Chapter 56
The world began to dissipate gradually, Lu Bai quietly watched as his fingers slowly started to disperse into dust – except for him, in this world everyone else was frozen in time. Naturally, he had no sense of it, but he was able to continuously perceive the burning pain as his body disintegrated, and the pain seemed to penetrate his bones.
He turned to look at the youth lying quietly on the ground, a shallow smile on his face – no matter how much it hurt, it wouldn’t hurt more than that young man’s death. That proud and clean young man, from a young age, was loved by his grandfather growing up, never suffered greatly, and never toiled too much, yet he had just spilled so much blood… Lu Bai wondered how much it had hurt him the moment he had been hit by the truck…
“I will save you.”
He gazed over at the youth, and softly, but firmly, spoke.
“And my family…”
“I will save you all.”
As his body completely dissipated, the world finally began to reorganize.
~~~~~~
The early fall sky in the south is still bright as if it were a sheet of glass.
Thud, thud, thud!
In the center of downtown Jinghai, the teenager clenched his teeth and banged on the dark brown door. The door opened and Lu Bai grinned at Qin Gu, revealing a mouthful of white teeth: “Brother Qin Gu! I missed you so much while you were out of the country.”
After a few phrases, a cool and elegant voice like ice and snow came out from inside: “Qin Gu, is something wrong?”
When the young man heard this voice, he was stunned, it was as if a streak of light flashed through his mind, but he couldn’t catch it. Then, immediately afterward, he internally muttered that his voice sounded lovely, worthy of being the main character’s lover. When he saw the young man who looked like he was made of pure snow and ice, Lu Bai’s eyes widened and he swallowed – he was too good-looking, wasn’t he?
In his heart, he said sorry ah I have to follow the plot. However, when he was about to teach the young man a lesson according to the plot, he tripped and fell straight into the warm embrace of the young man.
A cool and refreshing fragrance filled the air and into his nose. Lu Bai stiffened, his eyes widened, and then he saw that the good-looking young man who was supporting his body with a hug had raised an eyebrow, and his beautiful eyes curved into crescent moons, “What’s your name?” After a pause, his eyebrows seemed to draw in confusion: “Have I seen you somewhere before?”
And so the plot began to collapse, Lu Bai was surprised to find that even if he no longer followed the plot, the world would no longer punish him, and he seemed to have gained the freedom he had always dreamed of.
After this, he and the youth named Qu Xueyu fell in love naturally. He was so wonderful that he couldn’t help but fall for him.
He had brought the young man to the suburban villa where he used to play when he was a child and led the young man to his childhood room as if offering a treasure.
In the small and somewhat crowded children’s bed, Lu Bai comfortably hugged the youth’s waist, intimately snuggled in the other’s arms. He kissed the youth’s chin, and his eyes curved up, “Xiao Qu, you’re so good.”
Qu Xueyu was resting on one arm, and he used his other to hold the youth a little tighter. He raised an eyebrow and teased the youth in mock suspicion as he looked over at him, “Hmm…where am I good?”
The teenager’s eyes rolled and he said, “Xiao Qu is especially good-looking.”
Qu Xueyu pinched the youth’s face and went to tickle the other person again, pretending to be sad and remarking, “Oh, it turns out that Xiao Bai just likes my face.”
Lu Bai buried his face into the youth’s embrace, his face was red from tickling and laughing yet he still refused to leave the youth’s embrace.
“Hahaha more than just like Xiao Qu’s face-” Lu Bai begged, “I like everything about Xiao Qu.”
“I love you.”
The words blurted out right after that, as if by a ghost’s will. Lu Bai was startled, and then he buried his face a little deeper, while his ear tips reddened completely.
Qu Xueyu’s eyes widened when he heard that passionate confession, and for a long time, he was smiling with a low, silly laugh, before rolling over and pressing the teenager in his arms underneath him.
“Xiao Bai,” he trapped the teenager in the small space between his arms, his eyes had deep desire and soft laughter, “Do you know what happens when you say that to a man?”
Lu Bai rolled his eyes with a grin as he reached out and wrapped his arms around the youth’s neck, “Will it make you want to sleep with me?”
Qu Xueyu: “…”
He took a deep breath and then let out a low, muffled laugh as he leaned in and gently bit the young man’s lip, but ultimately just held him tightly in his arms – he cherished this young man too much to want to hurt him when he was unprepared.
Lu Bai had his arms around the youth’s neck, but he was looking towards the ceiling, a helpless smile appeared at the corners of his lips and he said, “Xiao Qu, as you know, today is the White Dew Festival, and it’s my birthday.” It was because of his birthday that he brought the youth here.
Qu Xueyu: “Mmm.”
Lu Bai: “Actually, I’m feeling particularly dissatisfied with your gift.” After saying that and then pausing, he pushed the youth away and half sat up, starting to rummage through the small cabinet at the head of the bed for something.
Not much later, Lu Bai turned back around and shoved something into the youth’s hand, tilting his head, and saying, “You said before that you’d get me whatever I wanted for my birthday, right? Although I’ve already accepted your car, I still want one more thing.” Lu Bai paused and smiled, revealing a toothy smirk, “I want Xiao Qu most of all.”
Qu Xueyu’s eyes fluttered, and his breathing was turbulent for a split second on the cramped bed, as the cardboard box and gel-like item in his hand became almost scalding hot.
In the middle of the day, he let out a low, husky laugh, as he reached out and caressed the young man’s face, his fingertips a little hot, “Xiao Bai, you’re really my treasure.”
With that, he pressed the teenager underneath him.
~~~~~~
After it was over, Lu Bai and Qu Xueyu huddled on the narrow bed, their warm bodies embracing each other.
It was already night outside the window, and the maple forest not far away was glowing red. There was a cold wind blowing towards the house, but it was blocked by the windows.
The room and the bed were warm and cozy and made one feel drowsy. Lu Bai affectionately hugged the youth’s waist, drinking the hot black tea right from the youth’s hand. The youth smiled helplessly while his other hand dragged the soft blanket over the young man.
“Xiao Qu, why did you fall for me?”
As the night wore on, Lu Bai snuggled into the youth’s arms and fell into a deep sleep, but his mouth had muttered this question.
The youth hugged Lu Bai and closed his eyes, but when he heard this vague question he curved his lips, and as if by instinct, he replied, “There is no reason. Xiao Bai, I would always have fallen in love with you.”
Lu Bai buried his face into the other person’s arms and hugged the other person’s waist tightly, “Oh.”
Qu Xueyu possessively enfolded the teenager into his arms like a wild beast, only to gently pat the teenager’s back, like he was comforting a delicate child.
~~~~~
Lu Bai thought this kind of life would last forever, until one day, the young man died, while his family died once again in a fire.
The moment the young man died in his arms, the lost memories came back again. It was only then that Lu Bai realized how cruel and cunning the exchange between the world and him had been.
The world would reboot to the day he met the young man, and while the young man was shackled by a death sentence, he himself had been freed from the chains of the tragedy. With the knowledge that the young man and his family were going to die, he would have been able to save them. But when the world restarted, his relevant memories were purged at the same time, and only when the young man dies and the world returns to a standstill will all his memories come back to him.
He and this young man, together with his family, are stuck in this nightmarish cycle. Over and over again, he has to face the deaths of the people he loves the most until he breaks down – unless, of course, he can save them.
~~~~~
The heavens and the earth darkened, and time stood still once again.
Lu Bai hugged his knees and curled up on the small children’s bed, hugging himself tightly. Outside the window was the still, fiery red maple forest, like blood and fire.
He was cold, and he desperately wanted someone to hold him…
“Dad, mom, auntie, Guan Guan, second uncle…”
“Xiao Qu…” he curled up like a displaced child and mumbled his lover’s name, but no one answered.
Pah!
An abrupt thud sounded from the bookcase.
Lu Bai was startled, wondering what happened, he jerked and half-sat up, with teardrops covering his face.
Everything on the desk and bookcase remained still, but there was a notebook lying on the ground, which had just fallen off the bookcase.
Lu Bai’s eyes widened: Everything here has remained unchanged, but this notebook – he wondered why it was different, and hurriedly tumbled out of bed to turn the notebook over.
Seeing his handwriting on the notebook Lu Bai’s eyes narrowed: this was the notebook he had brought from the original world! It contained the records he had made when he first came to this world, he had never expected that this book was in this room…
If this notebook is not subject to the influence of this world, nor the reorganization of the world… The photo sandwiched in the notebook fell out and when Lu Bai picked it up, he was suddenly astonished when he saw the figures in it, and his eyes reddened: These were his parents from his original world.
“Dad, Mom, is this you trying to help me?” He murmured.
Reflecting on this, Lu Bai clenched his teeth and then took a pen to write down some words.
“Self, when you see this, please save Qu Xueyu and your family! They’re going to die. Your lover’s manner of death is uncertain, but your family will die in a fire.” His Xiao Qu had died from a fall from a high place this time, while his family still died in a fire.
He had written down one final stroke but then accidentally made an extra mark, but Lu Bai no longer had time to care. A searing pain had begun to spread through his body, and his fingers had already begun to dissipate once again…
~~~~~
The Third Time.
When he regained his memory, Lu Bai opened the notebook frantically, but the words he had written vanished into thin air, leaving behind only the scratch – Lu Bai’s eyes widened, the world eliminated his reminders, but left behind the scratch. Does that mean that the world will only eliminate the reminders concerning the fatalities of Xiao Qu and his family, but won’t eliminate any unrelated information?
What if it was subtler?
Lu Bai then wrote with a shaking hand yet another statement in his notebook:
“Your lover and family will die.” Had he known about all this in advance, and had he only paid more attention, he would have been able to prevent it.
After writing, Lu Bai’s thoughts flashed quickly, and he wrote the name Ruan Jiangjiu in his notebook. It was a role played by the young man, and his Xiao Qu loved playing such a role, but he died before he could finish shooting the role.
If the world does not override “Ruan Jiangjiu”…
~~~~~
The Fourth Time.
The reminder had disappeared, but the words “Ruan Jiangjiu” had not.
Lu Bai was half sitting on the bed, curled up as if there was still the young man’s warmth on it.
He bit the tip of his tongue, and used his precious few minutes to review this round of “rebirth”.
The time his Xiao Qu had died on the set of that movie. The Lu family had still burned in a fire, but that fire had felt a little weird for some reason.
Without knowing why, something came to mind, and his eyebrows shot up – Xiao Yang’s mother had seemingly been at his family’s house not long before the fire.
This kind of thought was haunting, but Lu Bai couldn’t stop the thoughts in his head.
He wrote, “Save Ruan Jiangjiu. Pay attention to Xiao Yang’s mother.”
~~~~~
The Fifth Time.
Only the words “Save Ruan Jiangjiu” remained in the notebook.
Lu Bai, however, was still unable to save his Xiao Qu. Even without his memories, he had sensed that something was wrong, but he still couldn’t make it in time – his Xiao Qu had died when he wasn’t there with him, and the Lu family was still caught in a huge fire.
Lu Bai’s face was blank, but his eyes were completely red. He tasted blood when he bit his tongue – if he wanted to save them, he would need a more thorough and careful strategy.
Not counting the first time, he had already experienced three world reorganizations, and two seemingly coincidental things were certain to happen in all three reorganizations. They should therefore be plot-specific events.
The first was that he would surely bring his Xiao Qu here to stroll through the maple grove, and would also bring him into this room as well.
The second thing is that Xiao Yang’s mother will visit Lu’s house on October 20th.
Lu Bai gnashed his teeth and rewrote another sentence in his notebook.
~~~~~
The Sixth Time.
It was still the same room.
Lu Bai quietly looked at his pale reflection in the mirror – if he wanted to save his Xiao Qu, he needed to make himself believe in the real existence of “Ruan Jiangjiu” without having his memory. Only if he truly believes that this person exists and that he loves him, will he be able to protect him even with his memory gone! Protecting Ruan Jiangjiu is protecting Qu Xueyu.
He had studied psychology at university, and although the efficacy of self-directed suggestion is not that strong, with the support of the world’s reorganization, if these hints are even a little bit effective during his memory loss, there is hope for them.
Lu Bai looked out the window, the still maple leaves were as red as blood. He frowned slightly, perhaps it would be more effective to be warned in the maple forest. After thinking about it, he tore off a page of his notebook to write the message and walked towards the door.
When he returned, he turned towards his reflection in the mirror…
~~~~~
The Seventh Time.
The mental suggestion worked, but the content of the suggestions to himself didn’t seem quite serious enough.
What he needed, was to stick by Xiao Qu’s side from the moment he arrived at Jinghai. While most of the accidents happened during the filming of that movie, there was always the low probability that they could strike while Xiao Qu was studying at the bar.
He needed to be there for him and protect him from that point on.
As for the fire at the Lu family home, he had practically confirmed that the culprit was Xiao Yang’s mother.
Lu Bai quietly regarded himself in the mirror with a pale face and thin cheeks, replaying in his mind the fate of Ruan Jiangjiu in that movie along with everything he had experienced, and began to weave together the plot that he was going to suggest to himself afterward.
~~~~~
The Eighth Time.
Lu Bai’s eyes were rimmed with red, but the corners of his mouth finally showed a shallow smile.
This time, he was just a hair’s breadth away from saving his Xiao Qu and his family…as long as his psychological hints were a little more thorough, and his notebook was utilized a little more cleverly.
~~~~~
The Ninth Time.
Lu Bai tore off a blank piece of paper, wrote down a sentence, and then made it into a paper airplane and stuck it inside a tree-he had already confirmed that when he was walking with Xiao Qu, he would always lean against this tree and shake it rather idly-he just wanted to pick a leaf to give it to Xiao Qu, and at that moment, the paper airplane would then fly towards him with the force from it. There was almost no rain this time of year in the fall of Jinghai, so there was no need to worry about it getting wet.
After doing this, Lu Bai expressionlessly looked at the previous writings left in his notebook a few times from before, then casually tore the pages off and pressed them under his bed.
He flipped to the last page and wrote down a few words, “She, Big Fire, Family Home.”
He then tore off another blank page and wrote, “Please send this to the Lu residence on October 20th. – Lu Bai.” After that, he placed the notebook, which had nothing more than the previous entries and the crucial note at the back, in a trusted servant’s room, and then placed the note on the notebook. After the world reopened, the servant would see it and send the notebook to him as he had requested.
It was the only solution he could think of, the world was even stricter when it came to Xiao Yang and his mother than it was with information related to Xiao Qu. So he could only leave no mention of her, and just let the servant send him the key words on that critical day.
“She”, who came to the Lu family’s house on October 20, would set fire to their home and hurt them. That’s what the keywords meant to convey.
He knew himself, and when he saw those words, he would certainly be alarmed; On Xiao Qu’s side, with all the psychological hints and the reminder in Maple Grove, he wouldn’t fail to be anxious and apprehensive either…
Lu Bai felt the familiar burning pain and looked at his fingers which were beginning to dissipate, but a brilliant smile sprang out from his lips.
He will save them. He will save ALL of them.
He would meet his Xiao Qu again, and his family was still by his side. No matter how many times he came back, he would always fall in love with his Xiao Qu, and his family would always love him forever.
With these constants in place, what was there to fear…
In the small cabin at the foot of the snowy mountains, in the grassland. After receiving that message from Lu Zhi, Lu Bai became aware that he had succeeded in saving his family.
The moment the deadly roof beam fell he finally managed to grasp the young man’s wrist in time.
When the warm blood dripped down between his eyebrows, a tearful smile spread across Lu Bai’s face.
He stretched out his hand with great effort and stroked the youth’s closed eyelids beneath the broken wooden boards and debris. Finally…I’ve saved you.
Darkness and dizziness overtook him, and Lu Bai finally closed his eyes reluctantly.
It was as if he was walking along a long, dark road, with the young man he loved holding his hand tightly for the whole journey. When they were close to the light, the youth stopped and looked at him, his eyebrows arched and his eyes seemed to contain starlight.
“Xiao Bai, can you see it?” The youth pointed into the warm, brilliant light, “Go on.”
“What about you?” Lu Bai panicked and clutched the youth’s fingers tightly.
“Little fool,” the youth smiled, reaching out to rub the younger man’s hair, “Haven’t you already saved me? I’ll be waiting for you just inside the light, ah. Go on, Xiao Bai, walk through there, and you’ll see me again.” However, being unable to accompany this youth through the final part of the journey was both unwelcome and unfortunate.
“I love you.”
The moment he let go of the youth’s hand, Lu Bai heard the youth behind him say this.
“I love you too.” He turned around, a tearful smile on his face as he faced the other, “When I wake up, I will be able to see you at first glance, right?”
Qu Xueyu kissed the teenager’s fingertips reverently, his smile full of softness, “Of course.”
Then Lu Bai turned around reluctantly and walked toward that light.
Translator Note: As hard as I tried I don’t think I can get the the rest of the chapters up before the end of the year (,,>﹏
