um, so we want to know about historical facts and city legends… Wait, what numbers were those again? Let me find the pamphlet…”
“Gate 30223 - Historical Facts,” Ferris said.
“Huh? Really? You’ve got a great memory.”
“Naturally. Excellent memory is an important part of being an excellent swordmaster.”
Ryner was impressed. “I’ll count on that memory, then,” he said, without any doubt whatsoever.
---
A little later, Ryner was faced with all of the information one would ever need to know about ‘Delicious Dango.’
“…I’m so tired of this life…”
And that was the story of how Ryner died of poison, too exhausted to even bring the antidote to his lips.
It was also how ‘An Unbelievably Stupid Story’ got added to the Fiurelle Group’s archives.
His bed head was four times worse than usual, and his eyes spat upon aspiration itself. Those very eyes were presently zoning off into a booklet that he bought at a stall just a moment ago. It was as expensive as a hardcover novel despite being only 126 pages in total. He read from the start.
Step 1: Don’t assume that water, safety, or even knowledge is free.
Step 2: Also, the fact that you’re taking advice from this book means that you’re pretty gullible.
Step 3: Anyway, writing this is pretty boring, so that wraps things up.
Every page after the second was completely blank…
Ryner trembled. “What do you mean, ‘that wraps things uuuppp!’” He yelled and threw the booklet as hard as he could.
Ferris Eris, the beautiful woman standing by him, spoke. “That book taught us something important, though, so I would say that it was worthwhile,” she said as she casually flipped her hair, her blue eyes following the booklet’s path through the sky.
“What, that Iyet doesn’t give a shit about the fact that it’s a dangerous country crawling with criminals? That it’s the kind of place where the strong eat the weak?”
“No, it’s that you shouldn’t buy books like that like an idiot. You didn’t realize that it’s strange how there would be a guidebook to Iyet when this country is so cut off from the rest of the world?”
“Uuh… Okay, they did get me with that one, but… You said that it was okay for us to buy it, didn’t you?”
Ferris somehow looked proud of herself. “Hmph. How naive. That was camouflage.”
“Camouflage!? What does that even mean!? In the first place, you’re… no, whatever… Yelling is making me even more tired. Frankly, I don’t get this place. It’s completely isolated from the rest of the world. It’s a total mystery. We need to gather information on what kind of relics might be here, but… I don’t know who we can ask about finding a library…”
Ryner’s words trailed off as his eyes followed the booklet. It rose up in an arc, up and up, riding on the wind… His eyes flicked left and right to see where it’d land. Naturally, there were three men down there, and they looked like trouble.
“Ah, it’s coming in to your right, Boss.”
“Alrighty. Here?”
“Bingo, Boss!”
The booklet fell right onto the head of the ‘Boss’ with a light sound…
The man slowly pulled a red liquid in a clear bag out of his pocket, opened it, and dribbled it on his head.
“…The fuck is this!? I’m bleeding!? Bleeeeeding!”
It was a very convincing act.
Ryner watched in blank amazement. What else was he supposed to do?
The henchman paled and rushed to his boss’ side. “Ah, hold it together, Boss!”
“Shit… Who’d do something so terrible?” The boss asked with a terrible monotone. “I won’t forgive ‘em… I’ll never forgive ‘em…”
So he said, but it was pretty obvious, all things considered. The men made their way over to Ryner and Ferris.
Ryner sighed. “Ugh, I’m so done with this country…”
“Mm. So you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like people who are similar to yourself.”
“Where exactly are you seeing any similarities here?”
“You’re all criminals,” Ferris said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Though I doubt that there are sex fiends of your caliber here.”
“How am I that high-level!? Wait… ugh, you know that’s not true! But anyway, we can ask these guys where the library is. Oh, but Ferris, you remember what that booklet said? About how we shouldn’t assume that basically anything is free?”
“Of course.”
“This country sure is a pain in the ass. I don’t think they’ll tell us where the library is for free…”
Ferris unsheathed her sword.
“…Aah, well, I guess you’re pretty good at this kind of thing… I think you’re a lot more suited to life in this country than I am.”
The men had finally made their way over.
“Well, well, you bastar—”
That was as far as he got before Ferris; sword flashed and she disappeared. The men were sprawled across the ground in an instant.
“Mm. The weather is excellent today,” Ferris said, perfectly casual. “The birds are singing. Surely your heads are longing to fly through the sky just as those birds are.”
The men screeched. They were white as sheets at the contrast of Ferris’ pleasant start and violent end. They were experiencing turmoil unlike anything they’d ever known.
Ryner, meanwhile, was mostly just impressed. “Only Ferris, the heinous king of everything evil, couuullddd gyaaaaahhh!!”
And so Ryner was slammed into the ground.
That only scared the men more.
“So,” Ferris started, “Unless you want to suffer another blow from this charming angel, you will answer my questions. Won’t you?”
“Y-yes, ma’am…”
It seemed that Ryner and Ferris became accustomed to Iyet’s traditions with ease.
---
They learned from the men that there was no free institution that one could consider a library in all of Iyet. They also learned about the monopolies. There was a monopoly on food. A monopoly on land and buildings. If you could name it, there was a monopoly.
The massive organization that controlled the country’s publishing power, documents, and even the flow of information itself through a regulated rumor mill was known as the Fiurelle group.
“So you’re telling me that we can’t learn anything at all without paying up… I mean, that’s par for the course for important stuff, but really?” Ryner asked as he looked up to the massive building they’d been standing by. - a building that was said to be managed by the Fiurelle group.
The Iyet Republic’s Information Synthesis Headquarters was written on it. Fantastic naming sense, right? But that wasn’t the only division that the massive black building had to offer. There were numerous other doors in, too, each with its own division.
‘Financial Information,’ ‘Political Information,’ ‘Maps,’ ‘Distribution’… There were smaller divisions within those, too. ‘Infidelity Investigations,’ ‘National Gastronomy,’ ‘Recruiting for Soap Operas,’ ‘Let’s Party, Fellow Elites,’ and other ‘who the hell cares’ kinds of divisions…
“Oh, but this could be weirdly convenient,” Ryner said. “I’m all for not investigating things myself. So, um, the stuff that we need to know about is…”
Ryner took one of the pamphlets provided outside the building and leafed through it.
“Ah, Gate 302248 - Historical Facts might be right, or maybe Gate 302344 - City Legends…? What do you think, Ferris?”
Ferris shook her head. “I believe we will find the most useful information within Gate 302238.”
“Huh? Three, zero,” Ryner flipped through the pamphlet. “Hm. Three, zero, two… uhh, the hell is this? Delicious Dango Info…? You’re the only one who cares!”
“Perhaps Gate 804867, then.”
“Hm? Eight-zero-four… How to Get Rid of Stalkers? Are you implying that I’m stalking you?”
“Oh, he’s become self-aware…”
“It’s not even true!”
And so their usual back-and-forth flared up. But they were soon interrupted.
“Hello, Customers.”
“What?”
“Mm?”
Ryner and Ferris dropped their unproductive conversation to look at the person who’d talked to them. A man with a neat black suit was standing there.
“We have been awaiting your arrival. Welcome to the Fiurelle Group. Our leader would like to speak with you in the VIP room, if you will,” he said, then began to move.
Ryner tilted his head. “Haah? Your leader? VIP room? Why’re we getting special treatment? Hey, Ferris, what do you—”
He was going to ask, but she was already following the man.
“—You don’t think this is suspicious!?” Ryner finished.
“What is?”
“Like, why are we being treated like VIPs? We’re hardly famous. I mean, we just got here…”
Ferris sighed, then gave him a look that was clearly meant to be condescending. “I pity the ignorant. Do you really not understand why?”
“What? Well, do you know why we’re VIPs?”
“Mm.”
“Hoh. Okay, so what’s all this about, then?”
Ferris locked eyes with him. “It’s because I’m beautiful. Beauties are always VIPs. That’s that.”
Ryner was at a loss for words. Truly.
Silence was all that passed between them.
Then, after a long moment, Ferris reddened. Her hand moved to her sword. “I’ll k…”
“Don’t kill me! Listen, I’ve thought about this a lot, and if something’s so embarrassing that you feel the need to kill someone after you said it, maybe you shouldn’t say it in the first place…? Ugh, I’m so sick of this. I guess we can follow him and see where it goes. If I’m with an atrocious demon like you… Um, I mean, if I’m with an angel like you, I’m sure that I’ll be safe wherever I end up.”
With that, Ferris’ sword left his neck, and they began to follow the man in earnest.
---
“Welcome.”
A boy had been waiting for them in the dimly lit VIP room. He might have been about twelve or thirteen, and his face would no doubt grow into something incredibly beautiful. He was very easy to mistake for a girl. He was wearing a shrine maiden outfit, which lended an antique sort of association to him, and watched Ryner and Ferris with sweet, innocent eyes.
“Well, it is very much a pleasure to meet you! I am the leader of the Fiurelle Group, Vois Fiurelle. I am pleased to henceforth make your acquaintance,” he said, polite beyond what one would expect of a child of his age.
Ryner was taken aback. “You’re tellin’ me a brat like this is the leader here…? Guess that’s how family-run businesses operate, though… Anyway, did you guys need something from us?”
Vois smiled sweetly. “Please, I would hate to make you stand as we speak. Have a seat. Oh, and have something to drink, too.”
“O-oh… okay.”
Ryner and Ferris took their seats, and accepted the tea that they were offered. Only then did Vois continue. “Now, to get straight to the point… You two defeated Koch Krook’s gang just after entering the Iyet Republic without any outside help. I would very much like to rely on that sheer power of yours. That is why I called you here today…”
Ferris’ eyes narrowed. “Hoh. You know quite a bit. Have you been monitoring us?”
“No, I wouldn’t call it monitoring… You see, buying and selling information is what we do for a living. It’s our main source of income. Information like this has no chance of escaping me,” Vois said pridefully.
“And I think that anyone would have noticed you demolishing that inn,” Ryner added. Nobody responded to him as usual, though…
“Now, where to start?” Vois wondered out loud. “You may not know much about us since you’ve only just entered the country, but we in the Fiurelle Group make our living off of the flow of information. That is only one face of what we do, however. We are actually a charitable organization; we give what we make back to the people. Day by day, we do everything that we do for the sake of the people. So? Doesn’t that make you want to support us, knowing that we’re pure and correct in all that we do?”
Ryner was already sick of hearing it. “No, it just sounds like you’re singing your own praises—”
“See? It made you want to support us, didn’t it?” Vois asked.
“Were you even listening—”
“Yes! Of course it’ll be free.”
“Look, you’re clearly not listening—”
“Should you accomplish what we ask of you with flying colors, we shall allow you full access to one type of our information. One gate, if you will. So, what do you think? I personally think that it’s an amazing deal.” With that, Vois waited, observing them as they found an answer to his question.
Ryner grimaced. “I don’t like your attitude, but… Well, it doesn’t sound like a terrible deal. What do you think, Ferris?”
“Mm. Depends on what his request is.”
“Oh, true. I’m not accepting anything that’s going to put us down as accomplices to some massive crime. So what kind of request are we talking about?”
Vois was happy to hear them considering it. “Naturally, our Fiurelle group, which stands for fraternity, charity, and purity, would never ask you to commit a crime like that. Please, be at ease!” He said strongly.
Just then the door opened, and a man who’d gone pale rushed in. “Youth! Youth!? ‘S terrible. The geezer that who lives on the plot that we’re gonna build an orphanage on just won’t leave!”
Vois wrinkled his eyebrows. He appeared in deep thought for a moment. “Hmm… That is a problem. But our motto of fraternity and charity means that we must respect his viewpoint, too.” Then his expression suddenly changed. His face went from that of a normal boy to that of a demon. “Alright, here’s what we’ll do. Tie him up by his arms and legs, tie a weight to him, and sink him in Toyrule Bay. That should be a rather peaceful way to solve the problem.”
“Yessir!”
“Don’t ‘yessir’ hiiimmm!!” Ryner yelled. Then he facepalmed. “Stop right there, brat. Sorry if I misheard any of that, but didn’t you just tell him to drown someone in the ocean with a straight face?”
Vois looked at him, surprised, not a single trace of that devil’s expression left on his face. “Huh? What are you saying? Noo, I’d never. Why would I ever say anything of that sort? A charitable organization like this would never do something as unscrupulous as that, you know?”
“R-really…?”
“Of course,” Vois said. He just looked so innocent. Not evil in the slightest. Not with that sweet smile on his face.
Ryner reluctantly gave up on it, overpowered by Vois’ current innocence.
But then! The door opened a second time and a different man ran in.
“‘S terrible, Youth! You know that up-and-coming gang of kids who we left the drugs on our island to? Well, they broke into the drugs!”
Vois took a kind expression, like the parent of a bad kid… even though he was a kid himself. “I see. They can’t tell right from wrong. This often happens when one is young, however. Kids don’t grow if you scold them over every little thing. We must deal with this peacefully—”
His expression shadowed over. It was so dark that only his red mouth stood out from the rest.
“—Capture one as an example. Beat him, parade him around town, and then wrap a rope around his neck and hang him in the square—”
“Aaahhh!! For real, how are you saying that scary shit with a straight face!?”
It was as though Vois came to his senses at the sound of Ryner’s voice. “Huh!? What was I just saying?! I’m so embarrassed. Truly, how shameful of me. Please, forget all about me. To think that I would let anyone die alone at that tender age… How terrible. I am grateful for your warning. We must do as Ryner says. He’ll be lonely if he’s the only one hanging out in the square, so tie ropes around every single person in his family’s necks, and—”
“That’s not what I meaaaannnnnttt!”
Vois’ childlike expression only moved because someone who could’ve been his brother scolded him. “What’s the problem now?” He asked. “You still think there’s something wrong with it, don’t you?”
“What, am I the problem now!?” Ryner asked, confused by everything that was going on here. “No, wait, that’s not even the point! You just said that fraternity and charity was the Fiurelle Group’s motto!”
“Of course it is. For example, we build orphanages every day for the sake of this country.”
“And then you kill people to make them! Your priorities are totally backwards. And wait, before we get too far on the orphanage point, didn’t you say something about drugs a minute ago?”
Vois looked like Ryner had just said the unthinkable. “Huh? Drugs, you say? That can’t be right… Our peaceful and charitable group would never deal in drugs. We do, however, aim to help the people with their ailments. We are investigating the matter so that we may bring pharmaceuticals to the people at never before seen low rates.”
“…Okay… So can you describe what those pharmaceuticals do to people when they take them?”
“Of course. You’re enveloped by a dazzling light for a moment, the world gets bright, and then you feel ecstasy like never before. It’s like you can do anything, and yes - if you will it, you can even fly!”
“You’re talking about hallucinogens!”
“Enough of your false accusations. You are right, though, that there are drawbacks to this medicine. The first is that it’s addictive. The second is that taking too much will disable you… Though those are, of course, fairly minor.”
“Those are major issues!! God, I’m exhausted… All I do is yell… Anyway, I’m going home. You guys can live your charitious lives without me. Let’s go, Ferris…”
“Mm.”
Vois watched them with a sad expression. “I see. In the end, I didn’t even get to tell you about our sublime ideals… Such a shame. I will be praying that your journey from here on out is a wonderful one.”
“Ah, yeah. Do all the praying you want on your own time.”
“Yes. The lifespan of those who have drank poisoned tea such as what you just had is a mere three hours. I pray that you find the antidote by then…”
“Wait, what!? Poisoned tea? Are you kidding me? You seriously poisoned our tea…?”
“Tee-hee ♡”
“Don’t ‘tee-hee’ me you damn braaatt!!” Ryner yelled, then turned to Ferris. “What should we do? He says we’ll die in three hours without the antidote…”
“Mm. I did sense a high level of toxicity in his black tea through the kemari. But when the smell of the tea mixed with the smell of poison, it smelled exactly like dango… This Vois character is rather tactful.”
Vois smiled. “You have quite the discerning eye. Kemari is a rare plant that we can’t grow here in Iyet. I’m pleased that you noticed that we went through the effort to bring it all the way here so that our esteemed guests could drink it.”
“Mm. It’s a once in a lifetime chance. That’s the foundation of all such tea parties.”
“What are you guys even talking about?” Ryner mumbled. “It’s obviously a once in a lifetime chance if we’re poisoned and die… Not that anyone’s listening to me anyway.” He was starting to feel dizzy. “So, brat. You went out of your way to import the poison. You went out of your way to import the cure too, right?”
“Of course not. In the end, it was a once in a lifetime—”
“We already went over that joke!” Ryner yelled. By now, he was on the verge of tears. But as usual, no one cared.
“So will you accept my request now?” Vois asked.
“……”
They had no choice.
---
It was the time of the day that invited sleepiness in. Vois himself led them to a shopping street, then snuck into a cafe, then snuck under a table, where they then waited.
“Soo… Why exactly are we hiding under a table?” Ryner asked.
“What are you saying?” Vois asked. “I got information that said that my target would be here. Ryner, Ferris, please hide as soon as possible. You aren’t taking this seriously at all.”
“It’s kind of hard to take something seriously when you don’t even know what it’s supposed to be… But it was pretty easy for us to take out all those bandits, so I don’t see why this would need to be taken any more seriously than that was.”
“Here! She’s here!” Vois yelled. “It’s that girl!”
Ryner scanned the crowd slowly, until… “What!? Them?”
Ryner and Ferris moved at the speed of light. They were under the table with Vois in an instant.
“What kind of a target is that!” Ryner said. “Do you know something about her!? And what do you want us to do to her?” He asked the shaking thing under the table.
There was a girl with a brown ponytail and sparkling big eyes, protected by four men. She had candy in either hand, and her smile was nearly the size of her face.
“Hey, Luke, Luke, what is this? I’ve never eaten anything like it before! It’s so fluffy! And good!” She said. Her extreme happiness at having her very own cotton candy was truly a sight to see.
“I’m glad that you like it, Chief Milk,” her young, white haired subordinate said. “Just make sure that you brush your teeth once you’re done, okay?”
“Okay!” Milk said, then got back to her cotton candy.
These were the persistent and veeerryy frightening elite Taboo Hunters that’d been hot on their tails for god knows how long now…
Vois was watching Milk, in a trance. “Ahh… That swirly ponytail… How wonderful.”
“Huh…? Wait, wait, wait. What on earth are you…”
“It’s ideal. How does she do her hair? It’s wonderful. Exceptional workmanship. Aah, Miss Milk… You would be a suitable wife to the leader of the Fiurelle Group…”
“What? Your wife? You’re saying that she has a good ponytail, so she should be your wife? Are you insane?”
“What are you saying?” Vois asked, serious. “Her ponytail is on fire!! Are you really telling me that there are other criteria that I should be considering when her ponytail is right there!?”
“E-even if you get all fired up about it, it’s still…”
Ferris tugged Ryner so she could whisper in his ear. “What’s wrong? Are you opposed to it? You are faced with a man who is after the woman you threw away. Is it only now that your true feelings awaken? In the night, you—”
“Ugh, shut it! Stop making your own explanation for everything!” Ryner whispered back.
“Huh? You threw the ponytail away…?”
“Nobody said that! Ugh, I’m tired of having the only brain cell all the time! But anyway, back to the point. What do you want us to do?”
“That should be obvious. I already know that you guys know Miss Milk. I need you to play cupid between Miss Milk and I, since we’re clearly meant to be. Can I make it any more obvious? I need you to send regards to her father, Mr. Luke, since we’ll be getting married. And of course, I need you to persuade her to do it. That is all.”
Ryner was at a loss for words. It took him quite some time to speak. “My trust in the Fiurelle Group’s information network is rapidly dwindling… You have misunderstandings to work through here. You’re misunderstanding our relationship with her, and also, Luke’s not her dad…”
But his words fell on deaf ears.
“Oh, and I’m busy with inviting everyone and reserving a location for the ceremony, so I’ll leave this to you,” Vois said. “Thank you in advance.”
With that, Vois got up and left.
They didn’t have time to dwell on him, though. Milk’s group was on the move.
“Now, where should we go next?”
“How about that cafe? I’m sure that they serve juice.”
“Huh!? They have juice? Really? Yaay!”
“Whoa, you’re kidding me,” Ryner said, flustered. He moved to escape from under the table, but—
Someone screamed.
“Uwah…”
Strong wind blew up from behind them.
“This is bad!”
Milk had tripped over absolutely nothing and into not one but several tables.
“Urgh… What is she, a boar?”
“Mm. That or a type of meteorite,” Ferris said, as calm as always.
“…Yeah, her destructive power does land her somewhere around there, doesn’t it.”
The God of Destruction herself stood and locked eyes with him, astonished. “I-I can’t believe this. Why are you under a table with a beautiful woman when you have me…? Geez! This is the day! I will never forgive you ever again after this! Luke, Lach, Lear, Moe, it’s time for some containment magic. We’ll trap him here in this cafe where we can punish him properly!”
““Understood!””
With that, all of her subordinates began to chant as one.
Milk was drawing her own magic circle, too, fast as could be. “Alright! Say goodbye to this cafe!”
Ryner just stared for a second. When he pulled himself out of his daze, it was only to hold his head in his hands. “Same shit, different day… What do you think of that? Her saying she’s gonna blow this cafe down, I mean. That’s crazy…”
“Mm. A woman who has found new love wants nothing but to wipe her dirty past clean.”
“Hey… Where do you even get those ideas from…?” Whatever. Anyway, what should we do? We’re gonna die from poison if we don’t take her back.”
“Mm. We take her and offer her up as sacrifice to that child.”
“Uuh… When you say it like that, it makes me feel awful about all of this… Ahh, it’s not like we have any other choice, though. Our lives depend on it… Okay, let’s do it.”
He took a step towards Milk to try to stop her from casting destructive magic inside of a cafe, but when he did—
She stopped her spell. “Huh? Um!? E-even if you come closer and tell me that you love me, it’s already too late! I-I wouldn’t smile! I wouldn’t b-be happy! So, so, so…”
Ryner raised his arm and carefully, kindly tapped it as soft as he could against her neck to knock her out without hurting her.
“There.”
“Auhh…”
Milk fell, unconscious, into Ryner’s arms.
““C-Chieeeff!!””
Her noisy subordinates yelled out for her, but thanks to the magic that they themselves cast preventing entry to the cafe, they themselves were unable to come and rescue her…
Anyway, ignoring those idiots.
“Let’s bring her back to Vois, then,” Ryner said.
“Mm. I see. So the second you make her trust you again, you’ve already betrayed her. You are a true fiend.”
“…Auh…”
Maybe there was a little bit of truth in her words this time. Ryner was unable to refute her.
Milk’s subordinates continued to yell outside of the cafe, at their wits’ ends. “He’s stealing the chieefff!!”
Ferris’ expression turned sad at the sound. “Sorry. Even I, Heaven’s purehearted messenger, am unable to defend her against this perverted, demonic, violent kidnapper… This is a natural disaster that we must simply learn to live with.”
“Uuh… Why do you always have to say that?”
“This human woman is aws pitiful as it gets. She got mixed up with and thrown away like trash by an awful man when she was younger… But even after throwing her away, he persists, and when he finally regains her trust a second time, he immediately betrays her and offers her up to another man.”
“Auauauh…”
Her words were stabbing him in the heart one by one… He would never recover from this.
“…What else am I supposed to do!” Ryner snapped. “We could die from poison, you know? You’re just as much of a fiend here as I am.”
“No, I’m beautiful.”
“I’ve heard! Ugh, let’s just go. The hard part starts now. We hand her over to Vois, get the antidote, then steal her from him and give her back to those other guys.”
Ferris nodded. “Right. We only have an hour to go before the poison kills us… I suppose I should stop messing with you for now.”
“You were messing with me!?”
They left the cafe from its second entrance with ease. Strained cries echoed in the distance.
““Th-they kidnapped our chieeeeffff!!””
But there was no one in this country who would lend a sympathetic ear to them…
---
Ryner and Ferris were led to the VIP room a second time. They were told to wait on a fluffy couch. It was thirty minutes before Vois opened the door, cheerful as could be.
“Oh, it’s been a minute, Mr. Ryner. How, pray tell, have you been?”
“What!? Don’t ‘pray tell’ on me, asshole, you just made us wait half an hour! We only have five minutes before the poison starts taking effect. Here, we brought Milk, so hurry up and give us the antidote.”
When Vois looked at Milk, his cheerfulness faded. “Hmm? What’s this? You say that you brought her here. Don’t you notice the changing of the ages?”
“Huh? What are you saying?” Ryner asked, dumbfounded.
“Now glasses are in!” Vois said, back to being happy. “Only a glasses girl can marry the leader of the Fiurelle group now! Don’t you think so Mr. Ryner? Now, hurry up and find a beautiful woman who can rock glasses… hm? Is something the matter?”
“…I see,” Ryner said sarcastically. His expression had gone dark. “I see! It just clicked. Man am I glad that this is all it was. I blame Ferris for making me put all this effort in lately. You’re just burglars anyway. Ahahah.”
Vois shrunk back at the sound of Ryner’s dry laughter. “Um, M-Mister, your laughter is a bit… dark…”
“Naww, it’s normal. Totally normal. Ufueheh. Let’s settle this, Ferris. Do your thing.”
“Mm.”
Her sword unsheathed with a horrifying shink.
“Ah! No, ah, jokes aside,” Vois tried, flustered, “You’ve accomplished my mission, thank you so much for your time and effort! I will get you the antidote as soon as possible. I will allow you access to one of our information rooms where you can learn to your heart’s content. Yes. Ah, I will send Miss Milk home myself. Please do tell me the number gate that your desired information is behind.”
Ryner finally relaxed. “Man, we really should’ve started with this. Um, so we want to know about historical facts and city legends… Wait, what numbers were those again? Let me find the pamphlet…”
“Gate 30223 - Historical Facts,” Ferris said.
“Huh? Really? You’ve got a great memory.”
“Naturally. Excellent memory is an important part of being an excellent swordmaster.”
Ryner was impressed. “I’ll count on that memory, then,” he said, without any doubt whatsoever.
---
A little later, Ryner was faced with all of the information one would ever need to know about ‘Delicious Dango.’
“…I’m so tired of this life…”
And that was the story of how Ryner died of poison, too exhausted to even bring the antidote to his lips.
It was also how ‘An Unbelievably Stupid Story’ got added to the Fiurelle Group’s archives.
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