After Sendai-san — 213
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
It’s fun.
It’s fun.
It’s very fun.
Looking around me with this in mind, I will see that the university, buoyed by the school festival, is filled with a cheerful atmosphere, and I will feel happy just by being there.
——As long as I don’t mind the noise coming next to me.
「Sendai-san, what are you doing?」
I call out to the source of the sound.
「Taking pictures.」
「Don’t do that, just look ahead and walk.」
I tapped Sendai-san on the shoulder as a crunching sound echoed through the hallway of the second school building as the three of us walked side by side. She continues to use her phone as a camera, knowing that I cannot say anything strong in front of Maika.
It was really annoying.
「If you take any more pictures, I’ll confiscate your phone.」
I stopped and reached for Sendai-san, who was holding up her phone. But she shrugs off my hand and lets the electronic sound echo through the hallway again.
If this were my room, I would be throwing the alligator at her, but the university doesn’t have alligator tissue covers. I can’t kick her, so all I can do is call her hard,「Sendai-san!」
「Shiori, why not at least take a picture?」
Maika says, laughing.
「Utsunomiya, here.」
Sendai-san happily points his phone at Maika, who smiles in response, and soon a crisp sound is heard.
I take a big step forward and walk in front of them.
Don’t worry about it.
It’s no big deal that Maika’s smile was captured on Sendai-san’s phone.
「If we take pictures here, we’ll miss the talk show.」
I called out to Sendai-san and Maika two steps in front of them and stepped forward one more step. But I couldn’t go any further because of the tug on my hoodie.
「I don’t think there’s any need to panic. Finally, the three of us.」
Sendai-san declared as she pulled on my hoodie, releasing her grip and crossing her arms. Maika, as a matter of course, stuck with me and crossed her arms, and the three of us were shown on Sendai-san’s phone.
「I took it.」
After Sendai-san’s voice, an electronic click sounds and the phone is put away.
「Last year, I never thought I’d get to take a picture with Sendai-san.」
Maika says sincerely and starts walking toward the venue.
「I never thought the three of us would be photographed together either.」
I heard Sendai-san’s happy voice and she touched her neck.
Photographs are not something to worry about.
I told myself, and the three of us walked down the hallway side by side.
Arrive at the venue and hand your ticket to the attendant.
As we sat in the back rather than the middle of the lecture hall, Maika approached a girl with glasses walking down the aisle.
「Asakura-san!」
「Ah, Utsunomiya-san. Miyagi-san, too. You two came here today with a friend… A friend?」
Asakura-san, who had become a friend of mine after I entered the university, stopped and looked at us, Sendai-san to be exact.
I told her that I was going to see today’s talk show with a friend, but Sendai-san, who is standing next to me, was so unexpectedly a friend that I wanted to ask her back,「A friend?」
「I’m Sendai. We went to the same high school together.」
As she introduces herself, Sendai-san smiles at Asakura-san with a reserved look on her face.
I have seen Sendai-san like this many times in high school, but it doesn’t make me feel very good.
「Ah, eh, is that so? Err, I’m Asakura.」
Asakura-san said in a slurred voice and bowed his head. The way she did it was so awkward that Maika called out softly,
「Asakura-san, aren’t you a little stiff?」
「I was a little nervous because you two are different types.」
「Do I have to leave my seat?」
As Sendai-san smiled and started to get up, Asakura-san pointed toward the front of the lecture room as if in a panic.
「No, uhm, I have a friend over there. See you later, Utsunomiya-san and Miyagi-san.」
After saying this, Asakura-san walks quickly down the aisle, and Maika stands up.
「Oh, wait, Asakura-san. I borrowed this book the other day——」
Asakura-san doesn’t stop, as if she didn’t hear Maika’s voice.
「Sorry. I’ll be back in a bit.」
Maika chased after Asakura-san, who left in a hurry, and Sendai-san and I had to talk alone, though not alone.
「…I’ve never heard the name Asakura before.」
Sendai-san blurts out and looks at me.
「I didn’t say.」
「Say it.」
「I don’t have to go out of my way to tell you.」
I’m not obligated to tell Sendai-san everything about my friendships.
I don’t know all of Sendai-san’s friends, and I don’t blame her for not telling her that I have a friend named Asakura-san.
「…I see.」
Sendai-san, who was looking at me, looks forward. A small ache runs through the back of my chest as Sendai-san doesn’t look at me without Maika.
I reach for the knit covering her neck and touch it. And then, as if playing a prank, as if friends were playing with each other, I pulled on her knitwear as if it was nothing.
「Miyagi, it stretches when pulled.」
Sendai-san looks at me with her eyes forward and says in a voice like when she speaks with Maika.
Today Sendai-san is not the same as usual.
It’s my Sendai-san with my mark, but it’s not my Sendai-san.
She take pictures with Maika and don’t even look at me.
I cannot tolerate such trivialities.
Everything, every single thing, every single of it.
If it were anyone else, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but with Sendai-san, it feels like a big deal.
「Miyagi, you can see if you pull it any further. If I don’t, I won’t be able to keep my promise, is that okay?」
「Keep your promise.」
I think Sendai-san is right.
But she won’t let my hand go.
「I don’t know if Utsunomiya will come back.」
Sendai-san blurted out the name, and my spine creaked as the name came out of her mouth.
My body reacts to the smallest things, and my feelings waver.
Why.
I don’t know why I feel this way.
The feeling of wanting to refuse to connect and form a relationship with Sendai-san and someone else.
I have always been unsure of what this feeling is.
No.
I really do know.
Something I’ve been feeling all day.
How could I not know?
I have known for a long time.
This is,
This is——
It should be called exclusivity.
It is nothing but possessiveness to want to keep Sendai-san only for me all the time.
I pull my hand away from Sendai-san and let out a thin breath.
No, not like that.
Sendai-san and I are just roommates, not the kind of people who feel that kind of thing. What I am feeling now is similar to that, but different.
It’s not exclusivity.
It’s not like that. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not.
If this is exclusivity, where did it come from——
「Miyagi?」
I hear Sendai-san’s voice and look forward.
Don’t think about it.
We are in the middle of the school festival now, and we should think about enjoying the school festival.
「Sorry.」
「Eh?」
「I’m sorry for pulling it away.」
Breathe in, breathe out.
The words suddenly appear and flicker before my eyes, making me want to run away from here, but I cannot run away. Maika will be back soon. And even if I escape, the words I’ve found probably won’t disappear from me.
「We’re back.」
I hear Maika’s voice and Sendai-san starts talking as if nothing happened. I talk with them too, wanting to bury the words I didn’t want to know in the bottom of my heart. After a while, the talk show began, and the voices heard in the anime echoed through the lecture hall.
It’s entertaining to be able to hear what I wanted to hear.
But it’s fun that covers my surface, and I don’t think it’s fun from the bottom of my heart, with the words I couldn’t fill in popping up on my face. My heart leans toward Sendai-san next to me, and I continue to stretch my antennae.
Play
Unmute
I feel uncomfortable because there is a gap between my body and my feelings.
My body feels happy in a brightly colored capsule, but my feelings are being pushed into a gray capsule with lead, and they are sinking faster and faster.
Fun doesn’t erase the words I notice like an eraser.
Fun and boring separate me.
The talk show ends with me feeling halfway through, and I leave my seat.
The school festival has a number of events, and I see several of them. We stopped by the booth again, taking pictures and chatting, and the time flew by so quickly that Maika and I parted ways and got on the train.
Two people on a train that I usually take alone.
I feel uncomfortable because Sendai-san is next to me.
The half of my body closest to Sendai-san tries to turn toward her.
I don’t know what to do with me like this.
The rocking train shakes my memory of today appropriately, and the school festival I enjoyed and the one I didn’t enjoy roll around in my mind as one.
Last year, the three of us, myself, Maika and Ami, went around for the cultural festival.
This year, Sendai-san was where Ami was. Ami and I aren’t estranged from each other. They just changed where they live and where they stand. This kind of thing isn’t uncommon; people repeatedly move closer and further away from each other.
The same may be true for me and Sendai-san.
This year, Sendai-san was next to me.
But she may not be there next year.
I promised myself next year and beyond on my birthday, but I can’t stop thinking about that.
I realized again the words I had inside me, thinking that I should lock Sendai-san up in the house rather than be frightened of the uncertain future.
I wish I could let these words out with every breath I take.
「Miyagi, let’s get off.」
She calls out to me and we get off the train, which seems like a very long ride. We walk to the house, talking about the school festival, and reach the front door. Sendai-san unlocked the door and opened it. We went to the common space together and were approached before returning to our rooms.
「I had fun today. How about you, Miyagi?」
「Do I have to answer that?」
「If you had fun, you promised to say you had fun.」
I remember making such a promise on the way home from the aquarium.
But I don’t want to say it here.
「I’ll answer it, if you come to my room.」
With that, I opened the door and entered the room, and Sendai-san followed me. I reached for Sendai-san’s neck before sitting down in my usual spot.
「All in all, I think I had a good time.」
I answered in a small voice and shifted the knit covering the mark I had made on Sendai-san.
I can see the mark I made this morning.
It remains red and clear.
I stroked it with my fingertips and then bit it.
