Chapter 43
(This chapter is brought to you by Unknown. PRAISE THE MILK GIVER!!!)
When we were still in the kitchen, I could try to do a few things like touching C or squeezing Han's neck. Albeit my body was shaking nonstop since I was going against the system, I could do something.
I was...still me...
I was...not a slave...
Laura, why did you not kill me? What did you mean by not yet? Why did you deny the plea of mine for my dignity?
She must have thought killing me in the kitchen would be too much to clean. That was what I would think if our roles were switched. If Laura wanted to make things less of a hassle, she could have strangled me to make things better. The system would definitely fight back using my body, though. A stab in the neck would be much more efficient that way.
When she saw me pulling Han up the stairs, it was the same as when I exited the room. She stood and watched me dragging his sleeping body. I remember very clearly the looks in her eyes. Anyone would have thought she had that look of victory or a winner.
It was neither mockery nor triumphant, no.
Out of every emotion that exists, what Laura showed me was...empathy.
She did not say a word, yet I still felt that from her.
Empathy...and relief...
That made me think deeply.
Would I have been different if we were born in another world? A world where we did not have to fight each other to be safe from the system and the plot? In this world, there was no doubt not a single one of the people here was normal. That could have been vastly different.
We were enemies for sure. Regardless, if the circumstances were good, maybe we could have been friends, she and I...we were very similar.
It was too late to be friends. We had agendas to fill. Laura needed to keep C by her side, and I needed to take him away from her.
Also, there was another person at the scene that I could no longer disregard her existence. Kurokawa.
Although very unpredictable, the bookworm gave me a second chance I desperately needed by tackling Laura to the ground. When I had no clue why she changed so abruptly, her sudden yell made me regain my spirit to fight for my own. Clutching on that golden opportunity, I bolted toward C to touch him.
I thought it would make sense. I thought things would be resolved since Laura managed to do so.
Ironically, the shackles remained the same. Even when Kurokawa's blood was on the floor, nothing changed, and I was denied to become human. Unfortunately for us, she used her blood to buy me the greatest joke ever.
That was why I laughed.
Everything was just so fucking funny I could not help it.
Laura, who tried her best to block me, had a stunned expression I never thought she would have.
All of us were being made fun of without realizing it. Me, Kurokawa, and Laura were fighting over nothing.
I was in the depth of despair, brought back into the light of hope so I could be kicked out of it one more time. The second time I got kicked out of hope, it plunged even lower than before.
That moment made me understand how a lost wanderer felt when they reached the oasis, just to find out the oasis was an optical illusion.
My suffering was somehow amusing to others.
My disappointment was immeasurable.
If there is a God, a creator, they are not a good one.
How did it feel looking at my pathetic attempt, no, our pathetic attempt to become human? How did it feel to take our rights away for entertainment?
Did they feel pain when I fell back into hopelessness, or did they laugh it off?
No idea.
I had no idea.
Probably it was karma or fate. I did not give a crap.
After putting Han on his bed, my body went to my room for a change. That childhood friend of mine was unconscious throughout all the previous ruckus. Being as calculative as she was, Kurokawa did a perfect job at keeping him half dead like that. At the least, I could think of his thing as a dildo...A life-like dildo with the ability to plant a baby inside me...
*Ugh*
Disgusting...
Rummaging through the wardrobe, I looked for something to wear. Flashy see-through lingerie was chosen after a couple of seconds.
My body quickly put the clothing, if you could call the thin piece of silk that way, on and headed to the big mirror for me to see.
I used to feel happy being able to do things for Han. If C did not exist, I would jump up and down because of my overflowing feelings for my childhood friend.
Now, that is no longer the case.
Standing in front of the mirror, I see my reflections.
It is terrible. I look...hideous...
At this moment, there is nothing I can do but weep. Even the tears streaming down my cheeks can not be wiped away. I have totally lost.
No longer do I have control over my body.
My arms, my legs, they are not in my possession any longer.
Except for my teary and puffy eyes, I have lost control of everything from the neck down. Because of the crying, my throat is so very sore. I wish I could stop, honestly.
My body stands in front of the mirror, showing me the skimpiest thing I have ever seen in my life. The worse thing is I bought it myself the other day to prepare for this moment.
The lingerie is a white piece of plain silk that goes from my neck to my crotch. There are no laces and frills whatsoever. However, two straps uselessly cover my nipples and leave my breast almost completely exposed. The straps go down vertically, cross each other near my vagina and go up my butt. Down in my nether region, there is nothing to cover. The white straps only graze my labia, leaving the entrance open.
This makes my vagina extremely easy to penetrate. In addition, the one who will do the thing with me will not have to do anything since I am practically naked.
After putting on the provocative outfit, my body heads toward the powder table. There, it tries to fix my look by applying makeup and tidying up my hair.
In my head, the system constantly tells me why my body is doing so. Thí wretched game is feeding me all the information I need. For example, my body is trying to make me the most beautiful and sexy version to please Han.
And even though it forces me to feel happy, there is only a bottomless pit of disgust inside my heart. The more the system forces me to love Han, the more resentful I am.
I can not feel romantic feelings toward him. They simply do not exist within me anymore.
Soon, the preparation is done. I am at my best. My body stands up from the powdering table and heads outside to where my childhood friend is.
While walking, I keep hypnotizing myself with words of deception, trying to live in another lie.
Han, I do not love you. Know that. Etch that into your brain! I have no feelings for you! When I am having sex with you, it is not because I want to. It is because I have to.
The truth is: I think of another man while forcing myself on your sleeping body.
...
There Han is, right where I left him. He is still sleeping safely and soundly. His breathing, unlike mine, is calm and regulated.
Slowly but surely, my body approaches the bed.
I guess this is it.
The only thing left for me to do is to wait until this is over, then kill myself. Before that, I will make Laura pay for what she has done. She will have to eat her paper-knife again! I promise that, Laura!
My eyes shut tight as I steel my body, waiting for the impact. All I see is darkness.
But in that darkness, I hear the voice of my light...
[Damn, that was a freaking nightmare. I had never thought Laura could murder Rachel so cold-blooded as that. It was so real, though. I felt everything happening in that room, even the smell of blood gushing out of Rachel's arteries. Was that what they call lucid dreaming?]
With the same familiar voice, C's thoughts appear in my void. I really could not believe it. I thought Kurokawa did calculate the dosage...
No...
Can it be?
Did she really think of this?
[Where is everyone? The kitchen is a freaking mess. Whoa?! BLOOD?!!!]
Kurokawa had been on my side all this time?!
Kurokawa, you bookworm...how far out did you plan this?
In that short span of a second, I really see the light. Then, it hit me.
All she did was in vain. C will not come here to me.
He is terrified of me. C can not possibly risk his life to see me having sex with someone else. I do not want him to see it, too.
Thanks, Kurokawa. You are a splendid double agent.
I can feel myself smiling.
[This is bad. This is really bad. Am I still in the dream? I know I should not be looking, but I need to check up on Rachel. She should be doing the thing to him right now rather than dying. Please, Laura, do not kill Rachel.]
That smile immediately changes to a gasp.
[Please, Rachel, Kurokawa, be safe!!]
"C!!!"
From the depth of my lungs, I shout his name. I hope he could hear even with my coarse voice.
[Why the heck is she calling my name so desperately like that?!! I need to see this! If I die, then at least I learned something new.]
"PULL ME OUT OF THIS!!!"
When we were still in the kitchen, I could try to do a few things like touching C or squeezing Han's neck. Albeit my body was shaking nonstop since I was going against the system, I could do something.
I was...still me...
I was...not a slave...
Laura, why did you not kill me? What did you mean by not yet? Why did you deny the plea of mine for my dignity?
She must have thought killing me in the kitchen would be too much to clean. That was what I would think if our roles were switched. If Laura wanted to make things less of a hassle, she could have strangled me to make things better. The system would definitely fight back using my body, though. A stab in the neck would be much more efficient that way.
When she saw me pulling Han up the stairs, it was the same as when I exited the room. She stood and watched me dragging his sleeping body. I remember very clearly the looks in her eyes. Anyone would have thought she had that look of victory or a winner.
It was neither mockery nor triumphant, no.
Out of every emotion that exists, what Laura showed me was...empathy.
She did not say a word, yet I still felt that from her.
Empathy...and relief...
That made me think deeply.
Would I have been different if we were born in another world? A world where we did not have to fight each other to be safe from the system and the plot? In this world, there was no doubt not a single one of the people here was normal. That could have been vastly different.
We were enemies for sure. Regardless, if the circumstances were good, maybe we could have been friends, she and I...we were very similar.
It was too late to be friends. We had agendas to fill. Laura needed to keep C by her side, and I needed to take him away from her.
Also, there was another person at the scene that I could no longer disregard her existence. Kurokawa.
Although very unpredictable, the bookworm gave me a second chance I desperately needed by tackling Laura to the ground. When I had no clue why she changed so abruptly, her sudden yell made me regain my spirit to fight for my own. Clutching on that golden opportunity, I bolted toward C to touch him.
I thought it would make sense. I thought things would be resolved since Laura managed to do so.
Ironically, the shackles remained the same. Even when Kurokawa's blood was on the floor, nothing changed, and I was denied to become human. Unfortunately for us, she used her blood to buy me the greatest joke ever.
That was why I laughed.
Everything was just so fucking funny I could not help it.
Laura, who tried her best to block me, had a stunned expression I never thought she would have.
All of us were being made fun of without realizing it. Me, Kurokawa, and Laura were fighting over nothing.
I was in the depth of despair, brought back into the light of hope so I could be kicked out of it one more time. The second time I got kicked out of hope, it plunged even lower than before.
That moment made me understand how a lost wanderer felt when they reached the oasis, just to find out the oasis was an optical illusion.
My suffering was somehow amusing to others.
My disappointment was immeasurable.
If there is a God, a creator, they are not a good one.
How did it feel looking at my pathetic attempt, no, our pathetic attempt to become human? How did it feel to take our rights away for entertainment?
Did they feel pain when I fell back into hopelessness, or did they laugh it off?
No idea.
I had no idea.
Probably it was karma or fate. I did not give a crap.
After putting Han on his bed, my body went to my room for a change. That childhood friend of mine was unconscious throughout all the previous ruckus. Being as calculative as she was, Kurokawa did a perfect job at keeping him half dead like that. At the least, I could think of his thing as a dildo...A life-like dildo with the ability to plant a baby inside me...
*Ugh*
Disgusting...
Rummaging through the wardrobe, I looked for something to wear. Flashy see-through lingerie was chosen after a couple of seconds.
My body quickly put the clothing, if you could call the thin piece of silk that way, on and headed to the big mirror for me to see.
I used to feel happy being able to do things for Han. If C did not exist, I would jump up and down because of my overflowing feelings for my childhood friend.
Now, that is no longer the case.
Standing in front of the mirror, I see my reflections.
It is terrible. I look...hideous...
At this moment, there is nothing I can do but weep. Even the tears streaming down my cheeks can not be wiped away. I have totally lost.
No longer do I have control over my body.
My arms, my legs, they are not in my possession any longer.
Except for my teary and puffy eyes, I have lost control of everything from the neck down. Because of the crying, my throat is so very sore. I wish I could stop, honestly.
My body stands in front of the mirror, showing me the skimpiest thing I have ever seen in my life. The worse thing is I bought it myself the other day to prepare for this moment.
The lingerie is a white piece of plain silk that goes from my neck to my crotch. There are no laces and frills whatsoever. However, two straps uselessly cover my nipples and leave my breast almost completely exposed. The straps go down vertically, cross each other near my vagina and go up my butt. Down in my nether region, there is nothing to cover. The white straps only graze my labia, leaving the entrance open.
This makes my vagina extremely easy to penetrate. In addition, the one who will do the thing with me will not have to do anything since I am practically naked.
After putting on the provocative outfit, my body heads toward the powder table. There, it tries to fix my look by applying makeup and tidying up my hair.
In my head, the system constantly tells me why my body is doing so. Thí wretched game is feeding me all the information I need. For example, my body is trying to make me the most beautiful and sexy version to please Han.
And even though it forces me to feel happy, there is only a bottomless pit of disgust inside my heart. The more the system forces me to love Han, the more resentful I am.
I can not feel romantic feelings toward him. They simply do not exist within me anymore.
Soon, the preparation is done. I am at my best. My body stands up from the powdering table and heads outside to where my childhood friend is.
While walking, I keep hypnotizing myself with words of deception, trying to live in another lie.
Han, I do not love you. Know that. Etch that into your brain! I have no feelings for you! When I am having sex with you, it is not because I want to. It is because I have to.
The truth is: I think of another man while forcing myself on your sleeping body.
...
There Han is, right where I left him. He is still sleeping safely and soundly. His breathing, unlike mine, is calm and regulated.
Slowly but surely, my body approaches the bed.
I guess this is it.
The only thing left for me to do is to wait until this is over, then kill myself. Before that, I will make Laura pay for what she has done. She will have to eat her paper-knife again! I promise that, Laura!
My eyes shut tight as I steel my body, waiting for the impact. All I see is darkness.
But in that darkness, I hear the voice of my light...
[Damn, that was a freaking nightmare. I had never thought Laura could murder Rachel so cold-blooded as that. It was so real, though. I felt everything happening in that room, even the smell of blood gushing out of Rachel's arteries. Was that what they call lucid dreaming?]
With the same familiar voice, C's thoughts appear in my void. I really could not believe it. I thought Kurokawa did calculate the dosage...
No...
Can it be?
Did she really think of this?
[Where is everyone? The kitchen is a freaking mess. Whoa?! BLOOD?!!!]
Kurokawa had been on my side all this time?!
Kurokawa, you bookworm...how far out did you plan this?
In that short span of a second, I really see the light. Then, it hit me.
All she did was in vain. C will not come here to me.
He is terrified of me. C can not possibly risk his life to see me having sex with someone else. I do not want him to see it, too.
Thanks, Kurokawa. You are a splendid double agent.
I can feel myself smiling.
[This is bad. This is really bad. Am I still in the dream? I know I should not be looking, but I need to check up on Rachel. She should be doing the thing to him right now rather than dying. Please, Laura, do not kill Rachel.]
That smile immediately changes to a gasp.
[Please, Rachel, Kurokawa, be safe!!]
"C!!!"
From the depth of my lungs, I shout his name. I hope he could hear even with my coarse voice.
[Why the heck is she calling my name so desperately like that?!! I need to see this! If I die, then at least I learned something new.]
"PULL ME OUT OF THIS!!!"
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