CH 18

Oh My Love, The Last.

When he woke up again, it was sometime in the evening when the surroundings had darkened. Ha Joyoon tried to come back to his senses as much as he could as he forced himself to fight off the rushing drowsiness. Soon after, a low voice brought him back to reality. 

“Are you awake now?”

“…Yes.”

His dim vision began to brighten up little by little as he blinked. The interior of the familiar vehicle slowly took its place in his mind. He realized that he had been repeatedly waking up and falling asleep over the course of the past several hours. When he woke up midway after being carried by Shin Kwonjoo, he was definitely on the hospital’s emergency room bed. He was unable to remember anything after that. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw a familiar face. Perhaps because of his tired face, his nose and jaw looked sharper than usual.

“You were on an IV drip and fell asleep again, so I moved you to the car.” 

Shin Kwonjoo gave a brief answer to his questions as if he had read Ha Joyoon’s mind.

“Oh, okay.”

He straightened his posture and adjusted his position to check his condition. When his hand stopped on the clothes that he didn’t recognize, the man who was smoking opened the window a little and glanced over, adding an explanation.

“Your clothes were so wet that they couldn’t be worn any longer, so I brought something for you to change into. I couldn’t save the clothes you were wearing.”

“Thank you. Oh, Sunbae-nim, I’ll wash your jacket”

“I threw that one away. Don’t worry about it.”

His good intentions were cut down with a single stroke. Ha Joyoon, while previously smiling, soon closed his mouth completely and lowered his head. There was no strength in his hands as he shyly fidgeted with his pants that smelled of stiff new clothes.

“Get off.” 

“Oh…”

Ha Joyoon, stunned by the quick exit order, raised his head. The black iris, unreadable eyes shone brightly through the uncomfortable atmosphere.

“You don’t seem well, so take a rest tomorrow and I’ll see you the day after. I’ll be taking the memory card.”

He was not so muddleheaded as to not notice that he did not want to talk anymore. It’s a feeling he’s gotten several times from other people recently. Ha Joyoon forced himself to bid farewell as he tried to ignore his bitter feelings. 

“Okay, then I’ll see the day after tomorrow.”

“…Go to the hospital tomorrow. Fortunately you didn’t hit your head, but the doctor did say that there was a slight shock from the fall so I think it would be better to get it checked.”

“Oh, I’m fine now.”

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Strangely, it was difficult to make eye contact with Shin Kwonjoo today. Ha Joyoon sat still for a while because he couldn’t think of anything to say, but soon gave up on any further conversation as he grabbed the door handle.

“Sunbae-nim, get home safely.” 

“Get some rest.”

“…Thank you for today.”

“……”

Shin Kwonjoo stared at him for a moment before turning his gaze to the front and spoke again. “Ha Joyoon-ssi”. His somber voice called out each letter of the person’s name as if it were engraved in him. 

“I knew a person who was similar to you, Ha Joyoon-ssi.”

“……?”

The soft brown eyes raised in question at the unfamiliar words. Shin Kwonjoo’s grip on the steering wheel was so hard that the tendon on the back of his hand stood out, looking unusually large and pale.

“He was a man full of passion. Wherever there was a civil war and refugees, he was there.” 

“…….”

“The useless sense of justice was so strong that he couldn’t stop himself from helping. After he had taken his photos, he would run and help the others, no matter whether the guns were fired or bombs were dropped.”

The midnight wind brushed past his ears. The wind was damp and humid, but somehow it was cold. Ha Joyoon gently caressed his earlobe, as his heart was about to freeze. The voice of the man continued in a relaxed manner.

“His photos were always great. I was dumbfounded as to how he always risked his life to take photos from the closest position. He was never interested in submitting them for awards but everyone in the industry knew him. You probably know him too.” 

Tap. Tap tap.- The long fingers patted the steering wheel as if they were singing. It was contrary to the empty expression, in which not a single emotion was shown.  A cold silence passed. Ha Joyoon quietly urged the next part of the story that flowed like a song.

“Is he still active?”

Tap. Tap tap. Tap…- The rhythm, which gradually slowed down, eventually stopped completely, followed by absolute silence. His gaze shifted slowly.

“He’s dead.” 

The hard and gapless dark eyes sharply faced the person sitting next to him.

“He was helping someone after the bombs fell, but the second series of them were dropped right after. It exploded, leaving not a single piece of him.”

“……”

“That’s what it means to die, Ha Joyoon-ssi. So be grateful that you’re still alive with your limbs intact. Don’t be so stubborn and go to the hospital tomorrow. I thought I was really going to be taking care of a corpse today.” 

“Oh, Sun…”

Clack-

There was no time to say goodbye. As soon as the door closed, the car quickly disappeared with the heavy engine sound. All it took was a few seconds and he was gone.

Only small sounds filled the space where he was left alone. Ha Joyun kept standing for a long time with his hands raised in the air, turned his head again, and shifted his gaze to the alley where Shin Kwonjoo disappeared. The street became empty in an instant, full of loneliness even though it was the same as usual. 

The indescribable feelings scattered sporadically. The scent of lotion mixed with the smell of cigarettes that stayed by his side even though he repeatedly fell unconscious, had long since disappeared. Ha Joyoon stood for a long time and followed the afterimage of the man as he walked slowly.

Not even a day had passed since he left the house, but the memories of the morning were distant as if it had been several days. When he touched his forehead, it was as hot as fire. The thought of changing his shoes probably didn’t cross the man’s mind, so wet footprints followed him along the asphalt path. His appearance looked comical, and he shook his heavy shoulders as he thought of how wrecked he looked. “Haha.” A low and lonesome laugh decorated the alleyway on a dark night.

Step.-

Step.- 

It was after he found a young man standing in front of the house, that the slow steps he had been taking came to a complete stop.

Ha Joyoon knew the man standing under a flashing streetlight more than anyone else. It would be strange if he didn’t know. Since he was the person he never thought would ever leave his side, and the person he had dreamed of being together forever with.

The dim lighting cast a dark shadow over Kang Taejung’s straight posture. His stiff expression explains everything. The reason why he’s here is obvious.

“Taejung-ah.” 

Ha Joyoon managed to hold on to his desire to collapse, and smiled half-heartedly, squeezing out his remaining strength. The headache, which had finally calmed down, gained a new life and ran around in his head. Fear surged to his throat at the foreseeable situation.

“Yoon-ah.”

Kang Taejung took off his body leaning against the wall as he saw Ha Joyoon walking from afar, and straightened his posture. It is sad to see the determination in his eyes. At this moment, I hate myself for noticing his feelings.

A lot of things happened today. My physical condition is the worst, and I’m tired enough to sleep until morning if I were to lie in bed right away. Headaches that last all day seem to eat me up. I think I’ll get in a lot of trouble if I go to the hospital this time. By the way, do you know that? My doctor was my high school classmate… 

Ha Joyoon stood at the edge of the alley and waited for the other person to approach him as he continued on with the absurd train of thought. He didn’t have to wait for long. Kang Taejung bit his lip once more as if he had made up his mind and went over with long strides.

The cool night breeze gently tickled his cheek. All of a sudden, there was only one step left. But no one took the first step. Ha Joyoon raised his head and looked at his past lover in front of him. He could see Kang Taejung’s face looking down at him with an unfamiliar expression.

“I called, but there was no answer. Even when I sent a message, there was no reply. I came here because I thought I would be able to meet you.”

Ha Joyoon smiled dimly at the same words he had said a few days ago, while searching through his pants with clumsy hands. His brown hair reflected the light. The realization of his phone being missing dawned on him. 

“I lost my phone.”

“…Okay.”

Why aren’t you asking how I lost it? I guess I still didn’t realize that you don’t care about me anymore. Ha Joyoon continued the conversation with an uncomfortable look on his face.

“How long have you been waiting?” 

“I just got here.”

“I see…”

I can’t say what I really want to say and just go around. My hands are sweaty. I’m in such a bad condition that I don’t even know if I have chills or fever. However, no words of concern came from the other party. In the past, he was the one who would have noticed at once even if something was a little off. Kang Taejung’s indifference is cold and sad as if this was the only emotion and reality left for me. Ha Joyoon looking down at the tips of his wet shoes, was the first to break through the air that was left between the two of them.

“What brings you here?” 

“I have something to say to you.”

The answering voice was filled with emotions of an indescribable density. It was the meeting he had been hoping for so much, and it was not pleasant at all. Ha Joyoon shook his head, rubbing his cheek with a hand mixed with anxiety.

“…What? Do you have to say it now? Can’t we meet next time?  Today, I’m a little… I’m not feeling well today.”

“I have to say this today.” 

Despite the cowardly and miserable request, the answer was firm. The unsettling foreboding had always been true.  In a precarious moment when everything might end, Ha Joyoon’s choice was avoidance and neglect. He took a helpless step back, trying not to think of any possibility. He didn’t have the courage to see Kang Taejung’s face today.

“Just do it later…”

“Yoon-ah.”

Kang Taejung repeatedly called Ha Joyoon’s name several times, making eye contact and avoiding it, as if the words could not easily come out. Kang Taejung’s pained look at him also broke Ha Joyoon’s heart when he saw him. 

Am I making this hard for you? Am I no longer the one who makes you laugh? Aren’t you happy to see me now?