Chapter 4.1

Stop. Please, stop.

Tol struggled with anguish every night. He was so disgusted with himself that he felt dirty. Imagining that he dared to embrace the woman he served was unspeakable.

The desire gradually began to grow to the point that it did not stop at night when he could not see her. Even during the day now, when he was practicing close to Sherri, the disturbing urges reared up within him.

He couldn’t stop himself from looking at her and thinking about her. Those red lips, lips that shined as much as her beautiful rose coloured hair, the graceful arch of her neck, and the milky skin on her slender arms.

Shit. Get your head together!

Tol’s forehead furrowed again. He had lived a life uncomplicated by women up until now, and he had been generally uninterested in women until now. 

However, everything changed after meeting Sherri. The entire world outside of Sherri felt hazy now. As if Sherri were the only clear and real thing in his life. And now, because of her, he was about to lose his mind.

He fought the urge to touch her softly curved waist, and instead just clenched his fists and lifted her feather light weight up by her thighs, trying to ignore the feel of her soft thighs on his forearms. It was difficult to handle the primal urges that being so close to her body invoked.

Tol desperately bit his lower lip to endure it, clenching his jaw, even though she’d said a few words to him, he had missed the socially polite openings when he should have replied, he was that shaken by holding her. Luckily, she chatted absently, seeming to need no reply, and seemingly unaware of his internal struggles. Soon after, Tol felt her slightly loosen her arm around his neck and lean her face against his back.

Had she fallen asleep?

Tol, turning his head a bit, glimpsed her watching him with her eyes half-closed. There was heat in her beautiful eyes.

A bit stunned, he continued to walk silently with his head forward. He had thought she was still the same innocent girl from six years ago, but what was that look she’d just given him? An invitation had lingered in her eyes, partially hidden by the sweep of her long lashes. That instant, the moment their eyes met, a shock pierced through his entire body.

The young girl was really a woman. Wait, though she’d been a woman since the beginning. So…

Tol’s purple eyes widened. On the other hand, Sherri’s eyes were sparkling with mischief. She had buried her face on his back due to Tol’s ignoring her, but that didn’t mean that she was asleep. Far from it. Sherri’s mind was racing with possibilities.

What is Tol’s reluctance? It’s not that he doesn’t like me, but rather…

What did she need to do to get him to respond to her?

Unlike his exceedingly appropriate and polite behaviour, his body reacted honestly to her, telling her that he felt the sizzling chemistry between them every bit as much as she felt it. She could see the attraction in his warm-hearted eyes. 

Was this how people outside the nobility dated? Just prolonging the chemistry unbearably long, before finally consummating? Or worse, denying themselves until marriage? Was he waiting for marriage or something? Hmmmm. 

Still, Tol was two years older than she was, so in her mind he was more than fair game to pursue. When else would she ever have the opportunity to be with someone like him? Soon she would have even less freedom and less choices. Wouldn’t it be okay for her to play around just a little longer?

A mischievous smile spread across Sherri’s face.

***

“Let me down here for a moment, Tol.”

“…y-yes?”

Tol, startled by the sudden close movement of her mouth against his ear, as though her lips were almost against his skin, stopped in his tracks. Then, while fighting the urge to lean against her lips, he kept his head facing straight ahead. 

He had doubts about letting her down here. They had stopped at the building adjacent to the knights’ training grounds. The knight’s sleeping barracks. To get back to Sherri’s rooms in the castle, he still had to walk a little further… but what business did she have here?

“Are you going to let me down? Tol?” she said, her voice sweetly husky.

When Tol heard that voice against his ear again and felt her small hands on him as she massaged his shoulders with a subtle touch, he almost didn’t let her down. But in the end, Tol carefully set her down while faltering, his heart aching with strange regret at having lost the physical contact of holding her. He never had the choice to deny her in the first place.

Sherri disentangled herself from him as he lowered her, and then stood before him. He hid his disappointment, but she smiled and gestured as if telling him “Come here.” 

They had a big height difference, so he bent way down toward her, thinking she was about to say something to him in confidence. Tol, paying attention to only how close his face was getting, felt something soft press against his cheek and then bounce away.

“Uh…”

And just like that, his entire world tilted on its axis.

When he became stiff at the sudden contact, his back still bent, Sherri smiled and grabbed his face with both hands. Then, she kissed his other cheek, making a tiny sound. That’s when Tol came back to his senses, and hastily straightened his back, moving away. She twisted her body shyly in Tol’s dizzying view.

“Thanks… I must have been heavy, Tol. You know I am always thankful for you, right?”

“…oh, it’s nothing. And…”

Tol’s throat made a gulping sound. And… And… As soon as he looked into those eyes staring up at him, a strange wave of emotions rose up in him like a storm again. Closing his eyes briefly he whispered to himself. Don’t get things confused. It was just a simple favor for a kind young woman. Something you would do for a child or animal. Just a sign of kindness.

“Princess Kasheira, please call me Tolcher.”

This time when he looked down into her face, he saw a strange expression flash across her beautiful features, just before she turned away from him and started walking towards her castle.