Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Editor: KarateChopMonkey dreams of teriyaki chicken pokebowl
I caught the evidence that you love me, so you can’t make excuses anymore.
Gu Ang struggled to escape from the other’s confinement, but his wrists were clasped and his lips and tongue were blocked. His resistance was futile. He could feel the warmth of Ye Fei’s lips, his longing. But now, this wasn’t the time to think about it. He had to keep his distance from Ye Fei, and couldn’t make the same mistake again. Gu Ang spilled out from his breath with difficulty, “Let go… let go of me, we’re already separated.”
Already separated, so you can no longer do this kind of thing that only lovers do.
“I regret it, I regret it, okay?”
Ye Fei sucked his lower lip, blocking back those bad words, “I don’t care what your reasons are, I dismiss them all. Light, you still love me, don’t you?”
Gu Ang couldn’t deny that, he couldn’t disobey his heart. But it shouldn’t be like this. He had screwed up once again. It was clear that the two of them were already moving away calmly, what the hell was he doing?
Gu Ang shook his head gently, showing a rare sign of weakness, “…Big brother, don’t ask, just leave me alone.”
Ye Fei propped himself up to look at him, with fire in his eyes. He said in one word, “No.”
Gu Ang looked away, avoiding his direct gaze, “Don’t do that.”
“You’re the one who came after me, you want to be with me, you’re the one who bought the wedding house after the divorce, you’re the one who stayed up in the middle of the night to kiss me, what do you want me to do?”
The words were counted down, Gu Ang felt really bad. The only thing he resented was that he didn’t have a heart of stone, so he could pretend that all those things had never happened. He thought he was hiding it seamlessly, but it turned out to be full of holes.
Ye Fei reached out and cupped his chin, forcing his eyes to meet, “I don’t care what you’ve encountered to make this decision, but I won’t let go.”
Gu Ang’s eyelashes fluttered, dodging the blazing heat, and it took him a long time to mumble, “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
He was confused, not knowing what to do to minimize the damage to Ye Fei. Now it just seemed to put both of them in an even more painful situation.
“It took me three months to accept this outcome, and you come back to beckon me.” Ye Fei pursed his lips and hugged the person tighter, “I only see what I see now, I don’t believe any other bad excuses.”
Gu Ang wanted to say something else, but his mouth was blocked by Ye Fei again. This person was like this, once he made a decision, he was strong and resilient. Gu Ang was unable to breathe from the kiss, so he had no choice but to bite hard. Ye Fei ignored him and continued to kiss deeply with the blood.
The child wasn’t well behaved and was owed an education. The taste of rust spread out in the mouth, Gu Ang could hardly breathe and felt so sad that he was about to die. In front of him was the person he loved the most, he did want to be together for a long time. But the truth was, he couldn’t do anything about it.
Gu Ang let go of his struggling hand and dropped it to the side. He let Ye Fei kiss him, enjoying the last of this cruel warmth.
Ye Fei felt his emotions and slowly turned into a little gentle licking kiss. He ran his palms through Gu Ang’s soft hair, gently soothing it. Gu Ang wanted to cry even more, Ye Fei was so gentle to him, this was the person he loved the most.
What was wrong with people who loved each other and were together? They just happen to be the same second gender. He fluttered his eyelashes and a tear slid down the end of his eye and fell into his neck, very cold.
The emotional blockage of three months collapsed instantly, and the psychological construction that was thought to have been solid, collapsed. The hurdle he couldn’t get over, his heart was tired and he didn’t want to care about anything anymore. However, he truly regretted his decision.
If because they were together, they took a human life. Then let himself take this life with repentance, to seek redemption. He reached out and hooked Ye Fei’s neck, fiercely rolled over and pressed Ye Fei, kissing back. With despair, and endless love.
Gu Ang thought, if only the world were destroyed now, they could kiss and die together. Then when people found them, they would say, These were true lovers in love.
They died, but the love would last forever. He pressed Ye Fei and kissed him for a long time, putting all the suppressed emotions of the time into the kiss. He kissed until he almost broke his breath, then released the person.
“Light, have we made up?” Ye Fei reached out and wiped the ends of his eyes and asked in a hoarse voice.
Gu Ang didn’t say anything, his mind was a jumbled mess.
Ye Fei hooked his arms around his waist and pressed him to himself, reaching around, “Okay, I won’t force you. But you have to stop avoiding me, I’m really sad.”
“Hmm.” Gu Ang muffled a response.
“Tell me when you’re ready to tell me why, and then tell me again.” Ye Fei patted his back one by one, like coaxing a sensitive cat, “As long as you are still by my side, I can go for anything.”
Gu Ang buried his head into his neck and rubbed it gently. He said, “Big brother, we shouldn’t be together.”
Maybe it was a mistake the moment he chased Ye Fei in the beginning.
“There’s no such thing as should or shouldn’t, as long as you’re willing.” Ye Fei had actually guessed a few of the reasons. He probably figured out Gu Ang’s struggle and pain. It was indeed a very difficult process, and he was willing to give Gu Ang time.
Gu Ang hugged the lost and found person, and rarely softened his voice to be pampered, “Can I sleep with you?”
In front of Ye Fei, his armor was removed, he was as carefree as a little child.
The reason for this was that he still didn’t want to tell Ye Fei, he was suffering enough on his own, there was no need to torture two people.
Ye Fei pulled over the quilt next to him and covered his back, “Okay, let’s sleep like this.”
Gu Ang lay on top of Ye Fei and slept well for the first time in three months. When he closed his eyes and opened them again, it was already dawn outside. He blinked his eyelids and looked at the person close at hand, still feeling a little surreal. What happened last night was like a dream in a trance. Did they make up? It didn’t seem like it.
Ye Fei moved his sore shoulders before asking, “Did you sleep well?”
“Very well, I slept until dawn for the first time.” Gu Ang hurriedly propped himself up, “Did you get pressed?”
“I’d rather you pressed me so much every day.” Ye Fei smiled and hugged him back, “During this time, I slept alone every day. Next to the empty space, I was especially not used to it.”
Gu Ang pursed his lips, lowered his head and rubbed it on his face, “I bit the corner of your lips.”
“A small wound.” Ye Fei touched the wound, “Your mouth is quite hard, you do this to me?”
“At that time, that situation…” Gu Ang’s scalp tingled and he couldn’t continue. He was about to get up when he felt something against his thigh, something hard, “You…”
Ye Fei dumbfounded, “I haven’t touched you for months, it’s a normal reaction.”
“Then what?” Gu Ang was a little uncomfortable with the intimacy of the two, “Now in the middle of nowhere, how are you going to fix it?”
Ye Fei swept his hand, “You help me?”
“I…” Gu Ang choked, his cheeks flushed red.
“Just teasing you, rest for a while and then go down.” Ye Fei reached out and patted his back, “Get up, I can’t feel my hands.”
Once Gu Ang heard this, he hurriedly got up, “I’m the one who’s too heavy.”
Ye Fei moved his sore shoulders, “You’re too light, you’ve lost a lot of weight. If I hadn’t forced you to come to my house for lunch recently, were you planning to starve yourself to death?”
Gu Ang’s heart clogged again. So Ye Fei had asked him to go to dinner because he felt sorry for him. He prayed in his heart for Qin LeHe’s forgiveness, forgiving him for his selfishness. He just couldn’t let go of Ye Fei, it took him three months to let go, and then three years, but it was still impossible. The emotions in Ye Fei’s eyes yesterday, he now looked back and read them with the benefit of hindsight. There was no blame, it was sadness, and helplessness.
Ye Fei didn’t do anything wrong, even without knowing, to suffer more pain than he did. This was how Ye Fei refused to give up, so what did he do?
Gu Ang lowered his head and touched Ye Fei’s lips, “Let me take a few days off and sort it out, okay?”
“Yes, anything.” Ye Fei replied good-naturedly. The two lay flat on their backs, enjoying the rare warmth of these few months.
Shen Fei Zhou’s voice came from outside, “Why haven’t you two gotten up yet? It’s already ten o’clock.”
“I’m up.” The warm scene was interrupted, and Gu Ang raised his voice and replied in an unpleasant manner. He turned his head to see Ye Fei and softened his voice, “Don’t be angry with me for keeping this from you, I have my own reasons.”
Ye Fei shook his head, “No, I’m not angry.”
Gu Ang looked down and kissed him again, “You’re so nice.”
It was so nice to be able to kiss him with impunity. God knew how hard it was for him to face this man every day. The two of them were lovey-dovey for a while before they got dressed and came out of the tent. A large group of people stood in front of their tent, looking at them with different expressions and eyes full of gossip.
Gu Ang tsked and waved his hand haphazardly, “You guys are watching monkeys at the zoo?”
“I just wanted to see how long you two would linger before you would get up.” Jiang HeYi wrapped her arms around herself with a look of displeasure. She looked around the circle, “Have you considered the feelings of us single dogs?”
There was a burst of laughter and even a whistle. The military life was already boring, for the couple’s little joke was happy to see.
Gu Ang was a bit agitated, “What’s all this nonsense? It’s not training, so what’s the point of getting up so early?”
Shen Fei Zhou was sharp-eyed, and saw Ye Fei, “The corner of your mouth is cut?”
“Gu Ang bit it.” Qi MingYu laughed.
Qi MingFeng followed his brother’s pace and spat, “So wild, playing in the wild, huh?”
“Don’t be annoying!” Gu Ang threw up his fist, “If you talk nonsense, I will beat you up.”
The two of them had a brittle relationship like sugar paper, and they didn’t want to make this kind of joke.
Lin XiuYong, with his hands in the pockets of his coat, lazily said, “Why not? You two shouldn’t go climbing today. I’m afraid that you will not be able to physically.”
Gu Ang glared at him, this green tea. How dare he speak in a strange way? What, Ye Fei didn’t stay with him yesterday, so he was upset? He raised his chin and retorted, “Crawl, I don’t take first place today, I’m with Ye Fei.”
“Then let’s win against Gu Ang today.” Shen Fei Zhou blew a whistle, “Go, go, go, let’s go climbing.”
Gu Ang also didn’t figure it out, a group of admirals who usually exercise want to run to climb what mountain? The usual stuff in the barracks wasn’t enough to be destroyed? But since they had made a bet, they couldn’t let themselves lose face.
As soon as the group arrived at the bottom of the mountain, Gu Ang did his stretching and started to dash up the mountain.
Ye Fei quickly followed him, “Why are you angry with Lin XiuYong? Making such a childish bet.”
“I’m not happy with him.” Gu Ang also didn’t cover up, “You kept talking to him yesterday, I’m annoyed.”
As he talked, he didn’t stop, running fast towards the mountain.
Ye Fei exhaled and relaxed side by side with him, teasing, “Yesterday, you still didn’t admit to be jealous…”
“So I haven’t made up with you yesterday? How can I admit it?” Gu Ang had a set of crooked reasons, “Tell me, what did you talk to him about?”
“We talked about some personal things.” Ye Fei said mysteriously.
Gu Ang frowned, “What personal matters, I can’t know?”
Ye Fei looked at him meaningfully, “Don’t you also have something to hide from me?”
This sentence was very effective, successfully muting Gu Ang again. Indeed, he was hiding a big secret that he could only digest on his own. Now hiding outside the peach source, he could temporarily leave behind those annoying thoughts. Wait until they got back, and then he could sort out everything slowly.
Lin XiuYong quickly overtook from behind and smiled at Gu Ang, “If you don’t run faster, you’ll have to change your name to Ye Ang.”
Ye your sister Ang.
“Fuck, are you targeting me?” Gu Ang was dissatisfied and quickened his pace, trying to pull away from this green tea. He muttered, “Aren’t you a researcher? How come you still have such good physical strength?”
Lin XiuYong stopped a few steps and looked at him seriously, “Gu Ang, you don’t have to be so hostile to me.”
“Who told you to get so close to my husband?” Gu Ang retorted with a straight face.
When Ye Fei heard the word husband, the corners of his mouth curved gently. It seemed like the old Gu Ang, who was arrogant and hated to make their love known to the world, had come back.
Lin XiuYong paused for a few seconds and changed to a slow walk, “The person I love is Bai SiNing, so you can really be at ease with me.” He patted Gu Ang’s shoulder, “Ye Fei and I, we’re friends.”
Gu Ang froze and was slow to respond. He hadn’t heard this name for a long time, and didn’t expect to mention it again, from the mouth of a stranger.
“You mean, my adjutant Bai SiNing?” his voice trembled as he uttered those three words.
“Mn, it’s him. Already passed away, Bai SiNing,” Lin XiuYong laughed mockingly and went down again in a low voice, “But he didn’t know, it was just an unrequited love.”
Gu Ang opened his mouth, not expecting to poke someone straight in the sore spot, “Sorry, I didn’t know…”
Ye Fei interjected, “I was just about to say, you don’t have to be jealous, there’s someone else in his heart.”
“It’s okay, it’s all in the past.” Lin XiuYong shrugged his shoulders. He had long since learned to hide his sad emotions well.
Gu Ang’s brain spun in a jam, and he belatedly squeezed out a sentence, “Little Bai’s death, I did a bad job, I shouldn’t have let him at that time… He was trying to save me, and it affected you as well.”
He was fully aware of how painful it was to lose someone you love. Now that the survivor was standing in front of him, he was just a million times sorry. How painful it was to live alone in this world.
“Bai SiNing, he was a very good person. I think, even if you stopped him, he still would’ve done it.” Lin XiuYong put away his glasses and looked at him seriously, “You don’t have to apologize to me, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that I have no destiny with him, that’s all.”
Gu Ang’s heart blocked, this topic opened the seam, weighing his emotions down. He didn’t know how to comfort, any words seemed pale, “Some day, I’ll go with you to see Little Bai.”
“Mn, okay.” Lin XiuYong rolled up his sleeves and pretended to have a relaxed tone, “If you don’t run, Shen Fei Zhou is going to catch up.”
“Then I won’t be polite.” Gu Ang raised his speed and once again left the man behind.
Ye Fei caught up with him and slowly enlightened, “In the world of adults, there’s not so much right and wrong. Light, you have to learn to reconcile with yourself no matter what you encounter.”
He was talking about Bai SiNing, and also about Qin LeHe. Gu Ang’s mental burden was too heavy for him to bear.
“Mn, I will try my best.” Gu Ang flashed him a smile, “Big brother, I’m going to go for first place.”
Ye Fei patted his cheeks, “Okay, go for it.”
Gu Ang ran wildly, dropping the weight of emotions that were weighing him down little by little. The exercise was liberating, and by the time he reached the top of the hill in one breath, he felt refreshed. He waited for a while before the people behind him arrived slowly. Everyone came for leisure, and only Gu Ang was desperate.
Lin XiuYong took off his coat and held it in his hand, “You win.”
It was just a casual bet, but this person took it seriously.
“Mn, you’re right.” Gu Ang smiled back. This time, he looked at Lin XiuYong again a lot more nicely. Because of Bai SiNing, even for him there were a few more care emotions.
They all found a place to picnic at the top of the mountain, while eating and talking nonsense.
Suddenly Yin WenXuan asked, “Everyone, tell us what you want most?”
Shen Fei Zhou frowned and spat, “Old Yin, you’re really not old, what kind of spiritual ghost chicken soup question…”
Jiang HeYi cut in, “This is a good question, ah, new year, new weather, then start with you.”
Shen Fei Zhou reluctantly said, “My wish, is it not to be with Gu Ang? Forget it, this wish won’t be realized.”
Everyone knew the twists and turns, and when they saw how generous he was, they laughed good-naturedly.
Jiang HeYi also pursed his mouth, “In that case, I don’t have any emotional wishes. King Kong Little Barbie marshal, how cool.”
“You still want to be a marshal, how about being my adjutant?” Shen Fei Zhou squeezed him.
Jiang HeYi punched over, successfully shutting the person up.
Next was Lin XiuYong, who smoothly continued, “I have no wish, so it’s hard to say. Maybe interstellar peace.”
“You’re too perfunctory, right?” His subordinates whispered to pick up, like people, cold and impersonal.
Only Gu Ang and Ye Fei heard it and looked at each other, reading the same emotion. Maybe Lin XiuYong wasn’t just talking about it, he really wanted peace. That way there would be no one like Bai SiNing who would lose their lives in the merciless battlefield.
Lin XiuYong looked into the distance, and the silent man flashed in his mind. It had been a long time, and he still missed him.
Shen Fei Zhou squeezed his eyebrows, “It’s Ye Fei’s turn.”
Ye Fei tidied up his cuffs and spoke blandly, “My wish is…”
Gu Ang’s heart stopped, and subconsciously felt that it should be related to him.
He clenched his palms and heard Ye Fei say, “Marry Gu Ang.”
“You’re, ah, dare to be so lovey-dovey.”
“Sooner or later, why don’t you just go back and get married?”
“The day is better than the day, just go back tomorrow to get a license.”
“You two will do it anyway, does it still need to be a wish?”
Everyone spoke up and spat, but only Gu Ang knew what meaning was hidden behind these words.
Ye Fei wanted to marry him, reconnect with him, and then invite guests in a big way. They had broken up in a hurry before they had the chance to tell everyone. This was a huge regret for both of them.
Gu Ang nodded his head and said succinctly, “Ditto.”
“Ditto, what do you mean?” Shen Fei Zhou wrinkled his eyebrows at him, didn’t understand the logic, “You want to marry yourself?”
Jiang HeYi slapped him, “Your language was taught by your physical education teacher? He’s saying that he also wants to marry Ye Fei.”
“Since you love me, I want to get married.” Shen Fei Zhou rubbed the back of his head that was punched, a face of confusion.
Ye Fei gently nodded, reached out and squeezed Gu Ang’s palm, “Tie the knot, go back and get married.”
Gu Ang couldn’t remember much about what people said afterwards. All he could think of was Ye Fei’s words, Go back and get married. Did he really want to go back and remarry? His heart was still a mess, and before yesterday, he had already made plans to be single for the rest of his life.
That out-of-control kiss overturned everything. He couldn’t go back, and Ye Fei wouldn’t let go. Gu Ang sighed, it was so hard to love each other. Lin XiuYong got up and nodded at Ye Fei’s shoulder, and the two walked a distance to the side, whispering.
Gu Ang looked up at their backs and frowned slightly. Mysterious, what the hell was going on?
Shen Fei Zhou, sharp-eyed, touched Gu Ang with his elbow, “Eh, you asked me about Lin XiuYong yesterday, aren’t you afraid that he abducted Ye Fei?”
“Your brain is finally working well for once.” Gu Ang tsked, “But I’m not worried now.”
Shen Fei Zhou supported his chin, “Why? Because Ye Fei said he wanted to marry you?”
Gu Ang murmured, “No, because Lin XiuYong loves another person, too much.”
“Who is it?”
“You don’t need to know people’s secrets.”
“Then how do you know?” Shen Fei Zhou was curious, “Don’t you not know him?”
Gu Ang looked at him, “This is also a secret.”
“No fun, I’m going to go find them to play.” Shen Fei Zhou stood up and patted off the dust on his pants.
Gu Ang sat where he was and waited for Ye Fei to come back.
Those two talked for a long time, and he saw Ye Fei’s expression become heavy little by little. He couldn’t hear the conversation, so he could only look at the expressions and guess blindly. What else could these two people talk about when they got together?
Gu Ang exhaled and looked down and pulled a piece of grass to play with it. It wasn’t until the grass was broken into pieces that Ye Fei came back slowly.
“Talking for so long?” Gu Ang tilted his head to look at him, deliberately teasing, “I’m jealous.”
Ye Fei’s expression was serious, not half trying to joke, “Get up, I have something to ask you.”
“What for? Such a stinky expression.” Gu Ang’s legs were a little sore after sitting for a long time. When he stood up, he stumbled a bit before he could stand firmly.
Ye Fei pulled him to the shade of a tree outside the crowd before speaking slowly, “Why did your mother kill herself?”
Gu Ang didn’t expect him to be so single-minded and his expression was a bit flustered, “Did you hear any rumors? Or did Lin XiuYong just say something to you?”
“You don’t have to care, just answer me, why?” Ye Fei’s expression froze together and his voice was cold.
Gu Ang said vaguely, “Because she divorced my father and couldn’t bear the shock.”
Ye Fei looked at him steadily and asked again, “Really? Then where did you go in the days before our divorce?”
“You’re so mean, it’s been so long, why do you still mention this?” Gu Ang uncomfortably avoided his eyes. He couldn’t talk about it, if he did, the other’d be heartbroken. Gu Ang didn’t dare to think about those days for a long time. Darkness and hopelessness.
Ye Fei squeezed his wrist, pulling him closer, “Light, you can tell me everything. There are many things that you don’t need to bear alone, you still have me.”
Gu Ang opened his mouth, but couldn’t say a word. This truth was too cruel.
Ye Fei, word by word, stared into his eyes and said, “If you don’t want to say, then I’ll say it for you.”
He seemed to be in control of everything, trying hard to tear down the barrier between the two.
Gu Ang panicked and reached out to cover his mouth, but it was too late.
“You were locked up by your mother for seven days, and you couldn’t go anywhere, you were locked up in that little dark room at the Qin family villa. No wonder I searched everywhere and couldn’t find you, but I forgot about that place. Seven days later, your mother left you a suicide note and committed suicide, because she accused you of refusing to divorce, right?”
All of them, he listed them perfectly.
“How did you know…” Gu Ang’s eyes widened, his eyes flushed uncontrollably and his vision blurred. He shook his head, repeating over and over incredulously, “How could you know, I didn’t want you to know.”
Gu Ang broke down a little, the blood-soaked facts were spread out in front of the two, his hands and feet were cold and he didn’t know what to do. He was wearing a thick coat, but he felt cold.
Ye Fei knew, would he be very heartbroken, very sad? He couldn’t guess what kind of emotion the person in front of him was feeling, but he could empathize with the sadness that came out.
Ye Fei reached out and covered the back of his cold hand, rubbing it warm little by little, “I apologize to you first, I asked Lin XiuYong to check up on you.”
It turned out that for the past two days, they were talking about this.
“It all happened in my house, how could he…” Gu Ang froze, “And, the suicide note I have long ago burned.”
Ye Fei patiently explained, “He hacked into your home’s surveillance system and pulled up all the records of those days. Then got into your computer and found a photo.” He frowned heartily, imagining those times when Gu Ang carried the past alone, his heart flooded with dense pain, “Light, why are you making it so difficult for yourself?”
Gu Ang thought about it, the photo of the suicide note. Before he burned it, he still couldn’t resist taking a picture. Often, late at night, he would look it up over and over again, reading those heart-piercing words and phrases, torturing himself. He thought of breaking up with Ye Fei every time he took it out to reflect. Reminded himself not to look back.
Gu Ang backhandedly squeezed Ye Fei’s fingers, not knowing what to say for a while. He deliberated for a long time before deciding to dissect his truest self to him, “Don’t you blame me, I just don’t want you to follow the sadness.”
“That’s why you felt guilty about her and divorced me.” Ye Fei made a judgment, “Why are you so stupid?”
“I didn’t know what to do, it was my stubbornness that killed her.” Gu Ang closed his eyes and the anxiety came back. The hurdle in his heart became a huge wave, a chasm, and he felt a little breathless.
Ye Fei lowered his head and touched his brow very lightly, gently soothing, “Light, I will redeem myself with you. We’ll copy the sutras together and burn them to her every year.”
“Is that okay?”
“Yes, she will forgive us, she is really gentle.”
Gu Ang’s heart was sour, he thought Ye Fei would advise him to think about it when he found out. But he didn’t, he said, they would atone for his sins together, hoping to get Qin LeHe’s forgiveness in heaven. He hesitated for a long time, and waited until the wind stopped snowing before nodding very slowly. Today, it really was a good start.
Ye Fei nodded at his brow, a heartfelt grumble, “Hiding it from me for so long, I really wanted to scold you out loud.”
Gu Ang reached out and hugged him, hugging the person he had loved for so long, feeling more at peace than ever.
Ye Fei had found a new way for him, perhaps a real relief.
Gu Ang lowered his head and rubbed the collar of Ye Fei’s coat, and looked at the curious crowd looking over in the distance. He finally relaxed his heavy heart and said petulantly, “There are so many people, scolding me is a bit embarrassing. Wait until we go back, then you can scold again, okay?”
Ye Fei kissed the tip of his nose and said softly, “Okay.”
