Chapter 45

‘Would you like to meet the military doctor on our side?’

In the end, the only thing he could do was get help from Khalid. Renato’s face darkened when thinking about the only method left for him. A sense of helplessness that he could not do anything alone, even when he had already returned to the past, struck him.

I’m so pathetic.

Renato called himself pathetic. It had been about two months since he came back in time, but he had not accomplished anything yet. That was why he doubted himself if he could do anything even if he tried hard.

“It’s so tiring……”

A tired voice came out through his dry lips. He originally lived a life closer to despair than hope and closer to failure than success. Renato was anxious at every moment because he had never accomplished or achieved anything on his own.

He felt that he could do it, but he also felt he couldn’t do anything again.

Renato went back and forth between heaven and hell several times a day. His emotions also jumped up and down following his unstable mood. It was still the same today.

Unable to overcome the suffocating feeling in his chest, the corners of his contorted eyes became wet, and his vision blurred just like being covered by fog. Then, suddenly, tears welled up in his eyes and ran down his cheeks.

“Ah.”

Drip. Seeing tears wet the back of his hand, Renato realized he was crying. When he realized it, his tears fell like raindrops.

“Ugh. Huff.”

Surprised, Renato held his breath and tried to stop his tears. But now that he had burst into tears, he couldn’t stop. Even when wiping the corners of his eyes with his hand, his tears came out faster. In the end, Renato let the tears flow.

“Hic……”

When he let go of the reins in his mind, a sad sobbing sound came out of his mouth. On the day he returned from his death, Renato silently cried in front of Ludmilla’s coffin. On the day he had a nightmare that everyone died again, he woke up with tears in his eyes, and when he felt sad over an old memory, he wiped his wet eyes with his sleeve so that no one else could see that. However, today was the first time he cried like this.

Let’s cry today, just today. And tomorrow, I’ll have to stand back up again.

Renato allowed himself to cry. His shoulders heaved, and he covered his face with both hands. His palms were quickly soaked with tears.

“Hu.”

Rubbing his tear-stained face, Renato let out a damp breath. Every time he blinked, tears fell. He didn’t even think of wiping his tears anymore. But then, he heard the sound of leaves colliding.

Rustle.

Renato was startled by a strange noise echoing in the quiet space without a single chirping sound. When he turned his head, a familiar silhouette entered his blurred vision.

“Kha……lid?”

His light purple eyes widened because of the unexpected person. Khalid was looking at him with a surprised face.

“Why……”

Renato jumped up from his seat and opened his mouth in bewilderment. Taken aback by the appearance of someone he had never thought he would meet here, Renato couldn’t speak.

“Uh, uhm, this, uhm.”

Khalid was just as perplexed as him. The man stuttered, then tightly closed his mouth. Even if he encountered a surprise attack from an enemy on the battlefield, he would have been less bewildered than this.

Are you okay? I’m very sorry? Why are you crying? What’s the matter?

Khalid was at a loss as to what to say to Renato. Just as the saying goes ‘people are rendered speechless when dumbfounded’, right now Khalid was in that state. His head turned white, and he couldn’t think of an appropriate word to say.

Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off Renato. The reddened corners of his eyes, his clear cheeks wet with tears, and his eyes filled with sad emotions came into Khalid’s vision.

“Well, after the last incident, I’ve been really concerned about your health, and…… I had an audience with His Majesty the Emperor, and he told me that while I’m still in the palace, I should go see you, Your Imperial Highness, so the chamberlain led me here……”

Khalid stuttered his explanation, which was unlike him. He felt like a child who somehow made a big mistake. Feeling the need to say something, he opened his mouth, but his tongue kept twisting and his pronunciation was messed up. His words became weirder and weirder.

In the end, unable to continue his words, Khalid closed his mouth. Then, an awkward silence fell between the two.

Why the hell did this happen?

Khalid bit his lower lip, wondering how to deal with this kind of situation. When he arrived at the greenhouse in the inner palace under the chamberlain’s guidance, it was Louis and Luna with dark expressions that greeted him.

‘We are really sorry. We can’t go to see His Imperial Highness now.’

‘His Imperial Highness has ordered us to stay away until he comes out, saying that he had something to think about by himself……’

The two shook their heads, saying that Renato told them not to disturb him.

‘Ho, this.’

The chamberlain who guided Khalid was very perplexed because of their words. He forced Khalid, who said he would just go back, to come here, so it would be a big disrespect to ask him to leave now.

‘My apologies. I have caused trouble to you by doing something unnecessary, your highness.’

‘It’s all right, I guess today isn’t the day, so I’ll just go back.’

Khalid smiled to reassure the chamberlain who apologized to him. At that moment, Louis, who was looking at them, carefully opened his mouth.

‘Excuse me…… If it is okay with you, would you like to go there by yourself, your highness?’

‘I go there by myself?’

‘Yes, Dame Luna and I cannot disobey His Imperial Highness’ order, but it’s not the case for you, your highness. I know where he is, so I’ll guide you around that area.’

After finishing his words, Louis gave an earnest gaze to Khalid. It seemed that he was worried about leaving Renato alone.

‘Let’s do that.’

Khalid could not turn a blind eye to Louis asking for his help. And he was also inwardly worried about Renato’s condition. In the end, Khalid nodded toward Louis.

‘Thank you very much! This way, please!’

Louis bowed with delight when Khalid accepted his request. Khalid followed his guidance and walked into a garden connected to the greenhouse.

‘It is this place. His Imperial Highness is sitting on the bench inside.’

Louis guided Khalid to a place near the bench where Renato was, and quietly stepped back. Khalid, who was left alone, suppressed the sound of his footsteps and continued his walk. He would check Renato’s condition first, and if it seemed that having a conversation was unnecessary, he would go back quietly.

How far did I walk? Khalid easily found Renato. He saw Renato’s back as he was sitting alone on a bench among the green leaves.

Ahem, Khalid cleared his voice with a soft cough in his throat and got closer to call Renato. When their distance narrowed, Renato’s graceful facial profile caught his eye. For some reason, his eyes seemed red.

Slightly tilting his head, Khalid tried to send a signal sound by touching a branch with his hand. It was because he thought that Renato might be surprised if he suddenly called. However, when a weak crying sound reached his ears, Khalid’s body stiffened.

‘Hic……’

It was a small, faint crying sound like a scattered wind. For a moment, Khalid thought he had misheard. But the sight he saw in front of his eyes clearly showed that he was not mistaken.

Tears dripping from the corners of Renato’s distorted eyes quickly wet his cheeks, and the sobbing that leaked from his closed lips quickly turned into sad weeping sounds.

‘Hic, ugh, huff.’

Renato, covering his face with both hands, curled his body up. His thin shoulders trembled sadly every time a sobbing sound escaped from behind his fingers. His overflowing tears dripped down his palms, wetting his wrists and sleeves.

Khalid blankly stared at Renato, who was crying as if the world had collapsed. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

It was not the first time he had seen someone cry. Khalid had seen many frustrations and screams while walking the path of the sword. Countless people became unhappy at his hands, and Khalid gradually became insensible toward the tears and despair of others.

But strangely, his left chest tingled. No, it wasn’t just a tingle. A strange sensation as if someone had just violently struck his solar plexus, and a feeling as if sharp metal had just pierced through his heart occupied his chest. So he couldn’t do anything.

The mournful sobs gradually subsided as Khalid stood still and stared at the scene. But Renato didn’t stop crying.

‘Haa……’

Having vented his sorrow once, Renato sat down like someone who had lost his soul and quietly wept. The tears that fell down hit the round backs of his hands and splashed in all directions. Every time that happened, Khalid’s heart also sank.