“You did well just now; Mom is happy for you. You’re back to normal.” Qin Wanqing smiled and held Qin He’s hand, witnessing the scene at the door of their home.
But she didn’t approach him; she wanted to see Qin He’s reaction. She saw his resistance, but she didn’t see the pain in his eyes.
Blinded by her normal paranoia, she couldn’t see the scars and suffering, and she couldn’t see the bitterness in Qin He’s eyes.
As if triggered by the word “normal,” all the emotions erupted instantly.
Qin He shook off Qin Wanqing’s hand. “I’m telling you, I don’t dislike him anymore. I’m not the so-called normal person in your mouth!”
Qin Wanqing’s smile froze for a moment. “Qin He! Do you know what you’re saying?”
“Of course, I know very well. I’m telling you clearly that I like men by nature. You can never change that; don’t delude yourself!”
“I like Yu Cheng. It’s not that I don’t like him; I’m just afraid to approach him. But I still like him; do you understand?”
“Qin He, do you still want to go in?” At that moment, Qin Wanqing’s expression turned fierce, and Qin He seemed to not recognize her at all, unaware of her true nature.
He forcefully pulled apart his clothes, exposing all the scars and marks, allowing Qin Wanqing to see them clearly. The air was momentarily silent, and the dim light reflected upon this small world. On the wall hung a photo of Qin He from his childhood, smiling innocently, with a woman beside him whose eyes were filled with infinite tenderness.
The two of them stared at each other, seemingly ironically.
“Have you seen clearly? Are you still going to send me in?” Qin He’s tone softened from his previous anger, and the buttons popped open and fell to the ground with a simple question and answer.
“Yes, Mom did it for your own good, Qin He. Do you know that what you’re doing is not normal? Do you know how many people will criticize and insult you? Just like in school!”
So she knew all along…
She knew about his days at school and could see the scars on his body. Yes, even though he tried to hide them, how could he escape the notice of someone he lived with every day? But she didn’t care about any of it; compared to her idea of what was normal, it was all inconsequential…
He suddenly laughed, a bitter smile that only he could understand. It was self-mockery, imagining that she didn’t know, that she was just ignorant. Finding reasons not to hate her, he exposed his wounds, only to realize that she knew all along how laughable he was.
“Alright, Mom.” Qin He no longer argued; that one answer shattered his remaining tenderness. He turned and entered the room, but he looked like he was free from any attachments…
There was no light in the room, and Qin He was no longer afraidhe room, and Qin He was no longer afraid. He seemed accustomed to it, the price being that he could no longer bear the sunlight. He found the comb he used to comb his hair before.
Soft hair fell like those restraints, shedding along with them.
“Little hedgehog.” Qin He touched his hair and chuckled lightly. “What a pity.”
The blade was pulled out, and he sat by the window, looking at the moon outside. It was pitch black outside, with only the high-hanging moon and the sound of wind rustling through the leaves. It seemed like it was on a night like this that they first met, when the moon was bright and shining, but tonight’s moon was somewhat dim…
Moonlight fell on his body, and the blade danced between his wrists. His expression was somewhat indifferent, as if it weren’t his own wrist. Then a smile appeared on his face, as if he remembered something happy.
The blade fell, and blood surged out, soaking the red rope.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Like a beautiful symphony, Qin He smiled even more happily. He could now control his own life and death. His life belonged only to himself, and no one could control him anymore. He was still the same Qin He, the one who never gave up.
He was free…
Dear mother, I am free now. I am returning your freedom too; you are no longer bound by being an “abnormal” son. We are both free now…
As blood flowed out, his consciousness gradually blurred. He could only apologise, as if he couldn’t accompany you anymore, little hedgehog…
Qin He became a person buried by love and bound and kidnapped by Qin Wanqing’s love. He became the one crucified on the cross, calling out and struggling. But those people covered their ears, and his only redemption was cut off, buried within…
In dazzling crimson, Qin He lay among it, like a flower blooming with his life. There was a serene smile on his face, as if he was taking a peaceful nap, but his blood had long dried up.
“Qin He!” Qin Wanqing shouted in disbelief, her voice echoing only with her own echoes in the room.
She called Qin He over and over again, but there was no response. His body was already cold and stiff, without breath. No matter how much she cried and shouted this time, she couldn’t bring back the little person who wiped her tears and shared her burdens…
The clamour of cicadas, the cries of a mother, the laughter and curses of people, and the sound of wind blowing through leaves couldn’t wake the sleeping person on the bed.
He passed away with the wind, turning into July rain, free…
He was no longer bound by worldly rules or his mother’s demands.
On the doorstep of Qin’s house, a white cloth hung, and Yu Cheng thought he must have been mistaken, but it was true. It was Qin He’s home.
Yu Cheng stumbled to the door of Qin’s house, no longer afraid of being seen by anyone. Now he was afraid that the person inside wouldn’t see him. His trembling hand knocked on the door. This couldn’t be; it couldn’t be…
Qin Wanqing changed into black clothes; her hair was already completely grey. Her face showed unmistakable exhaustion, with swollen eyes from crying. When she saw the person in front of her, her anger immediately flared up.
“You get lost! It’s all because of you; you forced Qin He to death.”
The curses didn’t matter anymore, as Yu Cheng was pushed and shoved, but he felt nothing.
Qin He was dead.
But he still couldn’t believe it. He thought Qin Wanqing was deceiving him. He just didn’t want to see him, that’s all. How could it be possible? Yesterday he was still fine; how could this happen…
“Auntie, you’re lying to me, right? Qin He didn’t die; he’s still alive. If you don’t want to see me, I’ll leave, but… Qin He is still alive; he’s still alive… right? Don’t curse him; I’ll go…” His chest felt a pang of pain, and he felt like he might faint. Was this all a dream? But why did everything feel so real? Yu Cheng pinched himself with his hand.
“You go away; it’s all because of you that he’s like this. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t be like this.” The noisy voices drew the attention of neighbors, and there were loud noises all around. The door closed in front of Yu Cheng.
Amidst the surrounding noise, he couldn’t care less. He just felt that Qin Wanqing was deceiving him until the day of the funeral, when he saw the coffin.
Yu Cheng couldn’t attend Qin He’s funeral because he was blocked by someone outside. Qin Wanqing had made up her mind not to let Yu Cheng attend, so he could only watch from a distance and wait until everyone left before he could approach.
He caressed the tombstone, which was icy cold. The weather was gloomy, and the cemetery was in the suburbs. Qin Wanqing didn’t have that much money, as she had already donated all her money to the hospital. How ridiculous! She used all her money to bury her own son. There was even money that Qin He had earned himself inside.
“How could you deceive me? You promised to be with me.”
“My newly grown hair is soft and doesn’t hurt when touched. Would you like to touch it when you wake up?”
“Today is my birthday, why… why aren’t you with me? My gift hasn’t been given yet, and you always said you don’t like owing others.”
“Did I do something wrong? I listened to you, and I studied hard. Can you please acknowledge me? Don’t leave me alone; I’m scared…”
Tears drop onto the gravestone as Yu Cheng pleads almost desperately, saying each word one by one, but there is no response; everything is silent.
“Liar! Qin He, you’re just a liar! We were good together, and you abandoned me!”
“You acknowledge me, please, can you? Can you…” The young man crawls in front of the tombstone, hoping his beloved will appear and comfort him, just like countless times before.
But his beloved has long been at rest, only smiling in the photos…
There will be no more birthdays, and the defiant young man is now alone, his camera no longer having any protagonist…
The young man wants to indulge in his pain but finds that his tears have dried up and his throat is unable to make a sound, only turning into a low sob.
He walks out of time alone, forever trapped inside, never to meet again. Between them lies life and death, an insurmountable chasm…
Xian Nan Zhi
In fact, Yu Cheng has always been by Qin He’s side, with a hand on his wrist and accompanying him from behind. His light can still shine on Qin He, becoming a gentle moonlight companionship. But Qin He has already experienced too much; those things are now insignificant. The next chapter may be the end. If you like it, please bookmark it and leave a star. Thank you, bow~
