My feelings toward Miyagi — 189
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
When I woke up, Miyagi’s face was right in front of me.
It was Miyagi who had held me back last night when I tried to cancel the sleepover and return to my room, and it was me who decided to sleep in her bed. There is no doubt that she slept with her back to me, and I remember that well. But now I can see Miyagi’s face better.
I don’t know when Miyagi turned to me, but I am glad.
I peck her on the cheek.
Miyagi is fast asleep and unresponsive.
In the past, when we slept together until morning, Miyagi woke up first, so I was a little surprised to see her not even twitching.
Maybe she was tired because she had just gone out with Utsunomiya.
I stroke Miyagi’s hair.
I wasn’t supposed to do that yesterday.
I had planned to invite Miyagi to work part-time with me during the winter break, and we would watch a movie or a drama or play Miyagi’s favorite game or something, but my modest hope turned into an unbearably big hope.
I touch Miyagi’s earrings.
It is hard to say that I could keep the promise I swore to her.
If we only look at the results, we probably didn’t break it, but when I think about what I did to get there, it seems like a miracle that Miyagi didn’t kick me out of the room.
Well, this miracle can be quite painful.
I want to stay by Miyagi’s side and sleep in bed with her.
I always want to do so, but yesterday it was easier to go back to my room.
If I want to sleep maturely after something like that, it will take some effort. Feelings are not easy to switch off. Miyagi is terrible for forcing me to make such efforts. But I knew it was also a sign of her trust in me, so Miyagi stopped me from leaving, turned the tide, and went to sleep as if nothing had happened.
Yet, when I wake up, I can’t help but think about yesterday.
The feel of her breasts.
Her body was hotter than usual.
Her disturbed breathing.
And the hand that pulls me closer.
All of this was nothing but acceptance of me, and it didn’t stop me. I think that if I kept whispering, touching, and pushing away with my emotions, Miyagi would have continued to allow me to go on like that. But if I get her without giving her a chance to think, nothing good will happen to me. If I continue to touch Miyagi in a brightly lit room without her consent, the Miyagi that escaped even the first time wouldn’t be here now.
And the missing Miyagi will not be easy to find.
As expected, she wouldn’t go to Utsunomiya the same way she did the first time, and since she knew that Utsunomiya and I are in contact with each other, she would go to a place that even Utsunomiya doesn’t know, and if that happens, I cannot bring her back.
I didn’t make a mistake yesterday in trying to get her to speak and listen to what she had to say. I myself wanted to know what Miyagi was thinking.
I think I was right yesterday when I slept peacefully next to Miyagi.
I am convinced of this, but when I look at Miyagi, who seems to accept me, I cannot wait. Miyagi is always ambiguous, always within reach, and sometimes painful.
“Haah,” I exhaled a small breath and tugs lightly on Miyagi’s bangs.
Miyagi didn’t even twitch.
「You sleep really well.」
——I don’t even know what this person is thinking.
If she was going to stop me, she could have used stronger words to stop me.
Still be roommates.
What a half-hearted word to stop me, so I can’t wait to touch the sleeping Miyagi.
I don’t know how long “still” will last. Maybe we will be still like this forever, or maybe we will soon become something other than roommates. At least she don’t mind living together as roommates. That means that she has some fondness for me, and there is a good chance that this fondness will be the same as mine.
I am not confident enough to say that Miyagi likes me, but I can feel that she has feelings for me more than ever.
I see so much hope in the word “still” that I am afraid that I will not be able to keep my feelings inside.
If I confront Miyagi with my feelings, which she says she doesn’t want to change the relationship yet, she may never look at me again.
I think it would be permissible to whisper the word「I love you」to a sleeping Miyagi, but I have a feeling that Miyagi as a person would wake up only in such a situation.
Miyagi doesn’t behave the way I think it should, for better or worse.
I swallow the words that are about to come out of my mouth and whisper something else.
「…Shiori.」
This much should be allowed.
If she wakes up, it will only put her in a bit of a bad mood, but it won’t be irreversible.
I comb her black hair and stroke her cheek.
Once again, I kissed her on the lips, calling her Shiori in a small way.
I let my fingers crawl up her powerless arm and hold her hand.
When I kiss her fingertips and touch her lips again, Miyagi indeed starts to jostle. Her hand almost escapes from me and grabs it tightly. I pull her hips closer and Miyagi’s eyes open.
「Good morning.」
I call out to a sleepy Miyagi.
「…Sendai-san?」
I hear a sleepy voice.
I crawl my finger to her lips and tell her the words I want her to say.
「Hazuki.」
「Nhn? Hazuki?」
「Yes. Say it one more time.」
I try to say something gentle to Miyagi, who is in a daze, but even though she just woke up, she soon becomes the usual Miyagi and doesn’t do as I wish.
「…Why are you looking at me?」
She blurted out, and then she peeled off the hands that had joined and pulled it to her waist.
「I guess I woke up.」
Miyagi is really stingy.
The time she gave me to dream is too short.
I wish Miyagi had been a little more sleepy.
「Don’t make me say weird things.」
In the towelettes, Miyagi kicks me in the leg.
「Isn’t it awful to be weird about people’s names?」
「It’s not awful. It’s hot. Let go of me.」
A hard push on the shoulder grabs Miyagi’s hand, and it’s pulled back and my fingers are bristling with teeth.
That hurt.
She bit me with a quite strong bite and I backed away from her a bit.
「Miyagi’s stingy. It’s fine, even if they’re attached.」
「I’m already awake.」
Miyagi pulls on her T-shirt as she tries to raise herself up and get off the bed.
「You’re going to have to hang around a little longer.」
「What about breakfast?」
「It’s a hassle to make it, and it’s just as good with lunch.」
「I don’t want to. I’m hungry, I’m going to go cook.」
I put strength into the hand that gripped her T-shirt.
It’s the opposite of yesterday.
I am the one who tried to go back to my room before going to bed and was held back, and in the morning I am holding Miyagi back.
「Sendai-san, you’re stretching my t-shirt.」
「If you don’t want to stretch it out, just lay back a little longer.」
「How long do you plan to stay in bed?」
「Until noon.」
Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I would like to spend a little more time in the same bed. I don’t want much right now, so I want to feel the warmth of her body next to me.
「…The lunch, Sendai-san, you make it.」
She grumbled, and Miyagi lies down on the bed.
But I can’t see her face.
All I can see is her back.
「I’m fine with that. I’ll boil some water for you.」
「You’re thinking of eating a cup of ramen for lunch.」
「Because it’s easy.」
「Make something properly.」
「If you turn around, I’ll make you something delicious.」
「What good food would that be?」
「Let’s discuss it.」
I tugged on her arm and Miyagi turned to me.
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