Dealing with Grief

Milena kept hugging her father, more for herself than him. After a short while though, she heard him sigh faintly, and his big arm came to surround her shoulders gently. He hugged her back, although he was cautious of her large belly between them. Milena felt his large hand softly pet her head.

"I'm sorry, Milena... Your father is an old man at times... Thankfully, you're just like your mother. Here to scold me when I need it."

Milena smiled against the fur of his coat, and slowly pulled back. Her father wasn't smiling, but there was something that was definitely lit in his eyes. She always felt a bit better when her dad looked like his usual self, the scary and mighty Duke De Crescent. She gently flattened the fur of his coat, and gathered what she could of a smile again.

"How are you, my daughter?" He asked faintly, putting a hand against her belly.

"Tired of those leeches, but strangely motivated," she nodded; "I have some big ideas that I need to launch, but I am really going to need your help, this time, dad. I need to convince a lot of people to support me, especially vampires, and the King is already infuriated enough..."

"I'll see how long that brat dares to stay infuriated at my daughter," groaned her father. "Ellias is still the spoiled boy his mother raised him to be. I could never stand that woman, and she made a fool out of her own children... Even for a future King, he was always much too self-complacent. I was never fond of his brother either, but at least he's not pretending to be a freaking saint."

"It's too soon to start some internal wars," sighed Milena. "I'll just need you to pull a few strings among the vampires for me..."

"I understand. I will need to appear more often anyway, all those raptures will only want to make a show out of this."

She knew he meant Valentin's death. After all, his oldest son was the official heir, and everyone was going to see if his death was going to force the old Duke out of his recluse day, or bring him to the lowest levels. It was already known that the Duke De Crescent seldom appeared in the political circles anymore. Milena needed her father to make a comeback now more than ever. Not only for herself, but for the sake of their family. Raphael had no intention to become the heir in his brother's place, which meant her father would have to stay strong to support their family for a few more years, at least until Antonin was old enough. It may not sound like much, but it meant fifteen more years. If it wasn't for Milena being publicly close to her family, perhaps things would have been even worse for them...

"You'll be happy to hear this, I've decided to stay here at the manor for a few days. I've infuriated the King enough already, and I'd rather stay here until... things get a bit calmer."

"I'm content with that," nodded her father. "Now, tell me more about this grand plan of yours, and how I can help."

Just like that, Milena ended up sitting with her father in his office, in the dark for a long while, so much her eyes got used to the darkness until she could see just about everything in this room so clearly. Anton was patient and quiet as usual, listening to her and only asking a question or two here and there. Despite not being on the front of the political scene for a while, her father was still very much aware of which noble was supporting who, and all the financial matters at hand.

"You may convince more nobles if you present this not as a congregation of knowledge, but as a financial asset for anyone partaking. Not everyone will have some advanced knowledge to present, but they all have money. And there's nothing greedier than someone seeing an opportunity for more."

"Won't they be afraid to put their Capitals at risk?" Frowned Milena. "They are already rich, and they got richer from the war, no matter what we say. What could financing my institution possibly bring them...?"

"New money," said her father, showing his fangs in a scary smile. "Nobles are the greediest creatures alive, Milena. The mere thought of losing out on an opportunity stains their snow-white egos. No one wants to be the idiot who bet on the wrong horse, or, in this case, missed the train. They will think that if they miss out now, they will end poorer than the nobles who did, and for a lot of them, that's a very scary idea. Everyone wants to make the right strategic choices, but people are constantly lured by money and power. The higher ranked they are, the more they will show interest. The new nobles can bring you the knowledge you need, they arrived where they are because they had some cutting edge skills. They will partake because they are confident in their skills, but they won't throw money in. But the old nobles are the ones you need to lure out. They haven't done anything significant or been working to get any break-through out in years, but if there's money, the rats will show their muzzles."

"...You're speaking as if we aren't part of those old nobles, Father", chuckled Milena.

"I'm talking because I know exactly how they think. The same families have been in power for a long time, and each time a new noble house appears, we get a bit older and more irrelevant than before. Back three centuries ago, you could count the noble house on one hand. Now, it feels like there's a new one each year. We have Counts, Marquess, Barons, and new titles showing up left and right every day. This proves this century is taking a new shape, leaving us behind. I don't care much for myself, but I want my children to be part of that smart new generation."

Milena felt a little pinch in her heart, hearing her father talk like this. Anton De Crescent already put himself in the older generation and, as his daughter, she could understand that. Her father was already over fifty years old when she was born... He never celebrated his birthdays nor seemed to age when she was younger so it had been easy to forget, but not anymore. Milena didn't want to put too much of her own burden on her father's shoulders, but it was inevitable. She smiled to the best she could fake, and leaned to kiss his cheek, softly. 

She knew her father was right. There was such a difference in mentality between the new, power-driven nobles and the old ones, desperate to hold on to what they had and looking out for those who could take it from them. The Duchy Houses were the perfect example of that, all of them. They refused to marry below their ranks, which had caused them to lose several family lines over the decade. Not only that, but they were reluctant to invest in anything they didn't know. Just like Rachael had struggled to shift her family's interests from old sciences to military, or Philomenie was trying to invest in medicine improvements rather than just running her family's hospitals and waiting for all the money to roll in. Milena, too, was probably dipping in more fields than most of her ancestors would have had any interest about. The old House De Boreal was probably the worst. Always relying on their close relationship to the Royal House, praying they could give birth to the next queen or get their claws deeper into the Royal Affairs. Milena was grateful that their sons, so far, didn't seem as money-driven. Bryce was smart and independent, while Henry was a good thinker, very aware of the current issues at play. 

Indeed, it felt like her generation was finally getting to their prime and outshining the previous, outdated ones. However, she knew that, to move that old generation, it was going to take her father's support, and a lot more. She was confident she could convince the Old Duke de Nova, although Rachael's father could prove to be quite stubborn too. However, that would still leave two Duchy Houses and the King himself to oppose her, or at least not support her, which was about the same nowadays. Regardless of her own change of heart, Philomenie was still her family's pawn, and not even remotely able to make decisions. Even worse, Arseus was now the one to be dealt with, something Milena would get shivers just thinking about it.

"Milena."

Her father's gentle voice took her out of her intricate thinking, and she was surprised to find the ghost of a smile on his lips, his hand going on her round belly.

"How are my grandchildren?"

"They are fine, dad... I promise I'll be as careful as I can until I can give birth, and I will do so here. Oh, actually, I learned there is at least one vampire."

"Really? It must be tough for you..."

"Are you thinking about mom's pregnancies again? I'm alright. The fact that I can drink blood too is a big asset, apparently, my baby vampire or they will like that."

"Did you have dinner already?" He immediately asked.

"It's too early for dinner, dad, but don't worry, I already had a snack earlier. You should go to bed, though, you look really tired."

Her father's expression fell again.

"I can't..." he muttered. "Each time I try to sleep, I'm haunted by your brother's face, and your mother's. I can't... Elizia would have been so..."

"Mom would have been mad that you didn't take care of yourself," she retorted. "Dad, you can't beat yourself up like this, I told you. I need you, and this is not going to help anyone. I know it's... hard, but you can't start depriving yourself from sleep or food, at the very least. Please, get some rest. I'll tell the servants to leave you alone, but I want to be sure you're taking care of yourself properly. Seriously, Dad. We are all grieving, but you can't do this now."

Milena thought she was being cruel to her dad right then, and she really felt bad about it, but it just couldn't be helped. There was some truth in her words, and despite what everyone said, she still thought of her Dad as the pillar of their family. Even more so, with Valentin dead. She hated the idea of her father abandoning himself to sadness and depression. She had never read enough about it, but she could feel the black hole it was, and she was terrified that this black hole would swallow her father when she wasn't there. She just wanted to see her father, the strong and mighty Duke. Not this broken man spiraling in grief and self-pity.

"Sorry," muttered Anton. "I... I will. Ask my servant to send enough water to wash myself, and I'll sleep a bit. I'll join you for dinner later."

"...Alright."

Milena faked another smile, and turned around, walking out of the room. Once outside, she took a deep breath in, trying to sort her thoughts out. There was definitely a lot of her Father left inside, but she was scared about that other side of him she had witnessed. It was like seeing the two faces of a coin, constantly flipping. As if each word could trigger some negative reaction from him, send him back to that inner torture again. How was he going to go through Valentin's funeral? Milena was already devastated and barely able to endure her own grief. How could she have the strength to support her father, too?

"Millie? How did it go?"

Raphael's appearance at the end of the corridor reassured her a little. She shrugged, and pushed her hair back, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"He's... fine. He said he'll come for dinner."

However, Raphael didn't seem happy at all, and shook his head slowly.

"He always says that, you know. I've lost count of how many times I've waited on him for dinner... I think he makes an extra effort because of Eugenie and you, but to be honest, if we left him alone, I think he'd..."

"That's why we can't leave him alone, Raphael", muttered Milena. "I know it's hard, and it's hard for all of us, but... I just really need Dad to be his usual self. I don't know how I can deal with..."

She didn't finish her sentence, only letting out a tired sigh. 

Milena knew Raphael was painfully honest at times, but the truth was still a bit too hard to handle. Valentin's death was still too fresh, and way too painful. Rayan's letter and words of comfort were nowhere near enough to mend her heart. Eugenie's toughness hid a lot of her pain too, and now, she had to deal with her father on the brink of depression. Milena felt tired, overall, to the point she felt like crying again, all of a sudden.  

She didn't want to. She took a deep breath, forcing that knot back down her throat, and turning to one servant standing by. With a raspy voice, she gave out clear orders to have a bath immediately prepared for the Duke, his room aired, cleaned and the bedsheets changed as soon as he'd leave it.

"...You know clean cotton bedding isn't going to be enough," sighed Raphael, who was waiting to the side with his arms folded.

"I know this is your thing," retorted Milena. "But I really don't need anymore pessimism right now, Raph."

"Sorry, but I just... I'm sorry Dad is like that, and trust me, I've tried a lot of things to make him feel better. He's just going to do whatever you say for now, but you and I both know there's a bigger problem than that."

"We can't just call a doctor," said Milena as they resumed walking down the corridors.

"He's not sick, Millie, he's depressed. And it's not going to get any better, and frankly, yes, Val's... what happened isn't going to help. You know, Dad already had this kind of... problem before you were born. Mom was there to support him, but when you disappeared, there were long periods of time where we didn't even see him, Sofia and Digory took care of us."

"Great," grumbled Milena. "...Any clue on how he got better?"

"It just happened one day. He put all his energy into finding you, thinking Mom would loathe him from wherever she was if she knew he had given in to... whatever was going on his head. What I mean is that you can't force him out of the dark place he's in, Milena. If you have stuff to ask him about, to have him help you with, sure, go ahead, I'm all for Dad doing what he can to help you. We both know he can do that regardless of his mental state. But whatever he's going through right now, Dad needs to get out on his own."

"...That's not..."

"I know it's painful to listen to, but there's nothing we can do about it. I know you need to do something about anything, but not this time, Millie. Not this time. It's Dad's problem, leave him to resolve it. Don't try to force it."

Milena stopped walking, and stared at her brother. That was painful to hear indeed. She hated being helpless, probably above anything else. She didn't just want her father's willpower back for political matters, she also needed him, as his daughter she didn't want to see that strong man become like that, tearing the comforting image in her mind. Perhaps she was projecting some of her grief into her despair to make her Dad better, but Raphael's words were certainly not those she had hoped to hear right then. 

Noticing her trouble, her brother sighed, and walked up to her, offering his arm to walk with her.

" We are all grieving at the moment, so let's just leave everyone to deal with it the way they need to, Millie. You can't control and prevent everything."

"I know, but... What if something does happen to Dad? I'm terrified of that... I keep playing all the scenarios in my mind, and it's all so scary. I'm already worrying so much about Lucian now, I wish he'd come home right this instant. And Dad is home, but making us worry so much about him. I hate not being able to help him out in any way."

"Oh, you can help him."

"How?"

"By being your usual self, Millie. You can cry, complain and be angry all you want. Nobody is expecting you to comfort each one of us. First, may I remind you, you're still the youngest among us, the kids put aside. We should be the ones caring for you, not the other way around. Plus, even if... Dad's not his usual self, I am. I am, and Eugenie is also doing her best, in her own way, you've seen it. There's Digory, too, and Sofia, and your maids, and all the staff here that we know. No one is going to judge you for crying and mourning our brother, Milena, so you don't have to stop yourself like that when you feel like crying. Sis, you're home, now. Stop being so cautious about your feelings. Just... let yourself be yourself, Millie. We didn't just want you home because of your pregnancy. We wanted you here so you could be at your safe place, and breathe; Just... be yourself."