Chapter 159
A picture of Dr. Svelt stared back at me. My therapist for nearly half a decade, before money got too tight, and we couldnt afford him anymore. If they had my session notes, this was about to get a lot uglier.
What the fuck, Miles? I asked. I didnt have to manufacture the outrage.
Do Waller started
I held up a hand and cut him off. No. I want an explanation.
Miles shook his head, regret clear in his expression. You knew we had to look at you. The sooner you answer his questions, the sooner this is over.
Sure. I held my hands wide, glaring at Waller. Go ahead. What questions do you have for me about my fucking childhood therapist.
Several, but well start with the obvious. Are you aware of what happened to Dr. Svelt?
My anger flagged, replaced with concern. No.
Waller crossed his arms. Dr. Theodore Svelt was subpoenaed after one of his clients beat a coworker to death on a golf course with a putter. He subsequently lost his license after a series of malpractice allegations arose, centered around a failure to report several clients who, according to his notes, posed an immediate danger to themselves and others.
I dont understand what this has to do with anything
Then let me illuminate the situation. Waller moved the projector to the next slide.
The profile Miles referenced at the emergency meeting was blown up on the screen as Waller pulled a damnably familiar looking notebook from his bag, decorated with numerous yellow page markers that emitted from the top. He licked his thumb and paged to the first one.
March 23rd. Matthias referenced homicidal ideation again today, directed towards a juvenile harassing his sister. The ideation is nothing new, with less specificity and focus than previous examples. He continues to grow more adept at warding them off, implementing the exercises and perspective work weve focused on. His innate rationality and knowledge of investigative process and forensics continues to act as a prohibitor despite the absence of empathy. He seems well-grounded, though I do wonder how much of his restraint comes from the understanding that he would be quickly identified as a suspect.
As Waller read off several more entries, my expression grew darker. Eventually, he snapped the notes shut. Theres a lot of psychobabble. But despite the bias Svelt clearly holds in your favor, theres a problematic through-thread, Matthew. Waller studied me. Your therapist seemed worried about what might happen if you were to find yourself in a situation where you knew, confidently, that you could get away with it.
I spoke to Miles, who was still studying the floor in great detail. You said Id get a chance to help. To prove myself. I let pain into my voice.
And low and behold, his fears came to pass. In the form of Brandon Givens. Waller tossed me a file. I opened it slowly, numbly leafing through a collection of crime scene pictures.
This wasnt what we talked about, Waller. Foster stared holes in the back of his colleagues head. Both Hawkins and Miles seemed to agree, watching their colleague with distaste.
Thirty-five stab wounds, supposedly incurred after your mother entered the house and found Brandon attacking you. The lead detective called it self-defense and closed the investigation quickly. Par for the course when a cop killer meets a convenient end. Waller smiled. The coroner, however, didnt seem so sure. He noted that many of the initial stab wounds were administered at a strange angle. Almost ninety degrees. Your mother would have had to be on her knees or just under five feet tall.
This has nothing to do with Myrddin. I said through gritted teeth.
I think it does. Waller shook his head. Because you never went back to Dr. Svelt after that. I think this was your first. Maybe there were othersthere were a few events in your history that are questionable to say the leastor perhaps you were just biding your time. Studying. He bent down to look at me. Plenty of medical and anatomical textbooks left behind in your old apartment. In our experience, the system has a tendency for revealing who we really are. And I think it handed you the anonymity youve been waiting for.
Hes swaying them. You need to do something.
I pulled into myself. You know, theres a lot I could say. Excuses I could make. About how those textbooks were for work, how I used them as reference for standardized tests. Im sure you already know that. But youre right. I looked at Waller. It wasnt my mother. I killed him.
The air of tension grew thicker.
I studied the diagonal threading in my jeans. Dad was a cop, but he was a pretty understanding guy. He told me, once, that experimenting was part of growing up. That hed prefer I didnt smoke weed or drink underage, but he understood that forbidding those things was mostly pointless. He just wanted me to be smart about it. There was really only one substance he came down on. Heroin. He said the problem with it was it felt so good that everything else would feel dull in comparison. That trying it once had ruined countless lives, and the high wasnt worth what Id pay for it.
I stared at Waller defiantly. They say revenge isnt satisfying. That after its done, no matter how warranted, or justified, you just feel empty. Thats not how it was for me. I felt elated. Overjoyed. Like Id accomplished something I was meant to do.
Only it didnt last. Waller tried to lead me.
I shook my head. When it faded, I realized Id lost something too. Little things I enjoyed before seemed less significant, less meaningful. Even day-to-day colors seemed less vivid, less notable. Some of that was grief. Some of it wasnt. And ever since, Ive been trying to claw that humanity back. The high wasnt worth what I paid for it. Not even close.
So youre a good killer. Cook jeered.
I snorted. No such thing. But Im not the one youre looking for.
Waller looked visibly unsettled. As if hed expected me to crack, and I had, but not in the way he wanted.
Miles sighed and stood. Im sorry this was so invasive, Matt.
Im not done. Waller snarled.
No, I think you are. Foster stood, staring down Waller.
How is this not obvious? Waller stalked towards Foster. His voice was pitched low, barely audible. Hes the only viable suspect, and literally confessed to a history of violence. Youre genuinely buying that two people who fit the profile just so happened to be working together?
I glanced at Sae. Youre sleeping a lot.
Im depressed.
Fair. I stared off towards Kinsleys oversized fish tank. The feeling of drowning washing over me once more.
If this is a coup, we can take them. I have enough mercenaries. Kinsley said. Her hackles were understandably up. This was the closest thing to a home shed had since this clusterfuck started.
Its not a coup. And we fuck things up with the Adventurers Guild if this turns to open conflict. I studied Sae. Despite her frank estimation of her state of mind, she looked far better than she had a matter of days ago. She was rebuilding herself.
What? Sae said.
Can I trust you? I asked. For the first time, I let evaluate her. I didnt like using it on my friends or allies, but that wasnt a line I could afford anymore. It seemed like a kinder alternative than letting Azure root around in her mind.
Yes, for fucks sake. Sae glared at me in frustration.
Shes still unstable. But shed also take a bullet for you. Probably more than one. Youre the only anchor she has, and shes painfully aware of that. She is as loyal as she is angry, and shes incredibly angry. A dangerous combination.
I bit the bullet. Im the Ordinator. You, me, and Kinsley are the only ones who know definitively. Yes, Ive been the Ordinator from the beginning. No, I didnt sandbag or avoid using my power during the Trial. No, I didnt turn Region Six into a gory wasteland, yes, whatevers running the system tried to pin it on me, no, I dont know why. The plan was to use that infamy as an in with the suits, but now there are several Users with law enforcement backgrounds who put the pieces together and just press-ganged me into an interrogation, and Im currently under house arrest. Yes, I have a plan, yes, you play a vital role, and no, youre probably not going to like it.
While they stared at me aghast, I checked my objectives, scanning through until I reached the Personal Objective: Remain unidentified by other Users.
There was no indication that Id failed it. Which meant it likely referred to my identity as a whole becoming public knowledge.
YouyoujustYoure just gonna tell her like that? After all the hoops you made me jump through?! Kinsleys jaw worked furiously.
Sae blinked several times, eventually settling into a stoic expression. Not that I dont have a million questions, but Im guessing from that info-dump were at a crisis point.
This thing with the suits is on a strict timetable, and if this investigation stays focused on me, I cant do shit. I contemplated for a moment, trying to decide if I could afford to prep an extra day. No. It needs to be tonight. But I get that Im being a little unreasonable, so if you have anything you cant wait to have answered, shoot.
Sae held up one finger. First, you sure youre not panicking and jumping the gun here? Doesnt it look reactionary if something happens to clear you right after they pull you in?
It usually would. I admitted. But they dangled me out as bait for Myrddin. It makes sense for him to move quickly on this, before they have their defenses shored up.
Myrddin being you.
Yes.
Got it. Sae considered that, then held up a second finger. Why is the Ordinator so reviled, exactly?
Kinsley and I shared a look. I tried to answer thoughtfully. From what little I know, the Ordinator represents a potential disruption to whatever process the Overseer and his people are attempting to instill. It gains exponential power as long as Ordinator lives, so its in their best interests to take them out early.
Sae gave me a bland look. Youre disrupting the system.
Yes.
The asshole system that turned me into a bug-monster, that system.
Uh. Yes.
Sae held up a third finger, an annoyed expression on her face. Why the fuck wouldnt you tell me about this sooner?
Even with reassurance, I didnt like expanding the circle of trust. More links in the chain meant more potential points of weakness. The longer it got, the more likely it would snap.
I rubbed my face and crossed the carpet to Kinsleys sitting room. To my surprise, there was already a whiteboard waiting, complete with a collection of multicolored markers. I picked one up. Azure, Audrey, and Talia all popped into existence and took various places around the sitting room.
Wait, I dont know this one. Kinsley stopped in front of Azure and peered at him.
This one would love to get to know you. Azure said, dripping fascination.
Matt. Your new summon is creepy.
Divine guardian, my ass! Sae exclaimed.
That lie was his idea. Talia didnt hesitate to throw me under the bus.
Matts always been dodgy. You were supposed to be a spirit guide. And why the hell are you white now?
I sighed, and popped the cap. Lets get started.
