Chapter 56 What's Stopping You?

"Let's call off the engagement."

"I'm calling off the engagement, Zeke."

"I'm the person who never forgives... I don't give second chances..."

"He deserves it..."

"He deserved it."

???????????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????? ????????????????????-????????????.????????????

"He... deserved... it...!"

Cosette gasped as her eyes popped open, breaking out in cold sweats. She blinked and caught the familiar ceiling, looking around only to see her room. A deep exhale slipped past her lips as she sat up, patting her chest mildly.

"That's scary," she mumbled, trying to catch up to her breathing.

Just now, she had a dream — a vivid one. In that dream, she saw... herself. The older version of herself. She was breaking up with a man. Everything was very clear, and she was very different — fiercer, intimidating, and decisive. Even when her heart was crumbling while mocking the man, she kept her stony countenance.

And when she left the man, Cosette kept telling herself he deserved it. That the man didn't deserve her. However, no matter how she repeated it to convince herself, tears continued to fall from her eyes until she was screaming and crying at the same time.

Cosette clutched her chest tightly. "I can still feel the pain," she whispered as if she was there.

However, she couldn't remember the man's face. All she knew was he was charming because her heart fluttered when she arrived at the establishment. But what she was certain was her heart... she seemed to have deeply loved the man. But she just couldn't forgive and his betrayal was eating her from the inside.

She couldn't move on from it and even when the man could make her happy, he scared her. The thought, 'how long will this happiness last?' often crossed her head. And when would he betray her? One year later? Two? Five?

The reason she came to that decision, even though it hurt her like hell.

"Why am I crying?" she wondered as she wiped her tears just because of a strange dream. "It's just a dream."

Cosette continued to wipe her eyes until tears stopped flooding her eyes. She huffed and gazed at the time on the nightstand, seeing she was up thirty minutes before her usual wake-up time. But she didn't go back to sleep but instead hugged her knees because the pang in her heart was still there.

"I shouldn't think about that," she whispered, burying her face in her knees. "A dream shouldn't bother me..."

Just then, Cosette raised her head and furrowed her brows. Never in her time, ever since she came into this world, did she ever experience dreaming or having a nightmare. She would sleep and wake up and that was all there. This was the first time.

"That's so scary..." she mumbled to herself, hugging her knees even tighter. "But it feels like it happened..."

Cosette trailed off as something crossed her head. She tried to recall her dream once again, but it grew blurry. The more she tried to remember the details of the dream, the more it faded in her memory until she could only remember having a peculiar dream.

"Ughh..." she clasped her hair as she tried to recall the dream but to no avail. "Why are dreams so fleeting?"

An ugly frown soon dominated her face because dreams just worked that way. She could remember back when she was in the hospital in her previous life that she always has dreams. But she would forget most of her dreams even before she could think about it.

"Whatever." Cosette shook her head in the end before she placed her palm across her chest. Even though her mind couldn't remember the dream, her heart seemed to remember it. Her heart was still beating restlessly.

"Forget about it. I still need to make lunchboxes."

pAn,Da n<0,>v,e1 With that being said, even though it bothered her, Cosette tossed the idea at the back of her head. Cosette started her day earlier than usual, preparing lunch boxes for her, Conrad, and Maxen. She planned to make one for Luke, but she didn't have a spare lunch box. Quite surprising for a household like theirs, but they could always eat in any restaurant.

Still, Cosette couldn't help but think about what sort of dream she had. Even now that she was on her way to school and was riding a bus, she would zone out just trying to recall it. She didn't even know how she arrived at school and how she reached their classroom until Sarah clapped in front of her.

"Sister Cozie, you're early today." Sarah placed her bag on the side of her desk, which was just right in front of Cosette. There weren't any students in the room since it was too early.

"Hehe. I woke up early," Cosette chuckled awkwardly and looked around. "Do you always come in here first?"

"Well..." Sarah shrugged as she dragged the chair in front of Cosette closer to her. "Yes. Going to school is better."

"Huh?" Cosette cocked her head to the side while Sarah rested her arms over the backrest of the chair. "Is there something wrong?"

"Huh? Of course, everything is fine..."

"Sarah."

Sarah chuckled and shrugged once again. "Don't worry about me, Cozie. I just come to school because it's my escape. Home is just... you know, chaotic."

Cosette pressed her lips into a thin line while studying the bitterness Sarah was hiding in her eyes. She had been very focused on Maxen and subconsciously treated other people as simply extras in the novel. She didn't know these 'extras' she considered had their own story to tell, problems to shoulder, and battles they were battling silently. How ignorant of her.

"Sarah." She smiled subtly as she reached for Sarah's hand. "I can always lend an ear if you like. We're an hour early before the class starts, so... if you like to vent...?"

Sarah chuckled and shook her head, but when she raised her eyes at Cosette again, her smile lines faded slightly. Before she knew it, tears suddenly pooled in her eyes.

"Goodness..." she wiped her eyes in panic before she noticed the handkerchief beside her. She raised her eyes and her gaze landed on Cosette, who was smiling subtly at her.

Seeing this, everything that Sarah held in for so long and hid behind her smile just exploded. Tears continued to flood her eyes as she accepted Cosette's handkerchief to wipe her tears. She hadn't even started, yet she was already bawling her eyes. Meanwhile, Cosette didn't say anything but rubbed her friend's back.

'I am so ignorant...' Cosette thought while comforting one of the very first people who befriended her with a pure intention in this class. 'How can I think Maxen is the only one who had problems? That only characters who were named were the only people in this world?'

Not that Cosette changed her mind about changing Maxen's fate. It was just that... Cosette realized she had always thought this was all a dream. A very long one. The thought that this world was a world of a novel never left her mind. The reason she kept herself at arm's length. Even at Conrad and Lucia, her nanny, Cosette, never truly went all out or expressed her appreciation for them.

In other words, Cosette only focused on other people's lives — the main characters who had a role in the novel — and it hindered her from looking at the bigger picture. The people around her, just like Sarah, Fay, Amie, their classmates, George the driver, and George the head butler of the House Blac, and just everyone.

These people... weren't just unnamed characters anymore. They had lives; they were real, and they had soul, conscience, own intelligence... they were humans.

It was strange if Cosette thought about it, but she had to see it. She had to see and accept this was now her reality; this was now her world, and she was part of it.

*****

When Sarah calmed down after ten minutes of crying, she shared her struggles at home. Apparently, Sarah would always go to school early and go home late because she never felt at home. In her own home, she would always tread on eggshells, and most of the time, her parents would always scream at each other every time they meet.

Cosette never knew Sarah was carrying such a weight on her shoulder because she was always the prim and proper type of lady. She was the type to smile and carried herself respectfully. Sarah hid her inner turmoil, so no one ever asked her the question, "Is there something wrong? Or are you fine?"

That was why, when Cosette asked her if there was something wrong, she just couldn't help but tear up. And before she knew it, the emotions she bottled up for so long exploded like how a soda would explode when shook.

As the students started coming in, Sarah excused herself to the washroom while Cosette went out to the rooftop to breathe fresh air.

"Hah…" Cosette huffed as she stood in the middle of the rooftop, looking up at the clear blue sky.

"What's stopping you, Cosette?" she asked herself. "What's stopping you from accepting this is your reality now?"

She remained quiet for some time before an answer came clear to her head. "Nothing."