CH 107

Back then, Lin Qingyu had been widowed from Lu Wancheng for less than a year when Gu Fuzhou insisted on marrying him, by hook or by crook, heedless of the rumors of the inauspiciousness of taking a male wife. After their marriage, the two held the tray level with the brow,  they were qin and se playing in perfect harmony. The eunuchs and maids in the palace often saw Gu Fuzhou drop by the Imperial Hospital to pick up his wife. Conversely, they occasionally saw Lin Qingyu waiting for his husband outside the palace. It showed the deep love between this pair of husband and wife.

Now greeted with the tragic news of Gu Fuzhou’s death in battle, even Xiao Songzi shed tears for him but Lin Qingyu shed not a single tear. The only thing he had to offer were a bland couple of words — “I see.” 

Except for Jiang Xing, everyone was still immersed in the tragic news. Hearing what Lin Qingyu said, no one could react and they stared red-eyed at him.

Especially Shen Huaishi, he’d been entrusted by Lin Qingyu to accompany Gu Fuzhou to the Northwest and keep him safe. He has stayed by Gu Fuzhou’s side for a year and he knew the depths of Gu Fuzhou’s love for Lin Qingyu. He thought that Lin Qingyu would be furious, would collapse completely, would abandon himself to despair. Shen Huashi had been preparing himself to apologize with his death. But Lin Qingyu presented him a reaction that he never could have imagined.

Jiang Xing sighed silently as he looked at Shen Huaishi’s bleeding forehead and everyone else’s astonished expressions. Lin Qingyu had already collapsed once and had almost lost his mind. The current Lin Qingyu didn’t even have the strength to put on an act. The only thing he could do was revert back to how he was like before and hide everything under a calm surface.

Lin Qingyu was never one to expose his vulnerable side to others, he was the sole exception. 

In the end, it was the empress dowager who broke the strange silence. “General Gu had superb martial skills. He had extraordinary ability and he was also the commander of the army. How could he have died in battle while recapturing Yongliang!?”

Shen Huaishi came back to his senses and said in a quiet voice, “Yongliang was well-defended and our army had been unable to breach it for a long time. In order to reduce the casualties among the soldiers, General Gu did not hesitate…to lure the enemy army out of the city by putting himself in danger.”

When Shen Huaishi said this, everyone present was moved. The sound of sobbing was endless. Xiao Songzi was so out of breath from crying that he seemed about to faint.

“General Wu, Wu Youyuan, set up an ambush ahead of time. He was supposed to attack with General Gu, catching the enemy in a pincher attack. Who could have expected…” Shen Huaishi had to close his eyes for a moment to compose himself before he could continue, “Who would have thought that General Wu would encounter an avalanche on his way to provide support. He was blocked outside the pass. General Gu waited for a long time for reinforcements to arrive. He died rid—”

A light cough interrupted Shen Huaishi’s recounting. Jiang Xing tugged at the empress dowager’s sleeve and said, “Mother, I’m hungry.”

The Empress Dowager said, voice hoarse, “Xiu Jiao, take the Emperor to get some snacks.”

Xiu Jiao momo wiped away the tears from her face. She was about to take Jiang Xing when Jiang Xing spoke up once again, “I want to eat here, with Mother.”

The empress dowager suddenly felt gratified and said with a tearful smile, “The Emperor now even knows that he must be filial to his mother… General Gu was a pillar of our country. He was loyal to the emperor and he loved this nation. The Dayu has been crippled with his loss. The Emperor must also feel sad for General Gu, don’t you ?” 

Jiang Xing’s intention was too obvious. Lin Qingyu complied with his wishes for the time being and did not expose him. He asked Shen Huaishi, “Where is the General’s body now?”

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“Qingyu,” the empress dowager couldn’t help but say, “If you feel distressed in your heart, you mustn’t hold it in lest you hurt your body.” 

Lin Qingyu said, “I thank Her Highness for her concern.”

The empress dowager sighed, “You may go ahead then. Call on the Ministry of Rites and you may make the arrangements for General Gu’s funeral together.”

Lin Qingyu looked at Jiang Xing and said softly, “This minister…will not go.”

Hearing this, the corners of Jiang Xing’s lips rose slightly. This Lin Qingyu was really clingy. And he f*cking loves it. 

The empress dowager thought she had heard wrong. “What?”

Lin Qingyu said, “Minister Xuan of the Ministry of Rites can come to the Xingqing Palace. Huaishi, you have travelled all the way here without stopping for rest. You have worked hard. Xiao Songzi, take Shen Gongzi to the side hall for a bath and a change of clothes. Later, I have something to ask him. ”

After finally seeing the Empress Dowager off to Ci’an Palace, Lin Qingyu then dismissed the rest. He asked Jiang Xing, “Why wouldn’t you let Shen Huaishi continue speaking?”

Jiang Xing smiled and said, “A misunderstanding.” In the past few days, his speaking has become more and more natural in front of Lin Qingyu. “I was really hungry just now.” 

Lin Qingyu threw him a somewhat accusatory look. “You’re lying to me again.”

“What do you want to hear from Shen Huaishi? How I died?” Jiang Xing said helplessly, “I’ve already told you how, Qingyu.”

“In that case, what does it matter if Shen Huaishi recounts it again?”

Jiang Xing was momentarily at a loss for words. Seeing that Lin Qingyu would not be dissuaded, he suddenly smiled and said, “Shen Huaishi isn’t the articulate sort. He wouldn’t be able to express it very well. He can’t express my misery before my death. Look, let’s do it this way. I’ll act it out for you.” 

Lin Qingyu frowned. “How do you want to do it?”

“You play Shen Huaishi and I’ll play Gu Fuzhou.” Jiang Xing’s expression suddenly changed as he said that. He covered his chest, vividly re-creating the expression he had when he was shot by arrows that day. He gave an “ugh” and fell onto Lin Qingyu.

Lin Qingyu instinctively moved to catch him and they both were sent kneeling on the ground. Jiang Xing lay in Lin Qingyu’s arms. Holding his hand, he said with difficulty, “Save me, I wrote him a letter of guarantee. He’s still waiting for me, I can’t lie to him…”

Lin Qingyu hesitated. 

Before Jiang Xing died, all he could think about was the promise he had made to him. He should feel moved and he should be weeping bitterly. But why was it that although he did feel moved, he also felt… a little like laughing?

Jiang Xing looked at Lin Qingyu, filled with deep love. “Don’t let me die, he’ll cry.”

Lin Qingyu: “…”

“Please, save me. You must save me… ah.” With that ‘ah’, Jiang Xing let go of his hand and fell heavily against Lin Qingyu’s chest, his eyes open. He lay motionless like a corpse. 

Seeing that he wasn’t responding, Lin Qingyu asked, “And then?”

“And then I died.” Though the performance was done, Jiang Xing didn’t get up. He took this opportunity to lie in his wife’s arms and be lazy. He played with the strands of Lin Qingyu’s long hair that were hanging down on Lin Qingyu’s chest, “That was a faithful reenactment. If you don’t believe me, go ask Shen Huaishi.”

Lin Qingyu couldn’t help smiling. “I believe you.”

“Then why don’t you look the least bit moved?” Jiang Xing stared at him, “Your eyes aren’t even red. You’re just too much.” 

Lin Qingyu told him honestly. “I really don’t feel much like crying.”

Jiang Xing’s goal had been achieved but he still said teasingly, “No, Qingyu, that’s not fair. I showed such deep love but it didn’t even make you the teeniest bit like crying? So love can disappear, huh?”

Lin Qingyu fiddled with the young man’s short hair. “Love cannot disappear. It has only transferred from the General to the Emperor.”

Jiang Xing smiled and said, “That makes sense.” 

Even though Jiang Xing had acted it out so clearly, Lin Qingyu still called Shen Huaishi to meet with him. Shen Huaishi had been waiting for a long time, thinking that he would be talking to Lin Qingyu alone. But when he entered the hall, he found that although Lin Qingyu had indeed sent away all unconcerned parties, he had let the Emperor alone stay.”

Shen Huaishi had not known about the change in leadership until he arrived at the capital. He didn’t know much about the new emperor, only that the new emperor was mentally incomplete and had been raised in Jinyang Garden before. So although he had grown up in the palace, he hadn’t seen the prince much. Today he was able to see the emperor’s face. Even though his body was burdened and his heart was heavy, he still noticed that the emperor’s outstanding appearance; he looked somewhat better than General Gu; a match for Lin Qingyu, boasting it’s own merits.

But what shocked Shen Huaishi the most was not the emperor’s appearance, nor his strange short hair, but the way Lin Qingyu looked at him.

Lin Qingyu was cold and indifferent. How could there be anyone else besides Gu Fuzhou who could get him to treat them tenderly? 

Shen Huaishi’s thoughts were running wildly when he heard Lin Qingyu say, “Last year, when I asked you to go to the Northwest, I asked you to do only one thing and that is to protect the General and ensure his safe return.”

When Lin Qingyu spoke, Jiang Xing was sitting next to him, listening to the conversation between the two, while playing with the reports to the emperor, stacking the scrolls into a tall pyramid.

Shen Huaishi bowed his head and said, “I accepted Master Lin’s trust and I have let down both you and the General. I will accept whatever punishment Master Lin wishes to bestow upon me.”

Lin Qingyu asked, “Did you try your utmost best?” 

Shen Huaishi gritted his teeth and said in a deep voice, “I only hate that I could not have died in the General’s place.”

Every moment after Gu Fuzhou’s death, he had thought about how much better if would be if he had died instead. He was alone, with no attachments. No one would suffer if he died. Exchanging his life for Gu Fuzhou’s, this pillar of the Dayu, would have been a worthwhile exchange.

Lin Qingyu said lightly, “That you could do this for him, for the Dayu, what can I blame you for?”

Shen Huaishi suddenly raised his head. He looked at Lin Qingyu as if he were looking at a stranger. 

Lin Qingyu asked further, “What are your plans for the future? I know you don’t want to stay in the capital. If you wish to go back to the frontier, I can arrange it for you.”

“I…” Shen Huaishi swallowed, “I want to stay in the capital for the time being, to see General Gu off on his final journey.”

Lin Qingyu nodded lightly. “As you wish. In addition, I will give an explanation to the soldier in the Northwest regarding the robbery of the provisions.”

Now that the conversation has reached this point, it was almost time to end. Seeing that Shen Huaishi was still in a daze, Lin Qingyu asked, “Is there anything else?” 

After hesitating for a long time, Shen Huaishi said, “Master Lin, before General Gu’s death, he told me a lot…” Shen Huaishi clenched his hands into fists, “He begged me, begged me to save him. He said he had promised you that he would return to your side. I’m useless, I couldn’t save him…I could only watch him as he died with eyes wide open, I couldn’t do anything…”

By the end of his speech, Shen Huaishi’s eyes had begun to blur. He was choked with sobs.

Lin Qingyu still said the same two words. “I see.”

Shen Huaishi was stunned. “…Master Lin?” 

“Because he promised me, he desperately wanted to live. But in the end, he still didn’t come back. So, I can still blame him and I do.” Lin Qingyu sneered, “I will blame him for the rest of my life.”

Shen Huaishi fell silent. Tears fell from his cheeks and dripped onto the backs of his weather-beaten hands.

He originally thought that no matter how cold Lin Qingyu was, he would treat Gu Fuzhou differently. He was the one who misread Lin Qingyu.

Or maybe, I never understood him at all. 

Shen Huaizhi couldn’t bear it anymore, and said as if calling him into account, “With Master Lin like this, how can you be worthy of the pain and agony the General suffered when thousands of arrows pierced his heart?”

Lin Qingyu’s eyes grew wide and he suddenly looked at Jiang Xing. Jiang Xing inwardly cursed his luck. The house of scrolls he had spent a long time building suddenly collapsed.