Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A few days later I started my morning exercise. The last few days haven't been fun.

I had killed three people.

Yikes.

I had been hiding in my room over the last few days. Only really seeing Hiromi as she had come to pick up her bike's shard.

She had been irritable, the blow to her head thankfully hadnt done anything permanent but it still hurt according to her. She had hung out with me on the couch for a few hours before bailing to pick up her bike.

Ichi and Malcolm had both sent me a text to ask how I was.

Nothing from Omaeda, but that was fine he didn't strike me as the chatty type.

But yeah. I had killed three people. And not only was I given a certain amount of respect by the Tyger Claws as the story spread.

I also gained a benefit in my system from it.

People were XP bags That was probably a bad way to phrase it.

Turns out that I had an actual level system for myself as well. I hadnt noticed because I had never gained a single XP towards leveling until then.

Now I had. With three murders.

*500 XP Gained.*

*500 XP Gained.*

*750 XP Gained.*

I had leveled out of it.

*Level up achieved!*

*One Stat Point Gained.*

*One Skill Point Gained.*

I had points I could just put into one of my stats, and skills apparently. So for the small price of cold blooded Or Cold Blood murder. I had things I could upgrade.

That and I had also gained another skill under the Cool stat. Which might explain a little why I had been so Floaty when it was all over.

Cold Blood 1. I had gained it for murdering three people.

This could be a problem.

I might have fallen into a grinding addiction there And that could really lead to some fucked up shit if I wasnt careful.

I really liked grinding after all. Numbers make Motoko brain go brrr.

I grunted as I continued my pushup routine. I still hadnt used the points. It felt wrong. Like a drug. Tempting and addicting, but dangerous.

I sighed. I had been way too far into my own head since that day. What a mess.

At least I got loot out of it. Two SMGs and a revolver Well I refused to keep that stupid crap so I sold that off for a nice chunk of eddies.

I had actual money now. Especially after Ichi had given me my cut. That on top of the shards I had klepped from Gonzales and his boys I had a nice little nestegg. It wasnt buy a car level, but I had enough that I could go clothes shopping or something.

I had not gone clothes shopping. I hadnt left the apartment since then in fact. Hadnt even gone out on a jog.

The outside was the outside, and dangerous and full of murder. The inside was quiet, and safe. And not full of murder.

See simple.

Motoko. Jun called out a few hours later as he slipped out of the room, a bit of bed head still causing his swoopy hairstyle to stand on end. Get dressed. We are going to get some noodles for lunch. He told me and then walked past me to go to the bathroom as if he hadnt just told me to go outside.

I cant go outside! Murder is out there!

J-Jun-Nii! How about you go get some noodles to go! Wont it be nice to eat inside! Yeah like last time. Much better idea. I called out, following after him a bit and pacing in the kitchen. A moment later the sink was running as Jun was cleaning himself up.

After that he stepped out of the bathroom looking more put together.

No. You refuse to leave the apartment on your own. He says gruffly, but he was obviously fighting back against his instinct to simply snap at me, instead he walks up and puts his hands on my arms.

Jun?

You are a strong person Motoko. Dont let your fear control you. I dont know if forcing you is the right thing, but its the only thing I can think of. So let's go. He tells me bluntly and as he turns towards the door to collect his shoes.

I sort of panicked. How do I react to that!?

But eventually Jun-Nii sort of came over and guided me to my shoes where I put them on, and then despite dragging my feet Jun-Nii pushed me over the apartment's doorway.

I was on the outside. With all the murder.

I swallowed a little but Jun-Niis arm was over my shoulder as he guided me to the elevator and then we were on the bottom floor.

And I was walked out onto the street. It was loud, and alive and people were all over, and there was a street vendor right there that wasnt selling those fucking burritos Jun-Nii loved so much.

I swear a few days of nothing but Jun brought burritos

Okay lets get some noodles. I grumbled right along my tummy rumbling and Jun I could see was smiling as we walked to Cherry Blossom Market and settled into the noodle shop.

And damn if that Ramen wasnt some pretty great shit. It wasnt the best I ever had, but it was pretty damn good.

I guess the outside had Murder And Ramen This would need some further examination. I decided as I slurped my noodles.

--

Hey hey! I heard you finally went outside again. Hiromi called as she walked into the apartment without knocking startling the fuck out of me as I sqwuaked and fell from my crunches on the floor.

Hiromi! Ever heard of knocking? I grumble.

Nope! You feeling better? She asked as she instantly joined me on the floor sitting cross legged.

I guess? I said laying back on the floor. I guess I wasnt really expecting to flatline three gonks.

Neither was I! Okay you are feeling good enough to talk about so Im gonna fuckin gush a bit. Holy shit Motoko! You were awesome before and everything, but Ichi told me exactly what happened and it was so PREEM! She cried out throwing her arms up in the air. That was total Edgerunner shit!

It was Luck. Really. I dont even know how close they came to shooting me back, but I think it was pretty close. I was just freaking out so bad I didnt really notice at the time. I told her. They had both opened fire. I was just lucky that plugging them a few times had thrown off their aim.

Pssht that's not the point. That was so cool! No listen I can see you startin to frown so let me just say. Thanks. You got them back for tryin to flatline me. So even if you are different and everything. Thanks Choom. She says and actually lays down beside me a bit to throw an arm over me in a hug.

You're welcome Them hitting you really freaked me out.

Yeah I know! You flatlined three guys! Hiromi laughed. Ah man, Im sooo mad I missed it. Ichis storytelling is the worst. She laughs and I chuckle along with her as she starts complaining. I felt a bit of the anxiety dissipate. I guess

I would probably do it again. To get revenge for hitting Hiromi. For trying to kill Ichi. I guess I would murder again.

I would have to think about that later. Right now Hiromi wanted to complain about how long it took to get her bike back after everything. She had to take the train, and she wasnt happy.

Oh. Umm also my parents They want to thank you for what you did. They werent happy that I got hurt, but you know I had to explain everything. So they want to see you again

Okay?

I stared at my pistol. No problem. I pick up the pistol. My hands start shaking.

Fuck.

I put it down with a sigh. I was still having some issues from cold blooded murder. Who would have thunk?

I glared at the gun. It wasnt its fault. It was mine. I had chosen to act. To do. To protect and for revenge. I had acted, and now I had to live with the consequences.

I reached out again. Grabbed the gun and held it, ignoring how my hand shook. How I felt Fear.

This world isnt safe. I reminded myself. Human life is seen as worth less than nothing to a lot of people. To the big corporations. I took a deep breath. I had to get over this. I needed to get over this.

I had to be able to defend myself. No leeway. I had to.

So I took a breath and held the pistol. Let the feel of it in my hand flow through me.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. I muttered the start to an old quote. A good one though. I quoted it as much as I could remember. Letting the fear flow through me, filling myself with acceptance.

Only I will remain.

What? Jun asked startling me as I yelped and opened my eyes.

Nothing, just talking to myself. Im trying to get over the shakes.

Jun frowned, noticing my hand still a little shaky as I held the gun. I could see a trail of emotions run over his face, but it was obvious he didnt know what to say. Its not like he could just tell me not to pick up a gun again.

This wasnt that sort of city, and we werent rich enough for that.

Cmon. Lets go. He eventually landed on, and I nodded. Holstering the pistol and following him out of the apartment.

One step at a time.

--

To my surprise Jun had actually brought along the SMGs I had collected. Held them in a backpack and so when we entered the range he actually guided me into the backroom with Grizzled gun range guy and popped them onto the table.

Picked these up on a job. Any issues with them? He asked in the small soundproof workroom I had been guided into. The same man was sitting behind a little workbench desk with a disassembled assault rifle on the table in front of him.

Saratoga? Not bad guns. No Smart system, or anything, Ill clean em up and take a look. Put them over there. he ordered and Jun did just that. And then we headed out to the range.

We had a lane again and then Well I had to shoot. I didnt put it off. I just grabbed my gun and started. I quick drawed like normal and aimed and the trigger just wouldnt pull.

I sighed. This was so stupid. I took a deep breath, let it out and aimed, and this time the trigger went off.

But I flinched. Badly. Stupidly. My bullet didnt even hit the target.

Hands were shaking too much.

Jun started firing and I jerked for a moment before relaxing. I was being so stupid. Cool. Motoko. Be cool. I took a deep breath and released it. Grabbing the gun and despite the shakes, I fired a few rounds. A few hit the target, but it was more luck than anything.

Damn.

I ran a magazine through the gun, reloaded, and shot another, but I wasnt even getting XP for this. My Handgun skill was already maxed until I leveled Reflex again. And I certainly wasnt doing a good enough job here to earn any XP that way.

I sighed as I pulled out my second spent mag and started filling it back up. I would just have to push through it.

Third magazine was better. Not really but I technically hit more, so there you go.

Girl! I didnt quite jump but I certainly jerked, glad the magazine was empty. Grizzled guy was there, with one of the SMGs. No, the Saratoga SMG, held in a hand. Come with me.

He demanded turning, expecting me to follow. I looked at Jun who shrugged but also holstered his pistol to follow after.

Back inside the workshop room the man had put the gun back down.

The Saratogas are fine. Make sure you clean them after use. He reminded us before turning to look at me.

You killed.

That was blunt.

I nodded slowly. He nods. Youre struggling with it.

... I guess. I offered, not sure how to respond.

Everyone struggles at first. Would you do it again? Same circumstances? He asked and I had to nod at that. I would. I would absolutely shoot both of those fuckers, again. And Gonzales too, even if he had just been trying to fight for his life.

Alright. He said simply, before pulling out a shard from a box on his desk. Take this. I find it tends to help. He offers me the shard and I slot it in.

The Solos Manual?

Blackhand knows what he is talking about. Check out chapter four. The old man offers simply before handing Jun the first Saratoga. Take it out there and put some rounds through it. He orders us both and shoos us out of the workshop.

We both turn to each other and shrug a little. I head out to the alley, and decide fuck it why not. As I take the Saratoga from Jun and start grinding assault. Ignoring how my hands shake, I glanced through the book.

Despite myself I was pretty engaged.

*Assault skill level up!*

*1 Perk Point Gained.*

I blinked away the Manual, I was on chapter five now, reading through about setting up Gigs, what you should expect, and what you should run away from.

I took a deep breath and took a moment to look through the Assault perks. Just like Handguns most of them were about using a rifle, or SMG better. Fast reload. Bullet counting. Which I considered because that would be useful for Handguns as well, to always know how many bullets you had in a mag. But that was also something that some cyberware could take of.

But in the end there was only one choice that I kept coming back to.

Gun Nut. It didn't sound like much but reading the description. Pick up any gun and know its quirks and difficultes. Sounded pretty good. Weapons in Night City could be very common, to monsters of modded parts and pieces.

Knowing instantly when I pick up a gun how to safe, or unsafe, and fire it could save my life.

So I picked it. Shivering a bit as the knowledge just was there. I grabbed the Saratoga and knew that it was a solid weapon, although it did have an overheating problem. If someone fired more than a hundred rounds through it, the upper receiver could warp, and cause a small jam, but that it could be cleared with a quick re-racking.

I blinked. Neat.

-

Jun and I practiced for a while longer before heading home. My hands were still shaking a bit by the end.

But not as much. Grizzled gun range guy had been right. Morgan's Manual had helped. It made me consider what would push me to kill. No more like it had made me start making some rules.

And with rules came control.

I wasnt just some crazy Cyberpsycho killing anyone around them. I was a Solo. A Merc. I killed when I had to, and yeah it came with some advantages. It did for everyone too. A street kid murdering some gonk and stealing his eddies probably felt pretty good too.

I just also had to worry about the XP addiction. So I had rules. I didnt go out and just murder people for funzies. No. I if I killed someone it would be for a reason. Because I took a job to do it. Because they were threatening me or mine. Or because They were evil vile fuckin scavs.

Scavs were always on the list.

So that night after Jun had left for his Tyger Claw stuff. I stared at the pistol on the table. A pistol I had killed two men with, a pistol that I had used to save the life of a friend.

I picked it up, popped the mag cleared the chamber, spun it on my finger because fuck you I could, and then aimed it out the window.

Bang.

My hand slowly stopped shaking. I could do this. I could live in this city.