Pride
Dilliam seemed irritated because of the strange conversation. Sheila replied in an attempt to appease him.
“Of course, I am a little scared and bitter. But I can’t just run back home defeated here, and I can’t give up on my path to becoming a knight just because of something as trivial as this.”
Of course, there was also fear, but most of what was swirling inside Sheila was frustration.
The unreasonableness of having to be discriminated against just because one was a commoner. Discontentment that couldn’t be refuted because of the difference in status.
Perhaps because she was confronted with a feeling of animosity, she was being provocative without realizing it. Dilliam’s temples tightened again.
“Something as trivial as this, you say?”
“….. It was a slip of the tongue.”
It was a bad answer, but she couldn’t think of anything else.
Frankly, part of her was annoyed as to why she should care so much about the perpetrator. It was ridiculous to talk to him forever while she was soaked in water.
‘No. If I argue here, nothing will ever change. I’ve worked hard for a month and learned courtesy and how to deal with nobles. Let’s keep things civil here.’
“I apologize.”
“You’re just apologizing on the surface, aren’t you! Just a little while ago, didn’t you just say something like that!”
“Ah.”
It seemed that she was being listened to carefully earlier. She found herself in trouble because she was too honest.
“So, flooding your locker and tearing up your textbooks is no big deal to you?”
“….”
Dilliam, on the other hand, was no less honest than herself. What is this, a confessional battle?
But she didn’t know they had ripped up her textbooks.
Maybe they didn’t tear it to shreds, but they cut out a few pages somewhere neatly. She would have remained unaware of it until later when the class was in progress. At any rate, what a classy aristocrat did was a bit different.
“Of course, it’s a big deal, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
After somehow answering, Sheila bowed her head again.
It was supposed to be a sign of resignation, but Dilliam didn’t seem to take it as such.
“I’m telling you I did it, okay? You’re bowing your head when the culprit is right in front of you.”
She felt as if she had been scratched inside by his mocking manner.
She had once been so frustrated by a slight entanglement that she had unconsciously drifted into a killing frenzy. She was desperately trying to calm herself down so that it wouldn’t happen. The reason she continued to pass it off without refuting it was so that she didn’t cause friction with the nobles.
“…. If you disobey the nobles, you will be condemned, and if you obey them, you are even condemned. Aren’t their words and actions contradictory? What is the correct way to respond?”
Her voice was lowered to a guttural whisper as she felt as if she was about to explode.
In contrast, Dilliam seemed to be getting more and more emotional.
“It’s not about the correct answer! If it’s true that you want to be a knight, then I’m saying you have no pride!”
The pride of a knight. As soon as Dilliam said that, his mind, which was flickering with anger, suddenly cooled down.
She didn’t need to be told that. Sheila had only one thing to be proud of.
“My pride is to be a knight. To become a knight is pride itself. Any problems or hardships that come along the way will not tarnish that pride for me.”
She said unflinchingly as if just telling him the facts that were there.
Pressured by the unwavering yellow-orange eyes, Dilliam backed away.
Suddenly, Sheila closed one eye at the drop that fell from her bangs. She had an overwhelming presence, as if he were confronting a beautiful beast.
Dilliam was involuntarily flustered. It was crazy to be distracted by this mountain monkey’s presence.
He felt a sense of defeat as she looked straight ahead. He was ashamed of himself for being pressured by a commoner. Dilliam could do nothing but retreat from the situation.
◇ ◆ ◇
“Oh…. I did it.”
Sheila ruffled her hair as she stared at Dilliam’s back as he left, his shoulders hunched up as if he was still angry.
She was supposed to suppress her objection, but in the end, it was the same as talking back. No wonder he was angry.
Perhaps he was waiting for her to object. Even if she was impeached because of this, Sheila wouldn’t be able to argue against that.
‘But it didn’t seem like he was going to do something bad….’
For some reason, she was completely tired, and she leaned her back on the school building and sit down. She didn’t feel like going to the library anymore.
“I can’t go there anyway, not dressed like this…..”
Sheila looked down at her messy clothes.
Her shirt was soaked and revealed her skin. Her pants stuck to her body. Her leather shoes felt unpleasant as water seeped out every time she walked. She wasn’t dressed for public appearances.
The only thing that hid the lines of her body was a breastplate, and that wasn’t enough. Although she’d never had her gender questioned, she felt that this was a bad idea.
She couldn’t just go back to her room, not without knowing who she might run into. But it was also impossible for her to ask someone to go get a change of clothes.
“I can’t even use the spirit arts because it’s forbidden by Claushezade-sensei…..”
She looked at the bracelet stuck on her wrist and sighed.
There was nothing she could do. Fortunately, the courtyard surrounded by the school building was almost invisible to the public. Even the connecting corridors were covered with wainscots, so sitting like this would be a blind spot.
“It’s too much trouble, so I’ll just wait until it dries up.”
Sheila got ready to rest in earnest, basking in the warm sunlight. She turned her body to find a comfortable angle and folded her hands over her stomach.
The courtyard was still full of flowers. Clematis were blooming in purple and white and decorating the pavilion in a stunning way. She fondly remembered thinking that they would surely bloom beautifully on the day of the opening ceremony.
At the same time, she remembered the words she had sworn to Claushezade.
What would her past self, who boasted that she would definitely catch up to him, would think if she saw her current situation? She was happy enough just to be standing in a position where she could make her dreams come true, but she might be kicked out for causing so much trouble.
The days were so fulfilling that she couldn’t have imagined if she was still in the village. Even though she swore she would never give up, no matter how hard the road to becoming a knight might be….
…. The mind stumbled over such trivial things like this.
She didn’t want to be afraid. She didn’t want to lose.
She tried her best to show her competitive spirit and be unconcerned with Dilliam, but when she was alone, she was about to tremble. When she was just a village girl, she never knew that people’s malice could be so terrifying.
It was scary. So much so that if she didn’t hold on to it tightly, her heart felt like it was going to run away.
There were people who get angry with her, and there were people who understand her pain. And yet, how long would this painful time last?
Despite the peaceful afternoon, her mind was in turmoil. Her exhausted body craved rest.
Tears slowly trickled down Sheila’s cheeks as she dozed off to sleep. She didn’t want to cry.
‘I’ll only cry this one tear……’
Finally, Sheila let go of her consciousness at the sensation of a drop running down her chin and hitting the back of her hand.
When she woke up, she immediately remembered the situation from the sight that spread out in front of her.
For the first time in a long time, she felt like she’d slept like a log. Judging from the angle of the sun, not much time had passed, but her head felt much clearer.
When she tried to put her hands on the ground, she realized that her body wasn’t moving as she had expected.
“What…?”
What fell to her lap with a rustle was a beige blazer. It couldn’t have belonged to Sheila, who lived in her training uniform all day long. When she checked, she found that it was longer than her own.
Although she guessed that someone must have noticed Sheila as she was sleeping and hung it up on her out of goodwill….
“――What am I going to do? They don’t know I’m a woman, do they?”
Although mostly dry now, when wet, the lines of her body were clearly visible. Even if she said that there were other slender students, not just her, but……
Despite a somewhat unpleasant feeling, Sheila had no choice but to let go of it and carefully folded the blazer up to take it home.
