Chapter 49
“You know. I’ve never had a proper conversation with a person of the opposite sex other than Dad before, and I always just speak to them after absorbing the essence or if there’s just the two of us. If it’s anyone else, I’d be embarrassed and just turn red.”
“You hate getting treated like that?”
“In the first place, it’s strange to have affection when we’ve done nothing but warm the bed together. They may just be misunderstanding their feelings because of the succubus’ enchantment. Besides, whenever I see them, I keep thinking about what I’ve done, and I don’t know how to react.”
If I hadn’t become a succubus, they wouldn’t have met me or gotten acquainted with me. Every time we met face to face, I felt guilty and ashamed, so how couldn’t I accept it well? I sighed and continued.
“I just want the commanders to stop paying any attention to me. They will have someone better suited for them. I feel sorry about taking advantage of them, but…”
That’s why I’m thinking of cutting off all these threads that reminded me of those people, but then I couldn’t hear any reply back. When I looked up, I saw a pale, porcelain face holding back laughter.
“W-Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m surprised.”
“What?”
“I was worried that you might be dragged around for thinking like this all the time, but there’s actually no need for that.”
My ears were warmed by the sweet voice that was so affectionate. A white hand wrapped around my hand tied to the thread. Hearing a small laugh, I said sullenly.
“You said I could be honest.”
“I’m not scolding you. Right, just cute. So cute and lovely.”
“…….”
“Ideals can never reach reality. My cute granddaughter. How cute. Your guilt stems from the fact that the men who like you have not fulfilled your needs. Because that wasn’t the love you wanted, so you didn’t want to accept it.”
My grandmother—Adelaide—said as she brushed the threads one by one. My cheeks grew hot when she hit it right on the mark. I averted my gaze and spoke as if making excuses.
“So, that’s that. I’m afraid of being despised.”
“Well, if it were me, maybe I would find you too lovely to resist. I’m sure they already know that you are taking advantage of them.”
“…….”
“Can you tell me what you think love is?”
“Well, it’s not that great. Just… I wish there was a little more emotional exchange. Understanding and accepting each other.”
It would be nice if we could hold hands and walk down the street, talk about what happened yesterday, what was fun, what was upsetting, and then slowly, as if molding together, ‘becoming new people together’.
Hearing the words that I hesitated to divulge, Grandmother clapped once.
“Oh my gosh, you’re cute. It’s definitely fresh. It feels like first love.”
“… That’s why I want to find the ring quickly. It’s impossible for a succubus… To have something like that.”
“Well. Do you think they’ll let you go easily?”
“They’re a little weird, but they’re not that weird.”
Rather, they were pitiful because they liked someone like me. I smiled bitterly as I spoke but Grandmother gave an ambiguous smile. I tilted my head at the sight.
“What’s wrong?”
“Baby. What would you do if they won’t let you go?”
“No way.”
“I mean, ‘hypothetically’. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to think about what might happen.”
I frowned at Grandmother’s words. I honestly thought that, in the end, I’d be killed or despised, but never that they wouldn’t let me go. Endymion and Damian only asked me not to leave without a word, but they never told me not to go.
But really, just as Grandmother said, if they wouldn’t let me go…
“Think about it, Lilith. I knew you were a more straightforward child than you thought, but I guess you need to be more honest and take care of yourself.”
“I always hear that I’m like an open book though.”
“I don’t mean that, but I mean for you to be more honest with your feelings. You won’t ever know unless you clearly express what you like and don’t like. Just like how you are with Maria and Lucy.”
“Are you telling me to act like that with the Commanders?”
“Otherwise, they won’t know.”
“…Huh?”
“There are some things that can’t be conveyed if you don’t tell them directly.”
I don’t know what to tell them, or for what reason. Grandmother smiled and stroked my hair again. I felt strangely comforted by her, which tickled my chest.
“You’re still young. So, you may not like what you haven’t experienced, but the relationship between your grandfather and I initially started out as one between a human and a succubus that absorbs his essence.”
“…….”
“Just like how people have different personalities, wouldn’t the manner in which they live and the way they cherish their beloved be different? You don’t have to think too complicatedly. I told you before, right? Ideals can never reach reality.”
“It’s like Grandmother wants me to consider the Commanders.”
“Fufu. I always wish for your happiness, Lily.”
Somehow, It felt like she was saying goodbye now. I watched the white petals as they fluttered around us, and I said quietly.
“Is it time to wake up?”
“You can stay a little longer if you want, but that child might do something you don’t want.”
“…….”
It was a complicated feeling. I wasn’t thinking about it, but… He might have already done something I didn’t want. I sighed and covered my face with my palms. What if I wake up and I’m in the middle of having s*x with someone?
Knowing what I was worried about, Grandmother said, patting my back.
“It’s fine now. It’s already night out. Don’t worry, you’re lying in bed very calmly.”
Grandmother said, looking at the see-through lake. I only saw the petals sinking to me, but it seemed that Grandmother kept watching what was going on outside.
It’s nice to be lying quietly in bed, but did Lilith ever have such a quiet day? She didn’t say anything, but I asked out of curiosity.
“Did nothing happen today?”
“…….”
The friendly smile turned awkward. I felt chills running down my back. No way. Did something happen?
“Baby. The road ahead of you will not always be easy.”
“Grandmother? Hang on a minute, Grandmother. Did nothing happen today?”
“Still, I’m always here watching over you…”
“Grandmother?!”
“I hope you are happy. See you again next time.”
“……!”
I took in a deep inhale as I opened my eyes. My surroundings were dark, but it was a familiar ceiling. I’m in my room. I was concerned about Grandmother’s awkward attitude. Maybe, maybe. There might be no one else here. My body was stiff as I looked to the side, and there was no one there. It was true that I was just lying quietly in bed.
Then why did Grandmother suddenly act so awkward there? I let out a sigh and sat up.
——
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