CH 1

Oh My Love, The First. 

Longing. 

It was the first emotion the man recognized.

The longing for someone, for just one person, was lit like a flame. It was an intense agony that he had never experienced. Your face, your smile, the warmth you gave me. All those things that were taken for granted, but were not actually taken for granted.

[…! …le… wa… upto…]

The fragments of consciousness that floated like buoys began to come back one by one at the voice that filled my head. 

[…sor …thel!]

A loud noise. An unfamiliar yet familiar language. Even if you try to identify the source of the sound, a task as simple as that wasn’t easy. Perhaps, it’s because his eyes were filled with darkness without a speck of color.

As he opened my eyes with all my might, a faint ray of light pierced through the pitch-black darkness. At the same time, the puzzle of consciousness, in which each piece was gradually finding its place to complete the picture, was also put together at once. A sigh escaped the man’s mouth as the memories swept in like waves.

Ah…

[Mr. Ha!]

Sorrow, joy, shock, astonishment. As he slowly blinked at the voice containing all kinds of emotions that could not be fully expressed in a language, unfamiliar faces came into view one by one. And the moment he recognized them, his dry cheeks began to get wet little by little.

Five years.

There was a period when Ha Joyoon, who was working as a military reporter for the TPA News Agency, fell unconscious due to a head injury after being caught in the shooting scene of the Syrian civil war. 

Tap. Tap.

As he kicked the ground with his toes, the asphalt road moistened with the rain from last night makes a fairly interesting sound. While it looked like he was tired, the man tilted his head curiously and stomped again.

Light brown hair gently swayed in response to his small movements. Although he was exhausted due to his long hospital stay, he couldn’t hide his unique beauty.

Tap. Tap. The same sound resonates like the playing of a string instrument. In line with that, a subtle change in expression occurred on the somewhat blank face. 

He could have never experienced this again. Thinking like that, even this insignificant sound seemed to be quite precious. Ha Jooyoon repeated the same behavior for a long time as he was engrossed in the feeling of being alive. Passerbys murmured at his odd behavior, but he couldn’t hear anything. Only the Sun, who lamented the end of summer, secretly looked over on such a man.

Five years.

It was such a long time. However, one person’s face was as clear as if they had met just yesterday, to the extent that the period of time was as insignificant as it could be.

Even after dramatically regaining consciousness, Ha Joyoon could not return home straight away. It was because of his poor physical condition. He was taken to the Lebanese embassy in the state, and treated in a decent medical facility, as it took several more months before he was able to walk. 

After finally but barely being able to move, Ha Joyoon immediately requested to return home. The local medical staff insisted that his body had not recovered properly and prevented him from returning to Korea, but he could not delay even for a moment. In the end, he succeeded in convincing them only after making a promise, a promise to continue treatment immediately after returning home.

When he returned home after suffering all kinds of hardships in a Baltic State, the first place Ha Joyoon visited was not the hospital. There was someone more important to him than the scars of his injuries that were ticking like a time bomb somewhere in his head.

The face of the person I wanted to see, the face of the person I wanted to meet, I wanted to get back to you as soon as possible, even for a minute or a second. That was the only thought. It was a longing he felt for the first time in his life.

Pc j ragjcuf offilcu bo yflcu j vloofgfca qfgrbc, Lj Absbbc wfrrfv eq tlr tjlg jr tf gjc tlr rxlccs olcufgr atgbeut la. 

Ktf kjlalcu kjr bnfg jr atf alq bo tlr cbrf uba rilutais tba lc atf fjgis ijaf rewwfg rec.

Kjq- Kjq.

Vafq. Vafq.

Pa vlvc’a ajxf ibcu obg atf rbecv bo offa gbiilcu jcv atf rbecv bo rbwfbcf kjixlcu ab mgbrr. Kkb rafqr, bcf rafq. Cr atf vlrajcmf ugjvejiis cjggbkfv, atf tfjga, ktlmt tjv yffc jyrbgyfv lc atf cfk ralweijalbc, yfujc ab qbecv lc j vloofgfca kjs.  Llr fsfr, ktlmt tjv glrfc rtjgqis, agfwyifv rilutais klat afcrlbc. 

Familiar footsteps. There were also unfamiliar sounds mixed in as if they were coming with someone, but it was not difficult to distinguish the main sounds. Even if no one told him, Ha Joyoon knew the owner of this sound.

How could he not know?

They resembled its owner and were prudent yet serious. He was not one to talk too much as he didn’t speak in vain but had a strong sense of responsibility for the words that were let out. He had no humor, though he had a warm heart despite being hard on everything. Although he always teased him for being unnecessarily responsible, Ha Joyoon liked this personality of his lover.

It was this prudence and seriousness of his lover that held him, who could not keep his feet on the ground and bound him to reality. This lover was the reason for his return. He always left Korea with a sense of emptiness along with a sense of mission, but the reason he thought he had to come back one day was because of only one person, not because of his family or friends. 

Would he have changed a lot? I don’t think so.

What should I say? You’ll probably be surprised.

He was the type to rarely show changes in his usual expression but he might be quite surprised this time. I guess so.

Although the result of being persuaded by his lover not to go and him being stubborn inevitably reached the worst, he had faith that he would wait for him nonetheless. Knowing that he was being a selfish and cruel fool, Ha Joyoon told his lover to wait one more time before leaving Korea. 

It was five years ago that he left.

He wasn’t sure how to apologize. Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly, vowing that he would let himself be beaten if he hit him and that he would only listen silently if he was cursed at. When he’s all angry, Ha Joyoon would give him a hug and say that he won’t do anything dangerous. Now that his lover had endured and given up so much for him, he wanted to do something in return. Even if it was a matter of ignoring all the beliefs and convictions that he had upheld so far, at least once… at least once.

Perhaps the other person may be angry with himself that it is already too late, but he would eventually forgive him in the end. As always.

It was after the footsteps that were slowly approaching him completely stopped that the thoughts that had been tangled like a skein stopped. Even with his characteristic quiet breathing, Ha Joyoon realized that the main character of the shadow in front of him was his lover. 

It’s been eight years since we started dating. No, 13 years if we include the time I lost consciousness. We’ve been together since we were born. We’re 31 years old now, so that’s how long we’ve known each other. Kang Taejung was to be his only friend and lover for the rest of his life, that is until he raised his head to look at him. Ha Joyoon swore that he could not have predicted this is what would happen.

“…Ha… Joyoon?”

By God, he hadn’t expected that the astonishment that ran through that face wasn’t one filled with joy and affection but as if he were seeing a ghost.

And the fact that there would be another person next to Kang Taejung, holding his hand. 

He had never even imagined it.

“You came back yesterday?”

After the silence, a short question popped up. Instead of answering, Ha Joyoon reached out his hands out of nowhere and grabbed his cup. Perhaps because it had been left for a long time, the exterior of the glass was damp with moisture from cooling.

Unable to speak easily, he looked down at the table quietly. The legs of the two men could be seen under the table opposite. 

The violin melody flowing into the cafe nervously drew notes. Such hysterical Bahrani was not his cup of tea. In a distant mood, he rubbed his cheeks and chin with dry hands. It seemed as if all the water in his body was going to dry out like this. After hesitating for a while, Ha Joyoon nodded his head with difficulty.

“Yeah.”

The man’s cheek moved slightly in response to the reply. It was Kang Taejung’s habit of indicating his dislike or anger.

“What… happened?” 

“…….”

“How come you didn’t contact me for five years?”

There was a lot of anger in the voice that quietly flowed like a mutter. The only time you talked to me with that voice was when you were really angry. It was expected, but somehow he felt aggrieved and Ha Joyoon laughed bitterly. Kang Taejung’s anger towards him was justified. Perhaps, this isn’t exactly what he had anticipated.

“Didn’t it ever occur to you even once that there were people waiting for you?” 

“…….”

“Give me a proper explanation.”

“…….”

“Ha Joyoon!” 

As he turned his head slightly, he saw an unfamiliar face in his field of vision. He was the one who followed Ha Joyoon’s request that he wanted to talk to Kang Taejung, saying that he would join him as well. Of course, his accompaniment was possible under Kang Taejung’s tacit consent. The Kang Taejung, who hesitated for a moment and finally nodded to allow it, he will probably never forget for the rest of his life.

The opponent’s expression between the eyes was not as good as Ha Joyoon. Anxiety concerning the lover’s heart was clearly visible over the slightly frowned eyebrow. Ah… A deep, silent sigh pounded around the heart. As the image of the man and Kang Taejung holding hands affectionately came to mind, indescribable pain flowed in waves.

Five years, 1825 days.

It’s a long time. A long time. 

Was it a long time? Was it long enough to trade for the eternity promised? The number of five years kept hovering in Ha Joyoon’s head.

“I had an accident.”

Ha Joyoon briefly explained, pulling his gaze away from the unfamiliar man. Taejung’s thick eyebrows rose higher as if he wasn’t content with this excuse.

“An accident? That’s your full explanation? You…!!” 

Justifiable anger. The clenched fists slowly twitched. Kang Taejung’s anger was justified. However, Ha Joyoon’s sadness was justified to that extent as well. He fell asleep and woke up. That was all, but everything had changed. There may be only one thing that has changed, but that one thing was everything to him.

He raised his head, which had been bowed like a criminal until he met those black eyes. Night. Black eyes resembling night were looking straight at Ha Joyoon. Ha Joyoon also looked at Kang Taejung without blinking. Just like that day when we cared for only each other and loved only each other. The white light shattered to a shade of ashen. Swallowing his breath with an inexplicable gap, Ha Joyoon spoke with difficulty.

“There was a shootout. I got caught up in a civil war protest while filming. I got shot and, was unconscious for five years. I woke up not too long ago.”

He briefly explained what had happened over the past few years in a low voice and raised his glass again. The ice in the coffee had all melted away and the aroma had long since dissipated. It was a silly thing to do. He moistened his lips sloppily, and Ha Joyoon blinked languidly. The sharp violin melody that scratched his nerves was still there. 

“What are you saying? Shootout… not too long ago?”

Shock washed over Kang Taejung’s face as if it was an unexpected answer. The expression of the person sitting next to him was even more distorted in the irritable atmosphere. The heart wore out as cracks formed in between. Regardless of whether it was blood or tears that flowed into his heart, the voice that flowed out was undeniably calm.

“It’s what I just said. My mind was probably out of it back then. I don’t know the details.”

All three people’s breath stopped for a moment amidst the clear tone of the violin. Ha Joyoon’s originally white complexion was illuminated by the ceiling light, accentuating his pallor look. His small but long eyes were also cool. As if he didn’t like it, Kang Taejung’s fist, which was firmly clenched on his lap, grew tighter. The silence ended as a sentence straight from his heart came out. 

“… Are you alright?”

“I guess so.”

Truthfully, I don’t know. But I decided not to say it. Despite his concise answer, Kang Taejung blinked several times and covered his forehead with his palm as if he were unable to calm down easily. A long time passed again with a deep sigh. The eyelashes visible between his fingers trembled convulsively.

“I thought you were dead.” 

“…….”

“I thought you died. I had searched for you for years but all I could find was your camera….”

An indescribable tremor that was buried came forth. It was short, yet it contained implied all the situations and emotions. It was understandable, so Ha Joyoon nodded his head void of any emotion. Even though it was only that, the eyes of the man sitting across from him seemed to be anxious and fierce at once. Contrary to his calm impression, he has quite a temper and I let out a chuckle. It was my natural defense mechanism. In this comedy-like situation, the only person who seemed sane was the unfamiliar man who held Kang Taejung’s hand with an expression of unease on his face. Kang Taejung continued his words while still gently wrapping the back of that man’s hand.

“Even if the Ministry of Foreign Affairs stepped out, there was no way I could get in touch with you. I was at a loss.” 

Ha Joyoon closed her eyes heavily as he watched those long, hard fingers pat the back of his opponent’s hand. The illusion of his heart being scratched with a sharp spear tip occurred. He couldn’t believe everything that was happening right in front of him.

“The situation wasn’t good.”

“… I continued looking for you but all I received were hopeless answers.”

“…….” 

“Everyone… looked for you. Auntie, Uncle, and… me too.”

“I see.”

But in the end, you gave up on me. Buried me in your heart.