Chapter 52
“If you cry again, I’d be a real scumbag, right?”
“What do you mean all of a sudden?”
“It’s just, I thought it would be really okay if I did something bad.”
Damian laughed bitterly. He seems to be saying something serious, but… He actually couldn’t get the mood to be too serious with the maid outfit and hair pinned in a bunch of pins.
I looked at him as he looked dismayed now, then I spoke.
“Yeah, that’s what I heard. It is a precious thing to look back on your past and gain enlightenment. There are a lot of people in the world who couldn’t do that.”
“Wow, are you comforting me now?”
“…Please finish talking about the ring.”
“That, um, later.”
“What?”
I frowned as I looked at him, seemingly still having something to say. Damian’s eyes met mine and he smiled, but I could clearly see his awkwardness. He has something he was hiding from me now.
“…Commander. Perhaps.”
Perhaps Grandmother was right.
“Baby. What would you do if they wouldn’t let you go?”
I told her firmly that it was impossible, but considering how different Damian’s attitude was from the usual, something was wrong. I wanted to believe that this wasn’t the case, but the words came out of my mouth faster than I could think it through.
“You didn’t want me to find my ring, did you?”
After I spoke, I held my breath. If you don’t want me to find it, why did you say this? It was when I was pressing my trembling lips with my hand. Damian looked at me and said.
“Yes. I didn’t want you to find it if possible.”
His voice and face were so peaceful. It was more absurd rather than annoying at the attitude that seemed to say something obvious. Why didn’t he want me to find it?
“After you find the ring, you will leave the palace. And you will never come back.”
“…So, that’s why you kept changing the subject and didn’t tell me anything? Because you don’t want me to leave the palace? Commander, do you like me?”
“Huh? No. I don’t.”
“Then why…”
“That’s because I miss you when you aren’t by my side.”
Was he joking or was he really being serious? Damian’s answer left me speechless. It’s not like he liked me or anything—just that, if I’m not by his side, he’s going to miss me? The more we talked, the more tangled up my thoughts became. Pressing my throbbing brow, I asked again.
“Did the other commanders know? Did you all agree?”
“The Hyungs and I didn’t want you leaving the castle.”
“…You said you were sorry earlier. to me. But how?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to say I’m sorry. Then I’ll feel like I was really wrong.”
“Are you aware of how shameless you’re being right now? Huh? No, no matter how…”
What to do. I feel like I’m about to cry. My breath started to suffocate and my nose started to get stuffy. My stomach started gurgling from discomfort and awkwardness. Damian suddenly fell to his knees as blood spurted from the tender flesh inside my bitten lip.
“I won’t say I’m sorry. When I realize I’m wrong, I can’t do anything. But if you’re angry, you can hit me. You can kick or step on me and slap me on the cheek. If you still don’t feel good, just like that night…”
“AH! What are you talking about! Who said that… Damian, are you crying?”
“Ung.”
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m weak against your tears, I thought you might let me go if I cry.”
“…….”
I blinked my eyes. Tears had welled up and ran down my cheeks, but no more tears came out. Rather, Damian shed tears more mournfully than I did. I couldn’t tell if those tears were sincere or if he was just acting.
“I can’t let what you did go just because you’re crying.”
“I’m just crying because I’m weak against your tears.”
“Damian. You know what you’re saying is very contradictory? You said you didn’t like me. But if I’m not by your side, you’ll miss me, and you’re weak against my tears…”
I lost my words and bit my lip. If he had any feelings for me, I would only feel burdened. Damian laughed as his head was moving in a complicated way.
“Do you want to confirm it? Whether I really like you or not. Actually, I wonder about that, too. Am I interested in your succubus’ abilities, or is it really something else?”
I clenched my fists at the casual words. Yes, that I thought that obviously meant that other people thought that way too. Afterwards, I exhaled.
“If this is a created feeling, would you think I would like to see you and have you by my side when I come back to my senses? I’m not sure.”
“That…”
“But if I see you back as a human and I don’t want to see you anymore, or if I can’t feel the emotions I’m feeling right now, I’m going to be disappointed too. I don’t want that. Ugh, seriously. I didn’t want to say something like this, but what’s the big deal about needing to kneel down and cry if I need to?”
I had the same thought. So I could understand his heart. The difference between the two of us was that he did not dislike himself for having favorable feelings toward me, and I disliked myself who was able to harbor favorable feelings toward the commanders.
But that didn’t make me understand what he was doing. I blinked my eyes tightly, calming my trembling voice and speaking out.
“Still, I can’t forgive you.”
“Yes. Don’t forgive me. I just want to keep being the bad guy. That way, even if you ask me, I can’t say anything.”
“Really, I’m annoyed.”
As I said that, Damian laughed amusedly just like when he knelt down on his knees and cried and begged.
“Still, I’m crying, but you’re not crying. Wow, that works great. It’s my first time crying in front of anyone. Even kneeling.”
I looked at Damian and sighed. and reached out to him. Did he come here with this in mind from the beginning? He stared at me, holding my hand and stood up. The atmosphere was awkward. I spoke bluntly, feeling that my inner feelings were clearly exposed.
“Are you doing this on purpose? I want to talk about the ring. You deliberately made it awkward.”
“If I’m talking first, I’m breaking the promise I made with the Hyungs, but it doesn’t matter if you notice it and I answer.”
“…Who’s the wise guy who thought of hiding it?”
“Me.”
“You damned bastard!”
After he replied casually, I ended up kicking him. As I hit the center, Damian took a deep breath and collapsed. But rather than feeling refreshed after hitting him, it just felt like my insides were turned into even bigger knots. They promised to find it. Ares and Endymion, they only showed a good side in front of me…
I held back my tears as I looked at Damian, who fell to the floor and cried in pain.
“I want to be alone. Please leave.”
“I, I’m dyi…”
I hurriedly put his wig on, which he had taken off, and opened the door. Everyone would be going to work, so no one would be passing by. After pushing Damian who was grumbling outside, I spat out all the curses I knew and hit the bed.
It felt like my insides were boiling. Cheated? Again and again? I was angry and couldn’t stand it. And then, a voice came into my head.
“Can I help you?”
“…Lilith?”
Knowing that I was the only one in the room, I frowned and looked around. Then I noticed that my reflection in the mirror was standing still and smiling. When our eyes met, the red eyes that glowed strangely were curved into crescent moons.
“You, how…”
“I already found out about it. It’s okay, though, since it got Damian to go down on his knees.”
“What, you knew?”
“I heard from Odil yesterday.”
“…Odil? Why are you bringing up that person’s name here? Odil doesn’t know that I’m you.”
“He knew. He just kept it a secret because you were afraid of him. You had some inkling of it to some extent. right? It was just that you didn’t want to care.”
As I reached out my hand as if possessed, Lilith in the mirror stretched out her hand. I frowned as if I was about to cry, but Lilith was still smiling. What’s so amusing?
“What happened yesterday? You should know why I couldn’t use my magic.”
As long as Lilith was in me, Damian’s guess was wrong. I was still a succubus. She smiled brightly when I asked the question without hiding my nervous, trembling voice.
“Yesterday I did something fun. Odil and Endymion.”
“…Th-three of you?”
“No, we did it separately, so don’t worry. But Endymion keeps saying mean things and Odil is hiding something… So, I thought about it for a bit.”
“Why did you keep me from remembering such an important thing?”
“It’s because you are so weak. I’d rather have Damian confess to you first and make you angry. Otherwise, you would have been eaten by me after crying by now.”
I took a breath as I watched Lilith playfully clenched and extended her fists. She was right. If Damian hadn’t acted like that, I would have been crying and hurting, rather than getting angry. I’d have been at a loss for what to do.
I didn’t realize it, but in a way, it was a very fortunate thing for me. Lilith, who snorted, continued.
“Not being able to use magic was just because you’re cranky.”
“Cranky? Just being cranky is making me have your body like this?”
“What’s wrong with that body? It’s pretty and nice. I’m telling you right now—you’ve been doing this for so long already, but why do you keep trying to hide it when you have such a pretty face?”
“It’s too much! Even now, I think that’s enough, how am I supposed to be a maid with a face like this?”
“Then why don’t you do something other than the maid? Something like an empress or a noble lady.”
Was my sixteen-year-old head filled with a flower garden like this? My face heated up in the sudden rush of shame. Lilith didn’t even think about my circumstances, and she was talking as much as she wanted. I would cover her mouth if she stood in front of me, but I couldn’t because she was in the mirror.
“Stop, stop. Let me use my powers before that.”
“No. You always said you don’t want to be like a succubus.”
“Then put my face back to normal. If I wasn’t a succubus, I wouldn’t have changed like this.”
“No can do for that, either. I like that I’m pretty. You were more angry than that. Don’t you want revenge?”
“So, give the magic back.”
“If I give it back, how can you torment them? Don’t do it, just leave it to me. I won’t take your memories this time, and I’ll leave your consciousness intact.”
Trust me, I don’t know what to trust. But she was right. Even if I was able to use magical power, all I could do was tie them up with tentacles.
Taking one step closer, I exhaled and asked calmly.
“…What are you going to do?”
“We are a succubus. We have to do it the succubus way, right?”
“I don’t want that…”
“Then what, is there another way? It’s easy to make them feel good to the point that their ecstasy feels like they’re about to die—like I did with Endymion yesterday.”
I covered my face with the image of Lilith who said proudly that she had made him feel good until he died. In the way of a succubus… It was something I couldn’t do in my right mind. However.
“…I can’t do it in my right mind.”
“How un-fun. Are you saying that again?”
“But I am angry. I am so angry that I can’t stand it.”
The emotion that made my stomach boil wasn’t just anger, it was a feeling of betrayal. I believed them. I thought they were good people.
I decided to give in to the whispers of the devil.
“I’ll leave it to you. And somehow, find out about the ring.”
“If you find the ring, you will put me to sleep again.”
“…To be honest, I can’t say that I won’t. But did you hear what I said to Damian earlier? Before anything that puts you to sleep, it’s your grandmother’s keepsake. I must find it.”
“Ugh. It’s good to be honest. All right, my sweet Lily. For you, I will bully them. Until they cry and beg at my feet!”
Oh no. You don’t have to go that far. When I was about to say that, my consciousness was left, but not my agency. Just like the night I slept with Ares.
“I will move at night.”
Lilith looked in the mirror and smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
——
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