CH 44.3

There were relatively few people outside the hospital building in the afternoon. Jian Xingsui was holding his mobile phone, but his arm felt boneless, so it was a struggle to keep it on face level. He was originally sitting on a chair, but now he wanted to stand up. However, the excessive fatigue and the shock of his mind prevented him. When he just stood up, there was blackness in front of his eyes, and his whole body fell back on the chair again.

Jian Xingsui closed his eyes uncomfortably, and wanted to rest on the chair. For a while, the whole world was dark, and he wanted to find a closed space to shrink himself up, to slowly digest these revelations and emotions.

At this time, suddenly, a call came from not far away: “Jian Xingsui!”

The voice was so strong that Jian Xingsui, who was sitting on the chair, was jolted awake. As he slowly opened his eyes, the light of the world returned to his line of sight. On the tree-lined road not far away, the afternoon sun shone on Shen Xingchen’s family members. His eyes were a little uncomfortable under the sunlight, and Jian Xingsui’s eye felt moist.

Shen Xingchen ran over to him in small steps, and complained, “you don’t answer my phone calls, and you don’t reply to my text messages. What kind of big, busy celeb are you? You’re worse than Fu-ge!” 

Jian Xingsui’s eyes widened, and he realized: “Xingchen… why are you here?”

Not only Shen Xingchen, but also Xu Enzhen appeared, Shen Minglang, and a stern-looking man who looked similar to the brothers. If his guess was correct, this man should be the head of the Shen Conglomerate, Shen Yong. 

While Jian Xingsui was still in a daze, Xu Enzhen trotted over. This was the first time that Jian Xingsui saw this—the always dignified and reserved lady walked over with some eager steps. Her eyes reflected Jian Xingsui’s figure, and when she approached, she held Jian Xingsui’s hand and called softly, “My son…”

When Xu Enzhen touched Jian Xingsui’s cold hand, she hadn’t seen him for half a month. When she saw that the boy was distressingly thinner, tears fell uncontrollably. She couldn’t imagine what this boy had experienced during this period of time.

Seeing her crying, Jian Xingsui suddenly felt pain in his heart, and quickly said: “Is… something wrong?” 

“My… third son, my actual youngest child… at that time, not long after he was born, the doctor told me that the child died of cardiac arrest.”

Jian Xingsui suddenly opened his eyes wide and froze in place stiffly.

He almost couldn’t believe what he heard. His heart was beating violently, hand clammy with sweat, his Adam’s apple rolled up and down. A tiny spark of hope flickered in the depths of his heart, something that he wanted to extinguish right away so he won’t get disappointed later. He asked with a trembling voice, “Then… what’s the connection to me?” 

Shen Yong came over, he put his arms around his wife’s shoulders. He took a good look at the boy standing in front of him. He was small, the tip of his head was about taller than his shoulder. He immediately emphatized with his wife. “Your birthday is the same day as his.” 

This sentence stopped Jian Xingsui’s breathing. 

Sometimes fate was like a mischievous ghost – really good at toying with people. Just now, he felt like he was free-falling into a deep, underground ice cave. But at this moment, he felt like he was caught by a net mid-fall, then wrapped in a thick, cozy blanket. 

But he remembered that good things would always be followed by bad things. He quickly suppressed his delusions. Clenching his hand, he subconsciously took two steps back. He still spoke cautiously: “But it may not be me, there are many people who were born in this hospital that day, in case it wasn’t me…”

Xu Enzhen, who had always been weak, suddenly took a step forward, and said firmly, “No, it is you. I know it is you.” 

Things like “intuition” and “gut feelings” were something very mysterious. But Xu Enzhen believed it, as a mother who could sense an inexplicable feeling about this child. She carried her third child for months inside her womb. She knew she couldn’t be wrong about this. 

Shen Xingchen was a little dazed at first, but he quickly reacted and cursed, “I just said that we look so alike, I almost thought my dad was having an illegitimate child outside!” 

“…” There was silence all around at this moment.

Shen Xingchen has the ability to mess up the atmosphere. Shen Yong, who looked quite serious, glanced at his second son lightly, full of threats.

Shen Xingchen touched his nose resentfully, and shut up obediently.

Xu Enzhen stepped forward and said softly, “When I saw you on the screen for the first time, I was thinking: this child looks so cute, I can’t get enough of watching him…” 

Jian Xingsui’s eyes felt stuffy, and he knew that he was on the verge of crying. 

He was the vicious cannon fodder of this world, where Anran was the protagonist. Because of that, he seemed to be born with an unflattering debuff. No matter who saw him, their first impression would be bad. He gradually got used to this, and even half-expected this with every person he came across. 

But today, someone told him that when she saw it for the first time, she instantly liked him. 

Xu Enzhen sighed softly, “You, Xingchen, and Minglang all share some similar traits. But, your eyebrows and eye-shape are more like mine. Maybe, I always subconsciously treated you as my own son. At that time, I often wondered why you are so thin? Was the pressure during training too heavy? Did you eat well…?”

Jian Xingsui’s heart tightened up uncomfortably, lips still trembling. 

Xu Enzhen walked in front of him, her slender and white hands were slowly raised  and stretched out tremblingly. It landed on both sides of Jian Xingsui’s cheeks. Tears glistened in her eyes, and she sighed with distress in her voice: “It’s only been half a month since we parted, why did you lose weight again?”

Jian Xingsui’s breathing collapsed due to tension, he panted quickly, and said, “In… in the past half a month…  Zhang Xiangyang was sick and hospitalized. He… uhm… he needed someone to take care of him, and something happened on the Internet, so I lived a busy life. Actually, you don’t have to worry, I’m fine…”

In Xu Enzhen’s gentle eyes, Jian Xingsui didn’t want to explain much. But people were very strange – when a child fell down, even if the fall hurts, if no one pays attention to you, you may be able to get over it by patting your knees. But if you comfort that small child with a soft, understanding voice, suddenly, the pain in the child’s heart eclipsed the physical pain. The child might cry, but they would end up feeling better. 

That also happened with Jian Xingsui. The pressure he felt during the past half-month felt bearable when he was carrying it inside his heart. After all, he wasn’t the type to cry easily. If there’s one thing that life had taught him, it was that tears wouldn’t solve the problem, and no one would feel sorry for him. 

But the moment Xu Enzhen spoke gently to him, he crumbled. Lips trembling, nose felt sour, he tried to stop a choked sob in his throat. But in the end, the dam broke. Tears started cascading down his eyes, the grievances in his heart crashed around like a tidal wave, drawing all other emotions beside grief. 

Seeing the child crying, Xu Enzhen was heartbroken. With an equally trembling voice, she hugged the child tight, and tried to comfort him, “Suisui, it was Mom’s fault that bad things happened to you. I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” 

Jian Xingsui’s whole body was racked with uncontrollable sobs. Despite that, he returned the hug, encircled his arm around his Mother’s warm body. The temperature was real. This was real. He really had a mother who loved him. 

There have been many moments where he drowned in his fantasy, in his delusion. In that made-up world, his parents unconditionally love him. They would soothe him when he cried, would protect him when he got into trouble, would comfort him when he felt lonely and helpless. 

In fact, he was very, very, very jealous of the protagonist. He wanted to be Anran, to be surrounded by people who understood and loved him with all their heart. 

He didn’t need to be popular, to be rich, to reach the pinnacle of life like Anran did. He just… wanted a place, a person, a safe haven where he could take shelter from the wind. 

It’s just such a small wish.

Just like Fu Jinxiao, just like Wang-ge‘s inquiry, he didn’t care about money and interests anymore. There’s only one thing he lacked in this life, and he desperately wanted to cover up the hole it left in his heart.

He wanted to be loved. He wanted someone who understood him. He wanted someone who wouldn’t leave him the moment someone better appeared. 

Xu Enzhen gently sniffed, and lightly patted Jian Xingsui’s trembling body, her voice was firm and gentle: “Mom is here. And I… and I will not let anyone hurt you again… I’m sorry I’m so late… please forgive Mom…” 

The gentle words and a mother’s embrace seemed to have magically relaxed Jian Xingsui’s tense state.

Xu En was really worried, when he suddenly heard a soft, murmured voice: “Mom…”

This murmur made Xu Enzhen freeze in place.

When she took a step back and raised her face to look at Jian Xingsui, she saw caution in the child’s flushed eyes. The thing was, there’s still a last block inside his heart – the paternity test still hasn’t been done between him and the Shen family. So… what if he’s not their son? Would all of this… just gone again?

He couldn’t afford another heartbreak.

But still… he hoped. He hoped harder than ever before in his life. With a bit of courage, he asked for permission, “…can I, can I call you Mom? Just this once?” 

That soft call struck her whole body. It pierced her heart and soul, making her cry harder. She had been waiting for far too long for his youngest child to call her this. It has been twenty long years. 

“Yes.” Xu Enzhen held his hand, as if she was afraid that Jian Xingsui would disappear into thin air. “You always can…”