Miyagi is not enough — 230
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Once before breakfast and once before lunch.
I knocked on the door twice each.
I also called her name.
But Miyagi didn’t come out of her room and didn’t say yes or no.
I know why she never comes out of her room.
There is no other reason than what happened yesterday.
The promise that she kept for Christmas is keeping Miyagi away from me. It’s better that she doesn’t run away from home, but if she stays home and doesn’t come out of her room, it’s not so different from running away from home. It’s hard to be in the same house and be so blatantly avoided that I can’t even see her face.
I breathe in and out.
I tap a little louder on the door of Miyagi’s room.
Knock, knock.
I listen carefully, but nothing is coming from inside. I knock for the third time today, but my knock is easily ignored.
「Miyagi!」
I call loudly to the door, but there is no answer.
I wish she would open the door before I go to my part-time job at the cafe, which starts today.
I bang loudly on the door again.
The room remains quiet, and I rest my forehead against the door and stroke my neck.
Body temperature is not felt.
All my fingertips convey is the feel of the turtleneck that hides the bite marks made on Miyagi yesterday.
「Miyagi, you’re there, aren’t you?」
There was still no answer and the door would not open.
I don’t think I need a door that won’t open.
I think it would be better to get rid of the door that separates Miyagi and me. In addition, I want to knock down the wall separating my room and Miyagi’s room and put it in the oversize garbage can.
Thinking about what I can’t do, I knock on the door, which is nothing but an obstacle, and put my hand on the doorknob.
「I’m going in.」
I bluster, but my hands don’t move. I feel guilty about going into the room without being told it was okay. I wish I could throw away all this common sense or decency, but I can’t.
I slam the door again.
「I’ll open it.」
As I uttered the wish to open it, I heard Miyagi’s voice for the first time today.
「I didn’t say you could come in.」
「Well, say okay then.」
「I don’t want to.」
「I’m going to my part-time job now, so at least let me see your face.」
I moved my forehead away from the door and calls out, “Miyagi.”
The voice that came back earlier doesn’t return, and there is silence on the other side of the door.
「I’ll open it, okay?」
This time she didn’t complain.
This probably means I can go in, and I quietly open the door. I stepped into the room and immediately saw and called out to the mass of bedding.
「Miyagi, show your face.」
「I don’t want to.」
Miyagi, who has turned into a large caterpillar on the bed, replies.
「Have you eaten?」
No reply.
But I know the answer because the food in the fridge was not decreasing.
「Fried rice, I made some for you, for lunch and put it in the fridge, so heat it up and eat it, Miyagi.」
As I approached Miyagi, who was wrapped in the futon and didn’t show her face, and sat down on the bed, I heard a small voice say,「Thank you.」
「Miyagi.」
When you pull on the edge of the bedding, it pulls back.
「Sendai-san, you’re going to work part-time, right? Go early. You’ll be late.」
「I still have time.」
I tap the futon and call out “Miyagi” again, but the futon remains a caterpillar and doesn’t turn into Miyagi.
Maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “sex.”
I want her to be aware of me.
I want her to be aware of what it is like to be me.
That’s what I thought when I said those words, but there was no point in making her aware of them if I didn’t intend to tell her I liked her. I didn’t want Miyagi to not come out of the futon like this.
I exhale loudly and grab the comforter.
As usual, as if nothing had happened yesterday, I pull the covers over my head and call out,「Miyagi.」
「Shut up, Sendai-san.」
Miyagi, wearing a sweatshirt instead of pajamas, pulls only her upper body out of the futon and raises her eyebrows grimly.
「Aren’t you going to change?」
No matter how aware she is of me, no matter how aware she is of what she’s doing with me, Miyagi will never tell me she loves me. Even though she has done all kinds of things that I can only assume she likes me, Miyagi is not the kind of person who would say such a thing.
So we should get back to the continuation of our routine.
「I’ll study and stay home, so I can keep my sweatshirt on.」
Miyagi makes a low voice and glares at me.
For all intents and purposes, she is in a bad mood.
Well, there is no element of her getting better.
I lifted the corner of my mouth to smile and pointed to Miyagi’s neck.
「There’s a mark right here.」
The hickey I gave her yesterday is still clearly visible. I crawl my fingertips up Miyagi’s neck and stroke the mark, and she claps my hands.
「What are you doing here?」
「You made me a promise.」
「If it’s a promise, I already kept it.」
「You promised me something else, didn’t you?」
「No.」
Miyagi assures me that I am not wrong.
There are other promises she has to keep.
「Who told me to mark the days I go to my part-time job? If you’ve forgotten, remember.」
It was me who told Miyagi that I would be working part-time at a café during winter break, and I told her to have me mark it if I was going to work there. I might add, she also told me not to go anywhere except my part-time job.
I intend to keep that promise, and I intend to have Miyagi keep it as well.
「…Today is fine. Go to your part-time job early. You’ll be late.」
Miyagi, who has only her upper body out from the futon, says in a voice that lacks any trace of affection.
「You’re the one who started it, so make sure you mark it right.」
「I told you I won’t do it today.」
「Then, a condition of the exchange. If you answer my questions, I’ll agree that you don’t have to keep your word today.」
「It’d be a weird question anyway.」
「It’s not weird. I just want to know if you saw my dream.」
I know she will never answer, but I stare at Miyagi. I look at her, and her lips are about to move, then close. Miyagi grabs a pillow. And I am hit on the arm with that pillow.
「That hurt.」
「I knew that was a weird question.」
「Asking if you had a dream is just part of everyday conversation. It just sounds weird because Miyagi thinks it’s weird.」
「…Did you see it, Sendai-san?」
「I would say no questions back to questions, but… I saw it. Miyagi’s dream yesterday.」
I told Miyagi to dream and I did.
I feel really stupid, but it is within my expectations.
How could I not dream about Miyagi yesterday?
I had a dream that I didn’t want to wake up from, adding what was to what was not. I think it was such a good dream that I wish I could do the same today.
「Did you see it, Miyagi?」
I take the pillow from Miyagi, who is decorated with a futon, and tug on her arm. My body leans toward Miyagi and I feel her warm, fresh breath on my ear.
On the bed.
Miyagi right beside me.
I remember yesterday.
My body stiffens, and bad thoughts pop into my head. “Miyagi,” I said aloud, and I grabbed the knit covering her neck. An unreserved hand forcefully pulls the knit, and a hard one hits my neck.
It bites into the skin as if tearing it, and the pain spreads.
Perhaps where Miyagi is setting her teeth, there are the marks she carved into me yesterday when she bit down so hard that I was stunned.
It hurts.
The sensations that are given to my marks and overwrite yesterday and consume me. The burning pain makes the memory of yesterday more vivid.
The body responded more honestly than the first time I touched it.
The voice that called me and Hazuki.
It comes to my mind more clearly than a dream, and I hug Miyagi as if to pull her out of the futon.
If I could, I would have pushed Miyagi down on this bed without having to go to my part-time job. I want to forget everything, stay in this house as Miyagi says, and not go anywhere.
I put strength into the arm around her back.
I almost stopped breathing from the creaking pain given by the teeth piercing my skin, and when I whispered, “Miyagi,” she abruptly pushed my shoulder.
「I marked it.」
Miyagi blurts out and moves a little away from me.
「I’m not sure I want to be marked up here.」
On the knit, I stroked the place where the teeth marks would have been.
「You promised to put it where I want to put it, and I don’t care where I put it. Besides, you’re wearing it to put it here.」
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「I’m wearing it because I can’t go to my part-time job without covering up the marks Miyagi made on me yesterday.」
「Then go to your part-time job early.」
Miyagi says in a low voice and pushes me.
I grab her hand and pull it away, and now she bites me on the neck over my clothes. It was better than a direct bite, but it still hurt. Still, I don’t want to let go of Miyagi, so I put my arm around her back, and she runs away.
「The mark, are you done?」
「It’s done.」
A curt voice replies.
Miyagi is in a foul mood, as if yesterday was a lie.
She doesn’t smile at me, and she wouldn’t call me Hazuki even if she were dead, but she looks cute to me.
「I’ll be home late today.」
I tell Miyagi, who is more attached to the futon than me.
「…What about the meal?」
「Meal?」
「Sendai-san’s meal」
「I’m working about it on night.」
「Then, what about my food?」
「Your food, Miyagi?」
「I don’t want to do anything today.」
Miyagi blurts out and looks down at the futon.
「Does that mean you want me to make it?」
「If you don’t want to make it, that’s fine.」
「I can make it, okay? You must be hungry.」
「If I starve to death, it will be Sendai-san’s fault.」
「Got it. I’ll be back as soon as I can.」
Miyagi doesn’t tell me she’s waiting for me, but I feel the air relax and bring my face closer to hers. But before our lips could touch, she pushed my shoulder with all her strength.
